by Anna Stone
Half an hour later, Mel and Jess were sitting in a bar a few blocks from campus.
“I can’t wait to start at the DA’s office,” Jess said. She too had gotten the internship she wanted. “It’ll probably be lots of paperwork and case research, but I hope I get to see some interesting trials…”
Mel stared into her glass as Jess chatted away. Mel had gotten everything she wanted. She’d ended the year with an amazing GPA, and she’d gotten an internship that most law students would kill for under a woman she idolized. A few months ago that would have made her happy. But instead, she felt empty.
“I need to go shopping,” Jess finished the last of her cocktail. “My wardrobe is nowhere near professional enough. Wanna come, Mel?”
“Sure,” Mel replied.
“I think I’ll go for a whole new look. New clothes, a new hairstyle. The works. I’ve been thinking about trying a shorter style, what do you think? I asked Brendon, and he just said ‘whatever makes you happy.’ I appreciate the sentiment, but sometimes I wish he had opinions of his own…”
Mel swirled her drink around in her glass. Whiskey. She’d ordered it without thinking. She pushed her drink away with a sigh. It should have been Vanessa she was celebrating with. Vanessa had asked Mel if she could treat her when she got the internship. Mel had agreed to it, with the caveat that it was ‘nothing over the top.’
Mel almost laughed now at the idea of giving Vanessa ‘permission’ to do something. She felt a tinge of sadness when she thought about the fact that she’d never experience Vanessa spoiling her again. And that she’d never get to go on that island getaway with Vanessa. She’d actually been looking forward to it.
“Still thinking about Vanessa, huh?” Jess said.
Mel nodded.
“What really happened between you two? It might help to talk about it.”
“It won’t.” Mel downed the rest of her whiskey. She hadn’t told Jess the details of what happened between her and Vanessa. Not because it was hard to talk about. But because Mel was afraid that Jess would confirm what Mel was now starting to feel. That she was an idiot for walking away from Vanessa.
“Okay. I won’t push you.” Jess got up. “I’m going to the ladies’ room. I’ll be back in a minute.”
As Jess disappeared into the crowd, Mel pulled out her phone to pass the time. She opened up her social media feed and started to browse. Among the notifications was a friend request.
From Kim Roberts.
Mel’s stomach dropped. After Kim had broken up with Mel, she had cut off all ties, deleting Mel from everything as if trying to erase their entire relationship. When they had crossed paths at college the following year, Kim had acted like Mel wasn’t even there.
So why did she send this friend request? Why now?
Mel’s curiosity got the best of her. She tapped ‘accept’ and scrolled through Kim’s profile. It was mostly pictures of her, looking almost the same as in college. Most of them seemed to be with the same woman. As she scrolled down, the woman showed up over and over again. Mel reached a post announcing Kim’s engagement. Kim was getting married to someone named Alex. The post was accompanied by a photo of Kim and the woman who kept popping up in all those photos. Alex. Mel’s mouth dropped open. Kim was marrying a woman.
Anger prickled inside her. Kim had dumped Mel claiming she wasn’t into girls, and here she was, marrying another woman? That hypocrite.
Mel put her phone down and took a breath. It was unfair to be mad at Kim for that. Kim wouldn’t be the first person who had struggled with their sexuality. And it made sense. Kim had grown up with a conservative family. And she’d always seemed to feel guilt and shame when it came to sex. Did this mean that Kim had lied all that time ago when she said she wasn’t into girls? And if so, was she lying to Mel or to herself?
As Mel mulled over everything in her mind, something else occurred to her. What other lies had Kim told her? I’m not into girls. This was never serious.
I never loved you.
Mel had never gotten over the things that Kim had said to her that day. Not to mention how Kim had treated her throughout their entire relationship. Kim’s constant emotional manipulation had made Mel second-guess herself even more than she already did when it came to her feelings. Every time she got close to anyone, she would wonder: do they actually love me? Will they just leave me like everyone else? Is this what I deserve?
And Mel had let those stupid, baseless insecurities ruin everything with Vanessa.
She sighed. Mel turning her back on Vanessa after she’d poured her heart out was the final nail in the coffin. It was too late to fix things. And clearly, she was too broken to be in a relationship. Vanessa was better off without her.
Jess returned to the table. Mel turned off her phone and stuffed it in her bag.
“Everything okay?” Jess asked?
“Yep.” Mel pushed it all out of her mind. “Let’s get another drink.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Mel opened her dresser drawers one by one. Nothing. She let out a groan of frustration. She had to have a few pairs of pantyhose lying around. Her internship started tomorrow, and she needed to look professional. She had to make a good first impression. This internship could lead to a job when she graduated in a few years. She was not going to squander the opportunity.
She smiled to herself. Things were starting to look up. Mel had a chance to do some good at The LSP, even if that just meant going on coffee runs for the lawyers who were doing the real work. And working with Professor Carr outside of the classroom would be an invaluable experience. There was a world of possibilities ahead of her.
If only she could find that pantyhose. Mel tugged open the bottom drawer of her dresser and dug around inside. Sure enough, there were several pairs of pantyhose balled up in the corner. Mel grabbed them, and froze.
Buried beneath all her junk was the silver and sapphire choker with a ring at the front.
Mel’s hand hovered over the necklace as she fought the urge to pick it up. It had been weeks since she’d taken it off, yet she still found herself reaching up to touch it, only to find her neck bare. Mel pulled it out of the drawer and held it up before her eyes. Before she knew it, she had unclasped the back and was fastening it around her neck.
Mel looked at herself in the mirror. The ring sat perfectly in the hollow at the base of her throat. The familiar weight of it was comforting.
Mel sighed. After all this time apart from Vanessa, she couldn’t help but feel like she had made a mistake. All this had started because Mel had been afraid that Vanessa didn’t truly care about her. But hadn’t she shown Mel time and time again that she did? It wasn’t the gifts and the extravagant gestures. It was the little things. Remembering small, seemingly insignificant details about Mel, like how she loved daffodils and the color blue. Listening to Mel talk for hours while they lay in bed together. Letting Mel see that softer side of her that Vanessa didn’t show anyone.
Despite the nature of their relationship, they were always equals. Unlike Kim, Vanessa had respected Mel and her feelings. Vanessa did everything she could to make Mel happy. And that night that she’d told Mel about Rose, Vanessa had admitted that she was falling for Mel.
As Mel fingered the choker around her neck, something that Vanessa had said that night she had given Mel the necklace came back to her. I’m yours as much as you are mine. It was all so obvious now. Vanessa had felt the same way about Mel that Mel felt about her.
And Mel loved her.
Mel had been in love with Vanessa for god knows how long. But fear had kept her from admitting it, even to herself. As she stood there, staring into the mirror, all those fears came rushing back.
No. No more excuses. No more self-pity. Mel steeled herself. Vanessa had always been the dominant one in their relationship. But that didn’t mean that Mel was powerless. It was time for her to take control. She hoped that it wasn’t too late.
Mel looked at the clock. She needed to see Vanessa, face to face,
before she lost her resolve. But it was getting late. And Mel didn’t even know where to find her. Unless…
Mel opened her wardrobe and dug out the clutch that Vanessa had given her for the charity fundraiser. In a small pocket in the lining, right where Mel had put it, was a white business card.
Mel picked up her phone and dialed the number.
“Elena? I need a favor.”
Half an hour later, Elena pulled up at the front of Mel’s building. Within seconds, they were on their way to Vanessa’s apartment.
“Thank you so much for this, Elena,” Mel said.
“Not a problem,” Elena replied.
“I wasn’t sure if you’d want to help me since Vanessa and I… you know.”
Elena shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. She still cares about you.”
Elena’s words buoyed Mel. She didn’t know if Vanessa would take her back. But she needed to speak to Vanessa, if only just to apologize, and to tell Vanessa how she felt. She just hoped Vanessa still felt the same way.
“Don’t worry.” Elena glanced at Mel in the rear-view mirror and shot her a warm smile. “I wouldn’t be helping you if I didn’t think Vanessa wanted to see you. She misses you.”
All Mel could manage in return was a nervous smile. The rest of the car ride passed in silence. When they finally arrived at Vanessa’s apartment, Elena parked the car and got out.
“I’ll let you into the building.” Elena held up a keycard. “After that, you’re on your own.”
“Thanks.” Mel was grateful that she didn’t have to ask Vanessa to buzz her up through the intercom.
Mel raced toward the building, Elena on her heels. Elena swiped her into the lobby.
“Thanks again, Elena,” Mel said. “I owe you one.”
“Any time.” Elena gave Mel a farewell nod. “Good luck.”
The elevator ride up to Vanessa’s apartment seemed to take forever. When Mel reached the top floor, she dashed to Vanessa’s front door.
Mel took a deep breath and knocked. Moments later, the door swung open.
“Melanie?” Vanessa stood in the doorway in a silky robe. She had a towel over one arm and her hair was damp.
“Vanessa,” Mel said. After all this time, Vanessa was still able to take Mel’s breath away.
For a moment, they stood there, on opposite sides of the doorway, their gazes locked.
Vanessa’s eyes fell to Mel’s neck. Seeing her choker there broke her out of her trance. She opened the door wide. “Come in.”
As soon as Mel was inside, everything spilled out. “I’m so sorry, Vanessa. For everything. I’m sorry that I behaved the way I did. I’m sorry that I said all those horrible things. I’m sorry that I walked away from you-”
“Melanie,” Vanessa said. “Sit down.”
Mel obeyed.
“You don’t have to apologize. I understand.”
“No, I do. And I want to explain myself,” Mel said. “All my life, everyone I’ve ever loved has abandoned me. My father. My mother. She would leave me alone or forget about me, time and time again, and she was never really there when I needed her. So, all that time ago, I told myself I didn’t need anyone else. I told myself I didn’t need love. And after a while, I began to believe it.” Mel felt a torrent of emotions rising up.
Vanessa reached out and placed her hand on Mel’s.
A sense of calm washed over her. Mel continued. “But you? You made me remember what it was like to feel loved. And it terrified me. The only other person who made me feel like that was Kim. I think she loved me too in her own twisted way. But she manipulated me and toyed with my emotions until I didn’t know what to feel anymore. And in the end, she abandoned me too. And she told me she never loved me and that none of what I felt was real. It crushed me. So when Rose came along and said all those things, it reawakened all those doubts and fears. I was scared of getting hurt again, so I pushed you away. And I did it in the most destructive way possible, and I’m so sorry…”
“It’s all right, Melanie,” Vanessa said. “I understand.”
“But that’s not all. After everything that happened, I realized that I can’t let my past hold me hostage. And I realized that what we had was too precious to give up on. And I realized that I couldn’t hide from my feelings. Vanessa—” Mel’s pulse was racing “—I love you.”
Vanessa smiled. She wrapped her arms around Mel and pulled her in close. “Oh, Melanie. I promise you, I feel the same way. I always have. From the start, I never thought of you as my submissive because I always hoped for more. It took me a while to admit it to myself. I was afraid that if I held you too tightly I’d hurt you like I did Rose. But I couldn’t help myself. I did everything I could to make you mine, but I never told you how I really felt. It’s the biggest mistake I ever made. So I’m telling you now.” Vanessa took Mel’s hands in hers. “I love you, Melanie.”
Mel’s heart sang in her chest. She leaned over and kissed Vanessa, soft and slow, gentle and sweet. Mel had missed those lips. They seemed to fit perfectly with her own.
“It’s time we made another rule,” Vanessa said. “Next time one of us has a problem? We talk about it. And face it together. No lies, no keeping everything inside. No lashing out. And no disappearing acts. How does that sound?”
“Okay.” They had been given a second chance at this. Mel was not going to mess it up. She closed her eyes and nestled in closer to Vanessa, and they sat there together, silent and still.
“Melanie?”
“Yes?” Mel could feel Vanessa’s heartbeat pulsing through her body.
“I want to show you my playroom.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Vanessa unlocked the door to the playroom and flicked on the light. Mel followed her inside. She was immediately reminded of The Scarlet Room at Lilith’s Den. Was The Scarlet Room inspired by Vanessa’s playroom or the other way around? The only difference was that this room seemed more intimate and personal. It was packed to the brim with every toy and tool imaginable, each carefully organized and lovingly cared for. A rack on the wall displayed a collection of whips, crops, and canes, all with crimson leather handles like Vanessa’s riding crop. At the end of the room was an elaborate iron four-poster bed with rings all along the frame. Tie points. The smell of leather hung in the air.
Vanessa walked to the center of the room, her bare feet padding on the floorboards. She looked around, an undecipherable expression on her face.
“Are you all right, Vanessa?” Mel asked.
“Yes. It’s the first time I’ve been in here with someone since Rose.”
Mel took Vanessa’s hand. “We don’t have to do this.”
“I know.” She squeezed Mel’s hand back. “But I want to share this with you.”
Vanessa pulled Mel in close and kissed her. Mel pressed her body up against Vanessa’s, returning the kiss with double the intensity. It had been so long since she’d held Vanessa like this. Vanessa’s soft, full lips seemed to melt against hers.
Vanessa pulled away. “Slow down, my pet. We have all the time in the world. And we have all of this at our disposal.” She gestured around the room. “Within these four walls, the possibilities are endless. So tell me, Melanie. What do you want me to do for you tonight? What is it you desire more than anything?”
Mel looked around her. The playroom was well stocked. There was so much that she wanted to do with Vanessa. So much that she wanted to try. But right now, she only wanted one thing. “I want you, Vanessa. But I want all of you. I want the dominant, commanding you who can bring me to my knees with no more than a look. I want the sweet, tender you that I saw that night after the fundraiser. I want to serve you. I want to be yours in every sense of the word. But I want to be able to touch you and make you feel the way that I feel when you touch me. I want to see that vulnerable side of you that no one else gets to see.”
Vanessa’s face wore a strange expression. She pulled Mel over to the bed, and they sat down. “The night that we fought, you
said that to me,” Vanessa said. “That I kept you at arm's length. That I never gave you any of myself.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean all of that. I was angry, and Rose’s words were in my head, and-”
“It’s all right, Melanie. You were right. I expected you to give me your everything when I gave you very little in return. I’m sorry.”
“All I want is for you to feel like you can open up to me,” Mel said. “Like you can become vulnerable with me.”
“I understand,” Vanessa said. “I was never good at opening up, and after everything with Rose, I closed myself off even more. I’ve been that way for so long now that I’ve forgotten how to let people in. But I want to let you in. I won’t hold any part of myself back from you any longer.”
Mel smiled. “Thanks, Vanessa. That’s all I want.”
Vanessa kissed Mel again, hard. Her lips were overpowering. “You also said you want to make me feel the way you feel when I touch you.” She drew a hand down Mel’s cheek. “How do I make you feel?”
“Like you’re my everything,” Mel said. “Like I’m the center of your world. Like I’m safe with you.”
“I already feel like that, Melanie. But if you want to show me what that’s like, I’ll let you.” Vanessa had a familiar gleam in her eyes. “But we’re going to do it my way.”
Mel’s pulse sped up. In an instant, Vanessa had transformed into the self-possessed, domineering woman who had captured Mel’s attention from the first time Mel laid eyes on her. Mel now understood that it wasn’t a mask. It was just one of Vanessa’s many facets.
“Stand up for me, Melanie,” Vanessa said. She waited for Mel to obey. “Take off your clothes. All of them.”
Mel began to strip slowly, piece by piece, peering at Vanessa from under her eyelashes. To Vanessa’s credit, she didn’t break her gaze until Mel stood before her in nothing but the collar around her neck. Then Vanessa looked Mel up and down, drinking Mel in with her eyes. There was a slight chill in the room, causing tiny goosebumps to sprout on Mel’s skin.