by Terry Towers
Truthfully, it wasn’t until this point in my life that friends started to drift away. Drifting away maybe wasn’t the best way of saying it, more like starting different modes in life. Most were getting married and having kids. While I still had a place in their lives, it wasn’t quite the same and not nearly as frequent.
It’d explain why she didn’t have older pictures of herself around the place. She didn’t like who she was and so she hid it. She didn’t have to think about the past she’d moved away from. And like a piece of shit, I’d pulled her back into the most vulnerable of memories.
“I’m sorry.” I swiped the tears from her eyes. “I didn’t intend to make you upset. I had no idea. Why didn’t you tell me this before?”
She huffed. “How would you have known it would upset me? But be honest, if I were three hundred pounds now, would you have dated me? Would you have slept with me? Or would you look at me as just someone who lived under the same roof if you even moved in at all.”
“Fuck…” I groaned, running a hand through my hair. I didn’t know how to answer that. It was just a crazy hypothetical question. “Baby, I don’t know how to answer that. You may or may not be in that situation. I just can’t say.”
“What if I stopped exercising and gained a hundred and fifty pounds, would you want me then?”
Oh sweet Jesus. There was no way I was getting out of this conversation unscathed.
“Felicity, I want to be with you for who you are. If you gained some weight, then big deal, I wouldn’t care. I love your spirit and how smart you are. I love how you appreciate any little thing I do for you and that you believe in me and my art. Your outer beauty is secondary to the things that are more important. How much you weigh doesn’t factor in on how much I want to be with you.”
“But it would?” she pressed, eyeing me with such scrutiny that it made me shift uncomfortably on the sofa.
I legitimately didn’t know. I’d like to think that I’d progressed beyond being the superficial man that I once was. When I was younger, I made judgments and cared what other people thought of me and my appearance. As I grew older, I found I’d cared less and less for those things and more about the quality of the people and things in my life. Admittedly, a good chunk of my progress was attributed to meeting the teary-eyed woman sitting across from me.
“Baby, I don’t care what you weigh or what you look like. I just care about being with you. I’ve only lived with you for a few weeks, but I’m already changing into a better version of the person I once was. I just don’t want you to feel like you can’t be yourself around me, at all times. You don’t need to do your make-up every day. You don’t need to put in colored lenses. I don’t care about those things and I’d hate to think you’d believe that would matter to me. I just want you to be comfortable and to be yourself – that’s all.”
Her expression softened and for a moment I thought that I’d finally gotten through to her. Thank God.
“Felicity? Are you okay? Are we okay?”
She chewed at her lower lip as she looked at me. Her make-up smeared, leaving black streaks down her face. “Answer me this.”
“Okay…” I wasn’t trusting what she was about to ask for an instant.
“Have you ever dated anyone who was larger than me?” She stood again and motioned to her body, from head to toe. “Have you dated anyone bigger? Thicker?”
My heart sank. I had two options here. Either I lie and tell her yes, hopefully ending this here and now, or I tell the truth and face the consequences that I feared might come with my answer.
Taking a deep breath in, I slowly exhaled. “Honestly, no. No, I haven’t. It’s not that I ruled anyone out… It’s just…”
“The type of girl you’re actually attracted to. Meaning you wouldn’t be with a thick girl. If you were with a fat girl, you wouldn’t stay with her.” She nodded. “Enough said.” Spinning on her heel, she raced across the living room and into her room, slamming the door shut behind her.
“Fuck my life.” Groaning, I leaned back on the sofa and closed my eyes. How in the hell did this romantic night, which I felt would end up being a good night with the two of us fucking like rabbits in my room, turn into this shit show. I was so close to telling her I loved her. Then boom!
Looking over at her door, I was tempted to follow her inside, but knew it was no use. She’d have locked the door like she had last time and would refuse to answer no matter how much I tried. All I could do was wait for her to come around and then clear the air once she calmed down.
I wished I could relate to how she felt. I just couldn’t and would be lying if I said I knew. Maybe if I had a shared experience, I’d be able to understand this side of her, but as it was, I was at a loss of what to do.
Chapter 16
Carrington
The apartment felt way too quiet and empty with her gone, leaving just me and Misty. “What do you think, girl?” I asked the dog who was sitting next to me on the sofa while I patted her on the head. We had the television on but weren’t really watching it. The movie was a thriller, but I had no idea what was actually going on with it. “You think she’s still mad at me? Should we try texting her?”
Felicity had left a day early for L.A. and was due back the day after next. Being apart from her bothered me much more than I’d expected it would. Normally women just came and went. I never gave it much thought or care for that matter. With Felicity it was different. It may have only been a few weeks, but there was something nagging at me. It just felt like I’d known her for some much longer than that.
After she told me about how she’d been bullied in school, something in my head began to turn. I didn’t know why but there was a familiarity I couldn’t put my finger on. It’d drove me nuts obsessing over it. She’d been right, I had been a vain asshole in the past, but I was confident I wasn’t that man now and she needed to know that as well.
I was just about to break down and text her when the phone rang.
It was my mother.
Dammit. If I didn’t answer, she’d guilt trip me to no end. With a sigh I answered.
Carrington: Hey Mom.
Janet: Hey Sweetie, how is New York treating you?
Carrington: It’s doing pretty good.
Janet: Have you sold any paintings yet?
I cringed. I’d barely touched the canvas since I’d moved in. I’d been so busy with tattooing, I really didn’t have much time.
Carrington: Not yet Mom. Things are going great at the tattoo shop though.
Janet: Is it? How do you like tattooing? Have you had to tattoo anything weird? I heard there are people wanting their genitals tattooed. Can you imagine?
I could.
Carrington: It’s pretty crazy. I seem to be picking it up pretty quick and I’ve had some repeat customers already.
Janet: That’s great. How’s your roommate?
Carrington: She’s good as far as I know.
Janet: Are you sure you’re just roommates? You’ve never been one to be friends with girls.
I groaned inwardly. She wasn’t wrong.
Carrington: She’s in California for work right now. I’m watching her dog.
Janet: I’d love to meet her sometime. Maybe bring her home for the weekend some time.
Carrington: We’ll see.
My mother rambled on about people I barely knew and had less than zero interest in. Randomly throwing in tidbits that caught barely my attention.
Janet: Before I go, I thought I’d let you know. I was talking to Candice Boyce a bit lately. We’ve gone for coffee a couple of times. Anyhow, come to find out her daughter lives in New York city now. She has a place in Manhattan actually.
Candice Boyce… The name didn’t even sound remotely familiar.
Carrington: Mom, I don’t know who that even is.
Janet: Yes, you do. Well, maybe you don’t know Candice, but you knew her daughter. I think you two went out for a bit one summer. They lived just a couple of streets down f
rom us.
Carrington: Who was her daughter?
Janet: Connie Boyce. Remember, she had long brown hair… Large girl though. It was unfortunate. She had a very pretty face too bad she was so big. But you two seemed to get along good for a while. Her mother said she lost a lot of weight and was living in New York now. Wonder if she ever found someone, her mother didn’t think so.
Time stopped as the pieces quickly began to fall into place. Flashes of the summer I’d spent with Connie came at me, frame upon frame in rapid succession. Her name had been Connie though. Could Connie be Felicity? They had the same surname, so it was quite possible. It’d explain a lot.
Carrington: Hey Mom, do you have contact information for Connie?
Janet: I can get it for you. Do you think you’d like to connect with her?
Carrington: Yeah.
I didn’t tell her that I was quite certain that I already had.
Carrington: Listen Mom, I gotta go. Call me later with that info okay?
Janet: Okay dear. Love you.
Carrington: Love you too, Mom.
Ending the call, I looked over at Felicity’s closed door. I was already certain she was the same person. There were too many coincidences for her not to be. Not to mention how familiar I felt around her. Even as kids, we’d had a connection that I’d never been able to replicate with anyone else no matter how hard I’d tried.
Pushing off the sofa, I went to the fridge and opened a bottle of beer, taking a long drink as I stared at the closed door. I didn’t have any, I had to find out if my suspicions were right. But what if they were?
I didn’t know. That would explain her reaction and attitudes towards me. It made more sense than not. But I had to get confirmation before I confronted her. What the fuck, I’d say, and how I felt about the whole situation at the moment was up in the air. I’d figure that out when I got validation.
With my mind made up, I crossed the room and burst through her bedroom door before I’d talked myself out of it. Stopping in the doorway, I surveyed the room. It was very organized and tidy. It’d be easy enough to find what I was looking for if it was here. There was no way she didn’t have something from her past. A family photo. A yearbook. Something.
Misty came up next to me, bumping against my thigh. Looking down at her, I grimaced as I stared into her accusing gaze. “I know. But it has to be done.”
She groaned a little as she lay down on her stomach in the doorway.
I didn’t have a clue where to start so decided on the end tables, not expecting much. Opening the one closest to the side she slept on, I found a diary. Upon opening it I discovered it was a dream diary. Next to it was a big neon pink vibrator – the damned thing was massive. Pulling it out of the drawer, I sat down on the bed and turned it on. The head began to swirl and the little bunny ears began to buzz. How in the fuck did she manage to get this contraption inside of her – it was fucking massive?
Turning it off, I placed it back in the drawer before I started getting an inferiority complex. Some condoms, a pen, some hair ties and a hairbrush. Nothing of any real consequence. Closing the drawer, I went to the other nightside table and came up empty as well.
Turning, I stared at the closet. That’s where the photos would be if there were any. Opening the closet, I began to rummage through. The first thing I pulled was a medium sized U-Haul box from the floor. Opening it up, I immediately became amused and aroused. It was a porn star grab box.
Damn! Why didn’t she tell me she had all this stuff? There were handcuffs, floggers, masks, butt plugs… You name it and it was there. Her ex was a fucking idiot to give up a sexy little deviant like her. His loss was my gain. Placing everything back in the box, I shoved it back into the closet and pulled out another U-haul box.
This box happened to be exactly what I was looking for. There was a photo album on top along with books and some awards. Stuff you’d normally see on a person’s mantel or desk, not tucked away in a box in the closet.
Grabbing the photo album from the box, I was about to flip through it when I spotted the yearbook. The exact yearbook that I’d had when I graduated. Opening it up, there were a few signatures in it, all teachers except for one. I had no idea who the kid that signed it was. Flipping through the graduation photos I looked for the B’s and immediately spotted the one I was looking for, Connie Felicity Boyce. She looked nothing like she did now. She’d completely remade herself, but I remembered her.
She’d been one of my first girlfriends. She’d lived a few streets down and we’d been friends in elementary school. When high school started, I’d dumped her and moved on. I wished I could say there was a good reason behind it, but I couldn’t. The fact was, I’d been a prick more interested in my own image than her feelings, or my feelings for her, for that matter. I’d been embarrassed that she was so big and to stroke my own ego, I’d dumped her. I’d really messed up with her and had never found anyone who I could relate to until…
I met her for the second time.
“Fuccck…” I hissed the word through my teeth as I sat down on the floor and rummaged through her photo album. There were numerous photos of me and her together. From the looks of it, she hadn’t lied. I’d been her only boyfriend until college. There were tons of photos documenting her makeover journey that seemed to take place while she’d attended college. As the weight dropped,the amount of tattoos that covered her body increased, her hair got cut short and went to blond.
Misty whimpered, bringing my attention back to her.
“I’ll take you in a few minutes, girl. Okay?”
The dog cocked her head at me and wagged her little stubby tail in response.
“What do I do with this information?” I asked Misty, not expecting an answer. A part of me was furious. She’d lied to me. There’s no way she didn’t know who I was and yet she kept who she really was from me the entire time. She’d spent the past month avoiding questions about home and her family. I’d suspected her folks were dead or something. Yet, that wasn’t the case, she’d intentionally kept who she was from me.
But on the other hand…
I remembered her words from a few days ago. The pain in her voice when she talked about the bullying she’d endured back in high school. I’d been so self-absorbed with what I wanted and trying to impress everyone back then that I didn’t try to stop the bullying. I wasn’t completely aware of what was happening to her, but I knew she’d been an outcast in school. I should’ve tried to be her friend at least – if she’d wanted. Instead, I hurt her and tossed her away.
My phone buzzed in my pants pocket. Grabbing the phone, I looked down at it.
Mom: I’ve got her address.
Carrington: Don’t worry about it. I already have it. I’ll talk to you later, Mom.
Placing the phone on mute, I shoved it back into my pocket as Misty whimpered a second time. Placing everything back into the box, I slipped it back into the closet just where I’d found it and closed the closet door.
I had some thinking to do. Maybe a long walk with Misty would help me clear my head.
Slipping a pair of shoes on, I grabbed her leash and hooked her up. Leaving the apartment building, we began our walk. We followed Felicity’s method of just randomly running until we were ready to go home.
The fact that she hadn’t told me raged through me. My mind kept switching from feeling like a complete asshole for what I’d done in the past to anger for how she’d lied to me for so long. She had so many opportunities to tell me the truth. Instead, she spent the last month keeping me on a fucking emotional roller coaster.
Did she have a plan all along? Have me fall in love with her only to fuck with my head and drop me like I’d done to her so many years ago? Could she be that heartless? Maybe she just planned on fucking with me until she was bored?
Stopping at a hot dog cart, I pulled my phone from my pocket and was surprised to see a message from Felicity waiting for me.
Felicity: I was thinking of staying in L.A.
for a few more days than expected. Can you watch Misty while I’m gone?
My fingers hovered over the screen, not sure what to reply. I wanted to confront her then and there, but she’d just ignore the texts. I’d rather just surprise her with it. We needed to settle this once and for all.
Carrington: Yeah, no problem.
Felicity: Thank you. I’ll let you know when I’m coming home once I know for sure.
Carrington: Sounds good.
Now what? Turning to the hot dog vendor, I ordered two. One with the works for myself and a plain dog for Misty. Sitting on a nearby bench, I slowly ate my dog, while Misty consumed hers in two bites.
By the time I was finished eating, I knew there was no way I could wait for possibly a week to get this sorted out. Bringing up my mother’s name on my phone, I sent her a message.
Carrington: Hey Mom, can you find out where Felicity is staying in L.A.? But just let it be casual, don’t let her mother know I want to know.
There was a long wait before my mother got back to me.
Mom: That’s an odd request. How do you know she’s in L.A.?
Carrington: It’s a long story, but can you do it, please Mom.
Mom: Of course I can. But I expect the full story once I get you the information.
Carrington: I promise you’ll know everything soon.
Chapter 17
Felicity
What in the fuck is with all the damned knocking? Groaning, I slowly opened my eyes and propped my elbows up behind me on the mattress of the slightly too hard queen-sized bed.
“Do not disturb!” I yelled out, flopping back onto the bed. The damned sign must have fallen off the door handle last night. Or someone thought it’d be a fun prank to remove it.
The knocking persisted.
Are you fucking kidding me? I looked over at the little clock radio on the nightstand. It was only 8am! Whoever was on the other side of that door was about to get a word or two from me. What kind of hotel had their cleaning staff knocking on doors this early?