by K. K. Allen
“Well,” Dirk started. “You could let me pitch the show to other cruise lines to maximize our profit with the Athena cruise-ship fleet. Once I make my money back, Angst and Grace is all yours.”
I swallowed, knowing that so far, the last option was the only viable one. “What would happen to Kai?”
“I have no intention of letting her go.”
“Bullshit. You brought Claudette here to replace her.”
He shrugged. “I have my reasons for bringing Claudette along. But after what I saw tonight, Kai can stay right here and perform with you. I just want my money.”
I stood, hating that I was even considering anything he had to say. “And if I don’t agree to any of the options? Then we stay on the path we’re on now? Seems that’s in my best interest. Our partnership ends at the end of the cruise season, and I maintain the music rights.”
Dirk nodded. “You could. But then Claudette stays, and I can promise you she won’t remain an understudy for long. You remember how persuasive she can be.”
“I think the word you meant to use was manipulative. Which is why I’m going to call your bluff and stay on our current path. I made the mistake of underestimating Kai before, and I will never do it again.” I narrowed my eyes. “You shouldn’t either.”
Chapter 37
Kai
My gaze caught on the bright-blue sky overhead before I blinked and faced the small tender boat at the entrance to the ship. Just the sight of it had my stomach tied up in knots. We were standing on the lower dock, where a metal plank connected the two vessels, awaiting our turn to disembark with a crowd of passengers.
“Am I really about to do this?”
Sebastian chuckled and moved his arms around my waist. “Yes, and you’ll be fine.”
We planned to spend the day with my friends on Solstice Island, a private beach in the Bahamas owned by the Athena Cruise Line. Wayne, Shane, Lex, and Theo were already over there. But in order for us to get to the small island, we had to take a tender boat from where the ship was anchored.
The weather was beautiful: the skies clear, the water calm. But that wasn’t enough to drown out the fact that I was truly about to test my limits. I’d managed to get through dancing on a rocking stage during the previous night’s performance. But this was different. This was me about to get on a boat the size of my father’s sailboat and cruise half a mile to a small dock. I started to tremble.
Sebastian held my face in his palms and kissed my lips. “We don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”
“No,” I said with a shake of my head. “I want to go have fun with everyone. I can do this. I want to do this. Just… give me a second.”
“Take all the time you need.”
As tenders loaded and unloaded passengers who were transferring to and from the island, I watched each trip, feeling braver as time went on. When I finally told Sebastian I was ready, he helped me over the metal plank, found us a seat near the back of the boat, and wrapped me in his arms. He held me the entire ride.
We were about halfway to the beach when I dared a glance at the water we’d been bobbing through, and my heart’s pulsation rose up into my throat. Then a laugh came rattling up straight from somewhere deep in my gut. “I can’t believe I’m doing this,” I said through my laughter.
“I can,” he said with a smile, his eyes as bright and blue as the Pacific. “You can do anything, Kai.”
Could I? I still wasn’t sure about that, but I felt myself growing stronger by the day. Every little challenge was returned with a reward in the form of courage.
I couldn’t help but compare the way we were gliding over the water with the way I used to travel as a child. Everything felt so different, yet the similarities had adrenaline shooting through my body. My father had always referred to the waves as the heartbeat of the ocean, its speed changing due to the impacts of nature. And just like that, what had once been my biggest fear became one of my greatest memories.
Challenging myself like this, being one with the ocean again—maybe I could even fall in love with that again too.
I stepped onto the dock of the island, and everything that had bundled up into a tight ball in my chest—grief, excitement, anxiety—unraveled like a fishing rod being cast into the sea. Tension fell away, and my chest felt like it would explode with happiness.
“You did it,” Sebastian said in my ear.
I blinked up at him, beaming with a smile. “I did it.”
“I’m so proud of you.”
We made our way down the beach to a blue cabana my friends had rented. The private beachfront area was set off from the cruise crowd. Wayne was picking at a tray of food on the round plastic table beside the refrigerator. Music was playing, bodies swaying, buckets of beers and umbrella drinks being served, and we were welcomed with a loud cheer.
“Beers are cold!” Shane shouted as he danced with Lex.
Theo was perched in a lounge chair with his shades on and the sun soaking into his already-bronzed skin. A book was in his hand, and I had to squint to confirm that he was reading what I thought he was.
“Um, Theo?”
He turned his head slowly, his eyes glued to the words on the page until they finally snapped to me. “Huh?”
I pointed at the book in his hands, Breaker, by Harloe Rae. “Are you reading a romance novel?”
He looked back at the page he was on like he didn’t understand my question. “It’s Lex’s, but it’s damn good. Have you read it?”
I coughed out a laugh. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s my signed copy I lent to Lex.”
Lex sat down beside Theo with an apologetic cringe. “Sorry. Theo’s on this kick lately. Every time he sees me addicted to a book, he has to read it. He swears it makes him romantic.”
I chuckled and looked up at Sebastian, who shook his head at me. “Oh no. You won’t catch me reading your books, Kai. Your bookshelf is safe from me.”
“Really? So Pour Judgment just happened to fall off my shelf and land in your hands before I caught you passed out on my bed?”
His eyes widened. “Shit. I forgot about that. I was curious!”
Theo barked out a laugh. “See. Men read romance too.” He leaned over to peer at Sebastian. “You should try Coming Up Roses by L.K. Farlow. Talk about a badass heroine.”
“Amen,” Shane and Wayne called from the kitchen while laughter exploded from the rest of us.
And just like that, I’d completely forgotten about the trauma of getting over here on that little boat, and I enjoined the day with my friends.
I stripped off my swimsuit cover and grinned at Sebastian. “What do you say we go for a swim?”
His eyes moved over me in an appreciative glance. Then he ripped off his shirt in response. When he leaned down to kiss me, he slid a hand over my ass and squeezed. “With pleasure.”
I laughed and took off running for the water with Sebastian right behind me. We dove in once we got deep enough, and when we came up for air, I wrapped myself around his lean body and stared back into his eyes. “Tell me something about yourself that no one else knows.”
He tipped his head to one side as he peered back. “You know more about me than anyone in my life, Kai. In two months, you’ve stolen all my secrets.”
I smiled, teasingly, knowing that couldn’t possibly be true. “All of them?”
A shadow from the clouds passing above crossed his features before he dipped down to kiss me. “All the important ones.”
We spent the next few hours laughing and playing cards, dancing, reading, and swimming. And as the rest of them packed up to head back, Sebastian and I snuck off toward a couple of trees with a hammock spread between them and lay there together while we stared out at the crystal-blue water.
“Finally, all alone,” he teased.
I was curled up in his arms and looking up at him when he spoke, but my mind kept wandering to our earlier conversation.
Something had been bothering me since the previous n
ight, after he’d left the wrap party. I saw Dirk follow Sebastian, but when I went to his cabin that night, he acted as if nothing was wrong. That same feeling of discomfort had returned when we were in the water earlier and I was asking him for his secrets. He wasn’t telling me something. I was sure of it.
He tipped my chin before locking eyes with me. “What’s wrong?” The blue in his eyes darkened to gray as another cloud passed by overhead.
“I just don’t want any more surprises, that’s all. I thought Claudette was supposed to leave, and I hate to admit it, but it’s putting me on edge.”
Sebastian nodded, slowly, as he ran a finger up my arm. His eyes met mine, and I could see the pain in them. The regret. The torment. As much as I hated that he’d been keeping something from me, I also wanted to relieve him of whatever was still hurting him.
“I talked to Dirk about Claudette,” he said. “He’s pretty adamant about her sticking around as your understudy. I’m sorry.” He looked toward the sky as if having an internal debate. Then he looked back at me as a heavy breath escaped him. “I need to tell you something. But Kai…”
My heart grew heavier at the warning in his tone.
I tipped my head up, feeling the worry lines in my forehead bending together. “What is it?”
He sighed and rolled his head so that he was facing the sky and not me. “There’s just… something I’ve been struggling with—something I’m really not supposed to say—but I don’t want to keep anything from you.”
The sinking in my gut tightened, causing an ache to rise into my chest.
“Tell me, Sebastian. Whatever it is, my feelings for you aren’t going to change.”
Something softened in his eyes, and he reached for me, pulling me flush against his body. “Good. Because I’m too far gone over you to let you go easily.” He kissed my forehead. “I want you to know that. I thought I knew what I wanted when I signed this cruise deal. I thought I wanted out of Angst and Grace and to just move on. Now, I’m not so sure I want to lose the musical that gave you your first set of wings. You’ve performed brilliantly this week.”
I smiled and tipped my nose toward his, nuzzling it before pulling away. “Okay, stop buttering me up for this awful confession, and just tell me.”
He chuckled then groaned. “Shit. Okay.” He shook his head as if even the thoughts pained him. “I met Claudette when she was auditioning for the original cast of Angst and Grace five years ago. I was different then. Young. Driven. Hungry. But in a desperate way that made me blind to the truth on so many occasions, Claudette being one of them.”
“Sebastian,” I said, my stomach already feeling queasy, “I get all that. You’re not the same person anymore. I know.”
He squeezed his eyelids shut. “But there’s more.”
When his eyes met mine, I sighed and nodded for him to continue.
“Musicals don’t go straight to Broadway most of the time. There’s a bit of a process where everyone goes through the wringer. Dirk wanted us to take the workshop route, which was really just a time for development. There are changes left and right to choreography, and some songs get dropped, rewritten, or replaced completely before it moves to a big stage for actual performances. But”—his eyes connected with mine—“it wasn’t just Dirk and me making the decisions. Claudette was there from the beginning, before everything got so complicated, and she became a big part of the decision process.”
“And you were okay with that? Why?”
Sebastian looked away again before tightening his grip around me. “Because at the time… Claudette and I were engaged.”
“What?” The word slipped out before I could think about it. I hoped I’d heard him wrong, but I could tell from his expression that my darkest assumptions were nowhere near the truth.
The truth was far worse.
Everything started clicking together. The intense animosity between Dirk and Sebastian. The challenge I’d seen in Claudette’s eyes. Dirk hadn’t only slept with Sebastian’s ex-fiancée. He’d slept with Claudette, Sebastian’s original Grace. A sickness crept into my veins and latched on my heart, squeezing it until I could feel my throat swelling.
A crack of lightning whipped through the sky, followed by a loud rumble of thunder behind it. Dread lanced its way through me as our eyes shifted toward the thick, dark, gray cloud cover. Seconds later, rain was splattering over the water, drenching everyone still left on the beach in seconds.
Just great.
Shrieks and laughter flew through the air as beachgoers pulled themselves out of the water, gathered their things, and fled toward the dock to catch the next tender boat, where a long line was already forming.
“We need to go. Now.” I climbed off the hammock so fast that I tumbled onto the sand. Then I picked myself up and grabbed my swim bag. Everything was happening in a blur. I didn’t remember how quickly we ran toward the next boat. I didn’t even remember thinking twice about getting on it. All I could think about was getting back to the ship, where I’d felt safe up until today. Before Sebastian dropped that bomb. Before the weather turned to shit. Before the fantasy I had started to form in my mind dissolved to pieces.
I should have never left the damn cruise ship.
“Hey,” Sebastian said, coming up behind me. “Slow down, Kai. You could have slipped back there.”
“I’m fine,” I snapped. Anxiety was rattling around in my chest, and I wasn’t sure if that was from the thought of getting back on the boat or from having to face Sebastian’s confession fully.
Either way, I didn’t have time to sort out my emotions. The boat was leaving the dock, and all the seats were taken, so I held on to the only handle I could find and squeezed my eyes shut as the tender moved away from the dock.
Sebastian approached from behind as though he wanted to protect me, but how could he when I felt like I needed protection from him too? My entire mood was now muddled with a suffocating resentment. He should have told me the truth sooner and not waited until we were faced with her looming presence. Now, it was all I could feel.
The engine of the boat quieted, and I opened my eyes, expecting to find us approaching the cruise ship. No such luck. We’d only gone halfway. Ocean surrounded us as waves crashed into the side of the boat, tossing in every direction as the overhead speakers crackled.
“Apologies, passengers. Due to the storm, we have a bit of a traffic jam. Once the boat in front of us unloads passengers, we’ll be free to move. Sit tight. We’ll get you to the ship as safely and as soon as we can.”
My eyes snapped to Sebastian’s. “We’re stuck here?”
“Only for a minute. You’ll be okay.”
I glared at him. “Will I? Because it doesn’t feel like it, Sebastian. Not at all.” I could hear the shrillness of my tone, but I didn’t have the mind to fix it. “You lied to me.”
His gaze searched mine before he nodded. “I’m sorry.”
“Do you still have feelings for her?”
He huffed, his eyes narrowing as he did. “No. Not even a little. You’re it for me, Kai.”
“Don’t say that.” Anger continued to brew in my chest. “Not when I can’t be sure that you mean it.”
I pulled away from him and gripped the metal pole with all my might. The next wave slammed us, throwing me off balance. Sebastian had me in his arms before I could fall, pulling me to my feet and gripping me with his eyes.
His arm tightened around my waist. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”
Between the weather, being on this damn boat, and Sebastian, my emotions were swirling like a tornado.
“You say that like you’re in control.”
“I’m not.” He shook his head. “No one is. We’re here for the ride, and we can only control how we respond to the waves. So hold onto me, Kai, and don’t let go again.”
Despite the anger I’d felt toward him seconds before, I couldn’t deny that Sebastian always had a natural way of calming me. And as I looked at the waves sloshing
around the boat as it threw us every which way, and at the distance separating us from where we needed to go, I realized how similar his calming words were to something my father would have said.
“I need to get off this tender.” I stared up into his eyes so that he could see my plea as well as hear it.
“As soon as we get to the ship, you’ll be the first one off,” he said.
A wave crashed into the side of the boat, and the deck below me jerked from under my feet. I steadied myself, but my heart was already lodged into my throat. I looked up at Sebastian, my eyes wide, and remembered the first time I ever felt the same way in his arms—breathless, afraid, yet anchored by him in a way I couldn’t explain. “Distract me, Sebastian.”
In less than a second, his mouth met mine, calming me with his warmth. I gripped his shirt and yanked him closer as my tongue lashed through his parted lips like a sword in battle. He bit my lip in return, causing me to bite his.
The purr of the engine started up again, forcing me to pull away. We were moving again, heading toward the ship. Thank God.
A few minutes later, we were pulling up against the Royal Athena, and Sebastian got me to the front of the line, notifying fellow passengers that I had to get off right away, that it was an emergency.
“Is she okay?” a crew member asked.
I nodded viciously, hating to draw any more attention to my attack than I already had. “I’m fine.”
But Sebastian shook his head to disagree with me. “She needs to get off now.”
The crew got the ramp hooked onto the boat, then Sebastian gestured for me to walk the plank first since the two of us couldn’t fit on it together. I clutched the rails, one in each hand, and carefully took one step and then another until I reached the other side.
I can do this.
I was even starting to breathe a little more easily.
I was only a foot away from a crew member, who had just reached his hand out when another wave slammed against the boat, throwing me forward.