I snort. Good. I’m not sure you can describe me and Siobahn as good. We’re strangers who had an instant sexual attraction, we have lust and desire. That doesn’t make a marriage, it doesn’t make a family and now I’m wondering why I’ve put both of us in this position.
“Don’t overthink it,” Gavino mutters.
“What?”
He hums. “I can practically hear the marbles in your head rolling around, Ren. We’ve all started out the same way. New, unknowing of the future, unknowing of one another and it’s worked out for the best. This will too. Your gut picked her, it’s never wrong.”
“Not sure it was my gut that did any picking,” I say, pointing out a truth that we both know.
He laughs, and I can almost see him sitting across from me, shaking his head at my words. “Yeah, but it did. You’ve been with how many women and you’ve wanted to make how many yours?”
“Too many to count, and none.”
“Your gut chose, even if you weren’t aware. Get her healthy, bring her home, yeah?”
Clearing my throat, I whisper a yeah right before he ends the call. Straightening my head, I look across the room and toward that hospital bed. She’s lying there, still on her side, her lips still parted as she breathes heavily in her drug induced sleep.
Gavino is right. My gut chose her. My subconscious picked her to be mine. She is too. She’s mine in every way I’ve ever wanted a woman. She is soft and sweet, she takes me as I am, she doesn’t mind talking back a bit if she feels the need. She’s exactly what I’ve never wanted and everything I’ve ever needed all at the same time.
Why does it feel like I’m bringing her into my life and she’s going to be my everything and yet, I’m going to ruin her all at the same time?
Chapter Eighteen
SIOBAHN
Renzo is watching me as my eyes open. Except he’s not in the same position that he was last night and he’s got a white bag in one hand and a coffee cup in the other. He grins down at me, then closes the distance and sinks down on the hospital bed.
“Cleared it with the doctor. You can have some bread, at least that’s what he said, and a coffee.”
Smiling, I give him a nod and hold out my hand for the bag. Opening it, I shove my face inside and inhale a deep breath, letting out a moan when the scent of the fresh bread hits my senses.
“You know I was asked if you wanted beans with that down at the shop. Beans?” he asks.
Lifting my head, I tilt my head to the side. “Do you not eat beans?” I ask.
Renzo chuckles. “Not for breakfast. Lunch maybe, usually it’s served with dinner as a side dish.”
I hum, wondering how many things will be culturally different when I arrive in America. I never thought about going to another country and living there permanently, but I admit that I’m excited and can’t wait.
Taking the bread out of the bag, I bite off a chunk and moan. I’m starving. I hadn’t realized how incredibly hungry that I was until this moment. Renzo doesn’t say anything, but I can feel his eyes on me.
Looking up at him, I lift a brow in question and he laughs softly. “Hungry?”
“Starving. I didn’t eat lunch yesterday, I was going to grab something small right before…”
My words trail off and I try to shake the thoughts from my mind, but it doesn’t work. I still see him standing at the door to the shop. I still feel his fingers wrapped around my throat. I don’t know that I’ll ever forget the words that he said to me. I don’t think a girl can forget something like that, not when it’s her own father who said them.
“It’s over, cuoricino,” Renzo coos.
But is it? Or is it like the disappearance of Emilyn? Will it all haunt me forever? I don’t ask Renzo because it’s that moment that the doctor walks in. He smiles at me and we talk for a few moments before he announces that I am to be released.
When he leaves, it’s just me and Renzo again. I drink my coffee, trying not to tell him everything that I’m feeling right now, but he can read me, I can tell by the way he’s watching.
“Nothing that your father said to you or did to you was right. It’s not okay, cuoricino. He won’t have the chance to ever do or say any of it again,” he growls.
Nodding, I look down at my lap. Renzo wraps his fingers around mine and gently squeezes. “You’re coming home, Siobahn. There is a whole family waiting to welcome you.”
Lifting my eyes, they widen at his words. When we had our more in-depth talk the other night, he told me that both of his parents were gone, so I’m a bit taken aback by his words of family. He must sense my confusion, his lips turn up into a smile and he shakes his head a couple of times.
“The people that I am close to are like family, cuoricino. They are my family now.”
“I like that for you,” I whisper.
He laughs. “I do too, and you’ll like it for yourself too, trust me, yeah?”
“Yeah,” I breathe.
Trust.
I’m giving him a whole lot of my trust by going through with this. I’m also trusting myself too, something that I haven’t done since Emilyn was taken from us. I’ve never allowed myself to like someone, to truly trust them, to close my eyes and just jump.
But with Renzo, that’s exactly what I’m doing and I am excited and terrified all at the same time. I want it all. He makes me want everything that I never thought I wanted. He makes me need it. He makes me feel alive.
A nurse walks in before I can say any of that, and I’m glad, once again saved by the hospital staff from making a declaration that Renzo isn’t ready to hear and I’m not ready to announce. The nurse lets me know what the doctor’s instructions are. I’m to rest for a few days, my injuries aren’t too bad, but I need to just listen to my body and not do too much.
She looks from me to Renzo, then back to me. “Try to keep the intimacy calm for a while. I would say refrain, but…”
Renzo grunts at the same time I giggle. “I don’t think abstinence is an option with that one,” I admit.
She grins, giving me a wink. “It wouldn’t be for me either.”
It doesn’t take much longer to finish all of the papers and then I’m finally free. I want to do a cartwheel, but that would be out of the question, no doubt. Renzo helps me into his car and we’re finally on our way to my house, my old house. I don’t know, I’m not sure what to call it.
My palms start to sweat, but he reaches over and grabs hold of my hand. “He won’t be there, I can assure you. Plus, I’m not leaving your side, cuoricino.”
“You aren’t?” I ask, turning to look at him.
He’s watching the road, but I can’t help but see the way he frowns. “Do you think I’d leave you there?” I ask.
I shrug a shoulder. “Going through and packing things isn’t anything fun.”
He hums. “You’ll have help, many hands make quick work, isn’t that the saying?” he asks.
I don’t ask him who will be there, instead, I see them standing right in front of the house waiting. It’s my friends. Well, people that I didn’t realize were really my friends until recently. I’ve known Kathleen, Andrea, and John for years, but I didn’t think that we were close.
Trust.
I never allowed myself to trust them until now. Until Renzo, until I opened myself up. It shouldn’t have taken this long. It shouldn’t have happened this way, and I hate that I’ve finally found out how much they mean to me just as I’m leaving.
“They’ll be helping too. Now, listen, cuoricino,” Renzo says.
I use the back of my hand to wipe the tears away before I turn slightly to face him. He has a serious expression on his face and I have no idea what he’s going to say next. I hold my breath until he begins to speak.
“Whatever you want in that house you take. If there is something of your sister’s, your mother’s, you don’t hesitate, Siobahn. You may never come back here and you don’t know what will happen to any of it when you’re not around to care for it, yea
h?”
My gaze flicks to the house, then back to him. I think about the few items of my mom’s that I would love to have. The silver handheld mirror, the pearl necklace that was her mother’s. Then there’s Emilyn. She was only a child, but I have a box of mementos, things that I doubt anyone would care about, anyway.
Nodding my head, I give him my best smile, which is shaky at best. “Okay, Renzo.”
He dips his chin, then leans over and brushes his lips across mine. “Let’s go.”
Kathleen, Andrea, and John are at the car door fussing over me before I can even unfold from the seat. I smile, looking over my shoulder at Renzo who is just watching. He may not have a smile on his face, but I can see it in his eyes.
He’s happy. Whether it’s because my friends care for me or the fact that I’m packing my things and will be leaving for him the way he desires, I don’t know. I’m not so sure that I care, either.
He’s happy and so am I.
RENZO
There was nothing left for me to clean up of Sullivan when I checked on him this morning on my way to get bread and coffee for Siobahn. The house was quiet and still. There was no wife, no children, and his body was gone, the blood cleaned up as if it had never been there in the first place.
If Sullivan was famiglia, I would say that it was one of our cleanup crews, it was that good. However, he isn’t, and since this is Ireland, it wasn’t. I try to shake off the feeling that the whole situation fills me with. Gavino explained it, his theory works, and now I need to focus on Orin.
Orin Murphy has not been a hard man to follow. In fact, he’s cocky as shit and it’s been easy as all hell. He does everything out in the open, daylight or night makes no difference to him. He doesn’t stick to the shadows, and neither do his men.
During my investigating this morning, I watched one of his men take a girl from right outside of their office in the middle of town.
She was a few years younger than Siobahn, standing at the bus stop just outside of the building. He circles her a few times, I watched him jerk his chin in a silent nod, then seconds later a van pulled up, she was picked up, thrown inside and whisked away.
Nobody the wiser.
I was too far away to stop them, not that I would have. She’ll be free before she’s sent off anywhere. I’ll make sure of that. I couldn’t make a scene, not when I have my eyes on the prize. You don’t cut off the tail of the snake, you cut off and mutilate the head. That’s what I’m going to do tomorrow night.
My phone rings and I excuse myself from the house. “Hello?”
“Enzo,” a woman’s voice purrs.
I hate that this is the job sometimes, but in order to know Orin’s exact whereabouts tomorrow night and not waste another day, I need to do this. Typically, he would already be dead and I wouldn’t have to worry about other people. But I’m on a time crunch and I need to get the fuck out of here.
“Hey,” I murmur.
She clears her throat, then whispers into the phone. “He’s leaving town tomorrow night. Last minute flight out to Morocco.”
Fuck.
“He just had me clear his schedule for the week. So, you want to come over and play tomorrow, he won’t be here all day. He’s finishing up his business here at the office today and is going to be gone for a looong time. He’s even had me transfer all his calls to his cell, he never does that.”
She’s telling me far more than she needs to, but I don’t mind it, because I need this information.
“I’ll come see you tomorrow afternoon, I have some things to take care of in the morning, then I’ll take care of you.”
She squeals and says that she can’t wait just as I end the call. I let out a sigh, lifting my hand to my face and scrubbing my palm down, tugging on the end of my scraggly beard. I had planned on staying in with Siobahn all night, taking care of her and making sure she was okay.
Looks like I’ll have to feed her pain pills so that she passes out and I can get this shit with Orin handled. This was not in my plans, then again, what is anymore? Nothing, none of this, is at all what I’ve had planned from the moment I landed in this country.
Still, I wouldn’t trade any of it. Without every part of this trip going as it has, I may not have ended up with Siobahn and she’s worth all of this fucking headache being thrown at me. Every fucking second of it.
Deciding that the only way we’re going to get this shit packed up in time is if I help, I make my way back into the small townhouse-style home and help my woman pack up her life. She won’t be able to bring all of her things on the plane with her. I’ve already arranged for Kathleen to send it out in the mail for me.
I’ve also instructed her to give away most of her clothes, promising that I’ll buy her some when she gets home. Mainly because what she owns is cheap and my woman doesn’t do cheap. If she’s mine, she’s going to represent me, and you don’t represent a Made Man in Forever 21.
My woman.
She’s that too. Battered and bruised by her piece of shit father, she’s mine. Nobody will ever hurt her again, I won’t fucking allow it. Not ever. Except maybe me, I have no doubt that I’ll hurt her, over and over.
Chapter Nineteen
SIOBAHN
My life can be packed up in three boxes, two suitcases, and one carry-on. It’s pathetic really. Twenty-five years comes down to a few boxes and nothing more. Granted Renzo made it clear that he didn’t want me to bring a bunch of clothes and shoes, which in the end doesn’t matter much because I don’t really have many of either.
“You’re feeling okay?” he asks, breaking my thoughts.
I’m sitting in bed, my back against the headboard, the blankets pulled up to my waist and a tray of soup and bread sitting in front of me, untouched.
Giving him a shaky smile, I nod my head. “I’m okay,” I whisper. “Just tired.”
His lips turn up in a grin as he makes his way toward me and sits down next to my hip. He looks down at the food, then lifts his hand and places two pills on my food tray. I press my lips together, not sure if I want to take them. I hate taking medicine, especially ones that completely knock me out the way these do.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
Looking down at the pills, I lift my eyes to meet his. “I hate the way they make me feel,” I admit.
He nods his head once, then shifts his gaze to the side before he moves it back to meet my own. “You’ll be in pain, cuoricino. I’d feel better if you at least took them tonight, see how you feel in the morning?”
Searching his gaze, I release my lips and reach for the medicine. I quickly swallow the tablets before I change my mind. Renzo smiles, then he reaches for the bread and tears off a chunk. He lifts it to my lips, holding it against them.
I can smell the delicious warm bread and instantly open my mouth. He sits next to me, feeding me bread between spoonfuls of soup. There is something beautiful about the moment. He’s taking care of me and it makes me look forward to the future. I know that he’ll be right here at my side, taking care of me then, too.
It doesn’t take me long to start feeling lethargic. Once my belly is full and I’ve snuggled down into the bed, my head lying on the fluffy pillow, my body surrounded by the equally fluffy comforter, I let out a long, too loud yawn as I look to the side.
Renzo is still sitting next to me, his lips twitching into a smile as he watches me. He reaches out and tucks some of my hair behind my ear the way that he does, his eyes searching my own.
“Sleep well, cuoricino.”
I hum, nodding my head as my eyes grow heavier and heavier with each blink. Renzo smiles down at me, his fingers gliding through the hair at my temple, down my face, and then continuing to my collarbone before starting all over again.
“Thank you for saving me,” I sigh as my eyes finally close and everything goes peacefully quiet around me.
I wake up with a start. Sitting straight up, I place my hand against my chest and blink to attempt to adjust to the pitch-black roo
m as I attempt to inhale deep breaths to calm my racing heart. Reaching out next to me, I feel for Renzo, assuming that he’s asleep. When the bedding is cold beneath my touch, I frown.
Sliding out of bed, I stand on shaky legs as I attempt to make my way to the bathroom. I need to splash some water on my face, I need to calm down. I don’t know what has me in a panic. I don’t remember any sort of dream, but something just made me freak-out.
Flipping the light on in the bathroom, I glance at myself in the mirror and cringe. I look terrible. I look exactly how I feel, as if I’ve been beat up by a man twice my size. Stumbling toward the sink, I turn the water on cool and cup my hands beneath its flow before I splash it against my face.
Reaching for a towel, I hold it against my face and just breathe for a moment. Once I’ve patted my face dry, I inhale a deep breath again and turn to go in search of Renzo. Leaving the bathroom light on to help me see, I take in the rest of the room.
Nobody else is here. The sofa is empty, the chairs too. Deciding that he must be having a smoke on the balcony, I slowly shuffle that way. These pills are still in full effect and I find that it’s difficult to use my gross motor skills being on them, which is why I didn’t even want to take them to begin with.
Opening up the door, I’m surprised to see that he’s not here. The balcony is empty and there isn’t even a hint of the scent of smoke. I’m completely alone. Leaving the door open, enjoying the cool air, I make my way back toward the bed.
Falling forward, I’m thankful that I’m close enough that I land on the bed. Crawling onto the soft mattress, I can’t even find the strength to crawl beneath the covers. I lie on my side, my legs brought up to my chest in the fetal position as I stare at the door to the hotel suite.
Where is he?
Millions of thoughts run through my head, none of them good. Where could he possibly be? Why would he leave me alone? What woke me up? It wasn’t a dream, at least I don’t think that it was. Instead, it feels almost as if it was something, maybe someone who caused my entire being to startle awake.
Becoming the Hitman (Zanetti Famiglia Book 5) Page 13