She shook her head. “No, I want to keep mine.”
Kendra smiled, and put her hand over her mouth.
“No,” he said, unable to keep the smile out of his voice. “You don’t have to give yours away. I just mean, we share our wishes with each other. I’ll share mine with you, and you can share yours with me. It’s a special exchange. Just the two of us.”
For a moment he wasn’t sure that would work because Aria gave him a skeptical look. But then she nodded. “Okay. We can a’change them.”
Jacob glanced at Kendra who stood there grinning, her eyes wide. She gave him a thumbs up. He turned back to Aria. “Great. Let’s exchange them tonight, when I tuck you in bed, okay?”
She placed her hand on his cheek. “Okay. Can you sing to me, too?”
“Yes, sweetheart. I’ll sing you to sleep.”
Aria threw her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. He thought he was going to melt into a puddle of goo right there on the kitchen floor. “Oh, thank you.”
He hugged her to him, suddenly wanting to capture this moment in his heart. She was his little girl. He was a daddy. Tears sprang to his eyes. He owed her so much.
“Let’s go make our wishes now,” Aria called out after wiggling out of his grasp. He set her down.
“Sure. Let’s go.”
Kendra turned, but not before he saw her wipe her cheek. “Get your coat on,” she said.
“Okay, Mommy.”
With Aria out of the room, Jacob wanted to go to Kendra, to pull her into his arms. But he refrained. “Do we need to bring anything else besides pennies?”
“Nope.”
He rocked back on his heels. “All right, then. I’m ready.”
It didn’t take long to drive to the downtown square. There was an unusually high number of people bustling about for a Tuesday evening. With Christmas just five days away, the excitement of the holidays was in the air.
A long line of children with parents stretched down the street, and Jacob picked Aria up and pointed to the tiny house decorated with candy canes and fake snow. “Look. Santa’s in there. Do you want to go see him?”
She thought about it for a minute. “After we make our wishes.”
“Okay, squirt.”
Aria giggled. “Why did you call me that?”
“I don’t know. It just seemed to fit.”
“You’re funny.” Aria wiggled down, and he set her on the sidewalk. “Come on. Let’s go.” She grabbed his hand and tugged him toward the center of the square.
They made their way through the crowds of people to the fountain. Aria held out her hand. “Can I have my penny now?”
“Sure.” Jacob dug into his pocket and pulled out three pennies. “One for you.” He handed it to Aria. “And one for you.” He held one out for Kendra.
“I don’t need one,” Kendra said, dismissing him with a wave of her hand.
“Come on, Mommy. Make a wish! Then you and Jake can a’change them.”
Jacob chuckled. “Come on, Kendra. You know you want to. Give in to peer pressure.”
Kendra rolled her eyes, but she took the penny from him.
Aria clapped her hands, then she held her penny super close to her eyes and concentrated on it.
“Is that how you make a wish?” Jacob asked, crouching down, and mimicking her.
“Yes. You have to think of your wish. You have to do it super hard.” Aria closed her eyes and pursed her lips, clenching her penny so hard it looked like she was shaking. Then, suddenly, she opened her eyes and flung the penny into the water. “There. I did it!”
Jacob held back a laugh. She was too adorable for words. He closed his eyes, screwed up his lips, and concentrated. He wasn’t about to lose this opportunity, so he said in his mind, I wish I could have back everything I’ve lost. Then tossed his penny in. “Me, too.”
“Mommy, your turn.”
Kendra took a step closer to the fountain. At first, he worried she’d just toss her penny in, but she played along, closing her eyes and making her wish. “Done,” she said after her penny sunk to the bottom of the lighted pool of water.
“Yay!” Aria danced around the fountain. “All our pennies turned into our wishes.” She stopped and looked up at Jacob. “That’s how you know your wish will come true.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yes.” She grabbed his hand. “Now we can see Santa.”
He turned to Kendra. “I guess it’s Santa time.”
“At least the line is a little shorter now,” Kendra said.
“I love how you always look on the bright side.”
She smiled at him. They walked down the sidewalk and joined the line. Aria stood nicely, humming a song as they waited. He nudged Kendra. “She loves music, doesn’t she?”
Kendra nodded and folded her arms. “Yes. There’s a lot of you in her.”
He hadn’t expected her to admit that, and his heart warmed. “Really?”
“Yes. Even as a baby, her favorite thing was music. If I sang to her, she’d stop and listen quietly. I could always calm her down by singing or turning on the radio.”
He imagined what it would have been like to hold her as a baby. To rock her to sleep, snuggling in his arms. His throat tightened. “I missed so much.”
Kendra dropped her gaze. “I have baby pictures, and videos.” She peered up at him. “If you’d like to see them.”
The thought thrilled him. “I would. Very much.”
Kendra swallowed and brushed her hair over her shoulder. She shifted her weight. “I…”
When she didn’t finish, he looked into her eyes. “You what?”
“I should have tried harder to contact you.” She picked at her fingernail. “I’m sorry.”
He probably should be angry at her, but for some reason, he wasn’t. He couldn’t imagine what it was like, being pregnant and alone, thinking the man you loved had gone off and left you. He had no room in his heart for anger. He only felt love for her. He reached out and put his arm around her shoulders. “It’s okay.”
She shook her head. “I don’t think it is. I think I messed up.”
“I forgive you.”
“No, I mean…” She clenched her jaw and stared at something in the distance. “My mother used to tell me there’s a proper order for everything. I never understood what she meant. Why she thought people should wait until marriage.” She looked at him, tears in her eyes. “But I get it now. Don’t get me wrong, I love Aria with all my heart. I just see the wisdom in what my mother used to tell me.”
Guilt rose in him. He had something to do with that as well. It was because of him that she’d been left alone to bare his child and raise her. His shoulder muscles tightened. “I’m sorry.”
“We were in love. We didn’t think about the consequences.”
“But it’s not too late.”
Kendra gave him a sad smile before she stepped back from him, forcing him to let his arm fall. “Some things can’t be repaired, Jacob.”
He wanted to argue with her, to force her to see that he could repair the damage. They could make this work. But there was a finality about her sentence that left him silent.
And then it hit him. Maybe Kendra wasn’t feeling what he was feeling. Maybe he was still in love with her, but she’d gotten over him. Maybe she’d moved on.
He swallowed down the cold feeling that started in his stomach and spread throughout him. Aria grew excited as they neared Santa’s cottage. Jacob tried to ignore the rejection from Kendra, but it seeped into his bones. He was left with a cold heart, and no hope for a future with her and his daughter.
Chapter 16
Kendra smiled as Aria climbed onto Santa’s lap. She was trying to forget what Jacob and she had talked about moments before. Focusing on the past had not helped her at all in her life. She needed to get past that. Look to the future.
Aria giggled at something Santa said and Kendra reached for her phone, but it wasn’t in her pocket. “Oh, man.”
“What?” Jacob asked.
“I think I forgot my phone at home. Or left it in the car. Can you take a picture of Aria on Santa’s lap?”
“Sure.” Jacob pulled out his phone and focused it. Then he snapped several pictures of her as she talked to Santa. Then Santa told her to smile for the camera and Jacob got another few in.
“Oh, that last one looked really good,” Kendra said.
“I think so, too.” He showed her the picture. “I like her smile.”
Kendra nodded, her emotions surging again. She really needed to get away from Jacob. He was messing with her head.
His fingers flew over his screen. “I’ll send them to you.”
“Thanks.” She shoved her hands into her coat pockets and tried not to think about how nice Jacob was being.
He was leaving. End of story. She wasn’t going to let herself get all caught up in him. Distance. That’s all she needed. Physical distance. Emotional distance. If she could just get through the next couple of days, then she’d be fine.
Aria cupped her hand and whispered something into Santa’s ear. He smiled at her and nodded. Then Aria jumped down from his lap, and Mrs. Claus handed her a candy cane. Aria came running to them, grinning and holding up the candy. “Look what I got.”
“That’s great, sweetheart.” Kendra took her daughter’s hand. “Let’s go home. We need to get you to bed.”
“I’m not tired.”
“I know. But let’s get ready for bed anyway.”
Aria’s feet seemed to drag, so Kendra picked up her daughter and carried her to the car. Aria put her head on Kendra’s shoulder. “Will you and Jake sing me a good night song?”
“Jake can sing you a song. I have to…” Kendra desperately tried to think of an excuse not to be around. She didn’t think she could handle hearing any more of Jacob’s songs. “Do some things.” Lame, but it would have to do.
Aria closed her eyes and snuggled into Kendra. Yeah, that girl wasn’t tired at all. Kendra tried not to laugh as she walked with Jacob to his car.
The drive home didn’t take long, and soon Aria was in her pajamas and ready for bed. Jacob brought his guitar in to her bedroom and Kendra knew that was her cue to get out of there. As she headed toward the door, Aria held out a hand to her. “Mommy, stay.”
“I’m sorry, I need to go…” As she searched for her excuse her gaze landed on Jacob. He looked like he was concentrating on his guitar, but she could see his shoulders tense. It was as if he were waiting for her to finish the sentence. When she didn’t say anything, he met her gaze.
Her mouth went dry, and she suddenly lost all coherent thought.
“Sit next to me, Mommy,” Aria pleaded as she pat the space on her bed next to her.
She could tell she wasn’t going to get out of this. Kendra sighed and sat next to her daughter. “Okay.”
Jacob took the chair on the other side of the bed and struck a chord. Aria clapped her hands when she recognized the song. It was another one of his hits. Kendra tried not to listen as he sang about the woman with the musical laugh, but she couldn’t help it. Her emotions mixed up inside her as his smooth voice traveled over her.
Jacob sang one more song before Kendra kissed Aria’s forehead and told her to have a good night. She slipped out of the room, but Jacob didn’t follow her. She peeked inside the bedroom when he didn’t materialize.
“Are you ready to exchange wishes?” Jacob said, kneeling beside her bed.
“Yes. How do we do it?”
“I tell you mine, and you tell me yours. I’ll go first, okay?”
Kendra crossed her fingers. Aria nodded. “Okay.”
He leaned down close to her ear and whispered something. It took sometime, and Kendra wondered what he was saying. Then, he pulled back and said, “That’s my wish.”
Aria placed her hands on his cheeks. “That’s a good wish.”
“Thank you.”
“I hope you get your wish,” Aria said, with the innocence of a five-year-old.
“Me, too.” Jacob’s voice was husky. He smoothed her hair from her forehead. “Now, what’s your special wish?”
Aria motioned for him to come closer, then she cupped her hand and whispered into his ear. His eyebrows shot up, but he smiled and nodded. “That’s a great wish.”
They talked back and forth a minute, but their whispers were so quiet she couldn’t hear. She leaned closer, peering around the door as much as she dared.
Aria peered up at Jacob, her eyes wide. “Do you think it could come true?”
He paused for a second, then nodded. “I think it could.”
“Oh, I hope so.” Aria clenched her hands into fists and made a face, like she was hoping really hard.
“Have sweet dreams,” Jacob said, and kissed her on the forehead.
“Good night.”
Jacob stood and grabbed his guitar. He touched Aria’s face one last time before he headed out into the hallway. Kendra jumped back so he didn’t bump into her.
“Oh,” he whispered. “I didn’t know you were right there.”
She motioned and then joined him in the kitchen so they could talk. As soon as he entered, she rounded on him. “Did she tell you?”
He nodded, his face masked from emotion.
“Okay, then. What is it?”
He drew in a large breath, then exhaled slowly. “I don’t think you’re going to like it.”
“Why? What did she wish for?” Dred pooled in Kendra’s stomach as she thought of one wish it could be. Something that couldn’t be wrapped and under the tree. Please, not a new daddy. Nothing like that.
Jacob scrubbed a hand down his face, his guitar still slung around his neck. “She wished for you to sing again.”
Kendra’s first reaction was to gape at him. “What? That’s ridiculous. I sing.” She brushed her hair over her shoulder and let out a frustrated breath. “I sing all the time.”
Jacob raised one eyebrow but didn’t say anything. He just stood there and stared at her.
“Don’t you look at me like that.” He didn’t have to say a word. She knew what he was thinking. But he was wrong. It wasn’t like that. Maybe she hadn’t been singing much lately. So, what? Did he think it was because of him? He was so not getting the satisfaction. She’d never admit to that.
“I’m not looking at you any particular way.”
“Yes, you are.”
Jacob slowly removed his guitar from over his shoulder and leaned it up against the wall. “I have no judgement.”
Kendra stared at the Formica tabletop. “Why would Aria want me to sing? Why make a Christmas wish about it? I don’t get it.”
Jacob paused, then took a step toward her. When he spoke, his voice was low. “She told me you used to sing, when she was little. It made her happy. That’s all. She misses it.”
Guilt threaded its way into Kendra’s chest. Had it really been that long since she’d sung to her daughter? When did she decide singing reminded her too much of Jacob? Maybe when her daughter started singing his hit songs? When she wanted to hear them over and over? Maybe that’s when it became too much for her.
Tears sprang to her eyes and she blinked them back. “I…I didn’t realize…”
Jacob put his arms around her and pulled her to his chest. She should have resisted—stepped back so he couldn’t touch her. But she didn’t want to. She buried her face in the soft fabric of his shirt and breathed in his smell.
He didn’t say anything. He simply held her while she tried not to cry. She admitted, though, that she was not very successful at it. When had she grown a wall around her heart? She hadn’t been paying attention. She hadn’t realized she’d cut out the music from her life.
Aria must equate her being happy with singing. But the girl didn’t understand. How could she? She was just a little girl. Innocent. Child-like. So full of faith. She didn’t know the heartache that comes with putting yourself out there. She couldn’t understand why singing reminded Kend
ra of too much.
She didn’t want her daughter to know heartache. But what about her? Kendra was standing in her kitchen, clinging to the man who was going to be leaving Highland Falls in a matter of days. And who knows when he was coming back? Maybe not for months. She shouldn’t be allowing her heart to want him.
She pulled back from Jacob. “You’d better go.”
“Why?”
“Because. I have to get things done.” That was the worst excuse in the world, but she couldn’t think under pressure.
Jacob looked like he wanted to say something, but he just nodded and picked up his guitar. “Okay. I’ll leave.”
Kendra thought she’d feel better once he was gone, but the sigh of relief never came. Instead, a hole in her heart made her feel empty inside.
Chapter 17
Jacob wasn’t looking forward to facing his mother again, but it was time. He couldn’t put off seeing her any longer. It wasn’t so much that he was mad, even though he was. He was hurt more than anything.
He felt like he didn’t know his mother at all.
As he pulled up in front of her house, he saw a car parked there he didn’t recognize. It had Florida plates. The hairs on the back of his neck rose. Nathan, his father, lives in Florida.
A myriad of emotions welled in him as he stared at the 2010 Ford Taurus. Anger, hurt, and betrayal all wrestled for attention. He didn’t want to talk to Nathan. He didn’t deserve anything from him.
A dark figure moved on the porch, and Jacob’s anger flared. It was Nathan. He could see his profile. Was he standing on the porch, waiting in the dark for him, like a predator? Before Jacob could think, he hopped out of his car and stormed up to the house. “What are you doing here?”
Nathan turned, and his appearance startled Jacob. His once dark hair was now mostly grey. His muscular physique had faded into a lanky frame which Jacob could see even through his winter coat. He wore glasses, which Jacob had never seen on him. He looked weathered. Weary. He took a tentative step. “It’s so good to see you.”
Jacob shook off the initial shock and scowled. “I asked what you are doing here.”
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