“Bennet,” she breathes out, pulling me in for a hug. I hold her against my chest and let her cry into my shirt.
I smooth her hair back, trying to be here for her at this moment, but my eyes are locked on my dad’s lifeless body. He looks ten years older just lying there, eyes closed. The harsh lighting illuminates his face, making his fine lines and wrinkles more prominent. His cheeks seem hollow, and his skin looks dewy and pale.
“What have the doctors had to say?” I ask, voice straining to hold back the tears. Seeing him this way, I don’t see the man that was yelling at me just the day before. I see the man that used to take me for ice cream every Sunday. The guy that taught me about classic cars. The guy that started my love for racing and boxing.
Mom shakes her head as she pulls away. “They’re still running tests.” She grabs a tissue and dries her eyes.
“Has he woken up at all?” I ask.
“He’s in and out, but never for long,” Val says from behind me. “Mom, why don’t I take you to get cleaned up, maybe get something to eat?”
“No, I have to stay here. What if he wakes up again?” Her fragile hands are shaking as she pushes her red hair away from her face.
“Bennet will stay, Mom. Come on; you need a break,” she insists.
“Yes, Mom. Please, go take care of yourself. I won’t go anywhere,” I promise her.
Reluctantly, she nods, and my sister leads her from the room.
I take the empty seat she just left, and I make myself comfortable.
The room is silent. All I can hear is his deep, even breathing, and the low hum of the machines he’s hooked to. My stomach is still upset and rolling, gurgling, and making me feel sick. I hate that I let my emotions get the best of me yesterday. My father was doing my job; he was in my office. If I’d just acted like an adult and went to work, none of this would’ve happened. Only God knows how long he laid there. He’d always been one to put in extra hours, but he never stayed past midnight. And Sarah doesn’t come in until eight. He could’ve been laying in that floor in pain for eight or more hours.
I pull my broken phone from my pocket and go through the call log. I have a missed call from him at five yesterday, another at nine, another at ten, and then the last one at twelve-thirty. He could’ve been calling me for help, and I didn’t help him because I was drunk and hurt.
Maybe he’s always been right about me. I care for nobody but myself. I’m selfish and act like a child instead of a man.
“Bennet,” I hear Dad whisper low.
I jump from hearing his voice, and I spring forward, needing to be closer to hear what he has to say.
“Dad? I’m here,” I tell him, grabbing his hand.
“Ben, I’m sorry,” he says, out of breath and sounding hoarse.
I shake my head as my eyes fill with tears. “Sorry? What for?”
“I should’ve trusted you. I shouldn’t have—”
“No, shhh, you don’t have to say this. Just rest.”
He shakes his head slightly. “The company is yours. It was always meant to be yours. I made myself sick because I couldn’t let it go and trust you.” He pauses to catch his breath, and even though he’s saying everything I’ve ever wanted to hear, I don’t want to hear it now. Not this way.
“Everything you’ve done in life, it’s all turned to gold. I shouldn’t have started second-guessing you. I’m stepping back. I want you to run it as you see fit.”
“Thanks, Dad. But we can talk about all this later. Right now, you need rest.”
He clutches his heart and his muscles tense. A loud beeping sound goes off.
I stand. “Are you okay? Let me get your doctor.”
But he doesn’t release me. Instead, he squeezes tighter. “You’re the man of the family now, Ben. Take care of your mother and sister.”
“Dad? No! Let me get help.” I tug my hand out of his and run to the door. I throw it open and jump out into the hall. “I need a doctor!” I yell, spinning in a circle, looking in every direction. Mom and Val just rounded the corner, and they both have concerned looks on their faces as they run my way.
A nurse with a doctor on her heels runs into the room.
“What’s happening?” Val asks.
Tears flood my eyes and fall over my cheeks. “I think he’s having another heart attack,” I cry out, pointing to the room.
Mom runs into the room with Val behind her. But I can’t go in there. I can’t stand to see him sick and weak and in pain. I turn my back on them and lean against the windows, looking out over the city that’s still moving at the speed of light. The world is going on, just as it should. It doesn’t know the man I’ve always respected, loved, feared, and sometimes hated, is slipping away. The world doesn’t know the hole he’s going to leave when he’s finally gone.
If possible, my heart feels like it splits open and I collapse into the floor, landing on my knees. I put my back to the wall, drawing my knees up and letting my elbows rest of them as I hang my head. It feels like an eternity of waiting, but I hear my mother scream, and a crashing noise fills my ears.
“Mom!” Val yells, and that gets me up and running back into that room.
I see the doctor pull the sheet up over my dad’s head, and then look to find my mother on the floor, crying while my sister holds her, medical equipment surrounding them. My whole world breaks and I can’t do anything but watch as everything unfolds.
Val and I get Mom home and tucked into bed. We stay until she’s cried herself to sleep. Val promises to return after she’s taken me home, even though Mom won’t know the difference. She took a powerful sleeping pill before we tucked her in.
On the drive home, neither of us say much. Finally, she breaks her silence. “What’s been going on with you? Mom said you haven’t been going to work. You were hungover as fuck this morning, and you don’t look the best.”
I wave her off.
“Bennet, tell me what’s going on. We’ve all had a lot on our plates today. Can we just talk about whatever it is so I can stop thinking about Dad?”
I let out a long breath. “I fell in love,” I confess.
She inhales sharply. “What? With who? And how did that happen?” The last question was a joke, but neither of us laughs. We don’t have it in us.
“I met a girl at the gym. Something about her, she just called to me. I couldn’t get her out of my head. And then, I discovered she worked at the company.” I lean my head back. “She didn’t want to move forward because I was her boss. But I knew that we were meant to be. I wouldn’t let her go. Finally, I wore her down, and we agreed to keep things casual. But casual got thrown out the window. We couldn’t help but fall for one another. Just when we decided to commit, the stupid newsletter at work went out, and a picture of us together was in it. Everyone found out, Dad had a fit and demanded that I fire her. I told him no and that I’d rather quit than fire her, which is why I haven’t been going to the office. And when I told her I wanted her, not the job, she refused. She pushed me away. That’s why I got shit-faced last night. I’m trying to get over her.”
She shoots me a grin. “Sounds like she’s the one.”
I nod. “She’s the only one I ever even thought about marrying and starting a future with. But…” I shake my head.
Val pulls into my driveway, and we both climb out of the car. “Let’s get a drink,” she says, opening the door and walking in.
I lead her to my office and pour us both a stiff drink.
“Give it time,” she says.
“Give what time? Time to get over her?”
“No, moron. Time for you both to realize that what you two have can’t be ended.”
I sit behind my desk. “I don’t know. She… she doesn’t want anything to do with me, Val. I don’t know how I can make her listen to me, listen to herself. I know she loves me. I know she does, but I think that scares her.”
Someone begins knocking on the door, and I throw my head back, letting out a long breath, not h
appy about being bothered.
Val sets her drink down. “I’ll answer the door.” She walks out of the office and toward the front door.
“Can I help you?” I hear her ask.
But then I hear nothing.
A few seconds later, she walks back into the office.
“Who was it?” I ask.
She shrugs and picks up her glass again, moving across the room to fill it. “I don’t know. She saw me and took off.”
I feel my brows draw together in confusion. “How’d she get in?” I ask, mostly to myself as I turn to face the computer.
“We didn’t close the gate,” Val says, moving behind my desk to look at the computer screen as I rewind the surveillance footage.
Before my eyes, in black and white, is Maddie. I stand so quickly, it causes Val to step back suddenly.
“That’s her,” I nearly yell, pointing at the screen.
“That’s her? The one?” she asks, eyes widening.
I nod, unable to tear my eyes from the screen as I watch her spin around and run back down the driveway.
“Well, what the hell are you doing in here? Go after her!” She pushes me toward the door.
“But what about you? Mom?”
“Mom’s toasted right now and sound asleep. Just go! Go get her!” She waves me off, chasing me out of the office and toward the door.
“What do I say?” I ask, turning to face her while walking backward to the door.
“Anything. Just go before she gets away.” With one final shove, I’m outside, and she’s slamming the door in my face.
I look toward the road, even though I can’t see anything but my yard and the brick wall surrounding it. Without even thinking of what I’ll say if I find her, I take off in a sprint, running for the gate. I run down the driveway, through the gate, and to the street. I stop, looking to my right and left, but she’s gone. How could she have gotten away so fast? Maybe she had a cab waiting for her? Maybe she’s walking and just rounded the corner.
I run back up the drive and get behind the wheel of Val’s car. I speed from the house, driving in every direction, but I never find her. She’s gone. Probably gone forever, thinking that Val is just some random girl I brought home for the night.
I hit the steering wheel and curse loudly.
When I get back home, Val takes off, and I go directly to my office. I pour another drink and dial her phone over and over.
But she never answers.
19
Maddie
MADDIE
THREE MONTHS LATER…
* * *
“The apartment looks amazing,” Jazz says, walking back into the living room, holding her swollen belly.
“Yeah, it looks great,” Damon says. “That new job must be paying you pretty well to decorate like this.”
I smile and nod. “Yeah, at Chance Security, I’m making twice what I was making at Windsor.” I pour two glasses of wine and hand one over to Damon. “Jazz, there’s sparkling water in the fridge. Can you grab it for me?”
She hands it over, and I pour a champagne glass for her.
“I’m glad you called, Mads. It looks like you’re doing really well. I’m not going to lie; we’ve been worried about you,” Jazz says, standing across from me.
“And the next time you change your number, you better give it to me, you little brat. I thought you fell off of the face of the planet,” Damon adds on.
I laugh. “I’m sorry. I gave it to Jazz. I just assumed that she’d passed it along.”
We all hold up our glasses. “To your brand-new, beautiful apartment,” Jazz says as we all clink glasses.
“And to you finally moving into your new home,” I add before taking a sip. “How are you liking being out of the city?”
We all move toward the living room to sit down. “It’s so nice,” Jazz says. “It’s quiet, and the sky is so clear. I love sitting out by the pool and being able to see the stars. And I can’t wait until I can get into that hot tub.”
Damon nudges her. “Yeah, we have some memories to rewrite in that hot tub.” He grins and winks.
I remember Jazz telling me about how Damon took her back to our childhood house to rewrite the memories of us growing up. I guess that’s one they haven’t gotten to yet.
Jazz jabs her elbow into his ribs and turns to look at me. “So, what’s the plans for your future, Mads? Other than being the best aunt this baby could have.” She smiles and rubs her growing belly.
I smile, happy that she’s sweet-talking me. “I don’t know for sure. I mean, I’m done with my apartment. I love my job, and I’m making a ton of money.” I shrug. “I guess I’m just going to keep living. I do have a date tonight though. And no, before you ask, I don’t work with him.”
They laugh. “Have you heard from Bennet?” Damon asks, and it feels like the whole room has shifted.
I shake my head. “Nope, he doesn’t know where I live, and I changed my number for a reason. That night I went to his house, he had another woman there. He called me over and over, but I didn’t answer. I figured, if he’s going to do what I told him to do, I should too. I said I was going to move on and forget, and that’s exactly what I’m doing.”
Jazz looks over at Damon. “How’s he doing anyway? You haven’t said anything about him in a while.”
Damon nods, and I can’t help but focus on every word he says. “He’s doing okay. After his dad passed, it took a while to get everything in order. But he’s running the company like always, and he works in his spare time building his drag cars.”
My eyes grow wide. “His dad died?”
He nods. “Yeah, it was really hard on him. He missed a ton of work, and every time I called to check on him, he was plastered. But he pulled himself out of it, came back to work, started this new business on the side, and I think he’s finally starting to date again.”
My eyes fall to the table between us, and I bite my bottom lip. My heart is racing from hearing about Bennet, and there’s this sensation in my stomach that makes me feel uneasy and a little sick. My mind begins drifting off, thinking about the time we spent together. I can’t even count how many times I cried myself to sleep after going to his house that night. Suddenly, I regret changing my number. Maybe I should’ve heard him out. Deep in my heart, I know I still belong to him, no matter how many guys I date or hook-up with to fight off the feelings.
But I’m glad that he’s moved on and is doing well. It sounds like he’s doing better than I am. I still think of him often, and a few times, I’ve dialed his number just to hear his voice. I never talked though, and he stopped calling my number back after the first dozen times.
I miss him. Everything in me misses him: the way he would look at me, the way he’d touch me, the way everything in the world felt right when we were together. I miss his scent, his laugh, the sound of his voice. I miss the heat that would radiate off of him when we’d sleep. I even miss the soft snores that would escape after we spent hours having sex.
“What time is your date?” Jazz asks, snapping me from my thoughts.
“Oh, um, eight,” I answer, mindlessly.
“You know it’s going on seven now, right?”
My head pops up, and my eyes land on the clock on the wall. “Fuck. I have to get ready.” I set down my glass and sprint down the hall toward my room.
I hear them laughing from behind me.
“Call me tomorrow, Mads. Let me know how it goes.”
“I will. Thanks for coming. Maybe this weekend I’ll drive out and check out all the work you’ve done to the old house,” I yell down the hallway as I pull my black dress up over my body.
“Love you,” they both say in unison.
“Love you back,” I yell, rushing to the vanity to fix my hair and makeup.
It’s pushing eight when I step back and look myself over. My black dress hugs every curve and ends mid-thigh. My black pumps make my legs look longer and shapelier. And my dark hair is soft and flowing around in me
. I add a little red lipstick to my lips and grab my clutch just as someone knocks on the door.
I quickly pull it open to find James on the other side. I smile and lean in for a quick kiss. “Hi,” I say when I pull away and close the door behind me.
“You look beautiful,” he breathes out, handing over flowers.
“Thank you.” I take the flowers and set them inside before stepping back out and locking the door.
“This is a nice building. Have you lived here long?”
“Just over three months now. My last place caught on fire. Luckily, I had insurance, or I never would’ve had the money to afford this place.”
“Sometimes things end for a better future,” he says, and for some reason, I can’t help but read into that statement. Maybe things ended with Bennet to pave the way for him. Maybe Bennet wasn’t supposed to be my happily ever after. Maybe Bennet was only placed in my life so I’d recognize love when it came around. I wish I could believe in fate, but Bennet hasn’t been placed in front of me since. If we were meant to be together, fate wouldn’t take so long, would it?
I shake my head. “My thoughts exactly,” I agree, wrapping my hand around his arm as we step into the elevator.
He leads me outside and opens the door to a fancy sports car.
“Is this yours?” I ask.
He nods. “Did you picture me having something else?”
I laugh. “No, this looks just like you,” I say, sliding into the seat. As he walks around the car to get behind the wheel, I can’t help but think of Bennet again and the first time I got into his car. God, why is he on my mind so much tonight? It must be because Jazz and Damon mentioned him. It doesn’t mean anything. I take a deep breath and clear my head, wanting to focus on James and give him a fair shot since this is my first attempt of dating since Bennet.
“So, where are we going?” I ask as he shifts into drive.
“I figured we’d have a nice dinner, and then maybe go somewhere for drinks?”
I nod. “Sounds like a plan.”
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