The Listerdale Mystery and Eleven Other Stories

by Agatha Christie

  "Only on certain occasions," said the Grand Duchess eagerly. "You must be somewhere at hand, you understand? I may require you twice, three times, four times in the next fortnight. Each time it will be upon the occasion of some public function. Naturally in intimacy of any kind, you could not represent me."

  "Of course not," agreed Jane.

  "You will do very well indeed. It was clever of Feodor Alexandrovitch to think of an advertisement, was it not?"

  "Supposing," said Jane, "that I get assassinated?"

  The Grand Duchess shrugged her shoulders.

  "There is the risk, of course, but according to our own secret information, they want to kidnap me, not kill me outright. But I will be quite honest - it is always possible that they might throw a bomb."

  "I see," said Jane.

  She tried to imitate the light-hearted manner of Pauline. She wanted very much to come to the question of money, but did not quite see how best to introduce the subject. But Pauline saved her the trouble.

  "We will pay you well, of course," she said carelessly. "I cannot remember now exactly how much Feodor Alexandrovitch suggested. We were speaking in francs or kronen."

  "Colonel Kranin," said Jane, "said something about two thousand pounds."

  "That was it," said Pauline, brightening. "I remember now. It is enough, I hope? Or would you rather have three thousand?"

  "Well," said Jane, "if it's all the same to you, I'd rather have three thousand."

  "You are business-like, I see," said the Grand Duchess kindly. "I wish I was. But I have no idea of money at all. What I want I have to have, that is all."-

  It seemed to Jane a simple but admirable attitude of mind.

  "And of course, as you say, there is danger," Pauline continued thoughtfully. "Although you do not look to me as though you minded danger. I do not myself. I hope you do not think that it is because I am a coward that I want you to take my place? You see, it is most important for Ostrova that I should marry and have at least two sons. After that, it does not matter what happens to me."

  "I see," said Jane.

  "And you accept?

  "Yes," said Jane resolutely. "I accept."

  Pauline clapped her hands vehemently several times.

  Princess Poporensky appeared immediately.

  "I have told her all, Anna," announced the Grand Duchess. "She will do what we want, and she is to have three thousand pounds. Tell Feodor to make a note of it. She is really very like me, is she not? I think she is better-looking, though."

  The princess waddled out of the room, and returned with Count Streptitch.

  "We have arranged everything, Feodor Alexandrovitch," the Grand Duchess said.

  He bowed.

  "Can she play her part, I wonder?" he queried, eyeing Jane doubtfully.

  "I'll show you," said the girl suddenly. "You permit, ma'am?" she said to the Grand Duchess.

  The latter nodded delightedly.

  Jane stood up.

  "But this is splendid, Anna," she said. "I never imagined we should succeed so well. Come, let us see ourselves side by side."

  And, as Pauline had done, she drew the other girl to the glass.

  "You see? A perfect match!"

  Words, manner and gesture, it was an excellent imitation of Pauline's greeting. The princess nodded her head and uttered a grunt of approbation.

  "It is good, that," she declared. "It would deceive most people."

  "You are very clever," said Pauline appreciatively. "I could not imitate anyone else to save my life."

  Jane believed her. It had already struck her that Pauline was a young woman who was very much herself.

  "Anna will arrange details with you," said the Grand Duchess. "Take her into my bedroom, Anna, and try some of my clothes on her."

  She nodded a gracious farewell, and Jane was convoyed away by the Princess Poporensky.

  "This is what Her Highness will wear to open the bazaar," explained the old lady, holding up a daring creation of white and black. "That is in three days' time. It may be necessary for you to take her place there. We do not know. We have not yet received information."

  At Anna's bidding, Jane slipped off her own shabby garments and tried on the frock. It fitted her perfectly. The other nodded approvingly.

  "It is almost perfect - just a shade long on you, because you are an inch or so shorter than Her Highness."

  "That is easily remedied," said Jane quickly. The Grand Duchess wears low-heeled shoes, I noticed. If I wear the same kind of shoes, but with high heels, it will adjust things nicely."

  Anna Michaelovna showed her the shoes that the Grand Duchess usually wore with the dress - lizard skin with a strap across. Jane memorized them, and arranged to get a pair just like them, but with different heels.

  "I would be well," said Anna Michaelovna, "for you to have a dress of distinctive colour and material quite unlike Her Highness's. Then in case it becomes necessary for you to change places at a moment's notice, the substitution is less likely to be noticed."

  Jane thought a minute.

  "What about flame-red marocain? And I might, perhaps, have plain glass pince-nez. That alters the appearance very much."

  Both suggestions were approved, and they went into further details.

  Jane left the hotel with bank-notes for a hundred pounds in her purse and instructions to purchase the necessary outfit and engage rooms at the Blitz Hotel as Miss Montresor of New York.

  On the second day after this, Count Streptitch called upon her there.

  "A transformation indeed," he said as he bowed.

  Jane made him a mock bow in return. She was enjoying the new clothes and the luxury of her life very much.

  "All this is very nice," she sighed. "But I suppose thal your visit means I must get busy and earn my money."

  "That is so. We have received information. It seems possible that an attempt will be made to kidnap Her Highness on the way home from the bazaar. That is to take place, as you know, at Orion House, which is about ten miles out of London. Her Highness will be forced to attend the bazaar in person, as the Countess of Anchester, who is promoting it, knows her personally. But the following is the plan have concocted."

  Jane listened attentively as he outlined it to her.

  She asked a few questions and finally declared that she understood perfectly the part that she had to play.

  The next day dawned bright and clear - a perfect day for one of the great events of the London Season, the bazaar at Orion House, promoted by the Countess of Anchester in aid of Ostrovian refugees in this country.

  Having regard to the uncertainty of the English climate, the bazaar itself took place within the spacious rooms of Orion House l which has been for five hundred years in the possession of the Earls of Anchester. Various collections had been loaned, and a charming idea was the gift by a hundred society women of one pearl each taken from their own necklaces, each pearl to be sold by auction on the second day. There were also numerous side shows and attractions in the grounds.

  Jane was there early in the r鬺e of Miss Montresor. She wore a dress of flame-coloured marocain, and a small red cloche hat. On her feet were high-heeled lizard-skin shoes.

  The arrival of the Grand Duchess Pauline was a great event. She was escorted to the platform and duly presented with a bouquet of roses by a small child. She made a short but charming speech and declared the bazaar open. Count Streptitch and Princess Poporensky were in attendance upon her.

  She wore the dress that Jane had seen, white with a bold design of black, and her hat was a small cloche of black with a profusion of white ospreys hanging over the brim and a tiny lace veil coming halfway down the face. Jane smiled to herself.

  The Grand Duchess went round the bazaar, visiting every stall, making a few purchases, and being uniformly gracious. Then she prepared to depart.

  Jane was prompt to take up her cue. She requested a word with the Princess Poporensky and asked to be presented to the Grand Duchess.
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br />   "Ah, yes!" said Pauline in a clear voice. "Miss Montresor, I remember the name. She is an American journalist, I believe. She has done much for our cause. I should be glad to give her a short interview for her paper. Is there anywhere where we could be undisturbed?"

  A small anteroom was immediately placed at the Grand Duchess's disposal, and Count Streptitch was despatched to bring in Miss Montresor. As soon as he had done so, and withdrawn again, the Princess Poporensky remaining in attendance, a rapid exchange of garments took place.

  Three minutes later, the door opened and the Grand Duchess emerged, her bouquet of roses held up to her face. Bowing graciously, and uttering a few words of farewell to Lady Anchester in French, she passed out and entered her car, which was waiting. Princess Poporensky took her place beside her, and the car drove off.

  "Well," said Jane, "that's done. I wonder how Miss Montresor's getting on."

  "No one will notice her. She can slip out quietly."

  "That's true," said Jane. "I did it nicely, didn't I?"

  "You acted your part with great discretion."

  "Why isn't the Count with us?"

  "He was forced to remain. Someone must watch over the safety of Her Highness."

  "I hope nobody's going to throw bombs," said Jane apprehensively. "Hi! We're turning off the main road. Why's that?"

  Gathering speed, the car was shooting down a side road.

  Jane jumped up and put her head out of the window, remonstrating with the driver. He only laughed and increased his speed. Jane sank back into her seat again.

  "Your spies were right," she said with a laugh. "We're for it, all right. I suppose the longer I keep it up, the safer it is for the Grand Duchess. At all events we must give her time to return to London safely."

  At the prospect of danger, Jane's spirits rose. She had not relished the prospect of a bomb, but this type of a venture appealed to her sporting instincts.

  Suddenly, with a grinding of brakes, the car pulled up in its own length. A man jumped on the step. In his hand was a revolver.

  "Put your hands up," he snarled.

  The Princess Poporensky's hands rose swiftly, but Jane merely looked at him disdainfully and kept her hands on her lap.

  "Ask him the meaning of this outrage," she said in French, to her companion.

  But before the latter had time to say a word, the man broke in. He poured out a torrent of words in some foreign language.

  Not understanding a single thing, Jane merely shrugged her shoulders and said nothing. The chauffeur had got down from his seat and joined the other man.

  "Will the illustrious lady be pleased to descend?" he asked with a grin.

  Raising the flowers to her face again, Jane stepped out of the car. The Princess Poporensky followed her.

  "Will the illustrious lady come this way?"

  Jane took no notice of the man's mock insolent manner, but of her own accord she walked towards a low-built rambling house which stood about a hundred yards away from where the car had stopped. The road had been a cul-de-sac ending in the gateway and drive which led to this apparently untenanted building.

  The man, still brandishing his pistol, came close behind the two women. As they passed up the steps, he brushed past them and flung open a door on the left. It was an empty room, into which a table and two chairs had evidently been brought.

  Jane passed in and sat down. Anna Michaelovna followed her. The man banged the door and turned the key.

  Jane walked to the window and looked out.

  "I could jump out, of course," she remarked. "But I shouldn't get far. No, we'll just have to stay here for the present and make the best of it. I wonder if they'll bring us anything to eat?"

  About half an hour later her question was answered.

  A big bowl of steaming soup was brought in and placed on the table in front of her. Also two pieces of dry bread.

  "No luxury for aristocrats evidently," remarked Jane cheerily as the door was shut and locked again. "Will you start, or shall I?"

  The Princess Poporensky waved the mere idea of food aside with horror.

  "How could I eat? Who knows what danger my mistress might not be in?"

  "She's all right," said Jane. "It's myself I'm worrying about. You know these people won't be at all pleased when they find they have got hold of the wrong person. In fact, they may be very unpleasant. I shall keep up the haughty Grand Duchess stunt as long as I can, and do a bunk if the opportunity offers."

  The Princess Poporensky offered no reply.

  Jane, who was hungry, drank up all the soup. It had a curious taste, but was hot and savoury.

  Afterwards she felt rather sleepy. The Princess Poporensky seemed to be weeping quietly. Jane arranged herself on her uncomfortable chair in the least uncomfortable way, and allowed her head to droop.

  She slept.

  Jane awoke with a start. She had an idea that she had been a very long time asleep. Her head felt heavy and uncomfortable.

  And then suddenly she saw something that jerked her faculties wide awake again.

  She was wearing the flame-coloured marocain frock. She sat up and looked around her. Yes, she was still in the room in the empty house. Everything was exactly as it had been when she went to sleep, except for two facts. The first fact was that the Princess Poporensky was no longer sitting on the other chair. The second was her own inexplicable change of costume.

  "I can't have dreamt it," said Jane. "Because if I'd dreamt it, I shouldn't be here."

  She looked across at the window and registered a second significant fact. When she had gone to sleep, the sun had been pouring through the window. Now the house threw a sharp shadow on the sunlit drive.

  "The house faces west," she reflected. "It was afternoon when I went to sleep. Therefore it must be tomorrow morning now. Therefore that soup was drugged. Therefore - oh, I don't know. It all seems mad."

  She got up and went to the door. It was unlocked. She explored the house. It was silent and empty.

  Jane put her hand to her aching head and tried to think. And then she caught sight of a torn newspaper lying by the front door. It had glaring headlines which caught her eye.

  "American Girl Bandit in England," she read. "The Girl in the Red Dress. Sensational hold-up at Orion House Bazaar."

  Jane staggered out into the sunlight. Sitting on the steps, she read, her eyes growing bigger and bigger. The facts were short and succinct.

  Just after the departure of the Grand Duchess Pauline, three men and a girl in a red dress had produced revolvers and successfully held up the crowd. They had annexed the hundred pearls and made a getaway in a fast racing car. Up to now, they had not been traced.

  In the stop press (it was a late evening paper) were a few words to the effect that the "girl bandit in the red dress" had been staying at the Blitz as a Miss Montresor of New York.

  "I'm dished," said Jane. "Absolutely dished. I always knew there was a catch in it."

  And then she started. A strange sound had smote the air. The voice of a man, uttering one word at frequent intervals.

  "Damn," it said. "Damn." And yet again, "Damn!"

  Jane thrilled to the sound. It expressed so exactly her own feelings. She ran down the steps. By the corner of them lay a young man. He was endeavouring to raise his head from the ground. His face struck Jane as one of the nicest faces she had ever seen. It was freckled and slightly quizzical in expression.

  "Damn my head," said the young man. "Damn it. I - "

  He broke off and stared at Jane.

  "I must be dreaming," he said faintly.

  "That's what I said," said Jane. "But we're not. What's the matter with your head?"

  "Somebody hit me on it. Fortunately it's a thick one."

  He pulled himself into a sitting position, and made a wry face.

  "My brain will begin to function shortly, I expect. I'm still in the same old spot, I see."

  "How did you get here?" asked Jane curiously.

  "That
's a long story. By the way, you're not the Grand Duchess What's-her-name, are you?"

  "I'm not. I'm plain Jane Cleveland."

  "You're not plain, anyway," said the young man, looking at her with frank admiration.

  Jane blushed.

  "I ought to get you some water or something, oughtn't I?" she asked uncertainly.

  "I believe it is customary," agreed the young man. "All the same, I'd rather have whisky if you can find it."

  Jane was unable to find any whisky. The young man took a deep draught of water, and announced himself better.

  "Shall I relate my adventures, or will you relate yours?" he asked.

  "You first."

  "There's nothing much to mine. I happened to notice that the Grand Duchess went into that room with low-heeled shoes on and came out with high-heeled ones. It struck me as rather odd. I don't like things to be odd.

  "I followed the car on my motor bicycle. I saw you taken into the house. About ten minutes later a big racing car came tearing up. A girl in red got out and three men. She had low-heeled shoes on, all right. They went into the house. Presently low heels came out dressed in black and white, and went off in the first car, with an old pussy and a tall man with a fair beard. The others went off in the racing car. I thought they'd all gone, and was just trying to get in at that window and rescue you when someone hit me on the head from behind. That's all. Now for your turn."

  Jane related her adventures.

  "And it's awfully lucky for me that you did follow," she ended. "Do you see what an awful hole I should have been in otherwise? The Grand Duchess would have had a perfect alibi. She left the bazaar before the hold-up began, and arrived in London in her car. Would anybody ever have believed my fantastic, improbable story?"

  "Not on your life," said the young man with conviction. They had been so absorbed in their respective narratives, that they had been quite oblivious of their surroundings.

  They looked up now with a slight start to see a tall sad-faced man leaning against the house. He nodded at them.

  "Very interesting," he commented.

  "Who are you?" demanded Jane.

  The sad-faced man's eyes twinkled a little.

  "Detective-Inspector Farrell," he said gently. "I've been very interested in hearing your story and this young lady's. We might have found a little difficulty in believing hers, but for one or two things."