“Louis!” exclaimed his sister, bewildered; “what in the world are you lecturing about? Why, to hear you expound the anatomy of love—”
He began to laugh, caught her hands, and kissed her:
“Little goose, that was all impromptu and horribly trite and commonplace. Only it was new to me because I never before took the trouble to consider it. But it’s true, even if it is trite. People love or they don’t love, and a regard for ethics controls only what they do about it.”
“That’s another Tupperesque truism, isn’t it, dear?”
“Sure thing. Who am I to mock at the Proverbial One when I’ve never yet evolved anything better?… Listen; you don’t want me to marry Stephanie, do you?”
“Yes, I do.”
“No, you don’t. You think you do—”
“I do, I do, Louis! She’s the sweetest, finest, most generous, most suitable—”
“Sure,” he said, hastily, “she’s all that except ‘suitable’ — and she isn’t that, and I’m not, either. For the love of Mike, Lily, let me go on admiring her, even loving her in a perfectly harmless—”
“It isn’t harmless to caress a girl—”
“Why — you can’t call it caressing—”
“What do you call it?”
“Nothing. We’ve always been on an intimate footing. She’s perfectly unembarrassed about — whatever impulsive — er — fugitive impulses—”
“You do kiss her!”
“Seldom — very seldom. At moments the conditions happen accidentally to — suggest — some slight demonstration — of a very warm friendship—”
“You positively sicken me! Do you think a nice girl is going to let a man paw her if she doesn’t consider him pledged to her?”
“I don’t think anything about it. Nice girls have done madder things than their eulogists admit. As a plain matter of fact you can’t tell what anybody nice is going to do under theoretical circumstances. And the nicer they are the bigger the gamble — particularly if they’re endowed with brains—”
“That’s cynicism. You seem to be developing several streaks—”
“Polite blinking of facts never changes them. Conforming to conventional and accepted theories never yet appealed to intelligence. I’m not going to be dishonest with myself; that’s one of the streaks I’ve developed. You ask me if I love Stephanie enough to marry her, and I say I don’t. What’s the good of blinking it? I don’t love anybody enough to marry ‘em; but I like a number of girls well enough to spoon with them.”
“That is disgusting!”
“No, it isn’t,” he said, with smiling weariness; “it’s the unvarnished truth about the average man. Why wink at it? The average man can like a lot of girls enough to spoon and sentimentalise with them. It’s the pure accident of circumstance and environment that chooses for him the one he marries. There are myriads of others in the world with whom, under proper circumstances and environment, he’d have been just as happy — often happier. Choice is a mystery, constancy a gamble, discontent the one best bet. It isn’t pleasant; it isn’t nice fiction and delightful romance; it isn’t poetry or precept as it is popularly inculcated; it’s the brutal truth about the average man…. And I’m going to find Stephanie. Have you any objection?”
“Louis — I’m terribly disappointed in you—”
“I’m disappointed, too. Until you spoke to me so plainly a few minutes ago I never clearly understood that I couldn’t marry Stephanie. When I thought of it at all it seemed a vague and shadowy something, too far away to be really impending — threatening — like death—”
[Illustration: “‘Come on, Alice, if you’re going to scrub before luncheon.’”]
“Oh!” cried his sister in revolt. “I shall make it my business to see that Stephanie understands you thoroughly before this goes any farther—”
“I wish to heaven you would,” he said, so heartily that his sister, exasperated, turned her back and marched away to the nursery.
When he went out to the tennis court he found Stephanie idly batting the balls across the net with Cameron, who, being dummy, had strolled down to gibe at her — a pastime both enjoyed:
“Here comes your Alonzo, fair lady — lightly skipping o’er the green — yes, yes — wearing the panties of his brother-in-law!” He fell into an admiring attitude and contemplated Neville with a simper, his ruddy, prematurely bald head cocked on one side:
“Oh, girls! Ain’t he just grand!” he exclaimed. “Honest, Stephanie, your young man has me in the ditch with two blow-outs and the gas afire!”
“Get out of this court,” said Neville, hurling a ball at him.
“Isn’t he the jealous old thing!” cried Cameron, flouncing away with an affectation of feminine indignation. And presently the tennis balls began to fly, and the little jets of white dust floated away on the June breeze.
They were very evenly matched; they always had been, never asking odds or offering handicaps in anything. It had always been so; at the traps she could break as many clay birds as he could; she rode as well, drove as well; their averages usually balanced. From the beginning — even as children — it had been always give and take and no favour.
And so it was now; sets were even; it was a matter of service.
Luncheon interrupted a drawn game; Stephanie, flushed, smiling, came around to his side of the net to join him on the way to the house:
“How do you keep up your game, Louis? Or do I never improve? It’s curious, isn’t it, that we are always deadlocked.”
Bare-armed, bright hair in charming disorder, she swung along beside him with that quick, buoyant step so characteristic of a spirit ever undaunted, saluting the others on the terrace with high-lifted racquet.
“Nobody won,” she said. “Come on, Alice, if you’re going to scrub before luncheon. Thank you, Louis; I’ve had a splendid game—” She stretched out a frank hand to him, going, and the tips of her fingers just brushed his.
His sister gave him a tragic look, which he ignored, and a little later luncheon was on and Cameron garrulous, and Querida his own gentle, expressive, fascinating self, devotedly receptive to any woman who was inclined to talk to him or to listen.
That evening Neville said to his sister: “There’s a train at midnight; I don’t think I’ll stay over—”
“Why?”
“I want to be in town early.”
“Why?”
“The early light is the best.”
“I thought you’d stopped painting for a while.”
“I have, practically. There’s one thing I keep on with, in a desultory sort of way—”
“What is it?”
“Oh, nothing of importance—” he hesitated— “that Is, it may be important. I can’t be sure, yet.”
“Will you tell me what it is?”
“Why, yes. It’s a portrait — a study—”
“Of whom, dear?”
“Oh, of nobody you know—”
“Is it a portrait of Valerie West?”
“Yes,” he said, carelessly.
There was a silence; in the starlight his shadowy face was not clearly visible to his sister.
“Are you leaving just to continue that portrait?”
“Yes. I’m interested in it.”
“Don’t go,” she said, in a low voice.
“Don’t be silly,” he returned shortly.
“Dear, I am not silly, but I suspect you are beginning to be. And over a model!”
“Lily, you little idiot,” he laughed, exasperated; “what in the world is worrying you?”
“Your taking that girl to the St. Regis. It isn’t like you.”
“Good Lord! How many girls do you suppose I’ve taken to various places?”
“Not many,” she said, smiling at him. “Your reputation for gallantries is not alarming.”
Ho reddened. “You’re perfectly right. That sort of thing never appealed to me.”
“Then why does it appeal to you now?”<
br />
“It doesn’t. Can’t you understand that this girl is entirely different—”
“Yes, I understand. And that is what worries me.”
“It needn’t. It’s precisely like taking any girl you know and like—”
“Then let me know her — if you mean to decorate-public places with her.”
They looked at one another steadily.
“Louis,” she said, “this pretty Valerie is not your sister’s sort, or you wouldn’t hesitate.”
“I — hesitate — yes, certainly I do. It’s absurd on the face of it. She’s too fine a nature to be patronised — too inexperienced in the things of your world — too ignorant of petty conventions and formalities — too free and fearless and confident and independent to appeal to the world you live in.”
“Isn’t that a rather scornful indictment against my world, dear?”
“No. Your world is all right in its way. You and I were brought up in it. I got out of it. There are other worlds. The one I now inhabit is more interesting to me. It’s purely a matter of personal taste, dear. Valerie West inhabits a world that suits her.”
“Has she had any choice in the matter?”
“I — yes. She’s had the sense and the courage to keep out of the various unsafe planets where electric light furnishes the principal illumination.”
“But has she had a chance for choosing a better planet than the one you say she prefers? Your choice was free. Was hers?”
“Look here, Lily! Why on earth are you so significant about a girl you never saw — scarcely ever heard of—”
“Dear, I have not told you everything. I have heard of her — of her charm, her beauty, her apparent innocence — yes, her audacity, her popularity with men…. Such things are not unobserved and unreported between your new planet and mine. Harry Annan is frankly crazy about her, and his sister Alice is scared to death. Mr. Ogilvy, Mr. Burleson, Clive Gail, dozens of men I know are quite mad about her…. If it was she whom you used as model for the figures in the Byzantine decorations, she is divine — the loveliest creature to look at! And I don’t care, Louis; I don’t care a straw one way or the other except that I know you have never bothered with the more or less Innocently irregular gaieties which attract many men of your age and temperament. And so — when I hear that you are frequently seen—”
“Frequently?”
“Is that St. Regis affair the only one?”
“No, of course not. But, as for my being with her frequently—”
“Well?”
He was silent for a moment, then, looking up with a laugh:
“I like her immensely. Until this moment I didn’t realise how much I do like her — how pleasant it is to be with a girl who is absolutely fearless, clever, witty, intelligent, and unspoiled.”
“Are there no girls in your own set who conform to this standard?”
“Plenty. But their very environment and conventional traditions kill them — make them a nuisance.”
“Louis!”
“That’s more plain truth, which no woman likes. Will you tell me what girl in your world, who approaches the qualitative standard set by Valerie West, would go about by day or evening with any man except her brother? Valerie does. What girl would be fearless enough to ignore the cast-iron fetters of her caste? Valerie West is a law unto herself — a law as sweet and good and excellent and as inflexible as any law made by men to restrain women’s liberty, arouse them to unhappy self-consciousness and infect them with suspicion. Every one of you are the terrified slaves of custom, and you know it. Most men like it. I don’t. I’m no tea drinker, no cruncher of macaroons, no gabbler at receptions, no top-hatted haunter of weddings, no social graduate of the Ecole Turvydrop. And these places — if I want to find companionship in any girl of your world — must frequent. And I won’t. And so there you are.”
His sister came up to him and placed her arms around his neck.
“Such — a — wrong-headed — illogical — boy,” she sighed, kissing him leisurely to punctuate her words. ‘“If you marry a girl you love you can have all the roaming and unrestrained companionship you want. Did that ever occur to you?”
“At that price,” he said, laughing, “I’ll do without it.”
“Wrong head, handsome head! I’m in despair about you. Why in the world cannot artists conform to the recognised customs of a perfectly pleasant and respectable world? Don’t answer me! You’ll make me very unhappy…. Now go and talk to Stephanie. The child won’t understand your going to-night, but make the best of it to her.”
“Good Lord, Lily! I haven’t a string tied to me. It doesn’t matter to
Stephanie what I do — why I go or remain. You’re all wrong. Stephanie and
I understand each other.”
“I’ll see that she understands you” said his sister, sorrowfully.
He laughed and kissed her again, impatient. But why he was impatient he himself did not know. Certainly it was not to find Stephanie, for whom he started to look — and, on the way, glanced at his watch, determined not to miss the train that would bring him into town in time to talk to Valerie West over the telephone.
Passing the lighted and open windows, he saw Querida and Alice absorbed in a tête-à-tête, ensconced in a corner of the big living room; saw Gordon playing with Heinz, the dog — named Heinz because of the celebrated “57 varieties” of dog in his pedigree — saw Miss Aulne at solitaire, exchanging lively civilities with Sandy Cameron at the piano between charming bits of a classic ballad which he was inclined to sing:
”I’d share my pottage
With you, dear, but
True love in a cottage
Is hell in a hut.”
“Is that you, Stephanie?” he asked, as a dark figure, seated on the veranda, turned a shadowy head toward him.
“Yes. Isn’t this starlight magnificent? I’ve been up to the nursery looking at the infant wonder — just wild to hug him; but he’s asleep, and his nurse glared at me. So I thought I’d come and look at something else as unattainable — the stars, Louis,” she added, laughing— “not you.”
“Sure,” he said, smiling, “I’m always obtainable. Unlike the infant upon whom you had designs,” he added, “I’m neither asleep nor will any nurse glare at you if you care to steal a kiss from me.”
“I’ve no inclination to transfer my instinctively maternal transports to you,” she said, serenely, “though, maternal solicitude might not be amiss concerning you.”
“Do you think I need moral supervision?”
“Not by me.”
“By whom?”
“Ask me an easier one, Louis. And — I didn’t say you needed it at all, did I?”
He sat beside her, silent, head lifted, examining the stars.
“I’m going back on the midnight,” he remarked, casually.
“Oh, I’m sorry!” she exclaimed, with her winning frankness.
“I’m — there’s something I have to attend to in town—”
“Work?”
“It has to do with my work — indirectly—”
She glanced sideways at him, and remained for a moment curiously observant.
“How is the work going, anyway?” she asked.
He hesitated. “I’ve apparently come up slap against a blank wall. It isn’t easy to explain how I feel — but I’ve no confidence in myself—”
“You! No confidence? How absurd!”
“It’s true,” he said a little sullenly.
“You are having a spasm of progressive development,” she said, calmly. “You take it as a child takes teething — with a squirm and a mental howl instead of a physical yell.”
He laughed. “I suppose it’s something of that sort. But there’s more — a self-distrust amounting to self-disgust at moments…. Stephanie, I want to do something good—”
“You have — dozens of times.”
“People say so. The world forgets what is really good—” he made a nervous gesture— “alw
ays before us poor twentieth-century men looms the goal guarded by the vast, austere, menacing phantoms of the Masters.”
[Illustration: “‘I know it is you. Is it?’”]
“Nobody ever won a race looking behind him,” she Said, gaily; “let ’em menace and loom!”
He laughed in a half-hearted fashion, then his head fell again slowly, and he sat there brooding, silent.
“Louis, why are you always dissatisfied?”
“I always will be, I suppose.” His discontented gaze grew more vague.
“Can you never learn to enjoy the moment?”
“It goes too quickly, and there are so many others which promise more, and will never fulfil their promise; I know it. We painters know it when we dare to think clearly. It is better not to think too clearly — better to go on and pretend to expect attainment…. Stephanie, sometimes I wish I were in an honest business — selling, buying — and could close up shop and go home to pleasant dreams.”
“Can’t you?”
“No. It’s eternal obsession. A painter’s work is never ended. It goes on with some after they are asleep; and then they go crazy,” he added, and laughed and laid his hand lightly and unthinkingly over hers where it rested on the arm of her chair. And he remained unaware of her delicate response to the contact.
The stars were clear and liquid-bright, swarming in myriads in the June sky. A big meteor fell, leaving an incandescent arc which faded instantly.
“I wonder what time it is,” Be said.
“You mustn’t miss your train, must you?”
“No.” … Suddenly it struck him that it would be one o’clock before he could get to the studio and call up Valerie. That would be too late. He couldn’t awake her just for the pleasure of talking to her. Besides, he was sure to see her in the morning when she came to him for her portrait…. Yet — yet — he wanted to talk to her…. There seemed to be no particular reason for this desire.
Works of Robert W Chambers Page 525