After what seemed like forever, Jake pointed to something in front of him. “There it is.”
She saw what appeared to be a natural cave cut into the jungle’s side. It was impossible to see how big it really was, or how deep it actually went.
Judging by the size of the entrance, Jake should be able to stand up in it comfortably. That meant her five feet, four inch frame would have no problem fitting inside.
There was an overgrowth of vines and leaves surrounding it. The way they hung down in front of the cave’s entrance, it looked as if nothing—human or otherwise—had used it for quite some time.
Jake looked back over his shoulder and pulled out his gun. “I’ll check to make sure it’s clear, and then, we’ll rest here for a while.”
Still not trusting herself to speak, Olivia just nodded. His eyes narrowed and he shook his head, mumbling something when he turned away and walked toward the cave.
She felt like a total bitch for being so distant with him, especially since he and his team had risked their lives to save hers. He didn’t realize it was as much for his protection, as hers.
After a quick perusal of the empty space, Jake motioned for her to come inside. He held the vines open with one arm, as he would a curtain.
Olivia assumed the reason he didn’t cut them down was because freshly cut vegetation would give away their position.
Careful not to brush against him, she stepped past him.. It was a lot smaller than it looked from the outside, not even the size of her apartment’s tiny, ten by twelve living room.
The air smelled musty, reminding her of an old, stone basement, but it was dry and clean, so she wasn’t about to complain. Not sure what she should do, Olivia stood nervously with her arms crossed in front of her.
Jake dropped the pack from his shoulders and sighed heavily. “We should be good here for a while. You can use the backpack as a pillow if you’d like to lie down and rest.”
“What about you?” It was the most she’d spoken at one time in hours.
He shrugged. “I’m good. Surprisingly, I’m not very tired.”
Olivia broke eye contact. “Me, neither.”
Despite their long hike, she was way too wired to sleep. Too many demons dancing around in her head.
They stood in silence for a couple minutes before Jake moved in closer. Though she wanted to, Olivia still didn’t look at him. Not even when he reached up and smoothed some hair away from her face.
His touch was so gentle, she had to fight against the need to lean into him and take the comfort she knew he was offering.
Tucking the strands back behind her ear, Jake slid his hand slowly down the side of her neck before resting it on her shoulder. His fingers rubbed against the muscles there.
“You’ve been through a lot, Liv. You really should try to sleep while you can.”
He really needed to stop touching her. She couldn’t think straight when he touched her.
Looking down at their feet, just inches apart, Olivia quietly said, “I’m good.”
Keeping the one hand on her shoulder, Jake used the other to tip her chin up, forcing her to look at him. “It’s okay to admit you’re tired. I can lay with you, if you’d like.”
When he brushed across her bottom lip, she came so damn close to giving in. His gaze lowered, and she knew he was going to kiss her.
God, she wanted to taste him again. More than she wanted her next breath.
She pressed her palms against his chest and eased herself away, whispering, “Please, Jake. Don’t.”
The pain in his eyes was unmistakable. Knowing she was the cause broke Olivia’s heart in two. One more thing to feel guilty about. Just add it to my tab.
“Why?” he asked gruffly.
“Why what?” she responded with feigned confusion.
Frustrated, Jake asked, “Why are you pushing me away?”
“I’m not—” Olivia couldn’t even finish the ridiculous lie. Especially when she had literally just pushed him away.
He threw his hands in the air, letting them slap back down against his legs. The sound echoed throughout the confines of the cave.
“Come on, Liv. Last night you were…we were…” He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “But today it’s like you’ve completely shut me out.”
He was right, and she hated herself for it. “I don’t mean to shut you out, Jake. I swear I don’t. I just…I don’t think this is a good idea.”
“Why not?” he demanded.
Olivia stared at him. He was standing in the middle of the cave, hands rested low on his lean hips. He looked confused and pissed off and, damn, if he wasn’t the sexiest man she’d ever seen. She tore her gaze from his and shrugged one shoulder as she spoke.
“Lots of reasons.” Okay, even to her that sounded lame.
“Such as?” Jake pressed on.
Why the hell couldn’t he just let it go? She wanted to scream the question at him. Already an emotional wreck, Olivia’s own frustration began to grow.
She ran a hand through her tangled mass of hair, still in a state of shock that she was actually trying to convince Jake McQueen that they shouldn’t be together.
“What do you want from me, Jake?”
He took a tentative step forward, his hardened expression unwavering. “I want to know why you won’t give this a chance.”
Olivia’s heart physically hurt as it pounded unforgivingly inside her chest. Her entire adult life—and most of her teenage years—she’d longed for this man to say he wanted her.
She’d spent years fantasizing that one day, he’d look at her the way he had when they’d been caught in the rain. The way he’d looked just before kissing her last night.
And now it finally happens? When she was so screwed up in the head, she didn’t know how in the hell she was going to survive going back home and getting on with her life? Especially when so many had lost theirs? Now he decides to try and start something with her?
Unwilling to admit the truth, but desperate for him to drop the subject, Olivia decided on a different approach. Forcing herself to make eye contact, she crossed her arms and did her best to sound flippant.
“Maybe I’m just not that into you. Did you ever stop to think about that?”
“Bullshit.”
Not only was his response immediate, but the frustratingly handsome man looked as if he were actually fighting a smile. Damn him.
She should’ve known trying to convince him she wasn’t interested was a lost cause. Unfortunately, it was the best she could come up with, so Olivia decided to go for broke.
“Look, Jake. I’m sure you’ve been with plenty of other women, but that doesn’t mean you’re totally irresistible to us all, you know.”
This time he didn’t even try to hide his amusement. Jake’s mouth rose into that sexy half-smile that would have dropped her panties in an instant…had she actually been wearing any.
“Oh, really?”
He raised a brow and moved toward her, the tilt of his lips deepening the bracket on that side of his mouth. It was too long to be a dimple, but still had the same, irritatingly charming effect.
Jake’s steps were purposeful, like a predator getting ready to strike at its prey. “I don’t recall you resisting me last night.”
When he talked to her that way, his voice low and sensual, Olivia couldn’t keep from becoming aroused. Focus, Bradshaw! She opened her mouth—to say what, she wasn’t sure—but Jake cut her off at the pass.
“You can deny it all you want, sweetheart, but it was written all over your face when you kissed me last night. In fact”—he took a couple more steps—“it still is.”
It took everything she had not to throw herself into his arms and grab hold of her dream. Of course she wanted him to kiss her. Wanted him to do a hell of a lot more than that, actually.
Closing the small gap between them, Jake stood right in front of her. Olivia’s body vibrated with nervous energy as he leaned in closely, the rough whisk
ers on his jaw brushing against her cheek. Shivers raced down her spine as his warm breath caressed her ear.
And it was only by the grace of God that she was able to stand her ground and not jump his bones when he whispered, “I bet if I were to put my mouth on those pursed lips of yours right now, you wouldn’t do a damn thing to stop me.”
Jake leaned back just enough to look into Olivia’s eyes. He searched for any hint that her resolve was crumbling, but saw none. Oh, she was turned on as fuck, no question. The signs were all there.
Dilated pupils. Flushed skin. And two perfectly shaped, rock-hard nipples.
He knew as well as anyone, however, that there was a big difference between having a physical attraction toward a person and feeling a true, deep emotion for them. Looking at her now…if Olivia felt anything more for him than lust, she was doing a damn good job at hiding it. You should’ve known better.
Jake’s heart sank deep into his chest. He should be relieved. After all, he was going against the very thing he’d fought long and hard to ignore.
He’d been telling himself for the past decade that they weren’t a good idea, and should probably be thanking his lucky stars, but relief was the furthest thing from what he was feeling. Why? Because he fucking loved her.
Jake wasn’t sure about anything else. Not where they’d go from here, or how they’d deal with the risks that came with his job. He could only imagine how she’d react when he finally told her the truth about her brother’s “accident”, as well as the part he played in it.
What Jake did know, was that, in this very moment, he felt as though he was fighting for his life. And for Olivia, he would fight to the fucking death.
They’d danced around each other all day—for more than ten years, really—and that dance needed to end. Or, at least change its pace.
The timing sucked, and Jake knew he should be focusing on getting them the hell home, but enough was fucking enough. One way or another, this thing between them was going to get settled. If it had to be while they were held up in this dingy-as-shit cave, so be it.
“Just admit it, Liv,” he demanded. “You want me.”
Olivia’s eyes narrowed, those small arms still stubbornly crossed in front of her. “Are you really that arrogant?” she asked, jutting her chin up even higher.
Jesus, she’s so damn cute. He grinned and shook his head, “Nope. Just that confident.”
Something flashed in her eyes, but it wasn’t what he’d been hoping to see. Before he could decipher exactly what it was, she turned away from him.
Like hell, sweetheart.
Jake stood behind Olivia and gently took her shoulders into his hands. He felt them shudder beneath his touch, making him feel like the biggest asshole on the face of the planet. He’d meant to push her into confessing her feelings for him, not make her cry.
“Liv? Baby, what’s wrong?”
And if that wasn’t the most ignorant question he could have asked, given her circumstance. Real fucking smooth, McQueen.
She shook her head and raised her hands to her face to wipe away her tears. Then, Olivia stepped out of his reach, toward the entrance of the cave.
“I just…I can’t do this with you, Jake. I’m sorry.”
No way in hell was he alone in all of this. She felt it to. Jake knew she did. Question was, why was she fighting so hard to pretend otherwise?
He clenched his teeth. “Then, at least, tell me why. And, be honest, Liv. We’ve been friends a long damn time. I think I deserve the truth.” The hypocrisy of his words wasn’t lost on him, but he ignored it. “None of this you-don’t-want-me bullshit, because we both know damn good and well, that’s a fucking lie.”
She turned around, the pain he saw there nearly breaking him.
“I do want you, Jake.” She blinked, sending silver streaks down her cheeks. “I’ve wanted you for as long as I can remember. But, this”—she made a back-and-forth motion between them with her hand—“Us? It won’t work.”
The muscles in Jake’s jaw tensed. “Why not?” He knew he sounded pathetic, but didn’t give a shit.
“Because…” She looked away from him. “You deserve better.”
Chapter 12
Olivia’s last three words were nothing more than a whisper. Spoken so low, Jake wasn’t sure he’d heard her right. Of all the things he thought she might say, that one wasn’t even in the vicinity of his imagination.
Where she’d gotten the idea that she wasn’t good enough for him, he had no fucking clue. And when he looked into her eyes and realized she actually believed the shit she’d just flung at him, it pissed him the hell off.
With his hands back at his hips, Jake glared back at her. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? Are you seriously going to stand there and feed me the whole ‘it’s not you, it’s me,’ line of bullshit?” He chuckled humorlessly and shook his head. “Sorry, sweetheart, but you’re gonna to have to do a hell of a lot better than that.”
Her beautiful, imploring eyes pleaded with him to believe her. “It’s true, Jake. It’s not you. You’re brave and confident. Trustworthy and honorable. You’re the best person I know, and I’m…” Her voice trailed off.
A stab of guilt from her choice of words shot through him, but Jake pressed on. Taking a step toward her, he asked, “You’re what, Liv? Do you honestly think you’re not all of those things and more?”
Olivia had always exhibited a level of confidence that Jake found both admirable and sexy as hell. But whatever she’d gone through on that Godforsaken island was doing its best to destroy her. The fuck he’d let that happen.
Switching tactics, Jake decided to go with one he’d used in the military. Far too many times, he’d witnessed the men or women under his command struggling to deal with things they’d seen or been forced to do while in combat. Those soldiers didn’t need someone spewing platitudes at them, and neither did Olivia.
He hated the thought of what he was about to do to her, but desperate times and all that shit. And Jake was way the fuck past desperate.
With his heart in his throat, he schooled his expression and asked coldly, “What happened to you?”
Picking up on the abhorrence in his tone, Olivia’s brows furrowed with both confusion and exasperation. “Excuse me?”
She was getting pissed. Good. Jake could handle Pissed-off Olivia. It was this broken down, self-doubting Olivia that was breaking his fucking heart. If he had to make her mad to bring her out of it, that’s exactly what he’d do.
Jake took a step forward, unwilling to let his true emotions show. “You heard me.” He ran his hand over his jaw, hoping she couldn’t see the way it shook. “Honey, I get that you’ve been through hell, but the Olivia I know would be ranting on and on about it. She’d be shouting at the top of her lungs, demanding justice and plotting against those responsible, not…” He swallowed down a healthy dose of guilt and forced the words out, “not standing around having a fucking pity party.”
Olivia flinched back, as if he’d struck her. The pain flashing through her widened eyes was like a dull, jagged knife slowly tearing through Jake’s heart. He was about to throw himself at her feet and beg for forgiveness when Olivia’s look of pain morphed into an unhinged fury.
With her hands in fists at her sides, she yelled, “A pity party?”
I’m so sorry, baby. “That’s right. You’re going to stand there and tell me you’re not good enough for me, and all because of what? Some assholes decided to blow everyone in your camp away and take you captive?”
She flinched again, making him feel lower than dirt, but he couldn’t stop now. Enunciating every word, Jake drove his point home.
“It. Wasn’t. Your. Fault. You have to accept that and stop blaming yourself for something you had no control over.”
Olivia stormed toward him, not stopping until they were nearly nose-to-chin. “You self-righteous, egotistical asshole!” She poked him hard in the chest. “You have no idea what I’ve been through, so don’
t you dare stand there and judge me for how I’m dealing with it!”
Jake’s own anger—at the men who’d hurt her, at Olivia for holding back on what they could have together, at himself and the entire fucked-up situation—burst through.
“You’re right, Liv,” he yelled back. “I don’t know everything, because you won’t tell me!”
He felt like a total prick, but dialing back his emotions was impossible.
“Every time I try to get you to talk about it, you either clam up or change the subject. What happened to the woman who wasn’t afraid to take chances? The one who’d go after what she wanted with a vengeance and stop at nothing until she got it? Where's the woman who would fight for what was right and just, no matter who or what she had to go up against? That’s the Olivia I know. So, where is she now? What happened to the Olivia I know and lo—”
Fuck! He sucked in a breath, stopping just short of professing his love for her. Now was definitely not the time for those words.
Catching him off guard, Jake stumbled back a step when Olivia slammed both of her palms against his chest. “You bastard!”
She turned and walked a few steps away, stopping just before the cave’s entrance. Jake watched as she wrapped her arms around herself. It should be my arms around her.
“I am a bastard,” he admitted in a low voice from behind her. “Grade-A. I’m also right, and you know it. Come on, Liv,” he closed the gap between them, barely managing to keep his hands to himself this time. “Baby, talk to me. Please.”
After several agonizing seconds, Olivia slowly turned back around, tears falling steadily over her cheeks. The fight in her eyes was gone, and the sight ripped him the fuck apart.
“The Olivia you speak so highly of?” She shook her head. “She doesn’t exist.” Liv licked a teardrop from her top lip and added, “Apparently, she never did.”
It was Jake’s second what the fuck moment in a matter of minutes. “What the hell are you talking about? You’re the most—”
Vote Then Read: Volume II Page 13