by Bella Jewel
She’s right.
I’ve thought of that, too.
“I have considered that also,” I tell her. “Look, I don’t think I can possibly get any more hurt. But throw disappointment in there too, if it doesn’t work out, and yes I know it’ll be bad. But honestly, if he decides to go through with that fight, I’m going to be a mess, nothing is going to take away from that. I have to take this chance, because it’ll be the last one I get.”
Erin nods. “Well, we’re all going to be here for you, no matter what.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m so glad I came knocking that night, I don’t know what I would have done without all of you.”
Lee grins. “I think I like them more than you.”
I laugh and shove his shoulder. “Not possible. I saw them first, you just back off.”
We all laugh, and it feels nice.
It feels nice to laugh, and to have support, and to know that I have people who are going to have my back if this goes wrong.
It feels nice to have a chance, though.
One more chance to get Brody back.
One more chance to save the love of my life.
Not everyone gets that.
I’m going to hang onto it with both hands.
“HERE’S HOW THIS IS goin’ to go,” Lincoln says as we all sit out on his back porch one afternoon, having drinks.
I’ve kept my promise, I haven’t been back to the fighting ring, but when it comes to this stuff, I still tag along to hear what’s happening. Brody doesn’t argue with that, which I’m grateful for. I guess he knows I’ll find out one way or another, so I’m better off being involved. Everyone is here tonight, we’re having a cookout, which is nice. Brody and I go off on our trip tomorrow. I told him what we’re doing. He agreed, albeit with a gruff mumble.
He still agreed.
“The fight is two weeks from tomorrow. I’ve got six fighters coming through the doors in that time, six of the fuckin’ best. If you get through them,” he tells Brody, “you might just make it out of this. It’s still not going to fully prepare you for what’s to come, but I think you have a fair idea by now.”
Brody nods.
My stomach churns. I say nothing.
“The location isn’t the norm. They’re straying away from the club. Too many eyes. This one is outdoors.”
Outdoors?
What the hell?
“Isn’t that even more dangerous?” I ask, confused.
“Yeah, it is. A lot more can go wrong in an environment like that, but it makes the bets bigger, more people, more action,” Lincoln tells me. “They do them occasionally, sometimes for really big fights. They clean up.”
“And they can bury the body out there,” Slater mutters.
My eyes swing to his, and he looks immediately like he regrets those words. “Why would you say that?” I whisper.
“Look,” Lincoln says, cutting me off before I lose it, which he knows I’m about to. “I have no control over that. The only good thing about an outdoor fight, is it’s easier for me to keep an eye out, and to get you out, if need be.”
“I won’t be goin’ anywhere,” Brody says, his voice hard. “Once I’m in, I’m in. That’s the end of it.”
Lincoln nods, but something in his eyes is telling me he still hopes Brody will pull out, or he might have to bail him out, either is probably better than him actually going through with the fight.
“Can we talk about something else now,” Shania says, shaking her head. “This is making me feel unwell.”
“I agree,” Erin pipes up, standing and going toward the door. “I’ll make us all cocktails. We should be allowed some fun.”
“I’ll help!” Lucy says, jumping up and rushing inside after her.
“So, honey, how are you doing?” Shania asks, walking over and sitting beside me.
“I’m doing okay, as okay as I can be, I guess.”
She nods. “I’m sorry you have to sit here and listen to this, I know you want to, but all the same it must be horrible knowing there is nothing you can do.”
“Yeah,” I tell her, voice soft, glancing at Brody who is watching me. “It is.”
“Come on, let’s get you drunk. That always helps right?”
I laugh. “It sure does.”
Five drinks and a lot of laughter later, I’m drunk.
She’s right, it does help.
Probably only because Brody is here. He’s here and he’s unwound just a touch. After a few drinks, he’s actually smiled once, which god, I haven’t seen in so many months. I’ve missed that smile. I’ve missed seeing him not so tense. I’ve missed so much about him. It’s taking all my strength not to rush over and jump him. Of course, I’m not going to do that, I’m keeping my shit together.
But remembering the other day has my legs clenching together.
“We should play a game!” Lucy announces, jumping off Nicolai’s lap and standing up. “What’s that one where you have to guess the scene?”
“Charades?” I offer.
“That’s the one! Let’s play movies. I’ll go first.”
She stands in front of all of us and puts up two fingers.
“Two words!” I call out.
Erin rolls her eyes and laughs. “Point out the obvious!”
I giggle and watch Lucy.
She puts up another finger.
“First word,” Erin says, leaning her elbows on her knees and focusing on Lucy.
Lucy taps her head.
“Head!” Lee calls.
She shakes her head.
She keeps pointing to the top of her head.
“Top!” I cry out.
She nods, giving me a thumbs up.
She makes her hands like a gun.
“Top gun!” Shania cries, standing up and jumping around when Lucy nods.
We all burst out laughing.
“That was too damn easy, darlin’,” Lincoln snorts. “Maybe try a little harder next time.”
Lucy flips him the bird.
“You get up there then.”
Lincoln accepts the challenge and stands up, just as I see Brody stand to go inside and get another beer. I can’t help it. My legs lift me and take me toward where he went. I’m well on my way to being drunk, but I still have full control. I just ... I don’t know. I just want to see him. I walk inside just as he’s closed the fridge and has two beers in his hands.
“Hey,” I say softly, smiling at him.
“Hey,” he responds, leaning against the counter, figuring that I want to speak with him.
“Are you enjoying yourself?” I ask, placing my glass down and filling it, so it at least looks like I came in here for a reason.
“Haven’t seen you smile like that for a fuckin’ long time. Missed your laugh.”
My heart.
Oh.
My poor heart.
It skips a damned beat.
I smile at him, and say, “Yeah, it feels good, believe me.”
I hold his eyes and he surprises me by pushing off the counter and walking toward me, his hand goes out and curls around the back of my neck, and he brings me closer. I go, willingly. His eyes stay locked on mine as he presses his forehead to mine.
Everything in my world stops.
I can’t think. Can’t breathe. Can’t do anything but feel the exploding emotions in my body.
I have needed this for so damned long.
So damned long.
“If I die, let it be knowing that you, Melanie, are the love of my life. Every single thing in my world led me to you, and I’ll be forever grateful to have had that, even for just a few years. You’re the very reason I kept on breathing. Don’t ever forget you are my soul.”
Then he lets me go.
I thought the idea of him fighting was crushing.
I thought when he broke up with me was crushing.
No.
I was wrong.
Hearing those words.
Nothing in the world could ever be more
crushing than that.
Nothing.
25
NOW – BRODY
“THIS IS DANGEROUS,” I mutter, fists clenched, staring at the location of the fight.
Lincoln brought me out here. He wanted me to see it. He wanted me to study every angle of it. He wanted me to know what I was getting into.
A barbed wire fence surrounds a large area of dirt that has been completely cleared. A gate is the only entrance into the outdoor pit of fucking death. The location itself is hours out of town, in a location you probably wouldn’t even drive to to bury a fucking body. It’s smart. It’s also fucking dangerous. Anything could go wrong in an uncontrolled environment like this. The ground in the makeshift ring is covered in old blood.
This isn’t the first time this has been used.
It won’t be the fucking last, either.
“You’re damn right it’s fuckin’ dangerous,” Slater mutters, staring around. “Not only can they get triple the amount of people, anyone could do fuckin’ anything. There is zero control. Nothing to stop anyone from doin’ anything. This is stupid, Brody. You’re makin’ a mistake comin’ into this.”
“I got not choice,” I growl. “The only time I’ll get the chance to go up against Sniper is here. I gotta do it.”
“You’re fuckin’ mad.” Finn shakes his head, fingers curling around the rusted barbed wire that is pulled so tight, it would slit a throat upon impact. “This alone is goin’ to fuck you up. If you win, you’re still goin’ to come up so messed up, you’ll probably die anyway.”
I ignore him.
Nothing he says is going to make any difference, we’ve been over this.
I owe it to Mick to finish this for him.
Even if deep down in my fucking core, I’m terrified. I’m scared about what this is going to do to me. Going to do to my family. Going to do to everyone I love. To Melanie. Fucking Melanie. I was fine until she came back into the picture. If I never had to see her again, I could have done this without hesitation.
But seeing her, being inside her, it brings back the ache in my heart that’ll be forever hers. She’s the love of my life, and the thought of destroying her, became a whole lot harder when I lay eyes on her again.
But Mick deserves me to do this for him.
Mick deserves to rest in peace, the way he should have from the start.
If I didn’t let him down, we wouldn’t be here.
If I didn’t run when things got hard, just like I did with Ashley, we wouldn’t be here.
This is my fault.
I have to fix this. For everyone.
“We’re goin’ to be right here with you, but man, you gotta know that this is highly unlikely to go the way you want it to go,” Lincoln tells me, crossing his arms. “Chances are, Sniper has fought here, chances are, he knows the ins and outs. He’s probably got an advantage you do not have. You understand that?”
I nod, sharply. “I get it.”
“Fuck me.” Slater shakes his head. “Fuck me, why would you ever put so much at risk?”
They don’t know about Mick. Well, they don’t know all of it. They know I lost a friend, they know I blame myself, but they don’t know the depth of it. They don’t know about Ashley. They don’t know about the promises I broke. They don’t get it. I’m not in the mood to explain it, either. I’m done explaining. All I do is explain.
This is happening.
No matter the risk.
I have to do this.
Because I don’t know if I can breathe again unless I do.
I don’t know if I’ll be okay again if I don’t.
I have to.
Even if, deep down, right in the depth of me, I don’t want to.
I’m scared.
So fucking scared.
26
NOW – MELANIE
IT FEELS WEIRD TO BE back here, I’m not going to lie.
The place where we first met. The place where Brody first captivated me. The place where I first knew, somewhere deep down in my soul, that Brody would change. That I’d be the shining light in his dark world. That I’d be the person who became his.
I don’t know what it was, but the moment I met him, I just knew.
I felt it, deep in my soul, an unnerving reality that would soon become mine.
“It feels like a lifetime since we’ve been here,” I say to him as we open the door to the lake house that is way too big for just the two of us, but I don’t mind.
It brings me to a place where I feel like I’m at home, and it has been a long time since that has happened.
It has been a long time since I’ve felt that.
“Yeah,” Brody murmurs as we walk inside.
He isn’t saying a lot. I have no idea how he feels about this whole thing. I know this isn’t exactly what he wants, because he would much rather not have to face me at all, but I’m kind of glad he is being forced to, because it means he might actually have to acknowledge this, which I’m fairly certain in his world is the worst possible thing that could happen right now.
It’s easier if he doesn’t care.
But I know now that he does, and I’m not going to give up easily.
Not that I’ve thrown the towel in yet.
“Look,” I say, turning to face him when we get inside, “I know this isn’t what you want exactly, and I know this is awkward, believe me I do, but you promised me this. I need this, Brody. I’m not asking you to sweep me off my damn feet, I’m just asking you to give me something that is important to me. Can you do that?”
He studies me, then exhales and murmurs, “Yeah, I can do that.”
“I just want us to forget the rest of the world for today and tonight. I’m not saying we need to laugh hysterically and act like this all isn’t happening, but can we just talk? Hang out? Please?”
He nods, and then murmurs, “Goin’ to put my bag down, then we’ll go to the jetty.”
“Okay,” I say to his disappearing shadow.
This might not go as well as I hoped.
Either way, I’m not giving up easily.
I unpack my things in the room right next to Brody’s, which, if I’m being honest about, I’m not happy with, but I’ll deal with it. I swore I wouldn’t push, and I’m not going to, even if I want to throttle him right now for actually letting us sleep in separate rooms.
I get changed and then meet him out front and we walk to the jetty.
Gosh, I used to love this walk. Granted, we weren’t here long, but I loved every moment of it. We get closer, and as we do, more people come into view. They’re all swimming or on jet skis. I smile, unable to help it. This is exactly what I need. We walk out onto the jetty, and a few men whistle at me and my short shorts. Brody, if I’m not mistaken, takes a step closer. That makes me feel good.
It makes me wonder, deep into my soul, does he wonder what will happen to me if something does go wrong in this fight?
Does it worry him?
Does it hurt him?
It’s so hard to tell sometimes. I know he feels things, I just know he has gotten to the point where he doesn’t let them matter anymore. That’s the scary part about someone who has switched off. They become emotionless. Without emotions, you become cold, and when you become cold, sometimes it’s hard to go back.
“Do you remember the night we all came down here?” I ask Brody as we take a seat at the end, our legs dangling over the edge.
“Yeah,” he tells me, “was fun back then.”
“It really was. All the drama with Aria and Blade, and how they had just figured out they were going to be step siblings. How things have changed.”
“Yeah,” he says, his voice distant.
I go silent. I don’t know how to make conversation with Brody anymore. I used to talk to him so freely, nothing bothered me, nothing stopped me. I wasn’t afraid to tell him a single thing—now, I can’t tell him anything because I don’t know how he’ll react. It’s scary when someone you know so well suddenly feels lik
e a stranger.
“Mick and I used to come out here when we were kids,” Brody tells me, and I’m shocked. He doesn’t talk about Mick. Hell, when Mick was alive he didn’t talk about Mick. I’m not entirely sure what to say right now, because I don’t want to scare him off, so I just nod.
“Used to jump off this jetty. We came here when I turned eighteen, same house, had a big party. Was one of the best weekends of my life. Except for the one where I met you.”
God damn. My heart.
“It sounded like it was fun. What was he like, you know, back then?”
I’m terrified to ask this question. Because if I ask, he might just lose his mind, and I don’t want to ruin this before it even starts. The question just popped out without thought, but I meant to ask it, deep down I did.
“He was funny. Hard to imagine, I guess. You’ve never seen that side to him. But back then, he was the life of the party. The best friend you could ever ask for. He got me though, when Ashley died. He always pulled me out of the shit. He was good to me.”
Dammit.
Now I feel guilty. Somehow.
“I wish I had known him back then.”
“Yeah, believe me, I wish you did, too.”
Because maybe then I’d understand, right?
I can’t blame him.
Maybe if I had known Mick back then, maybe I would understand.
Brody stands and grabs the hem of his shirt, pulling it off. “You coming in?”
Oh.
Oh, boy.
We’re going in?
I didn’t think he’d want to swim. I’m not about to say no. I watch as his dives that large body into the water, and I carefully grab my t-shirt, pulling it up and over my head, revealing the very sexy bikini I purposefully wore. After pulling down my too-short shorts, I rub my exposed belly as Brody surfaces, staring up at me. I see the way his face changes, and oh lord, it gets me. It gets me hard.
“You comin’ in, or do I need to make you?”
Well now.
I could just jump in, or I could make him get me in.