“However, he’s only serenely disagreeable to me now, and we see almost nothing of one another except over the card-tables. Gerald has been winning rather heavily, I am glad to say — glad, as long as I cannot prevent him from playing. And yet I may be able to accomplish that yet — in a roundabout way — because the apple-visaged and hawk-beaked Mr. Neergard has apparently become my slavish creature; quite infatuated. And as soon as I’ve fastened on his collar, and made sure that Rosamund can’t unhook it, I’ll try to make him shut down on Gerald’s playing. This for your sake, Phil — because you ask me. And because you must always stand for all that is upright and good and manly in my eyes. Ah, Phil! what a fool I was! And all, all my own fault, too.
“Alixe.”
This ended the sudden eruption of correspondence; for he did not reply to this letter, though in it he read enough to make him gravely uneasy; and he fell, once more, into the habit of brooding, from which both Boots Lansing and Eileen had almost weaned him.
Also he began to take long solitary walks in the Park when not occupied in conferences with the representatives of the Lawn Nitro-Powder Works — a company which had recently approached him in behalf of his unperfected explosive, Chaosite.
This hermit life might have continued in town indefinitely had he not, one morning, been surprised by a note from Eileen — the first he had ever had from her.
It was only a very brief missive — piquant, amusing, innocently audacious in closing — a mere reminder that he had promised to write to her; and she ended it by asking him very plainly whether he had not missed her, in terms so frank, so sweet, so confident of his inevitable answer, that all the enchantment of their delightful intimacy surged back in one quick tremor of happiness, washing from his heart and soul the clinging, sordid, evil things which were creeping closer, closer to torment and overwhelm him.
And all that day he went about his business quite happily, her letter in his pocket; and that night, taking a new pen and pen holder, he laid out his very best letter-paper, and began the first letter he had ever written to Eileen Erroll.
“DEAR EILEEN: I have your charming little note from Silverside reminding me that I had promised to write you. But I needed no reminder; you know that. Then why have I not written? I couldn’t, off-hand. And every day and evening except to-day and this evening I have been in conference with Edgerton Lawn and other representatives of the Lawn Nitro-Powder Company; and have come to a sort of semi-agreement with them concerning a high explosive called Chaosite, which they desire to control the sale of as soon as I can control its tendency to misbehave. This I expect to do this summer; and Austin has very kindly offered me a tiny cottage out on the moors too far from anybody or anything to worry people.
“I know you will be glad to hear that I have such attractive business prospects in view. I dare say I shall scarcely know what to do with my enormous profits a year or two hence. Have you any suggestions?
“Meanwhile, however, your letter and its questions await answers; and here they are:
“Yes, I saw Gerald once at his club and had a short talk with him. He was apparently well. You should not feel so anxious about him. He is very young, yet, but he comes from good stock. Sooner or later he is bound to find himself; you must not doubt that. Also he knows that he can always come to me when he wishes.
“No, I have not ridden in the Park since you and Nina and the children went to Silverside. I walked there Sunday, and it was most beautiful, especially through the Ramble. In his later years my father was fond of walking there with me. That is one reason I go there; he seems to be very near me when I stand under the familiar trees or move along the flowering walks he loved so well. I wish you had known him. It is curious how often this wish recurs to me; and so persistent was it in the Park that lovely Sunday that, at moments, it seemed as though we three were walking there together — he and you and I — quite happy in the silence of companionship which seemed not of yesterday but of years.
“It is rather a comforting faculty I have — this unconscious companionship with the absent. Once I told you that you had been with me while you supposed yourself to be at Silverside. Do you remember? Now, here in the city, I walk with you constantly; and we often keep pace together through crowded streets and avenues; and in the quiet hours you are very often, seated not far from where I sit. . . . If I turned around now — so real has been your presence in my room to-night — that it seems as though I could not help but surprise you here — just yonder on the edges of the lamp glow —
“But I know you had rather remain at Silverside, so I won’t turn around and surprise you here in Manhattan town.
“And now your next question: Yes, Boots is well, and I will give him Drina’s love, and I will try my best to bring him to Silverside when I come. Boots is still crazed with admiration for his house. He has two cats, a housekeeper, and a jungle of shrubs and vines in the back yard, which he plays the hose on; and he has also acquired some really beautiful old rugs — a Herez which has all the tints of a living sapphire, and a charming antique Shiraz, rose, gold, and that rare old Persian blue. To mention symbols for a moment, apropos of our archaeological readings together, Boots has an antique Asia Minor rug in which I discovered not only the Swastika, but also a fire-altar, a Rhodian lily border, and a Mongolian motif which appears to resemble the cloud-band. It was quite an Anatshair jumble in fact, very characteristic. We must capture Nina some day and she and you and I will pay a visit to Boots’s rugs and study these old dyes and mystic symbols of the East. Shall we?
“And now your last question. And I answer: Yes, I do miss you — so badly that I often take refuge in summoning you in spirit. The other day I had occasion to see Austin; and we sat in the library where all the curtains are in linen bags and all the furniture in overalls, and where the rugs are rolled in tarred paper and the pictures are muffled in cheese-cloth.
“And after our conference had ended and I was on my way to the hall below, suddenly on my ear, faint but clear, I heard your voice, sweet as the odour of blossoms in an empty room. No — it neither deceived nor startled me; I have often heard it before, when you were nowhere near. And, that I may answer your question more completely, I answer it again: Yes, I miss you; so that I hear your voice through every silence; all voids are gay with it; there are no lonely places where my steps pass, because you are always near; no stillness through which your voice does not sound; no unhappiness, no sordid cares which the memory of you does not make easier to endure.
“Have I answered? And now, good-night. Gerald has just come in; I hear him passing through the hall to his own apartments. So I’ll drop in for a smoke with him before I start to search for you in dreamland. Good-night, Eileen. PHILIP SELWYN.”
When he had finished, sealed, and stamped his letter he leaned back in his chair, smiling to himself, still under the spell which the thought of her so often now cast over him. Life and the world were younger, cleaner, fresher; the charming energy of her physical vigour and youth and beauty tinted all things with the splendid hue of inspiration. But most of all it was the exquisite fastidiousness of her thoughts that had begun to inthral him — that crystal clear intelligence, so direct, so generous — the splendid wholesome attitude toward life — and her dauntless faith in the goodness of it.
Breathing deeply, he drew in the fragrance of her memory, and the bitterness of things was dulled with every quiet respiration.
He smiled again, too; how utterly had his sister mistaken their frank companionship! How stupidly superfluous was it to pretend to detect, in their comradeship, the commonplaces of sentiment — as though such a girl as Eileen Erroll were of the common self-conscious mould — as though in their cordial understanding there was anything less simple than community of taste and the mutual attraction of intelligence!
Then, the memory of what his sister had said drove the smile from his face and he straightened up impatiently. Love! What unfortunate hallucination had obsessed Nina to divine what did not exist?
— what need not exist? How could a woman like his sister fall into such obvious error; how could she mistake such transparent innocence, such visible freedom from motive in this young girl’s pure friendship for himself?
And, as for him, he had never thought of Eileen — he could not bring himself to think of her so materially or sentimentally. For, although he now understood that he had never known what love, might be — its coarser mask, infatuation, he had learned to see through; and, as that is all he had ever known concerning love, the very hint of it had astonished and repelled him, as though the mere suggestion had been a rudeness offered to this delicate and delicious friendship blossoming into his life — a life he had lately thought so barren and laid waste.
No, his sister was mistaken; but her mistake must not disturb the blossoming of this unstained flower. Sufficient that Eileen and he disdainfully ignore the trite interpretation those outside might offer them unasked; sufficient that their confidence in one another remain without motive other than the happiness of unembarrassed people who find a pleasure in sharing an intelligent curiosity concerning men and things and the world about them.
Thinking of these matters, lying back there in his desk chair, he suddenly remembered that Gerald had come in. They had scarcely seen one another since that unhappy meeting in the Stuyvesant Club; and now, remembering what he had written to Eileen, he emerged with a start from his contented dreaming, sobered by the prospect of seeking Gerald.
For a moment or two he hesitated; but he had said in his letter that he was going to do it; and now he rose, looked around for his pipe, found it, filled and lighted it, and, throwing on his dressing-gown, went out into the corridor, tying the tasselled cords around his waist as he walked.
His first knock remaining unanswered, he knocked more sharply. Then he heard from within the muffled creak of a bed, heavy steps across the floor. The door opened with a jerk; Gerald stood there, eyes swollen, hair in disorder, his collar crushed, and the white evening tie unknotted and dangling over his soiled shirt-front.
“Hello,” said Selwyn simply; “may I come in?”
The boy passed his hand across his eyes as though confused by the light; then he turned and walked back toward the bed, still rubbing his eyes, and sat down on the edge.
Selwyn closed the door and seated himself, apparently not noticing Gerald’s dishevelment.
“Thought I’d drop in for a good-night pipe,” he said quietly. “By the way, Gerald, I’m going down to Silverside next week. Nina has asked Boots, too. Couldn’t you fix it to come along with us?”
“I don’t know,” said the boy in a low voice; “I’d like to.”
“Good business! That will be fine! What you and I need is a good stiff tramp across the moors, or a gallop, if you like. It’s great for mental cobwebs, and my brain is disgracefully unswept. By the way, somebody said that you’d joined the Siowitha Club.”
“Yes,” said the boy listlessly.
“Well, you’ll get some lively trout fishing there now. It’s only thirty miles from Silverside, you know — you can run over in the motor very easily.”
Gerald nodded, sitting silent, his handsome head supported in both hands, his eyes on the floor.
That something was very wrong with him appeared plainly enough; but Selwyn, touched to the heart and miserably apprehensive, dared not question him, unasked.
And so they sat there for a while, Selwyn making what conversation he could; and at length Gerald turned and dragged himself across the bed, dropping his head back on the disordered pillows.
“Go on,” he said; “I’m listening.”
So Selwyn continued his pleasant, inconsequential observations, and Gerald lay with closed eyes, quite motionless, until, watching him, Selwyn saw his hand was trembling where it lay clinched beside him. And presently the boy turned his face to the wall.
Toward midnight Selwyn rose quietly, removed his unlighted pipe from between his teeth, knocked the ashes from it, and pocketed it. Then he walked to the bed and seated himself on the edge.
“What’s the trouble, old man?” he asked coolly.
There was no answer. He placed his hand over Gerald’s; the boy’s hand lay inert, then quivered and closed on Selwyn’s convulsively.
“That’s right,” said the elder man; “that’s what I’m here for — to stand by when you hoist signals. Go on.”
The boy shook his head and buried it deeper in the pillow.
“Bad as that?” commented Selwyn quietly. “Well, what of it? I’m standing by, I tell you. . . . That’s right” — as Gerald broke down, his body quivering under the spasm of soundless grief— “that’s the safety-valve working. Good business. Take your time.”
It took a long time; and Selwyn sat silent and motionless, his whole arm numb from its position and Gerald’s crushing grasp. And at last, seeing that was the moment to speak:
“Now let’s fix up this matter, Gerald. Come on!”
“Good heavens! h-how can it be f-fixed—”
“I’ll tell you when you tell me. It’s a money difficulty, I suppose; isn’t it?”
“Yes.”
“Cards?”
“P-partly.”
“Oh, a note? Case of honour? Where is this I.O.U. that you gave?”
“It’s worse than that. The — the note is paid. Good God — I can’t tell you—”
“You must. That’s why I’m here, Gerald.”
“Well, then, I — I drew a check — knowing that I had no funds. If it — if they return it, marked—”
“I see. . . . What are the figures?”
The boy stammered them out; Selwyn’s grave face grew graver still.
“That is bad,” he said slowly— “very bad. Have you — but of course you couldn’t have seen Austin—”
“I’d kill myself first!” said Gerald fiercely.
“No, you wouldn’t do that. You’re not that kind. . . . Keep perfectly cool, Gerald; because it is going to be fixed. The method only remains to be decided upon—”
“I can’t take your money!” stammered the boy; “I can’t take a cent from you — after what I’ve said — the beastly things I’ve said—”
“It isn’t the things you say to me, Gerald, that matter. . . . Let me think a bit — and don’t worry. Just lie quietly, and understand that I’ll do the worrying. And while I’m amusing myself with a little quiet reflection as to ways and means, just take your own bearings from this reef; and set a true course once more, Gerald. That is all the reproach, all the criticism you are going to get from me. Deal with yourself and your God in silence.”
And in silence and heavy dismay Selwyn confronted the sacrifice he must make to save the honour of the house of Erroll.
It meant more than temporary inconvenience to himself; it meant that he must go into the market and sell securities which were partly his capital, and from which came the modest income that enabled him to live as he did.
There was no other way, unless he went to Austin. But he dared not do that — dared not think what Austin’s action in the matter might be. And he knew that if Gerald were ever driven into hopeless exile with Austin’s knowledge of his disgrace rankling, the boy’s utter ruin must result inevitably.
Yet — yet — how could he afford to do this — unoccupied, earning nothing, bereft of his profession, with only the chance in view that his Chaosite might turn out stable enough to be marketable? How could he dare so strip himself? Yet, there was no other way; it had to be done; and done at once — the very first thing in the morning before it became too late.
And at first, in the bitter resentment of the necessity, his impulse was to turn on Gerald and bind him to good conduct by every pledge the boy could give. At least there would be compensation. Yet, with the thought came the clear conviction of its futility. The boy had brushed too close to dishonour not to recognise it. And if this were not a lifelong lesson to him, no promises forced from him in his dire need and distress, no oaths, no pledges could bind him
; no blame, no admonition, no scorn, no contempt, no reproach could help him to see more clearly the pit of destruction than he could see now.
“You need sleep, Gerald,” he said quietly. “Don’t worry; I’ll see that your check is not dishonoured; all you have to see to is yourself. Good-night, my boy.”
But Gerald could not speak; and so Selwyn left him and walked slowly back to his own room, where he seated himself at his desk, grave, absent-eyed, his unfilled pipe between his teeth.
And he sat there until he had bitten clean through the amber mouthpiece, so that the brier bowl fell clattering to the floor. By that time it was full daylight; but Gerald was still asleep. He slept late into the afternoon; but that evening, when Selwyn and Lansing came in to persuade him to go with them to Silverside, Gerald was gone.
They waited another day for him; he did not appear. And that night they left for Silverside without him.
CHAPTER VIII
SILVERSIDE
During that week-end at Silverside Boots behaved like a school-lad run wild. With Drina’s hand in his, half a dozen dogs as advanced guard, and heavily flanked by the Gerard battalion, he scoured the moorlands from Surf Point to the Hither Woods; from Wonder Head to Sky Pond.
Ever hopeful of rabbit and fox, Billy urged on his cheerful waddling pack and the sea wind rang with the crack of his whip and the treble note of his whistle. Drina, lately inoculated with the virus of nature-study, carried a green gauze butterfly net, while Boots’s pockets bulged with various lethal bottles and perforated tin boxes for the reception of caterpillars. The other children, like the puppies of Billy’s pack, ran haphazard, tireless and eager little opportunists, eternal prisoners of hope, tripped flat by creepers, scratched and soiled in thicket and bog, but always up and forward again, ranging out, nose in the wind, dauntless, expectant, wonder-eyed.
Works of Robert W Chambers Page 345