“I was afraid you’d do that — some day,” she said, straightening up and stepping back one pace, so that their linked hands now hung pendant between them.
“I was sure of it, too,” he said. “Now I think I’d better go — as all things are en règle, even the kiss, which was classical — pure — Louis XVI.... Besides, Scott was idiot enough to shut the door. That’s Louis XVI, too, but too much realism is never artistic.”
“We could open the door again — if that’s why you’re running away from me.”
“What’s the use?”
She glanced at the door and then calmly seated herself.
“Do you think that we are together too much?” she asked.
“Hasn’t your husband made similar observations?” he replied, laughing.
“It isn’t for him to make them.”
“Hasn’t he objected?”
“He has suddenly and unaccountably become disagreeable enough to make me wish he had some real grounds for his excitement!” she said coolly, and closed her teeth with a little click. She added, between them: “I’m inclined to give him something real to howl about.”
He said: “You’re adrift. Do you know it?”
“Certainly I know it. Are you prepared to offer salvage? I’m past the need of a pilot.”
He smiled. “You haven’t drifted very far yet — only as far as Mallett Harbour. That’s usually the first port — for derelicts. Anchors are dropped rather frequently there — but, Rosalie, there’s no safe mooring except in the home port.”
Her pretty, flushed face grew very serious as she looked up questioningly.
“Isn’t there an anchorage near you, Duane? Are you quite sure?”
“Why, no, dear, I’m not sure. But let me tell you something: it isn’t in me to love again. And that isn’t square to you.”
After a silence she repeated: “Again? Have you been in love?”
“Yes.”
“Are you embittered? I thought only callow fledglings moped.”
“If I were embittered I’d offer free anchorage to all comers. That’s the fledgling idea — when blighted — be a ‘deevil among the weemin,’” he said, laughing.
“You have that hospitable reputation now,” she persisted, unsmiling.
“Have I? Judge for yourself then — because no woman I ever knew cares anything for me now.”
“You mean that if any of them had anything intimate to remember they’d never remain indifferent?”
“Well — yes.”
“They’d either hate you or remember you with a certain tenderness.”
“Is that what happens?” he asked, amused.
“I think so,” she said thoughtfully.... “As for what you said, you are right, Duane; I am adrift.... You — or a man like you could easily board me — take me in tow. I’m quite sure that something about me signals a pilot; and that keen eyes and bitter tongues have noted it. And I don’t care. Nor do I know yet what my capabilities for evil are.... Do you care to — find out?”
“It wouldn’t be a square deal to you, Rosalie.”
“And — if I don’t care whether it’s a square deal or not?”
“Why, dear,” he said, covering her nervous, pretty hand with both of his, “I’d break your heart in a week.”
He laughed, dropped her fingers, stepped back to the door, and, laying his hand on the knob, said evenly:
“That husband of yours is not the sort of man I particularly take to, but I believe he’s about the average if you’d care to make him so.”
She coloured with surprise. Then something in her scornful eyes inspired him with sudden intuition.
“As a matter of fact,” he said lightly, “you care for him still.”
“I can very easily prove the contrary,” she said, walking slowly up to him, close, closer, until the slight tremor of contact halted her and her soft, irregular breath touched his face.
“What a girl like you needs,” he laughed, taking her into his arms, “is a man to hold her this way — every now and then, and” — he kissed her— “tell her she is incomparable — which I cannot truthfully tell you, dear.” He released her at arms’ length.
“I don’t know whose fault it is,” he went on: “I don’t know whether he still really cares for you in spite of his weak peregrinations to other shrines; but you still care for him. And it’s up to you to make him what he can be — the average husband. There are only two kinds, Rosalie, the average and the bad.”
She looked straight into his eyes, but the deep, mantling colour belied her audacity.
“Do you know,” she said, “that we haven’t — lived together for two years?”
“I don’t want to know such things,” he said gently.
“Well, you do know now. I — am — very much alone. You see I have already become capable of saying anything — and of doing it, too.”
There came a reckless glimmer into her eyes; she set her teeth — a trick of hers; the fresh lips parted slightly under her rapid breathing.
“Do you think,” she said unevenly, “that I’m going on all my life like this — without anything more than the passing friendship of men to balance the example he sets me?”
“No, I think something is bound to happen, Rosalie. May I suggest what ought to happen?”
She nodded thoughtfully; only the quiver of her lower lip betrayed the tension of self-control.
“Take him back,” he said.
“I no longer care for him.”
“You are mistaken.”
After a moment she said: “I don’t think so; truly I don’t. All consideration for him has died in me. His conduct doesn’t matter — doesn’t hurt me any more — —”
“Yes, it does. He’s just a plain ass — an average ass — ownerless, and, like all asses, convinced that he can take care of himself. Go and put the halter on him again.”
“Go — and — what do you mean?”
“Tether him. You did once. It’s up to you; it’s usually up to a woman when a man wanders untethered. What one woman, or a dozen, can do with a man his wife can do in the same fashion! What won him in the beginning always holds good until he thinks he has won you. Then the average man flourishes his heels. He is doing it. What won him was not you alone, or love, alone; it was his uncertainty of both that fascinated him. That’s what charms him in others; uncertainty. Many men are that way. It’s a sporting streak in us. If you care for him now — if you could ever care for him, take him as you took him first.... Do you want him again?”
She stood leaning against the door, looking down. Much of her colour had died out.
“I don’t know,” she said.
“I do.”
“Well — do I?”
“Yes.”
“You think so? Why?”
“Because he’s adrift, too. And he’s rather weak, rather handsome, easily influenced — unjust, selfish, vain, wayward — just the average husband. And every wife ought to be able to manage these lords of creation, and keep them out of harm.... And keep them in love, Rosalie. And the way to do it is the way you did it first.... Try it.” He kissed her gaily, thinking he owed that much to himself.
And through the door which had swung gently ajar, Geraldine Seagrave saw them, and Rosalie saw her.
For a moment the girl halted, pale and rigid, and her heart seemed to cease its beating; then, as she passed with averted head, Rosalie caught Duane’s wrists in her jewelled grasp and released herself with a wrench.
“You’ve given me enough to think over,” she said. “If you want me to love you, stay — and close that door — and we’ll see what happens. If you don’t — you had better go at once, Duane. And leave my door open — to see what else fate will send me.” She clasped her hands behind her back, laughing nervously.
“It’s like the old child’s game— ‘open your mouth and close your eyes and see what God will send you?’ — usually something not at all resembling the awaited bonbon.... Good-bye, my alt
ruistic friend — and thank you for your XXth Century advice, and your Louis XVI assistance.”
“Good-bye,” he returned smilingly, and sauntered back toward his room where his own untried finery awaited him.
Ahead, far down the corridor, he caught sight of Geraldine, and called to her, but perhaps she did not hear him for he had to put on considerable speed to overtake her.
“In these last few days,” he said laughingly, “I seldom catch a glimpse of you except when you are vanishing into doorways or down corridors.”
She said nothing, did not even turn her head or halt; and, keeping pace with her, he chatted on amiably about nothing in particular until she stopped abruptly and looked at him.
“I am in a hurry. What is it you want, Duane?”
“Why — nothing,” he said in surprise.
“That is less than you ask of — others.” And she turned to continue her way.
“Is there anything wrong, Geraldine?” he asked, detaining her.
“Is there?” she replied, shaking off his hand from her arm.
“Not as far as I’m concerned.”
“Can’t you even tell the truth?” she asked with a desperate attempt to laugh.
“Wait a minute,” he said. “Evidently something has gone all wrong — —”
“Several things, my solicitous friend; I for one, you for another. Count the rest for yourself.”
“What has happened to you, Geraldine?”
“What has always threatened.”
“Will you tell me?”
“No, I will not. So don’t try to look concerned and interested in a matter that regards me alone.”
“But what is it that has always threatened you?” he insisted gently, coming nearer — too near to suit her, for she backed away toward the high latticed window through which the sun poured over the geraniums on the sill. There was a seat under it. Suddenly her knees threatened to give way under her; she swayed slightly as she seated herself; a wave of angry pain swept through her setting lids and lips trembling.
“Now I want you to tell me what it is that you believe has always threatened you.”
“Do you think I’d tell you?” she managed to say. Then her self-possession returned in a flash of exasperation, but she controlled that, too, and laughed defiantly, confronting him with pretty, insolent face uptilted.
“What do you want to know about me? That I’m in the way of being ultimately damned like all the rest of you?” she said. “Well, I am. I’m taking chances. Some people take their chances in one way — like you and Rosalie; some take them in another — as I do.... Once I was afraid to take any; now I’m not. Who was it said that self-control is only immorality afraid?”
“Will you tell me what is worrying you?” he persisted.
“No, but I’ll tell you what annoys me if you like.”
“What?”
“Fear of notoriety.”
“Notoriety?”
“Certainly — not for myself — for my house.”
“Is anybody likely to make it notorious?” he demanded, colouring up.
“Ask yourself.... I haven’t the slightest interest in your personal conduct” — there was a catch in her voice— “except when it threatens to besmirch my own home.”
The painful colour gathered and settled under his cheek-bones.
“Do you wish me to leave?”
“Yes, I do. But you can’t without others knowing how and why.”
“Oh, yes, I can — —”
“You are mistaken. I tell you others will know. Some do know already. And I don’t propose to figure with a flaming sword. Kindly remain in your Eden until it’s time to leave — with Eve.”
“Just as you wish,” he said, smiling; and that infuriated her.
“It ought to be as I wish! That much is due me, I think. Have you anything further to ask, or is your curiosity satisfied?”
“Not yet. You say that you think something threatens you? What is it?”
“Not what threatens you,” she said in contempt.
“That is no answer.”
“It is enough for you to know.”
He looked her hard in the eyes. “Perhaps,” he said in a low voice, “I know more about you than you imagine I do, Geraldine — since last April.”
She felt the blood leave her face, the tension crisping her muscles; she sat up very straight and slender among the cushions and defied him.
“What do you — think you know?” she tried to sneer, but her voice shook and failed.
He said: “I’ll tell you. For one thing, you’re playing fast and loose with Dysart. He’s a safe enough proposition — but what is that sort of thing going to arouse in you?”
“What do you mean?” Her voice cleared with an immense relief. He noted it.
“It’s making you tolerant,” he said quietly, “familiar with subtleties, contemptuous of standards. It’s rubbing the bloom off you. You let a man who is married come too close to you — you betray enough curiosity concerning him to do it. A drifting woman does that sort of thing, but why do you cut your cables? Good Lord, Geraldine, it’s a fool business — permitting a man an intimacy — —”
“More harmless than his wife permits you!” she retorted.
“That is not true.”
“You are supposed to lie about such things, aren’t you?” she said, reddening to the temples. “Oh, I am learning your rotten code, you see — the code of all these amiable people about me. You’ve done your part to instruct me that promiscuous caresses are men’s distraction from ennui; Rosalie evidently is in sympathy with that form of amusement — many men and women among whom I live in town seem to be quite as casual as you are.... I did have standards once, scarcely knowing what they meant; I clung to them out of instinct. And when I went out into the world I found nobody paying any attention to them.”
“You are wrong.”
“No, I’m not. I go among people and see every standard I set up, ignored. I go to the theatre and see plays that embody everything I supposed was unthinkable, let alone unutterable. But the actors utter everything, and the audience thinks everything — and sometimes laughs. I can’t do that — yet. But I’m progressing.”
“Geraldine — —”
“Wait!... My friends have taught me a great deal during this last year — by word, precept, and example. Things I held in horror nobody notices enough to condone. Take treachery, for example. The marital variety is all around me. Who cares, or is even curious after an hour’s gossip has made it stale news? A divorce here, a divorce there — some slight curiosity to see who the victims may marry next time — that curiosity satisfied — and so is everybody. And they go back to their business of money-getting and money-spending — and that’s what my friends have taught me. Can you wonder that my familiarity with it all breeds contempt enough to seek almost any amusement in sheer desperation — as you do?”
“I have only one amusement,” he said.
“What?”
“Painting.”
“And your model,” she nodded with a short laugh. “Don’t forget her. Your pretences are becoming tiresome, Duane. Your pretty model, Mrs. Dysart, poses less than you do.”
Another wave of heart-sickness and anger swept over her; she felt the tears burning close to her lids and turned sharply on him:
“It’s all rotten, I tell you — the whole personnel and routine — these people, and their petty vices and their idleness and their money! I — I do want to keep myself above it — clean of it — but what am I to do? One can’t live without friends. If I don’t gamble I’m left alone; if I don’t flirt I’m isolated. If one stands aloof from everything one’s friends go elsewhere. What can I do?”
“Make decent friends. I’m going to.”
He bent forward and struck his knee with his closed fist.
“I’m going to,” he repeated. “I’ve waited as long as I can for you to stand by me. I could have even remained among these harmless simians if you had
cared for me. You’re all the friend I need. But you’ve become one of them. It isn’t in you to take an intelligent interest in me, or in what I care for. I’ve stood this sort of existence long enough. Now I’m all through with it.”
She stared. Anger, astonishment, exasperation moved her in turn. Bitterness unlocked her lips.
“Are you expecting to take Mrs. Dysart with you to your intellectual solitude?”
“I would if I — if we cared for each other,” he said, calmly seating himself.
She said, revolted: “Can’t you even admit that you are in love with her? Must I confess that I could not avoid seeing you with her in her own room — half an hour since? Will that wring the truth out of you?”
“Oh, is that what you mean?” he said wearily. “I believe the door was open.... Well, Geraldine, whatever you saw won’t harm anybody. So come to your own conclusions.... But I wish you were out of all this — with your fine insight and your clear intelligence, and your sweetness — oh, the chances for happiness you and I might have had!”
“A slim chance with you!” she said.
“Every chance; perhaps the only chance we’ll ever have. And we’ve missed it.”
“We’ve missed nothing” — a sudden and curious tremor set her heart and pulses beating heavily— “I tell you, Duane, it doesn’t matter whom people of our sort marry because we’ll always sicken of our bargain. What chance for happiness would I run with such a man as you? Or you with a girl like me?”
She lay back among the cushions, with a tired little laugh. “We are like the others of our rotten sort, only less aged, less experienced. But we have, each of us, our own heritage, our own secret depravity.” She hesitated, reddening, caught his eye, stammered her sentence to a finish and flinched, crimsoning to the roots of her hair.
He stood up, paced the room for a few moments, came and stood beside her.
“Once,” he said very low, “you admitted that you dare go anywhere with me. Do you remember?”
“Yes.”
“Those are your rooms, I believe,” pointing to a closed door far down the south corridor.
“Yes.”
“Take me there now.”
Works of Robert W Chambers Page 436