“But, God willing, I shall not decline a lifetime devoted to you when you are not with them. That is all I can hope for; and it is so much more than I ever dreamed of having, that, to have you at all — even for a part of the time — even for a part of my life, is enough. And I say it humbly, reverently, without ignoble envy or discontent for what might have been had you and I been born to the same life amid the same surroundings.
“Don’t write to me again, dear, until I have determined what is best for us. Before the first day of summer, or on that day, you will know. And so will I.
“My life is such a little thing compared to yours — of such slight value and worth that sometimes I think I am considering matters too deeply — that if I simply fling it in the scales the balance will scarcely be altered — the splendid, even tenor of your career will scarcely swerve a shade.
“Yet my life is already something to you; and besides it is all I have to give you; and if I am to give it — if it is adding an iota to your happiness for me to give it — then I must truly treat it with respect, and deeply consider the gift, and the giving, and if it shall be better for you to possess it, or better that you never shall.
“And whatever I do with myself, my darling, be certain that it is of you
I am thinking and not of the girl, who loves you.
“V.”
By degrees she cleared up her accounts and set her small house in order.
Rita seemed to divine that something radical was in progress of evolution, but Valerie offered no confidence, and the girl, already deeply worried over John Burleson’s condition, had not spirit enough to meddle.
“Sam Ogilvy’s brother is a wonder on tubercular cases,” she said to
Valerie, “and I’m doing my best to get John to go and see him at
Dartford.”
“Won’t he?”
“He says he will, but you know how horridly untruthful men are. And now John is slopping about with his wet clay again as usual — an order for a tomb in Greenwood — poor boy, he had better think how best to keep away from tombs.”
“Why, Rita!” said Valerie, shocked.
“I can’t help it; I’m really frightened, dear. And you know well enough I’m no flighty alarmist. Besides, somehow, I feel certain that Sam’s brother would tell John to go to Arizona” — she pointed piteously to her trunk: “It’s packed; it has been packed for weeks. I’m all ready to go with him. Why can’t a man mould clay and chip marble and cast bronze as well in Arizona as in this vile pest-hole?”
Valerie sat with folded hands looking at her.
“How do you think you could stand that desolation?”
“Arizona?”
“Yes.”
“There is another desolation I dread more.”
“Do you really love him so?”
Rita slowly turned from the window and looked at her.
“Yes,” she said.
[Illustration: “‘And they — the majority of them — are, after all, just men.’”]
“Does he know it, Rita?”
“No, dear.”
“Do you think — if he did—”
“No…. How could it be — after what has happened to me?”
“You would tell him?”
“Of course. I sometimes wonder whether he has not already heard — something — from that beast—”
“Does John know him?”
“He has done two fountains for his place at El Naúar. He had several other things in view—” she shrugged— “but The Mohave sailed suddenly with its owner for a voyage around the world — so John was told; — and — Valerie, it’s the first clear breath of relief I’ve drawn since Penrhyn Cardemon entered John’s studio.”
“I didn’t know he had ever been there.”
“Yes; twice.”
“Did you see him there?”
“Yes. I nearly dropped. At first he did not recognise me — I was very young — when—”
“Did he speak to you?”
“Yes. I managed to answer. John was not looking at me, fortunately…. After that he wrote to me — and I burned the letter…. It was horrible; he said that José Querida was his guest at El Naúar, and he asked me to get you because you knew Querida, and be his guest for a week end…. I cried that night; you heard me.”
“Was that it!” asked Valerie, very pale.
“Yes; I was too wretched to tell you,”
Valerie sat silent, her teeth fixed in her lower lip. Then:
“José could not have known what kind of a man the — other — is.”
“I hope not.”
“Oh, he couldn’t have known! Rita, he wouldn’t have let him ask us—”
“Men seldom deceive one another.”
“You don’t think José Querida knew?”
“I — don’t — think…. Valerie, men are very — very unlike women…. Forgive me if I seem to be embittered…. Even you have had your experience with men — the men that all the world seems to like — kind, jolly, generous, jovial, amusing men — and clever men; men of attainment, of distinction. And they — the majority of them — are, after all, just men, Valerie, just men in a world made for men, a world into which we come like timid intruders; uncertain through generations of uncertainty — innocently stupid through ages of stupid innocence, ready to please though not knowing exactly how; ready to be pleased, God knows, with pleasures as innocent as the simple minds that dream of them.
“Valerie, I do not believe any evil first came into this world of men through any woman.”
Valerie looked down at her folded hands — small, smooth, white hands, pure of skin and innocent as a child’s.
“I don’t know,” she said, troubled, “how much more unhappiness arises through men than through women, if any more … I like men. Some are unruly — like children; some have the sense and the morals of marauding dogs.
“But, at worst, the unruly and the marauders seem so hopelessly beneath one, intellectually, that a girl’s resentment is really more of contempt than of anger — and perhaps more of pity than of either.”
Rita said: “I cannot feel as charitably…. You still have that right.”
“Rita! Rita!” she said softly, “we both have loved men, you with the ignorance and courage of a child — I with less ignorance and with my courage as yet untested. Where is the difference between us — if we love sincerely?”
Rita leaned forward and looked at her searchingly:
“Do you mean to do — what you said you would?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because he wants me.”
Rita sprang to her feet and began pacing the floor.
“I will not have it so!” she said excitedly, “I will not have it so! If he is a man — a real man — he will not have it so, either. If he will, he does not love you; mark what I say, Valerie — he does not love you enough. No man can love a woman enough to accept that from her; it would be a paradox, I tell you!”
“He loves me enough,” said Valerie, very pale. “He could not love me as I care for him; it is not in a man to do it, nor in any human being to love as I love him. You don’t understand, Rita. I must be a part of him — not very much, because already there is so much to him — and I am so — so unimportant.”
“You are more important than he is,” said Rita fiercely— “with all your fineness and loyalty and divine sympathy and splendid humility — with your purity and your loveliness; and in spite of his very lofty intellect and his rather amazing genius, and his inherited social respectability — you are the more important to the happiness and welfare of this world — even to the humblest corner in it!”
“Rita! Rita! What wild, partisan nonsense you are talking!”
[Illustration: “His thoughts were mostly centred on Valerie.”]
“Oh, Valerie, Valerie, if you only knew! If you only knew!”
* * * * *
Querida called next day. Rita was at home but flatly refu
sed to see him.
“Tell Mr. Querida,” she said to the janitor, “that neither I nor Miss West are at home to him, and that if he is as nimble at riddles as he is at mischief he can guess this one before his friend Mr. Cardemon returns from a voyage around the world.”
Which reply slightly disturbed Querida.
All during dinner — and he was dining alone — he considered it; and his thoughts were mostly centred on Valerie.
Somehow, some way or other he must come to an understanding with Valerie West. Somehow, some way, she must be brought to listen to him. Because, while he lived, married or single, poor or wealthy, he would never rest, never be satisfied, never wring from life the last drop that life must pay him, until this woman’s love was his.
He loved her as such a man loves; he had no idea of letting that love for her interfere with other ambitions.
Long ago, when very poor and very talented and very confident that the world, which pretended to ignore him, really knew in its furtive heart that it owed him fame and fortune and social position, he had determined to begin the final campaign with a perfectly suitable marriage.
That was all years ago; and he had never swerved in his determination — not even when Valerie West surprised his life in all the freshness of her young beauty.
And, as he sat there leisurely over his claret, he reflected, easily, that the time had come for the marriage, and that the woman he had picked out was perfectly suitable, and that the suitable evening to inform her was the present evening.
Mrs. Hind-Willet was prepossessing enough to interest him, clever enough to stop gaps in a dinner table conversation, wealthy enough to permit him a liberty of rejecting commissions, which he had never before dared to exercise, and fashionable enough to carry for him what could not be carried through his own presentable good looks and manners and fame.
This last winter he had become a frequenter of her house on Sixty-third Street; and so carelessly assiduous, and so delightfully casual had become his attentions to that beautifully groomed widow, that his footing with her was already an intimacy, and his portrait of her, which he had given her, had been the sensation of the loan exhibition at the great Interborough Charity Bazaar.
He was neither apprehensive nor excited as he calmly finished his claret. He was to drop in there after dinner to discuss with her several candidates as architects for the New Idea Home.
So when he was entirely ready he took his hat and stick and departed in a taxicab, pleasantly suffused with a gentle glow of anticipation. He had waited many years for such an evening as this was to be. He was a patient and unmoral man. He could wait longer for Valerie, — and for the first secret blow at the happiness and threatened artistic success of Louis Neville.
So he rolled away in his taxi very comfortably, savouring his cigarette, indolently assured of his reception in a house which it would suit him perfectly to inhabit when he cared to.
Only one thing worried him a little — the short note he had received from his friend Penrhyn Cardemon, saying rather brusquely that he’d made up his mind not to have his portrait painted for five thousand dollars, and that he was going off on The Mohave to be gone a year at least.
Which pained Querida, because Cardemon had not only side-stepped what was almost a commission, but he had, also, apparently forgotten his invitation to spend the summer on The Mohave — with the understanding that Valerie West was also to be invited.
However, everything comes in its season; and this did not appear to be the season for ripe commissions and yachting enterprises; but it certainly seemed to be the season for a judicious matrimonial enterprise.
And when Mrs. Hind-Willet received him in a rose-tinted reception corner, audaciously intimate and secluded, he truly felt that he was really missing something of the pleasures of the chase, and that it was a little too easy to be acutely enjoyable.
However, when at last he had gently retained her hand and had whispered, “Alma,” and had let his big, dark, velvet eyes rest with respectful passion upon her smaller and clearer and blacker ones, something somewhere in the machinery seemed to go wrong — annoyingly wrong.
Because Mrs. Hind-Willet began to laugh — and evidently was trying not to — trying to remain very serious; but her little black eyes were glistening with tears of suppressed mirth, and when, amazed and offended, he would have withdrawn his hand, she retained it almost convulsively:
“José! I beg your pardon! — I truly do. It is perfectly horrid and unspeakable of me to behave this way; but listen, child! I am forty; I am perfectly contented not to marry again; and I don’t love you. So, my poor José, what on earth am I to do if I don’t laugh a little. I can’t weep over it you know.”
The scarlet flush faded from his olive skin. “Alma,” he began mournfully, but she only shook her head, vigorously.
“Nonsense,” she said. “You like me for a sufficient variety of reasons. And to tell you the truth I suspect that I am quite as madly in love with you as you actually are with me. No, no, José. There are too many — discrepancies — of various kinds. I have too little to gain! — to be horribly frank — and you — alas! — are a very cautious, very clever, and admirably sophisticated young man…. There, there! I am not really accusing you — or blaming you — very much…. I’d have tried the same thing in your place — yes, indeed I would…. But, José dear, if you’ll take the mature advice of fair, plump, and forty, you’ll let the lesser ambition go.
“A clever wealthy woman nearer your age, and on the edge of things — with you for a husband, ought to carry you and herself far enough to suit you. And there’d be more amusement in it, believe me…. And now — you may kiss my hand — very good-humoredly and respectfully, and we’ll talk about those architects. Shall we?”
* * * * *
For twenty-four hours Querida remained a profoundly astonished man. Examine, in retrospective, as he would, the details of the delicately adjusted machinery which for so many years had slowly but surely turned the interlocking cog-wheels of destiny for him, he could not find where the trouble had been — could discover no friction caused by neglect of lubricants; no over-oiling, either; no flaw.
Wherein lay the trouble? Based on what error was his theory that the average man could marry anybody he chose? Just where had he miscalculated?
He admitted that times changed very fast; that the world was spinning at a rate that required nimble wits to keep account of its revolutions. But his own wits were nimble, almost feminine in the rapid delicacy of their intuition — almost feminine, but not quite. And he felt, vaguely, that there lay his mistake in engaging a woman with a woman’s own weapons; and that the only chance a man has is to perplex her with his own.
The world was spinning rapidly; times changed very fast, but not as fast as women were changing in the Western World. For the self-sufficient woman — the self-confident, self-sustaining individual, not only content but actually preferring autonomy of mind and body, was a fact in which José Querida had never really ever believed. No sentimentalist does or really can. And all creators of things artistic are, basically, sentimentalists.
Querida’s almond-shaped, velvet eyes had done their share for him in his time; they were merely part of a complex machinery which, included many exquisitely adjusted parts which could produce at will such phenomena as temporary but genuine sympathy and emotion: a voice controlled and modulated to the finest nuances; a grace of body and mind that resembled inherent delicacy; a nervous receptiveness and intelligence almost supersensitive in its recognition of complicated ethical problems. It was a machinery which could make of him any manner of man which the opportunism of the particular moment required. Yet, with all this, in every nerve and bone and fibre he adored material and intellectual beauty, and physical suffering in others actually distressed him.
Now, reviewing matters, deeply interested to find the microscopic obstruction which had so abruptly stopped the machinery of destiny for him, he was modest enough and sufficiently
liberal-minded to admit to himself that Alma Hind-Willet was the exception that proved this rule. There were women so constructed that they had become essentially unresponsive. Alma was one. But, he concluded that if he lived a thousand years he was not likely to encounter another.
And the following afternoon he called upon Mrs. Hind-Willet’s understudy, the blue-eyed little Countess d’Enver.
Hélène d’Enver was superintending the definite closing of her beautiful duplex apartments — the most beautiful in the great château-like, limestone building. And José Querida knew perfectly well what the rents were.
“Such a funny time to come to see me,” she had said laughingly over the telephone; “I’m in a dreadful state with skirts pinned up and a motor-bonnet over my hair, but I will not permit my maids to touch the porcelains; and if you really wish to see me, come ahead.”
He really wished to. Besides he adored her Ming porcelains and her Celedon, and the idea of any maid touching them almost gave him heart-failure. He himself possessed one piece of Ming and a broken fragment of Celedon. Women had been married for less.
She was very charming in her pinned-up skirts and her dainty head-gear, and she welcomed him and intrusted him with specimens which sent pleasant shivers down his flexible spine.
And, together, they put away many scores of specimens which were actually priceless, inasmuch as any rumour of a public sale would have excited amateurs to the verge of lunacy, and almost any psychopathic might have established a new record for madness at an auction of this matchless collection.
They breathed easier when the thrilling task was ended; but emotion still enchained them as they seated themselves at a tea-table — an emotion so deep on Hélène’s part that she suffered Querida to retain the tips of her fingers for an appreciable moment when transferring sugar to his cup. And she listened, with a smile almost tremulous, to the fascinating music of his voice, charmingly attuned and modulated to a pitch which, somehow, seemed to harmonise with the very word, Celedon.
Works of Robert W Chambers Page 550