What if he does want to talk about moving in together?
I smiled as I put on earrings.
It’d be fast but in a good way. Jordan was spending so much time at our place, she could totally move in with Lex. I could move in with him, for now. At least until Travesty built enough steam that I could help pay for a seriously awesome place. It would be perfect, living right across the hall from my friends with my own dream guy. As a matter of fact, I’d seen some end tables that would be gorgeous in Nate’s bedroom. And an area rug that would pull together the living room …
My brain ran wild on decor ideas until I left an hour later. “Bye Lex!” I called.
“Have fun. Don’t make him grovel too much.”
Nate had asked if we could meet there because he had some “arrangements” to make first. When I stepped out of the cab and walked into the small, chic bistro, my eyes found him instantly.
He glanced up from his phone.
Damn. I’d never get used to the sight of Nate Townsend.
I was so glad I’d waited to fall for Nate. Someone real, with substance. He was everything I’d never known I wanted.
Nate stood when I approached the table, taking my time in my best heels. I felt his gaze run over me, appreciation on his face. The effort was worth it.
“You look beautiful,” he said solemnly.
He held my chair while I sat. He’d already ordered a bottle of wine, and the waiter glided over to pour me some before disappearing again.
As gorgeous as the restaurant and its patrons were, I couldn’t stand the suspense. He seemed agitated too, tapping his fingers on the table.
“Ava, I need to say something. A few things. First, I’m sorry about last night.”
Don’t give in too easily, I reminded myself.
“The thing is, I lost my job.”
My irritation at his half-hearted apology melted away.
“What?! That’s impossible, Nate. You’re the best associate they have!”
“Probably,” he agreed. “But someone got a picture of us at the Yankees game. It was leaked, with some … unflattering comments.” His face was stony. “Even though we weren’t doing anything wrong at the time, it made the firm look bad.”
I thought for a second, my brain scrambling to make sense of it. “But—I’m sure your dad can reverse the decision. He’s managing partner.”
Nate’s face didn’t change.
“Oh my God. Nate. He’s the one who fired you.”
“His hands were tied,” he said tightly. “For anyone else it would’ve been grounds for dismissal. He couldn’t make an exception. Even the most powerful men have no power at all when they’re in the spotlight.”
“That’s bullshit,” I bit out. There was no way Alistair Townsend, the man I’d met, couldn’t keep his own son employed if he wanted to.
“Ava, he’s trying to keep it contained, but keeping me there will hurt his credibility within the firm. I can’t ask this of him.” Nate straightened. “But there is an alternative. I have a new job offer. With a good firm.”
“Already?” Relief surged through my veins. “What’s the firm?”
“Tyson Parker.”
It didn’t ring a bell. Not that it should. “Is it in midtown?”
Nate scratched the back of his neck. “Not exactly.”
His coolness set off alarm bells. “Where’s the job, Nate?” I asked.
“Minneapolis.”
The noises from the restaurant blended together into a dull cacophony of music, tinkling laughter, and conversation. The steady pounding of my heart.
Nate said something else—I saw his mouth move—but I didn’t hear him. I sat back in my chair, bracing my hands on the edge of the table.
“Minnesota, Nate? Is this a joke?”
The visions of end tables and area rugs that had been forming in my mind popped like bubbles. I crashed down to earth with them.
I’d been so stupid, coming tonight expecting apologies, grand gestures. The last thing I’d considered was this.
“So what—are we breaking up?” The words came out in someone else’s voice. From someone else’s lungs, throat, lips, tongue.
Nate shook his head, brows knitting together. “Of course not. God, Ava. That’s not what this is.”
“Then tell me what this is, Nate. Because it sounds like you’ve decided to take a job halfway across the country.” I pushed back from the table, rising unsteadily to my feet. I started moving sightlessly toward the door.
I couldn’t have this conversation right now. I needed to breathe. Needed to get outside, away from all the smiling people and soft lighting.
“Wait. Ava, wait.” He caught up to me in the hallway and grabbed my arms, tugging me into a corner by the coat rack. “It doesn’t have to be like that. It won’t be.” His voice was reassuring as he turned me to face him. “Minneapolis isn’t that far away. You’re the one who said yourself you want to live all over the world. What did you think would happen when you moved to London, or Paris?”
I didn’t know. I hadn’t thought about it. All I could do was feel like my chest was tearing apart at the thought of this man I’d just found, who was my neighbor and my friend and who I was supposed to have a loft and broken beds with, leaving me in the rearview mirror.
“This is crazy. Why can’t you stay?” I demanded. “Yesterday you had a job. Tomorrow you could have another.”
Nate shook his head. “It’s not that simple.” His voice was firm. Like he’d already decided. “I need to work, Ava.”
“So get a job at a café.” I knew it was stupid but couldn’t help it.
“Ava … I’m sure you have questions. I’ll answer any of them.”
I swallowed the tears that threatened to spill. “When do you leave?”
“That’s what you want to know.” He sounded frustrated.
“Yes,” I said stubbornly, “right now it’s what I want to know.”
“Saturday.”
Saturday. The word sunk in through my pores.
It used to be my favorite day of the week. But I channeled my hate into that one word.
“Ava, long distance isn’t the end of the world.” His voice was soothing, his thumbs stroking down my arms. “Your brother and your roommate do it and they’re way farther apart.”
“I’ve seen what it does to them. And they’re totally head over heels for each other. Unshakeable.”
My forever involved waking up to him reading the New York Times with his glasses on. Going to sleep under his kisses.
It didn’t involve out-of-state phone calls and sitting in airports.
Nate and I stepped out of the way as a couple came to claim their coats. I stood stiffly, staring at the ground until they’d pushed through the front doors.
Deep breaths.
I turned my face back up to his. “I just don’t get it. Why Minneapolis, Nate?”
“Tyson Parker is run by a family friend. Mark Tyson has committed to supporting my father’s campaign. His son, Jack Tyson, has just started a new firm in Minneapolis.”
New frustration burned hot in my chest.
“So your father, who fired you, is sending you halfway across the country as what—a gift? That’s convenient.”
His brows drew together. “None of this is convenient. You don’t understand how these things work, Ava.”
“It’s convenient for him! Your parents want me out of your life, and if that means sending you away at the first excuse, so be it. Don’t you get it?”
Nate’s face darkened. “The world isn’t black and white. Nothing’s that clear.”
I was near laughing if I wasn’t on the verge of crying. “Nate, since the moment they found out we were together they’ve been trying to get rid of me.”
It terrified me that I finally was starting to understand. To understand that when Alistair lifted a finger, Nate would drop anything—everything. No matter what it cost him, or us. First it was the fundraiser for the party,
then this job. We’d never escape it, never be out from under Alistair’s thumb.
“Ava,” he said firmly, “sometimes we all have to play by the rules.”
“I get that,” I insisted, “but you’re playing by his rules, not yours. And you always do.”
He shook his head like he needed to clear it. When he opened his eyes, they were confused and hurt. “It sounds like you’re saying we should take a break.”
No. My breath stuck in my chest.
“I want to be with you, Nate. But you’re about to pack your bags for a job you never knew about until yesterday without even talking to me about it. So maybe you’re saying we take a break,” I whispered.
His lips parted. I waited for him to say That’s crazy. Forget the job. I won’t leave.
Instead he said, “OK.”
I couldn’t speak. Just nodded, my throat burning.
We watched each other for a minute.
“OK,” I repeated back. Even though it wasn’t. None of this was OK.
I took a step toward the coat rack, fumbling for my jacket before remembering I hadn’t worn one.
“Will I see you before I go?” Nate’s voice was rough behind me.
The idea of being without Nate was agonizing, but drawing it out would be worse. I shook my head, mute.
Part of me wished he’d follow me out the door when I left to catch a cab, but he didn’t. I managed to get inside one and choke out my address before I broke down.
32
Nate
“Nate. Hi.”
“Abby.” It surprised me to hear her voice over the phone. We hadn’t talked since the dinner at my parents’ place. I held the phone between my shoulder and my cheek so I could keep folding clothes.
“Your mom told me about the move.”
“Did she also tell you Dad fired me?” I asked.
“Wow, you’re in a bad mood.”
“It’s been a shitty week,” I said bluntly.
Abby sighed in my ear. “That’s awful. Really. Listen, Nate. I know things have been awkward between us and it’s my fault.”
I straightened. “Abby, don’t—"
“No, it’s true. I think I was hanging onto something I hoped would happen and I realize now never will. But we have history, you and I. I know all your secrets. Including where you used to bury my dolls in the backyard when you were mad at me.”
“Oh really?” I pulled three pairs of dress shoes from the closet and dropped them unceremoniously on top of the covers next to my suitcase.
“Yes. Your mom’s peonies never grew quite as well after the year I told our class you knew all the words to Britney Spears’ debut album. Which I still maintain was an accidental disclosure.”
“Huh.”
It was good to hear a familiar voice since I’d spent every waking second outside the office this week alone, but I wasn’t in the mood to reminisce. In fact, I wasn’t in the mood for much of anything, except maybe a whiskey and a long fucking sleep.
“So when are you leaving? Can I drive you to the airport?”
I started to say no but stopped myself. I could use the ride. “Yeah, I was going to call a cab at four. Thanks.”
“Great. I’ll see you later.”
I collapsed on my bed, dropping the phone and rubbing my eyes as the reality of what I was doing settled over me.
A fucking break. What was that except code for some purgatory between dating and breakup?
My conversation with Ava last week was supposed to be about what webcams to buy each other, for fuck’s sake. I’d have never taken her to the damned restaurant if I’d thought for a second it would’ve resulted in that. Hell, maybe I would’ve pushed back on the idea more with my father if I’d known she would be so opposed to it.
Abby buzzed at four sharp. I pulled my door closed with a finality that scared me. The door across the hall was closed. I stared at it, brooding.
What if—
“Nate.”
I glanced toward the elevator that had opened. Alexis walked toward me, dressed casually in jeans and a tank.
“You’re looking for Ava.”
“I thought I might say goodbye.” I tried a smile. Failed.
Alexis sighed, stepping between me and the door. “Nate, I’m sorry about what happened between you. But there’s something you need to know about Ava. She seems strong, and she is, but she’s not invincible. She doesn’t let a lot of people in, but when she does, she gives them everything. Don’t play with her.”
“I’m not.”
She held up a hand. “Unless you’re going to knock on that door and tell her you changed your mind, that you’re not leaving and that you’re sure she’s what you want, then don’t do this. Don’t draw it out. It’s been a rough year for her. Don’t make it worse.”
I needed her to understand that it wasn’t like that. That I cared. “Alexis, I know there’ve been other guys. Relationships that never worked.” I thought back to the names Ava had rhymed off so long ago. “But I’m not like them.”
“No, you’re not,” she said gently. “She never cried over them like she cried over you.”
My gut twisted. I’d never wanted to do something so badly or had to hold myself back from it.
Alexis was watching me with protective eyes.
“I never meant to hurt her,” I murmured. I wanted to say I’m crazy about her. Maybe more. Instead I said, “I’ll be back.”
Alexis nodded, slowly. “I hope so. I really do.” Then she unlocked the door and let herself inside. I couldn’t hear any noises from the other side before the door closed in front of me.
I made my way down the elevator and around the front of the building. Abby’s face peeked out of her silver four-door Mercedes coupe. I loaded my large suitcase and suit bag into the trunk and slid into the passenger seat. She was her usual neat self, wearing a trench coat and heeled shoes.
“Ready to go?”
“Yeah.”
“I can’t believe you’re moving to Minneapolis,” she breathed, pulling into traffic. “I never pictured you in the Midwest. You always thought you’d be in New York forever. Even when you went to Yale you couldn’t wait to get back here.”
Another pang in my chest, this one at leaving the city I loved. “Yeah, well it’s probably not forever. I’ll be back to visit. You won’t even know I’m gone.”
“What about the girl you were dating?” She slanted me a look. “Your neighbor.”
“We’re over. I think.”
“That’s too bad. Really, Nate. I know it sounds disingenuous coming from me, but it was obvious to anyone with eyes that you were head over heels.”
I glanced over at her. “Talk about something else,” I grunted. “Anything else.”
“All right. Listen, I know I’ve made a fool of myself over you. Don’t argue, it’s true. But it was only recently I realized why. It was because you weren’t like the other guys at prep school. They were so …” she grasped for words, “entitled. Even Jamie was. You wanted to be your own man, no matter what. I was starting to worry you’d lost that.”
I turned her words over in my mind. “Because of last year.”
She shook her head. “It started before the accident.”
Abby had my attention now.
“I know you always idolized your dad. But you went off to college and suddenly you started buying into it all—the name, the career path.” She sighed. “I guess what I’m saying is there’s a time to toe the line and a time to follow your heart. I hope you’re following your heart this time, Nate.”
She left me outside the departures lounge of JFK with a hug and a pit in my stomach.
33
Ava
In a month, Nate and I had gone from strangers to lovers. Another month later, I’d fallen for him. And now?
Now we might as well be nothing, because Nate was gone and there was zero sign of him coming back.
The leaves were changing colors in Central Park and Travesty was nea
rly ready for the spring season. Kirsten had lined up some great advertising opportunities. Nearly all our New York vendors were committed to orders. Part of me was happy for our success. But I still felt empty.
I had no interest in the leaves, the interviews, the pumpkin-spice-flavored anything. The world could suck it.
On a cloudy Friday, Lex, Jordan, and I were on our way to finalize orders with our LA boutiques in person.
When we collected our bags at the San Diego airport, we found a vintage Mustang waiting for us at the curb, my brother leaning against the side.
Lex’s face lit up when she saw him. Dylan wasn’t the most expressive person, but from the way he grabbed her, I could tell the adoration was mutual.
“How are you?” he asked me after releasing his girlfriend.
“Surviving,” I said honestly.
Dylan helped load our bags into the tiny car, which in itself took some finessing. Once we pulled out into traffic he made eye contact with me in the rear view mirror. “Want to go to the beach tomorrow?”
“Yeah. Sure.” We had appointments Monday and Tuesday with boutiques but until then we were off the hook. I could at least pretend to be normal for the sake of my friends. Pretend it didn’t eat at me that Nate and I hadn’t talked in the thirteen days since he’d gone to Minnesota.
It was better this way, I’d told both of us. But it still hurt like hell.
“Do you want me to stay at your place with you?” Lex asked, swiveling in her seat.
“It’s all right. Keep D out of trouble. Jordan’s here to make sure I don’t jump off the roof.” I tilted my head at the girl crammed into the tiny backseat next to me.
Lex smiled faintly because she knew I was joking, or trying to. “You’d better not. We’ll come pick you both up in the morning.”
It was still comforting to visit the ranch house I’d grown up in, even though my mom said she’d be traveling for work this week. When Dylan and Lex dropped us off and I unlocked the front door, a wave of familiarity washed over me.
I gave Jordan the grand tour, ending with the bedrooms. “And here’s you,” I said. “This is Kate’s room, but she hasn’t lived here in a million years. Towels are here. Shower’s down the hall.”
Vote Then Read: Volume II Page 235