‘What about the King’s knights?’ people began to say.
Others had already asked the same question. Indeed, messengers were now reaching the King from the villages most afflicted by Chrysophylax, and they said to him as loudly and as often as they dared: ‘Lord, what of your knights?’
But the knights did nothing; their knowledge of the dragon was still quite unofficial. So the King brought the matter to their notice, fully and formally, asking for necessary action at their early convenience. He was greatly displeased when he found that their convenience would not be early at all, and was indeed daily postponed.
Yet the excuses of the knights were undoubtedly sound. First of all, the Royal Cook had already made the Dragon’s Tail for that Christmas, being a man who believed in getting things done in good time. It would not do at all to offend him by bringing in a real tail at the last minute. He was a very valuable servant.
‘Never mind the Tail! Cut his head off and put an end to him!’ cried the messengers from the villages most nearly affected.
But Christmas had arrived, and most unfortunately a grand tournament had been arranged for St John’s Day: knights of many realms had been invited and were coming to compete for a valuable prize. It was obviously unreasonable to spoil the chances of the midland Knights by sending their best men off on a dragon-hunt before the tournament was over.
After that came the New Year Holiday.
But each night the dragon had moved; and each move had brought him nearer to Ham. On the night of New Year’s Day people could see a blaze in the distance. The dragon had settled in a wood about ten miles away, and it was burning merrily. He was a hot dragon when he felt in the mood.
After that people began to look at Farmer Giles and whisper behind his back. It made him very uncomfortable; but he pretended not to notice it. The next day the dragon came several miles nearer. Then Farmer Giles himself began to talk loudly of the scandal of the King’s knights.
‘I should like to know what they do to earn their keep,’ said he.
‘So should we!’ said everyone in Ham.
But the miller added: ‘Some men still get knighthood by sheer merit, I am told. After all, our good Ægidius here is already a knight in a manner of speaking. Did not the King send him a red letter and a sword?’
‘There’s more to knighthood than a sword,’ said Giles. ‘There’s dubbing and all that, or so I understand. Anyway I’ve my own business to attend to.’
‘Oh! but the King would do the dubbing, I don’t doubt, if he were asked,’ said the miller. ‘Let us ask him, before it is too late!’
‘Nay!’ said Giles. ‘Dubbing is not for my sort. I am a farmer and proud of it: a plain honest man and honest men fare ill at court, they say. It is more in your line, Master Miller.’
The parson smiled: not at the farmer’s retort, for Giles and the miller were always giving one another as good as they got, being bosom enemies, as the saying was in Ham. The parson had suddenly been struck with a notion that pleased him, but he said no more at that time. The miller was not so pleased, and he scowled.
‘Plain certainly, and honest perhaps,’ said he. ‘But do you have to go to court and be a knight before you kill a dragon? Courage is all that is needed, as only yesterday I heard Master Ægidius declare. Surely he has as much courage as any knight?’
All the folk standing by shouted: ‘Of course not!’ and ‘Yes indeed! Three cheers for the Hero of Ham!’
Then Farmer Giles went home feeling very uncomfortable. He was finding that a local reputation may require keeping up, and that may prove awkward. He kicked the dog, and hid the sword in a cupboard in the kitchen. Up till then it had hung over the fireplace.
The next day the dragon moved to the neighbouring village of Quercetum (Oakley in the vulgar tongue). He ate not only sheep and cows and one or two persons of tender age, but he ate the parson too. Rather rashly the parson had sought to dissuade him from his evil ways. Then there was a terrible commotion. All the people of Ham came up the hill headed by their own parson; and they waited on Farmer Giles.
‘We look to you!’ they said; and they remained standing round and looking, until the farmer’s face was redder than his beard.
‘When are you going to start?’ they asked.
‘Well, I can’t start today, and that’s a fact,’ said he.
‘I’ve a lot on hand with my cowman sick and all. I’ll see about it.’
They went away; but in the evening it was rumoured that the dragon had moved even nearer, so they all came back.
‘We look to you Master Ægidius,’ they said.
‘Well,’ said he, ‘it’s very awkward for me just now. My mare has gone lame, and the lambing has started. I’ll see about it as soon as may be.’
So they went away once more, not without some grumbling and whispering. The miller was sniggering. The parson stayed behind, and could not be got rid of. He invited himself to supper, and made some pointed remarks. He even asked what had become of the sword and insisted on seeing it.
It was lying in a cupboard on a shelf hardly long enough for it, and as soon as Farmer Giles brought it out in a flash it leaped from the sheath, which the farmer dropped as if it had been hot. The parson sprang to his feet, upsetting his beer. He picked the sword up carefully and tried to put it back in the sheath; but it would not go so much as a foot in, and it jumped clean out again, as soon as he took his hand off the hilt.
‘Dear me! This is very peculiar!’ said the parson, and he took a good look at both scabbard and blade. He was a lettered man, but the farmer could only spell out large uncials with difficulty, and was none too sure of the reading even of his own name. That is why he had never given any heed to the strange letters that could dimly be seen on sheath and sword. As for the King’s armourer, he was so accustomed to runes, names and other signs of power and significance upon swords and scabbards that he had not bothered his head about them; he thought them out of date, anyway.
But the parson looked long, and he frowned. He had expected to find some lettering on the sword or on the scabbard, and that was indeed the idea that had come to him the day before; but now he was surprised at what he saw, for letters and signs there were, to be sure but he could not make head or tail of them.
‘There is an inscription on this sheath, and some, ah, epigraphical signs are visible also upon the sword,’ he said.
‘Indeed?’ said Giles. ‘And what may that amount to?’
‘The characters are archaic and the language barbaric,’ said the parson, to gain time. ‘A little closer inspection will be required.’ He begged the loan of the sword for the night, and the farmer let him have it with pleasure.
When the parson got home he took down many learned books from his shelves, and he sat up far into the night. Next morning it was discovered that the dragon had moved nearer still. All the people of Ham barred their doors and shuttered their windows; and those that had cellars went down into them and sat shivering in the candle-light.
But the parson stole out and went from door to door, and he told, to all who would listen through a crack or a keyhole, what he had discovered in his study.
‘Our good Ægidius,’ he said, ‘by the King’s grace is now the owner of Caudimordax, the famous sword that in popular romances is more vulgarly called Tailbiter.’
Those that heard this name usually opened the door.
They all knew the renown of Tailbiter, for that sword had belonged to Bellomarius, the greatest of all the dragonslayers of the realm. Some accounts made him the maternal great-great-grandfather of the King. The song and tales of his deeds were many, and if forgotten at court, were still remembered in the villages.
‘This sword,’ said the parson, ‘will not stay sheathed, if a dragon is within five miles; and without doubt in a brave man’s hands no dragon can resist it.’
Then people began to take heart again; and some unshuttered the windows and put their heads out. In the end the parson persuaded a few to com
e and join him; but only the miller was really willing. To see Giles in a real fix seemed to him worth the risk.
They went up the hill, not without anxious looks north across the river. There was no sign of the dragon. Probably he was asleep; he had been feeding very well all the Christmastime.
The parson (and the miller) hammered on the farmer’s door. There was no answer, so they hammered louder. At last Giles came out. His face was very red. He also had sat up far into the night, drinking a good deal of ale; and he had begun again as soon as he got up.
They all crowded round him, calling him Good Ægidius, Bold Ahenobarbus, Great Julius, Staunch Agricola, Pride of Ham, Hero of the Countryside. And they spoke of Caudimordax, Tailbiter, The Sword that would not be Sheathed, Death or Victory. The Glory of the Yeomanry, Backbone of the Country, and the Good of one’s Fellow Men, until the farmer’s head was hopelessly confused.
‘Now then! One at a time!’ he said, when he got a chance. ‘What’s all this, what’s all this? It’s my busy morning, you know.’
So they let the parson explain the situation. Then the miller had the pleasure of seeing the farmer in as tight a fix as he could wish. But things did not turn out quite as the miller expected. For one thing Giles had drunk a deal of strong ale. For another he had a queer feeling of pride and encouragement when he learned that his sword was actually Tailbiter. He had been very fond of tales about Bellomarius when he was a boy and before he had learned sense he had sometimes wished that he could have a marvellous and heroic sword of his own. So it came over him all of a sudden that he would take Tailbiter and go dragonhunting. But he had been used to bargaining all his life, and he made one more effort to postpone the event.
‘What!’ said he. ‘Me go dragon-hunting? In my old leggings and waistcoat? Dragon-fights need some kind of armour, from all I’ve heard tell. There isn’t any armour in this house, and that’s a fact,’ said he.
That was a bit awkward, they all allowed; but they sent for the blacksmith. The blacksmith shook his head. He was a slow, gloomy man, vulgarly known as Sunny Sam, though his proper name was Fabricius Cunctator. He never whistled at his work, unless some disaster (such as frost in May) had duly occurred after he had foretold it. Since he was daily foretelling disasters of every kind, few happened that he had not foretold, and he was able to take credit of them. It was his chief pleasure; so naturally he was reluctant to do anything to avert them. He shook his head again.
‘I can’t make armour out of naught,’ he said. ‘And it’s not in my line. You’d best get the carpenter to make you a wooden shield. Not that it will help you much. He’s a hot dragon.’
Their faces fell; but the miller was not so easily to be turned from his plan of sending Giles to the dragon, if he would go; or of blowing the bubble of his local reputation, if he refused in the end. ‘What about ring-mail?’ he said. ‘That would be a help; and it need not be very fine. It would be for business and not for showing off at court. What about your old leather jerkin, friend Ægidius? And there is a great pile of links and rings in the smithy. I don’t suppose Master Fabricius himself knows what may be lying there.’
‘You don’t know what you are talking about,’ said the smith, growing cheerful. ‘If it’s real ring-mail you mean, then you can’t have it. It needs the skill of the dwarfs, with every little ring fitting into four others and all. Even if I had the craft, I should be working for weeks. And we shall all be in our graves before then,’ said he, ‘or leastways in the dragon.’
They all wrung their hands in dismay, and the black smith began to smile. But they were now so alarmed that they were unwilling to give up the miller’s plan and they turned to him for counsel.
‘Well,’ said he, ‘I’ve heard tell that in the old days those that could not buy bright hauberks out of the Southlands would stitch steel rings on a leather shirt and be content with that. Let’s see what can be done in that line?’
So Giles had to bring out his old jerkin, and the smith was hurried back to his smithy. There they rummaged in every corner and turned over the pile of old metal, as had not been done for many a year. At the bottom they found, all dull with rust, a whole heap of small rings, fallen from some forgotten coat, such as the miller had spoken of. Sam, more unwilling and gloomy as the task seemed more hopeful, was set to work on the spot, gathering and sorting and cleaning the rings; and when (as he was pleased to point out) these were clearly insufficient for one so broad of back and breast as Master Ægidius, they made him split up old chains and hammer the links into rings as fine as his skill could contrive.
They took the smaller rings of steel and stitched them on to the breast of the jerkin, and the larger and clumsier rings they stitched on the back; and then, when still more rings were forthcoming, so hard was poor Sam driven, they took a pair of the farmer’s breeches and stitched rings on to them. And up on a shelf in a dark nook of the smithy the miller found the old iron frame of a helmet, and he set the cobbler to work, covering it with leather as well as he could.
The work took them all the rest of the day, and all the next day—which was Twelfthnight and the eve of the Epiphany, but festivities were neglected. Farmer Giles celebrated the occasion with more ale than usual; but the dragon mercifully slept. For the moment he had forgotten all about hunger or swords.
Early on the Epiphany they went up the hill, carrying the strange result of their handiwork. Giles was expecting them. He had now no excuses left to offer; so he put on the mail jerkin and the breeches. The miller sniggered. Then Giles put on his topboots and an old pair of spurs; and also the leather-covered helmet. But at the last moment he clapped an old felt hat over the helmet, and over the mail coat he threw his big grey cloak.
‘What is the purpose of that, Master?’ they asked.
‘Well,’ said Giles, ‘if it is your notion to go dragonhunting jingling and dingling like Canterbury Bells, it ain’t mine. It don’t seem sense to me to let a dragon know that you are coming along the road sooner than need be. And a helmet’s a helmet, and a challenge to battle. Let the worm see only my old hat over the hedge, and maybe I’ll get nearer before the trouble begins.’
They had stitched on the rings so that they overlapped, each hanging loose over the one below, and jingle they certainly did. The cloak did something to stop the noise of them, but Giles cut a queer figure in his gear. They did not tell him so. They girded the belt round his waist with difficulty, and they hung the scabbard upon it; but he had to carry the sword, for it would no longer stay sheathed, unless held with main strength.
The farmer called for Garm. He was a just man according to his lights. ‘Dog,’ he said, ‘you are coming with me.’
The dog howled. ‘Help! help!’ he cried.
‘Now stop it!’ said Giles. ‘Or I’ll give you worse than any dragon could. You know the smell of this worm, and maybe you’ll prove useful for once.’
Then Farmer Giles called for his grey mare. She gave him a queer look and sniffed at the spurs. But she let him get up; and then off they went, and none of them felt happy. They trotted through the village, and all the folk clapped and cheered, mostly from their windows. The farmer and his mare put as good a face on it as they could; but Garm had no sense of shame and slunk along with his tail down.
They crossed the bridge over the river at the end of the village. When at last they were well out of sight, they slowed to a walk. Yet all too soon they passed out of the lands belonging to Farmer Giles and to other folk of Ham and came to parts that the dragon had visited. There were broken trees, burned hedges and blackened grass, and a nasty uncanny silence.
The sun was shining bright, and Farmer Giles began to wish that he dared shed a garment or two; and he wondered if he had not taken a pint too many. ‘A nice end to Christmas and all,’ he thought. ‘And I’ll be lucky if it don’t prove the end of me too.’ He mopped his face with a large handkerchief—green, not red; for red rags infuriate dragons, or so he had heard tell.
But he did not find the
dragon. He rode down many lanes, wide and narrow, and over other farmers’ deserted fields, and still he did not find the dragon. Garm was, of course, of no use at all. He kept just behind the mare and refused to use his nose.
They came at last to a winding road that had suffered little damage and seemed quiet and peaceful. After following it for half a mile Giles began to wonder whether he had not done his duty and all that his reputation required. He had made up his mind that he had looked long and far enough, and he was just thinking of turning back, and of his dinner, and of telling his friends that the dragon had seen him coming and simply flown away, when he turned a sharp corner.
There was the dragon, lying half across a broken hedge with his horrible head in the middle of the road. ‘Help!’ said Garm and bolted. The grey mare sat down plump, and Farmer Giles went off backwards into a ditch. When he put his head out, there was the dragon wide awake looking at him.
‘Good morning!’ said the dragon. ‘You seem surprised.’
‘Good morning!’ said Giles. ‘I am that.’
‘Excuse me,’ said the dragon. He had cocked a very suspicious ear when he caught the sound of rings jingling, as the farmer fell. ‘Excuse my asking, but were you looking for me, by any chance?’
‘No, indeed!’ said the farmer. ‘Who’d a’thought of seeing you here? I was just going for a ride.’
He scrambled out of the ditch in a hurry and backed away towards the grey mare. She was now on her feet again and was nibbling some grass at the wayside, seeming quite unconcerned.
‘Then we meet by good luck,’ said the dragon. The pleasure is mine. Those are your holiday clothes, I suppose. A new fashion, perhaps?’ Farmer Giles’s felt hat had fallen off and his grey cloak had slipped open; but he brazened it out.
‘Aye,’ said he, ‘brand-new. But I must be after that dog of mine. He’s gone after rabbits, I fancy.’
‘I fancy not,’ said Chrysophylax, licking his lips (a sign of amusement). ‘He will get home a long time before you do, I expect. But pray proceed on your way, Master—let me see, I don’t think I know your name?’
Tales From the Perilous Realm Page 11