by D. R. Perry
"You can't possibly." He gazed down at his nearly melted whipped cream. "You've never been in love." Lotan slithered down the bed toward Noah, twining around his forearm, a gesture of support.
"Is that what this is about?" I was totally confused, and not just because I’d never been in romantic love with anyone. "Were you in love with Alex?"
"No, never." Noah's nose wrinkled like that time a skunk got into the backyard. "I caught him and Darren. You know, in the act? It was the day we got back to campus. Alex said some pretty awful stuff when I walked in there, like how he knew Darren had a boyfriend and didn't care. That was why we broke up."
"Holy shit, Noah." I spoke the oath so softly, it was barely there.
"Did he even tell you he was bi?" Noah's lips pressed together, paling. "Risky stuff, not talking about that sort of thing after dating for this long."
"I should have figured." I shook my head. "I mean, he asked if I was asexual. I totally don't know, and now I'm all confused."
"Maybe he's right." Noah shrugged. "But you know what they say about broken clocks twice a day, so that's why he's no good. Why you should dump him."
"I get it. Alex hurt you and Darren, and you don't want him to hurt me too."
"Pretty much." Noah closed his eyes, holding the hot chocolate under his nose. I did the same.
There's just something about chocolate. Even if you don't have a major sweet tooth and prefer it salted or spicy like Izzy, it helps. If there was anything on this Earth totally comforting and benign, it was chocolate in any way, shape, or form.
"I'm not even sure how we started going out. I went over it today with Izzy and Cadence."
"What did they have to say?"
Only last year, Noah would've snorted, skeptical that my friends could possibly give me any useful input on romance. But he understood that seven months at a specialized high school changed a person.
"That it sounds pretty toxic, actually. I'm only with him because he won't leave me alone. It's like default mode, you know?"
"No, I don't know. Because I've never been with someone just for the heck of it." He tilted his head, dark hair falling over one side of his face. "I won't date a guy unless I'm totally into him, whether that's because he's hot or fun or smart. Or even all three, like Darren."
"I'm not sure I’ve ever felt like that about anybody." I shook my head, immediately rescinding my lie before the evil inside voice butted in. "No. There's exactly one person."
"But he's taken, isn't he?" He raised an eyebrow. "You don't have to say his name."
"That's the size and shape of it, Noah." I leaned against his bedpost. Ember hopped off the dresser, gliding down to settle in my lap. "I'm doomed."
"No, you're not. One of the things Elanor kept telling me since the breakup was that they call it first love for a reason. It's the exact opposite of last love, right?"
"That's awfully deep stuff coming from her." I shrugged. "Logan always talks about how shallow she is."
"It's an act because that's what their parents want." Noah sipped his chocolate. "Logan never got with that program and he suffers for it every day."
"I know. I'm his friend remember?" I sighed. "Why do they make it so hard? His parents, I mean. And Faith's are even worse, encouraging their kids to terrorize each other. Why are they so horrible to their kids?" I drank some chocolate because it was the only thing I thought might ease my anguish.
"I don't think there's any particular reason, Aliyah." Noah leaned against his bedpost, taking a long sip of his now-temperate beverage. "Maybe we're just extremely lucky in the parental unit department."
"I love them so much. How do you deal with missing them at school? You don't come home very often, and I never understand why."
"That's exactly why I don't. If I did, it'd be like ripping off a band-aid every single time and I'd never heal."
Even growing up under the same roof and only a year apart, we were practically opposite—another mystery in the familial department. I was unsure of what to say about that, so I changed the subject.
"Will you ever forgive Darren?"
"Oh, Aliyah. I already did, months ago. Moments after I found out it happened, in fact."
"I don't understand." There was an awful lot of that going around for me today. "Why aren't you back together, then?"
"Darren doesn't want that. He's not in love with me." He sniffled, tears welling up even after all that time. "Said he never was."
"Oh, Noah. I'm so sorry." I set the hot chocolate down and open my arms, reaching toward my brother. Ember moved out of my lap, peeping softly.
He put his down too, with Lotan curled around the ceramic, and we hugged. As we sat, rocking back and forth in time to the tears falling on my shoulder, I realized something.
Noah had been carrying all this hurt secretly, hiding it under a veneer of cattiness and social climbing. That was why he’d followed Charity last semester, becoming one of her most tenacious hangers-on. While I set fires, he’d upended his social life. So much of it made sense now. And so did one other thing, from this new perspective.
If Noah was this traumatized about Alex, Darren, and my default dating status, what would it do to him when he found out I was an extramagus?
He'll probably die of a broken heart. Or kill you.
I started crying too because that was the only possible response for the evil inside voice this time. Our combined weeping made a melancholy sort of music that filled the room, heavier than the air we breathed.
By the time we finished, the chocolate was tepid. We didn't mind. I sat with my brother in silence, finishing our illicit upstairs beverages. When the cups were empty, we headed back to the kitchen together. For now.
Dinner was at five-thirty that night. Grace was back in time and told me Hal was coming at eight for Nin to have an extraveterinarian visit, so after dinner, Grace and I headed out to meet Hal on Essex Street.
The door to Hawthorn Academy was right next to the Witch's Brew this time, so we got ourselves some Red Zinger tea and an extra for Hal. When he emerged alone, we were both ready. Grace and I both rushed over to the door because he was awfully teetery on the cobblestones.
"Thanks." His smile was dim tonight, which really said something because Hal Hawkins usually had the brightest smile of anyone I knew.
"We're just going to take a nice, slow stroll here." Grace linked an arm through Hal's. "Like we’re a bunch of tourist looky-loos, okay?"
"That sounds great." Hal nodded.
Nin poked her head out of his jacket's collar, squeaking at Ember. She glanced down at Lune and flared her nostrils in greeting.
She didn't look so great either, but mostly in ways that made me think the little Pharaoh’s Rat hadn't slept well. Totally understandable. When a magus bonded to a familiar got sick, the poor critter ended up dropping the ball big time on their self-care.
We made it all the way to Izzy's house before Hal needed to rest, which meant this was a better day than I thought for him. The break from classes must have given him some much-needed time off from using his magic. We sat on the front stoop outside the psychic shop, drinking our tea.
Izzy waved from the window, then held up a feather duster. Clearly, Abuela had given her some evening chores, probably because she wasn't around much during the day. At least she looked like she'd recovered from that intense soothsaying at lunch.
The cups were empty by the time Hal was ready to get back up again. We easily made the walk between numbers 10 and 11 and up the drive to 10-1/2. Instead of opening the door to the stairs that led to my apartment, I reached for the shop's latch. Bubbe was expecting us.
"Come along back now." The corners of my grandmother's lips turned up, although I knew for sure she wasn’t really smiling. Hal's appearance must've really shaken her. The fact that this was a good day for him made me feel horrible about waiting this long to get him here.
She brought us right into the kitchen and let Hal sit at the table. Nin jumped out of his co
at and scuttled around for a bit on the blue and white linoleum.
"Yes, little one." She nodded at the Pharaoh’s Rat. "We’re all concerned."
"You can't understand her, can you?" Hal tilted his head.
"No, but it's obvious from her body language that she's deeply worried about you." Bubbe opened a cabinet and brought out a blood exam kit.
The kits were in boxes wrapped in blue fabric. They contained one of the blood tests I mentioned before that we’d be using on Hal, and also a set of instruments for examining the ears, noses, and throats of most familiars. These had lights and magnifiers on them.
There was also a bisected basin, designed to either take samples or provide food and water. Because Bubbe was not really doing an exam on Nin today, she dumped a handful of treats in one side and poured water in the other. After that, she placed it in front of the little critter.
"Peep?" Ember headbutted me on the cheek, then looked at Nin and Lune.
"In a minute, girl. Let her eat first."
When Nin was done, Ember joined her on the floor, but the Pharaoh’s Rat was near exhaustion. Ember escorted her across the floor toward a corner near the radiator. Lune had already parked his tail there, but he made room. Nin settled down between the moon hare and the dragonet, and Ember put her wing over the lot of them.
"Thank goodness for friends." Hal grinned.
"Indeed." Bubbe had already pricked his finger and was smearing blood on the plate for the test. She looked up at the clock to check the time, then down at the sample again.
We waited a full minute before the plate changed color, going purple. I had no idea what that meant, but Bubbe didn't like it one bit.
"How long have you had your powers, Hal?"
"To the point I could use them for anything besides feeling magic energy? Less than a year."
"What about before that?"
"Oh. Almost three."
"And your mother's not a magus?"
"No. She's psychic."
"And that's all?"
"Yeah. Psychometry. Touching things and getting an impression."
"I see. And do her powers always work?"
"You know, I never thought about that. Give me a minute." Hal closed his eyes. And yes, it was close to a minute before he opened them again and gave us an answer. "No, not always. I remember she had a problem a few years back at Gallows Hill. She couldn't tell which student had vandalized the lockers, and the principal pulled her yellow slip. She almost got accused of lying about her status."
He meant the license all practicing psychics have, especially when they worked in institutions like law enforcement or education.
"There's one more thing I need to test, Hal. Is that okay with you?"
"Sure. I'm just so tired of not knowing what's wrong with me." His eyes looked dry, like they were cried out and had given up on making any more tears over this mystery illness.
"Just a moment." Bubbe left the room, heading down to the end of the hall where the supply closet was.
While we waited, I puttered around the kitchen, cleaning the basin now that Nin was done with it. I just couldn't sit still, this was so nerve-racking. Bubbe had definitely found something. Whatever it was, it was serious enough that she wanted more information.
She came back with a venipuncture kit and a vial with a serial number on the name section of the label. An anonymous test of some kind.
"I never knew you had these kinds of human supplies here." I almost dropped the basin I was drying.
"Up until now, you haven't needed to." She unwrapped the needle with its tubing apparatus, leaving the business end capped. "When you get into the business of helping familiars, creatures so closely bonded to other beings, you find yourself crossing the line once in a while. And while I'm not licensed to treat illnesses of extrahumans, I can certainly send samples out so they can seek the care they need from properly qualified professionals."
"You mean we'll have to wait for the results?" Hal watched her swab the inside of his elbow with alcohol.
"Not all of them, but let me get the sample ready first. The holidays are coming, and the night courier will be here in minutes. I don't want to miss this window of opportunity."
She deftly punctured Hal's vein and pushed the rubber stopper on the vial onto the spike. Blood fountained into it. When she was done, she asked me to put pressure on the wound and bandage it, then hurried out the door and toward the front.
As I taped up Hal's tiny injury, I heard her speaking to someone out there, probably the courier. When she returned, he was all bandaged.
"I want you to listen to me very carefully, young Master Hawkins. Aliyah, you and Grace ought to head down to the storeroom and fetch some multivitamins for Nin. We don't want him returning to campus empty-handed."
Grace stood, and I tossed the bandage wrapper in the trash. We didn't hesitate to follow her instructions because we knew Bubbe would do the right thing by our friend, except Hal didn't want privacy.
"I don't want to hear this alone if it's all the same to you, Dr. Morgenstern."
"It's your right to privacy were talking about here."
"I trust my friends with my life." His smile was faint but present. "They brought me to you in the first place."
I blinked, almost sagging against the wall. I could hardly believe what I was hearing. Even though he knew beyond a doubt that I was an extramagus, Harold Hawkins trusted me implicitly. Grace took things in stride much more easily than I did. She had an admirable handle on this situation.
We grabbed chairs, dragging them around to his side of the table so we could sit next to him. Once we were all set, Bubbe nodded.
"The sample I sent off will verify the reason for this, but the test I did right here in this room is practically infallible." She reached across the table, taking both of Hal's hands in her own. She held them gently, as though they were made of eyelash-thin blown glass.
"You mean the purple smear?" He nodded. "Okay, what's it mean?"
"You have pernicious magiglobular anemia, a rare disease without any true cure." She gazed at his hands. "Symptoms include difficulty conjuring magical energy, inability to absorb magic energy from this realm’s environment, and extreme fatigue after engaging in magical activity. Therapies include direct infusions from magical wells in the Under, which is easily done on campus. Doctor Br—I mean, Zeke has centuries of experience with those."
"I'm getting them every day. Sometimes more than once." He sighed, flexing his fingers slightly. "But I'm on the Bishop's Row team. That must be why it's so bad right now."
"When your test comes back, either visit me or find a way that we can chat. I've got a few other ideas, the basis for things that researchers in Boston are working with. Palliative, for comfort measures, these are. And I believe you may be in a position to give one of them a try on your own."
"Thanks, Dr. Morgenstern."
"That's not all, young man." Bubbe looked him right in the eye. "You should not continue with Bishop's Row."
"But Doc, we've got a tournament starting on Monday night. All our strategies hang on my space magic. I can't sit it out."
"You participate at extreme risk. Your results will be back Monday morning, so if the alternative therapy I mentioned will work for you, there's time to try it before your game. It won't make playing risk-free, but your energy levels won't crash as easily for a few hours afterward. However, you'll sit out on Tuesday if my hunch is correct. You'll sleep the clock round. But it will give your team time for alternate strategies after you stop playing."
"If you don't mind my asking, what's your hunch?" Hal pulled his hands back, staring at the backs of them, at the veins standing out.
"There are other forms of magiglobular anemia. They're generally caused by diet or environment, and people with those live full lives using magipsychic medicine every day. But the pernicious kind is genetic, and those treatments don’t work. The only possible way you can have it is if someone in your family tree is a Dampyr."<
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"I understand." Whatever conclusion Hal came to, he didn’t share it, at least for now. The pressure was on for my friend.
"Do you have any other questions?"
"No. I'll be sure to get in contact somehow, although short of leaving campus, I'm not sure."
Oh, dear. There's nothing to be done. All this effort for nothing.
I closed my eyes and clenched my fists, deciding how to defy the evil inside voice this time—and there was only one way. Because there was something to be done, but it meant revealing one of my secrets. A tame one, thankfully.
"I've got a communication orb at school." I opened my eyes, gazing right into Bubbe's. "I'll arrange for Hal to use it sometime Monday afternoon."
"Excellent." My grandmother's smile warmed my heart.
"You could get expelled for that." Hal blinked. "Not that I'm going to tell anyone at this point, but wow. Thanks, Aliyah, you're saving my life here."
"She has a way of doing that." Grace put her arm around Hal, patting his shoulder. "Saving the world one magus at a time."
They looked at me, grinning; they got me. I couldn't protest or go on about how I was doomed to go mad and turn evil someday because of what I was, not in front of my grandmother. And they knew it. Maybe this was their attempt to save me.
"I've got to feed the animals and close up for Passover, so unless you young folks want to clean some litter boxes—"
"No, we're good." I stood, assisting Hal to his feet, along with Grace. The last thing I wanted was for him to insist on doing chores while he was this exhausted.
"Thanks again, Dr. Morgenstern."
"I'd tell you not to mention it, but…" She rummaged in a pocket, produced a bottle of vitamins formulated for small magical carnivores, and passed them to Hal. "Give her one per day with food."
Hal nodded, then beckoned to Nin, who came scuttling across the floor. There must've been vitamins in the treats Bubbe gave her because she looked better already. Lune and Ember followed, both stretching before coming along after us.
For the matter of that, Hal looked better too. A diagnosis can have that effect right after it's made. I'd seen it a million times in here when magi discovered what conditions their familiars had, even a few of the terminal ones. Knowledge was power, even when the only control you had was how to face death.