Ailsa was very animated; she told him about Stephen’s enlistment, asked scores of questions about military life, the chances in battle, the proportion of those who went through war unscathed.
And at length Colonel Arran arose to take his departure; and she had not told what was hammering for utterance in every heart beat; she did not know how to tell, what to ask.
Hat in hand Colonel Arran bent over her hot little hand where it lay in his own.
“I have been offered the colonelcy of a volunteer regiment now forming,” he said without apparent interest.
“You!”
“Cavalry,” he explained wearily.
“But — you have not accepted!”
He gave her an absent glance. “Yes, I have accepted. . . . I am going to Washington to-night.”
“Oh!” she breathed, “but you are coming back before — before — —”
“Yes, child. Cavalry is not made in a hurry. I am to see General Scott — perhaps Mr. Cameron and the President. . . . If, in my absence—” he hesitated, looked down, shook his head. And somehow she seemed to know that what he had not said concerned Berkley.
Neither of them mentioned him. But after Colonel Arran had gone she went slowly to her room, sat down at her desk, sat there a long, long while thinking. But it was after midnight before she wrote to Berkley:
“Have you quite forgotten me? I have had to swallow a little pride to write you again. But perhaps I think our pleasant friendship worth it.
“Stephen has been here. He has enlisted as a private in his father’s regiment of zouaves. I learned by accident from him that you are no longer associated with Craig & Son in business. I trust this means at least a partial recovery of your fortune. If it does, with fortune recovered responsibilities increase, and I choose to believe that it is these new and exacting duties which have prevented me from seeing you or from hearing from you for more than three weeks.
“But surely you could find a moment to write a line to a friend who is truly your very sincere well-wisher, and who would be the first to express her pleasure in any good fortune which might concern you.
“AILSA PAIGE.”
Two days passed, and her answer came:
“Ailsa Paige, dearest and most respected, I have not forgotten you for one moment. And I have tried very hard.
“God knows what my pen is trying to say to you, and not hurt you, and yet kill utterly in you the last kindly and charitable memory of the man who is writing to you.
“Ailsa, if I had known you even one single day before that night I met you, you would have had of me, in that single day, all that a man dare lay at the feet of the truest and best of women.
“But on that night I came to you a man utterly and hopelessly ruined — morally dead of a blow dealt me an hour before I saw you for the first time.
“I had not lived an orderly life, but at worst it was only a heedless life. I had been a fool, but not a damned one. There was in me something loftier than a desire for pleasure, something worthier than material ambition. What else lay latent — if anything — I may only surmise. It is all dead.
“The blow dealt me that evening — an hour before I first laid eyes on you — utterly changed me; and if there was anything spiritual in my character it died then. And left what you had a glimpse of — just a man, pagan, material, unmoral, unsafe; unmoved by anything except by what appeals to the material senses.
“Is that the kind of man you suppose me? That is the man I am. And you know it now. And you know, now, what it was in me that left you perplexed, silent, troubled, not comprehending — why it was you would not dance with me again, nor suffer my touch, nor endure me too near you.
“It was the less noble in me — all that the blow had not killed — only a lesser part of a finer and perfect passion that might perhaps have moved you to noble response in time.
“Because I should have given you all at the first meeting; I could no more have helped it than I could have silenced my heart and lived. But what was left to give could awake in you no echo, no response, no comprehension. In plainer, uglier words, I meant to make you love me; and I was ready to carry you with me to that hell where souls are lost through love — and where we might lose our souls together.
“And now you will never write to me again.”
All the afternoon she bent at her desk, poring over his letter. In her frightened heart she knew that something within her, not spiritual, had responded to what, in him, had evoked it; that her indefinable dread was dread of herself, of her physical responsiveness to his nearness, of her conscious inclination for it.
Could this be she — herself — who still bent here over his written words — this tense, hot-cheeked, tremulous creature, staring dry-eyed at the blurring lines which cut her for ever asunder from this self-outlawed man!
Was this letter still unburned. Had she not her fill of its brutality, its wickedness?
But she was very tired, and she laid her arms on the desk and her head between them. And against her hot face she felt the cool letter-paper.
All that she had dreamed and fancied and believed and cared for in man passed dully through her mind. Her own aspirations toward ideal womanhood followed — visions of lofty desire, high ideals, innocent passions, the happiness of renunciation, the glory of forgiveness ——
She sat erect, breathing unevenly; then her eyes fell on the letter, and she covered it with her hands, as hands cover the shame on a stricken face. And after a long time her lips moved, repeating:
“The glory of forgiveness — the glory of forgiveness — —”
Her heart was beating very hard and fast as her thoughts ran on.
“To forgive — help him — teach truth — nobler ideals — —”
She could not rest; sleep, if it really came, was a ghostly thing that mocked her. And all the next day she roamed about the house, haunted with the consciousness of where his letter lay locked in her desk. And that day she would not read it again; but the next day she read it. And the next.
And if it were her desire to see him once again before all ended irrevocably for ever — or if it was what her heart was striving to tell her, that he was in need of aid against himself, she could not tell. But she wrote him:
“It is not you who have written this injury for my eyes to read, but another man, demoralised by the world’s cruelty — not knowing what he is saying — hurt to the soul, not mortally. When he recovers he will be you. And this letter is my forgiveness.”
Berkley received it when he was not particularly sober; and lighting the end of it at a candle let it burn until the last ashes scorched his fingers.
“Burgess,” he said, “did you ever notice how hard it is for the frailer things to die? Those wild doves we used to shoot in Georgia — by God! it took quail shot to kill them clean.”
“Yes, sir?”
“Exactly. Then, that being the case, you may give me a particularly vigorous shampoo. Because, Burgess, I woo my volatile goddess to-night — the Goddess Chance, Burgess, whose wanton and naughty eyes never miss the fall of a card. And I desire that all my senses work like lightning, Burgess, because it is a fast company and a faster game, and that’s why I want an unusually muscular shampoo!”
“Yes, sir. Poker, sir?”
“I — ah — believe so,” said Berkley, lying back in his chair and closing his eyes. “Go ahead and rub hell into me — if I’ll hold any more.”
The pallor, the shadows under eyes and cheeks, the nervous lines at the corners of the nose, had almost disappeared when Burgess finished. And when he stood in his evening clothes pulling a rose-bud stem through the button-hole of his lapel, he seemed very fresh and young and graceful in the gas-light.
“Am I very fine, Burgess? Because I go where youth and beauty chase the shining hours with flying feet. Oh yes, Burgess, the fair and frail will be present, also the dashing and self-satisfied. And we’ll try to make it agreeable all around, won’t we? . . . And don’t smoke all my mo
st expensive cigars, Burgess. I may want one when I return. I hate to ask too much of you, but you won’t mind leaving one swallow of brandy in that decanter, will you? Thanks. Good night, Burgess.”
“Thank you, sir. Good night, sir.”
As he walked out into the evening air he swung his cane in glittering circles.
“Nevertheless,” he said under his breath, “she’d better be careful. If she writes again I might lose my head and go to her. You can never tell about some men; and the road to hell is a lonely one — damned lonely. Better let a man travel it like a gentleman if he can. It’s more dignified than sliding into it on your back, clutching a handful of lace petticoat.”
He added: “There’s only one hell; and it’s hell, perhaps, because there are no women there.”
CHAPTER VIII
Berkley, hollow-eyed, ghastly white, but smiling, glanced at the clock.
“Only one more hand after this,” he said. “I open it for the limit.”
“All in,” said Cortlandt briefly. “What are you going to do now?”
“Scindere glaciem,” observed Berkley, “you may give me three cards, Cortlandt.” He took them, scanned his hand, tossed the discards into the centre of the table, and bet ten dollars. Through the tobacco smoke drifting in level bands, the crystal chandeliers in Cortlandt’s house glimmered murkily; the cigar haze even stretched away into the farther room, where, under brilliantly lighted side brackets, a young girl sat playing at the piano, a glass of champagne, gone flat, at her dimpled elbow. Another girl, in a shrimp-pink evening gown, one silken knee drooping over the other, lay half buried among the cushions, singing the air which the player at the piano picked out by ear. A third girl, velvet-eyed and dark of hair, listened pensively, turning the gems on her fingers.
The pretty musician at the piano was playing an old song, once much admired by the sentimental; the singer, reclining amid her cushions, sang the words, absently:
”Why did I give my heart away —
Give it so lightly, give it to pay
For a pleasant dream on a summer’s day?
”Why did I give? I do not know.
Surely the passing years will show.
”Why did I give my love away —
Give it in April, give it in May,
For a young man’s smile on a summer’s day?
”Why did I love? I do not know.
Perhaps the passing years will show.
”Why did I give my soul away —
Give it so gaily, give it to pay
For a sigh and a kiss on a summer’s day?
”Perhaps the passing years may show;
My heart and I, we do not know.”
She broke off short, swung on the revolving chair, and called: “Mr.
Berkley, are you going to see me home?”
“Last jack, Miss Carew,” said Berkley, “I’m opening it for the limit. Give me one round of fixed ammunition, Arthur.”
“There’s no use drawing,” observed another man, laying down his hand, “Berkley cleans us up as usual.”
He was right; everything went to Berkley, as usual, who laughed and turned a dissipated face to Casson.
“Cold decks?” he suggested politely. “Your revenge at your convenience, Jack.”
Casson declined. Cortlandt, in his brilliant zouave uniform, stood up and stretched his arms until the scarlet chevrons on the blue sleeves wrinkled into jagged lightning.
“It’s been very kind of you all to come to my last ‘good-bye party,’” he yawned, looking sleepily around him through the smoke at his belongings.
For a week he had been giving a “good-bye party” every evening in his handsome house on Twenty-third Street. The four men and the three young girls in the other room were the residue of this party, which was to be the last.
Arthur Wye, wearing the brand-new uniform, red stripes and facings, of flying artillery, rose also; John Casson buttoned his cavalry jacket, grumbling, and stood heavily erect, a colossus in blue and yellow.
“You have the devil’s luck, Berkley,” he said without bitterness.
“I need it.”
“So you do, poor old boy. But — God! you play like a professional.”
Wye yawned, thrust his strong, thin hands into his trousers pockets, and looked stupidly at the ceiling.
“I wish to heaven they’d start our battery,” he said vacantly.
“I’m that sick of Hamilton!”
Casson grumbled again, settling his debts with Berkley.
“Everybody has the devil’s own luck except the poor God-forsaken cavalry. Billy Cortlandt goes tomorrow, your battery is under orders, but nobody cares what happens to the cavalry. And they’re the eyes and ears of an army — —”
“They’re the heels and tail of it,” observed Berkley, “and the artillery is the rump.”
“Shut up, you sneering civilian!”
“I’m shutting up — shop — unless anybody cares to try one last cold hand—” He caught the eye of the girl at the piano and smiled pallidly. “‘Quid non mortalia pectora cogis, auri sacra fames!’ Also I have them all scared to death, Miss Carew — the volunteer army of our country is taking water.”
“It doesn’t taste like water,” said the pretty singer on the sofa, stretching out her bubbling glass, “try it yourself, Mr. Berkley.”
They went toward the music room; Cortlandt seated himself on top of the piano. He looked rather odd there in his zouave jacket, red trousers, white-gaitered legs hanging.
”Oh the Zou-zou-zou!
Oh the Zou-zou-zou!
Oh the boys of the bully Zouaves!”
he hummed, swinging his legs vigorously. “Ladies and gentlemen, it’s all over but the shooting. Arthur, I saw your battery horses; they belong in a glue factory. How arc you going to save your guns when the rebs come after you?”
“God knows, especially if the Zouaves support us,” replied Wye, yawning again. Then, rising:
“I’ve got to get back to that cursed fort. I’ll escort anybody who’ll let me.”
“One more glass, then,” said Cortlandt. “Berkley, fill the parting cup! Ladies of the Canterbury, fair sharers of our hospitality who have left the triumphs of the drama to cheer the unfortunate soldier on his war-ward way, I raise my glass and drink to each Terpsichorean toe which, erstwhile, was pointed skyward amid the thunder of metropolitan plaudits, and which now demurely taps my flattered carpet. Gentlemen — soldiers and civilians — I give you three toasts! Miss Carew, Miss Lynden, Miss Trent! Long may they dance! Hurrah!”
“Get on the table,” said Casson amid the cheering, and climbed up, spurs jingling, glass on high.
“Will it hold us all?” inquired Letty Lynden, giving her hands to
Berkley, who shrugged and swung her up beside him. “Hurrah for the
Zouaves!” she cried; “Hurrah for Billy Cortlandt! — Oh, somebody
spilled champagne all over me!”
“Hurrah for the artillery!” shouted Arthur Wye, vigorously cheering himself and waving his glass, to the terror of Ione Carew, who attempted to dodge the sparkling rain in vain.
“Arthur, you look like a troop of trained mice,” observed Berkley gravely. “Has anybody a toy cannon and a little flag?”
Wye descended with a hop, sprang astride a chair, and clattered around the room, imitating his drill-master.
“Attention! By the right of batteries, break into sections, trot. Mar-r-rch! Attention-n-n! By section from the right of batteries — front into column. Mar-r-rch!”
“By section from the right, front into column, march!” repeated Cortlandt, jumping down from the table and seizing another chair. “Everybody mount a chair!” he shouted. “This is the last artillery drill of the season. Line up there, Letty! It won’t hurt your gown. Berkley’ll get you another, anyway! Now, ladies and gentlemen, sit firmly in your saddles. Caissons to the rear — march! Caissons, left about — pieces forward — march!”
Wye’s chair buck
led and he came down with a splintering crash; Casson galloped madly about, pretending his chair had become unmanageable. It, also, ultimately collapsed, landed him flat on his back, whence he surveyed the exercises of the haute ecole in which three flushed and laughing young girls followed the dashing lead of Cortlandt, while Berkley played a cavalry canter on the piano with one hand and waved his cigar in the other.
Later, breathless, they touched glasses to the departing volunteers, to each other, to the ladies (“God bless them! Hear! He-ah!”), to the war, to every regiment going, to each separate battery horse and mule in Arthur’s section. And then began on the guns,
“I prophesy a quick reunion!” said Berkley. “Here’s to it! Full glasses!
“Speech! Speech — you nimble-witted, limber-legged prophet!” roared John Casson, throwing a pack of cards at Berkley. “Read the cards for us!”
Berkley very gracefully caught a handful, and sorting them, began impromptu:
”Diamonds for you,
Little Miss Carew,
Strung in a row,
Tied in a bow —
What would you do
If they came true?
”What can it be?
Hearts! for Miss Letty —
Sweethearts and beaux,
Monarchs in rows,
Knaves on their knees —
Choose among these!
”Clubs now, I see!
Ace! for Miss Betty —
Clubman and swell,
Soldier as well.
Yes, he’s all three;
Who can he be?
”Ione, be kind
To monarch and knave,
But make up your mind
To make ’em behave.
And when a man finds you
The nicest he’s met, he
Is likely to marry you,
Letty and Betty!”
Tremendous cheering greeted these sentiments; three more cheers were proposed and given for the Canterbury.
“Home of the ‘ster arts, m-music an’ ‘r’ drama-r-r—” observed
Casson hazily— “I’m going home.”
Nobody seemed to hear him.
“Home — ser-weet home,” he repeated sentimentally— “home among the horses — where some Roman-nosed, camel-backed, slant-eared nag is probably waitin’ to kick daylight out’r me! Ladies, farewell!” he added, tripping up on his spurs and waving his hand vaguely. “Cav’lry’s eyes ‘n’ ears ‘f army! ‘Tain’t the hind legs’ No — no! I’m head ‘n’ ears — army! ‘n’ I wan’ t’ go home.”
Works of Robert W Chambers Page 490