by Kira Hillins
She shook her head. “I don’t want you to look down on me.”
“Why would I do that?” He ran his palm over the back of her head. “I care about you.”
Tears, a big well of them, blurred her vision. They came so suddenly she couldn’t stop them. Damn it. She didn’t want to break down into a sob. Not now. Not like this.
She bowed her head. “Storms make those awful memories vivid. I hate it.”
“Then talk to me. Make me understand.”
Maybe if she told him the truth, this anxiety would go away. Maybe the night would get better. She loved Ben. If he loved her too, then nothing would push him away, not even her horrible secret.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “When I hear from him, I bring up this wall to keep all the bad things he’s done in the back of my mind.”
“What do you mean, ‘hear from him’?”
“Nicholas has texted me a few times since he got out of jail.” She sniffled. “The last text was this morning.”
“Seriously?” Ben said. “What’d he say?”
She drew in a deep breath. “It’s nothing. Forget it.”
“You can’t keep going like this,” he said softly. “Holding the fear inside, not talking to me about it. You’re hurting yourself.”
“I’m embarrassed.”
“Have faith.” He kissed her lips. “Confide in me. I’m not going anywhere.”
Faith? She hadn’t believed in that word in a long time. Nicholas’s short reign of terror had left a lasting mark, a few of them. The only way Ben could ever understand what Nicholas had done was to show him.
Ben watched, lips pursed, as she rose from the cot. Swallowing hard, she sat on her heels and then turned to the side. Her skin rose with gooseflesh as Ben gently traced her four short scars with his fingertips.
“He did this?”
“He’d had a few too many shots of tequila at a party we went to at the reservoir. He’d splashed me with water. When I splashed him back, he shoved me down.”
She hugged her torso. Her stomach churned. Maybe she shouldn’t tell the story. The storm grumbled in the distance. She’d rather be making love to him again, not confessing her awful past.
“Go on.” Ben leaned back on the pillow.
“I thought he was playing, so I shoved back. He fell in the water. When he came out, his clothes and hair were soaked. I laughed. I mean…I thought we were playing.”
She turned, showing him the four scars on the other side. “When he got up, he was furious. Before I could do anything, he dug his fingernails into my sides. He lifted me and then threw me in the water.”
Ben’s eyes narrowed, jaw clenching and unclenching. “He went to jail after that.”
“No. I was stunned. He’d never done anything like that before. That was the first time he’d ever laid a hand on me. I thought it was a onetime thing.” She gave a short laugh through her nose. “Every time he hit me, he’d show up at my door the next morning and apologize. He had tears in his eyes, swearing he’d never hurt me again.”
“He wanted you to feel sorry for him.”
“Yeah,” she whispered. “Nicholas was…is a violent drunk. Sober, he’s a really nice guy. I tried to help him. Guess that’s why I stayed. I had faith that he’d change.”
He rubbed his palm over his shadowed face. “A guy like that’s unpredictable. Even with all the locks on your door, do you feel safe at your apartment alone?”
“With Renji living close by, he won’t come over.”
“If Nicholas got drunk enough, nothing would stop him from doing what he wants.” Ben sat up. “Fucking bastard! If I ever catch him near you, I’ll kill him.”
“Calm down. I don’t like seeing you angry.”
“I can’t help worrying about you.” He cupped her face. “We’re going to be separated, Zoe. I don’t want you to go.”
Her heart was breaking. Shattering. She didn’t want to say good-bye. Not now. Not ever.
A crack of thunder sent her into his arms. The rain fell hard against the roof. She feared the storm once again.
Ben quickly turned her over and pinned her beneath him. He stroked her hair from her face as he stared down into her eyes.
“I love you,” she whispered. She’d said it, feelings blurted out in the open. Now what would he do? What would he say?
His lips pressed against hers. When he leaned back, he smiled.
“I love you too.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Ben held Zoe’s hand as they walked toward the entrance of Agate Beach Bar. The grin he wore made him look happy. Relaxed. Confident. She didn’t think he could be more handsome than how he looked now.
It was because of the camping trip. They were the best nights Zoe ever had. Though the sex was amazing, the best part was when Ben said he loved her. Seven times so far. He’d even initiated the words, letting her say she loved him too.
When they’d gotten back to his house, they’d slept. Had sex. Showered. Had sex in the shower. They played video games. Had sex while playing video games. Who knew sex and games went together like doughnuts and coffee?
His hand tightened around hers as he pulled her through the open door.
The bar was noisy but didn’t seem overly crowded. Not in the main room. The back, however, had at least twenty people sitting around a large table. Beer bottles and shot glasses covered the surface.
Ben had warned her on the way here that these people knew how to party. She’d have a good time. He also told her if she drank too much, he’d take care of her.
“Ben’s here!” Doogen shouted. “It’s about time, man!”
The entire room exploded with laughter and welcomes. Several people left their comfy seats to shake his hand or give him a hug. According to one woman who wouldn’t let go of his arm, it’d been two months since he’d been here.
Ben led Zoe to the bar. The bartender batted charcoal lashes as she leaned over the counter and kissed Ben’s cheek. She set a beer down in front of him.
“It’s really great to see you, Ben,” she said in sweet, high-pitched voice.
“Good to see you too, Brie,” Ben replied.
A pang of jealousy worked through Zoe as she inspected the stunningly beautiful woman. Long brunette hair, big blue eyes, gorgeous tanned skin—the woman could be a model.
Brie looked at Zoe. “How ’bout you?”
Zoe never liked beer. It tasted awful. Bitter. Millie had served her a glass of red wine when she turned twenty-one. What was the name of it? “Merlot.”
“You got it. Want hot wings, Ben?” Brie’s perky bosom bounced inside her ripped shirt when she popped the cork off the bottle of wine. “Got a two-for-one special today.”
“No, thanks,” he replied as Brie poured the red liquid into a long-stemmed wineglass.
Ben led Zoe to two empty stools at the end of the table, next to a wide arched entrance to another room. Sheron stood fast and placed her hands on Zoe’s shoulders.
“This is Ben’s new gal,” Sheron said. “Her name’s Zoe.”
Everyone said hello in unison. Then one by one, they introduced themselves.
Jill. John. Tom. Lanie. Sassy, whom she recognized as Sheron’s mom. Rodriguez. Cutler. Sara. Sam. Morgan. Manuel. Adam. Harry. Dexter. Gloria. Bob. And Nancy.
No way would Zoe remember all their names. But she’d do her best.
Ben lifted his beer to his lips and took a drink. He seemed comfortable. Relaxed. At home as everyone started talking to him. This was his family—a large family that loved and respected him.
Zoe didn’t know what to say, so she sat and sipped her wine. She listened to them talk about the body shop he and Doogen planned on opening.
“Ben and I are really serious about this,” Doogen told everyone. “He and I have thought about it for a long time. It’d been ours and Chase’s dream to open a shop together, but he died before we got the chance.”
Zoe could see the pain in Ben’s eyes. He hid it well from th
e others, but he couldn’t hide from her. That solemn look made her realize how much he’d shared his emotions with her.
Ben leaned over to her ear. “Want to play a game of pool?”
“Sure,” Zoe answered. “I don’t know how, though.”
Beer glass in his hand, wineglass in hers, he whisked her through the archway to the pool tables in the back room. He set his glass down on the table next to the oak-stained pillar. He took off his leather jacket and draped it over the back of the stool.
“Chase and I used to play pool at the bowling alley after school,” he said, grabbing two long sticks off the nearby wall. He rubbed a chalky cube on the end of one pole and then handed it to her. “He won every time.”
As he placed the colorful balls inside the triangle on the green table, Zoe sat on the high stool. She sipped her merlot. Didn’t take but a few swallows for her to feel the alcohol working through her veins, relaxing her.
He downed the last of his beer and then leaned the cue stick against the table. “Come here. I’m going to teach you how to shoot.”
As he led her to the end of the table, Brie breezed into the room. Zoe noticed the giant rips down the front of the girl’s whitewashed jeans, showing off tan legs. She leaned over to get Ben’s empty bottle. The hem of her shirt rose enough that Zoe could see the G-string above her silver-studded belt.
“Can I get you another draft?” she asked.
“Sure, Brie,” Ben replied, half grin on his lips.
Zoe rolled her eyes. “Flirt a little more?”
He moved behind her. A lump formed in her throat as his hand gently pinched her side. “Now, why would I want that when I have you?” he whispered in her ear.
She shivered. “Are you going to teach me to shoot or not?”
He pushed against her back. His palm slid down her right arm to the stick in her hand. Her pulse quickened. When he lifted her hand, he moved his left arm around her and then grasped the thin end of the stick.
His right leg went between her legs. “One step up. Spread your feet apart.” He nudged her left foot with his right until she stepped up and to the side. “Bend your knees a little, and then lean…”
He leaned with her, arms around her shoulders, stick between his middle and forefinger in front, palm on the thicker side. The warmth of his body against her back made her shudder. When her chest almost touched the table, he stopped.
“Take it,” he said, warm breath on her ear. “Hold it like this.”
His right hand held hers on the thick part of the stick. He slid the pole slowly back and forth through her curled forefinger in front. His arms tightened around her.
“You feel that?” he said softly. “Good strong hold on the right. Nice easy slide in front. Then…” He quickly shoved the stick forward, hitting the chalked end against the cue ball. It rolled fast across the table and clacked against the colorful balls, scattering them in all directions. A striped ball sank into the right corner pocket.
Ben swept her hair back behind her shoulder. His lips touched her neck. As he nibbled at her skin, she trembled. Oh God, how would she get through this party without stealing him away into a dark closet?
When he pulled her up to him, his gaze found hers. Brie came in and placed the bottle of beer on the table, but his gaze never wavered.
Zoe wrapped her arms around his torso. As he held her close, she relaxed against his body.
“Thought we were going to play pool,” she said as he backed her toward their table.
He handed her the glass of wine. “I’d rather stay like this.”
She scanned the party where everyone sat staring at them, grins on their faces. “You know, we’re being watched.”
“Let them.”
Two mouthfuls of smooth red liquid slid down her throat. He picked up his bottle and downed a few gulps of dark beer. Inspired, she finished off her wine.
“Want another?” he asked.
“Probably shouldn’t. Not much of a drinker.”
“I know. But…” A grin crept across his face. “We’re celebrating.”
“Oh,” she said. “Exactly what are we celebrating?”
He leaned down and pressed his lips against hers. “Us. Together.”
“Hey, you two,” Doogen shouted, but Ben kept his mouth over hers. “Get a fucking room!”
Laughter filled the bar. Ben cracked a grin, then leaned back. He arched his brows, then drew in a deep breath.
“You’re just jealous, D.”
“She’s too good for you, man!”
“I know that, dumbass.” Ben chuckled as he gazed into her eyes.
Loud music began to play. It was an old heavy-metal song from the eighties, “Talk Dirty to Me.”
“Oh God.” Ben rolled his eyes. “Sheron always starts the party with that song.”
Zoe looked at the table. The guys stood close to one another while Sheron and the blonde named Jill counted down. Once they hit the number one, all the men tossed back a shot of liquor.
“Looks like things are picking up,” Zoe said, curious of the game. “They’re doing shots.”
“Yep.” He took her by the hand. “Let’s go watch.”
“Hang on a minute.” Brie came in carrying another bottle of beer. “On the house,” she said. Those puffy dark lips pouted. “We haven’t played pool together in ages. Care to make a gal’s day and shoot a game? I mean, if your girlfriend doesn’t mind.”
Ben shrugged. When Zoe caught his gaze, she could see his plea to let him play. She sucked at pool anyway. Maybe Brie could give him a challenge.
He slid his palm over Zoe’s hand. “Ten minutes.”
“That confident, huh?” Brie said with a laugh.
Ben racked the balls. “After twenty-two years of playing? Hell yeah.”
Zoe looked at the party going on in the other room. The women were doing shots now. Sheron laughed heartily and waved her over.
“Come do a shot with us!”
Zoe wasn’t so sure she should. She didn’t want to make a fool of herself like the last time she got drunk. As long as she only had a few shots, then stopped, she should be okay.
Ben gave Zoe a wink. “Go ahead. I’ll be over there in a minute.”
“There’s that confidence again,” Brie said.
As Zoe strode toward the party, she heard the balls clack behind her. Brie muttered, “Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”
Zoe smiled. Brie was about to get her ass handed to her.
Zoe stopped at the end of the table. Sheron tiptoed around everyone and then slung her arm around Zoe’s shoulder. “Ready for a shot?”
Zoe glanced back at Ben, who was taking his turn at the pool table. “Sure. But just one.”
“All right!”
Zoe set her shawl and purse on a seat and then joined Sheron, Sassy, Jill, and Nancy in a semicircle. Doogen placed a shot glass in front of her and then poured the drink.
“Vodka,” Sheron said.
Zoe held her glass. She’d never tried this before. Hopefully it didn’t pack a punch like the drink Sheron gave her at the bar a few weeks ago. It wouldn’t be right to get smashed again.
“Ready!” Doogen said. “Three. Two. One.”
Everyone shouted, “Drink!”
Zoe lifted the glass to her lips. As Sheron downed her drink, Zoe slammed hers. The liquid burned her throat. Heat worked into her nostrils. Zoe leaned over and coughed. “Oh God! That’s awful!”
Sheron’s laugh was contagious. Zoe joined her. Warmth spread throughout Zoe’s body, and she relaxed even more.
This was fun.
“Let’s do another!” Sheron raised the bottle of vodka. She poured another shot in Zoe’s glass.
“All right. One more.” Zoe grabbed the shot glass.
Sheron and Zoe downed their shots at the same time. Sheron gave a loud woo and then laughed again as she hung on Zoe’s shoulder. “I love you, girl.”
Zoe smiled. “I love you too, Sheron.”
Ben sat on a chair at the end of the table. A smile dangled on the corner of his lips as he watched her. God, the man was sexy. As much as she loved hanging out with all these people, she’d rather be alone with him. Dancing close. Kissing. Making love.
“Another shot!” Sheron poured more into Zoe’s glass. “This one’s for us, Zoe. We’re going to drink to…” Sheron looked at her. “What shall we drink to?”
Zoe gazed at Ben. The only thing that came to mind was him. He was the best part of her life.
“To love.”
Sheron lifted her shot glass in the air. “To love!”
Zoe downed the liquor. Her tongue burned as she swallowed. When she set her glass on the table, Sheron poured her another.
“If you start talking about Ben naked with your doughnuts, I’m cutting you off.”
BEN WATCHED ZOE as she blushed. Her laugh made everyone in the room feel good. Their laughter proved it. She fit in nicely with this bunch and would be welcomed if she moved here.
In a way, he was jealous. They got to drink with her. Let loose and act crazy. It was tempting to join in on the games, but he’d sworn off the hard stuff.
He’d been depressed when he drank before. Maybe now that he was happy, drinking wouldn’t be so bad. He knew he wouldn’t cause a disturbance and do stupid things now.
He glanced down at his third beer. To get drunk with Zoe, laugh with her, enjoy hanging with his drunken friends for old times’ sake, would be worth it.
“Pour me a shot,” Ben told Doogen.
Everyone at the table grew silent. Sheron stared, eyes wide, lips parted. She looked ready to grill him for even suggesting he wanted a drink.
“Come on, Sheron.” He smiled. “I’m not the same guy I used to be.”
Sheron glanced at everyone around the table. “You’re right, Ben.” She gave a short nod. “You’re entitled to let loose once in a while. You’re happy with Zoe. So you should celebrate too.”
Ben grinned as Doogen poured him a shot of vodka. “Thanks.”
Zoe moved to Ben’s side. “Are you sure you should do this?”
“Yeah,” he said. “It’ll be fine. We’ll have fun tonight.”
Her smile beamed. He could tell by her glassy eyes that she was tipsy. He hoped to join her in inebriated fun. Dancing. Laughing. Maybe even find a hidden place in the back room to make out in.