by Kenna Bardot
"Don't be ridiculous, Char. That's not how it works." His hand twisted free of mine, returning to that spot on his arm again.
"Then forgive me."
"Char! Stop it!" I knew my voice raised as I tried to pry his fingers free.
"I'll stop when you forgive me." We stood in stunned silence, glaring at each other and wondering who would win.
"Fine," I whispered finally, and he released his own arm to lean forward and take my lips in a soft, chaste kiss. I accepted it with a smile but stuck my tongue out at him. "That isn't how forgiveness works, you know?"
He smirked at me but not before taking my hand in his and giving it a soft kiss. "I think it works for us."
What a prick.
“Go to class, Charolais,” I ordered him. But even as I plopped down onto the couch, the same couch he'd laid me out on and fucked me, I did it with a smile on my face.
Chapter 26
Mireyah
I really hated being summoned to his office. Hated looking at the nasty man who would sooner see me impaled on a spike than sent to Sylfeshire. It didn't stop him from pulling us away from our duties at random moments, adding complications and unplanned events to the schedule in the Challenge. The Sutre wasn’t even there to meet us.
When Annalee finally strolled in, the last of the three of us to grace Jason's office with her presence, the man cleared his throat in annoyance and gestured for her to take a seat. He sneered at the three of us but wasted no more time before jumping into whatever forsaken revelations he planned to share with us that day.
"Miss Lawrence," he said. The smirk Annalee gave him was nothing but arrogant, so confident that he would praise her for her performance with the Gods. “They found you to be the least impressive in the interviews."
Watching the smile fade from her face, I snorted into my shoulder. Even Ryder hid a chuckle behind a cough at the sight of the outright disbelief on her pretty face.
Recovering quickly, she tossed her dark hair over her shoulder and batted her lashes at the man that I thought for sure would be no match for the charm of the girl who seemed to seduce Descendants everywhere she went.
Not if he wanted to remain a loyal little follower, anyway. "That can't be right. I did everything they asked me to do." I snorted again, muffling my "I'm sure" into my arm. The glare she tossed me was glacial and brought a grin to my face.
"Apparently not to their satisfaction," Jason drawled, handing her an envelope in dismissal.
She gaped at him with a huff before pointing at me. "But she never does what she's told! How could she be more impressive than I am!" She stomped her foot like a petulant child, and I knew that she was reaching the end of her rope. Too many disappointments, too many rejections. She'd lash out soon enough, in a way that I suspected would be violent. Given her previous attempts, I had to be on guard or I might not survive unscathed.
Jason sighed, ignoring her outburst and turning to Ryder. "Mr. Moureau, they determined that you were the second most impressive candidate."
My ears buzzed, ringing with the reality that the Gods had named me as impressive for defying them. It was only more evidence that even the Gods needed challenges, and it only made me more determined to find a way for more humans to defy them. Ryder's eyes hardened into a vicious glare that he leveled me with.
"Gods, you must be fantastic at sucking dick," Annalee spat.
"I mean, maybe. But I also didn't service the Gods." I smiled at the look of disbelief on Ryder's face.
"But the blessing-"
"I said no." I shrugged, holding out a hand and accepting the envelope Jason deposited into it. "I don't need to swallow God jizz to beat the likes of you, Ryder Moureau." I stood from my seat, beating a path out of Jason's office. I knew I put some swag into my walk, feigning a confidence I didn't feel.
I could hear Annalee's shrieking behind me, about how it was a disgrace that I be allowed to continue when I would deny a blessing from the Gods.
I ignored it in favor of putting some distance between us. At that moment, I had no patience for any of them any longer.
As soon as I had some distance, the reality of being the preferred candidate settled over me. I didn't want it. Didn't want to think about the implications for why that might be and what it would mean for me in the final challenge.
Or what it would mean for me if I made it to Sylfeshire.
I felt disoriented, almost groggy, as I stumbled through the halls. The envelope clutched in my hand felt like a weight, making me feel uncertain. I found my way to the guys’ rooms, knowing they'd be waiting to hear from me, but almost immediately regretted it when their eyes fell on me as one.
"She must have done terrible," Ryle whispered, and it was almost enough to draw a chuckle from me.
"No. I'm the preferred candidate, actually." I waved the envelope, still unopened, that I held in my hand.
"That's good, right?" Shephard looked at me uneasily, as if he couldn't really decide why my mood wasn't pleased. I should have been, maybe. But I wasn't.
"Is it? I can't help feeling like they're setting me up. Whether it's because they want to destroy me in the Final Challenge, or because they want to torment me with the prospect of Sylfeshire."
I sighed and wiped a hand over my face. I could feel a headache brewing. "I'm sorry, I just... I wanted you to know how I did. I knew you'd be waiting, but I just want to go be alone for a bit." I left them staring after me, not even waiting for them to say goodbye before I fled the room.
I made my way to my room as quickly as I could, almost flying down the stairs in my haste.
When I sat on the bed and pulled open the envelope, tears filled my eyes immediately. Mom's handwriting sprawled across the page, with one of Varo's drawings in the corner and followed by his own little note. Reading the words from home, words of my mother's pride that her daughter was doing so well in the Challenge, felt nothing but hollow.
I knew I'd been entered for nefarious reasons, and no matter how they shifted over time, the reality was I never should have been nominated. I pulled Varo's soldier from the drawer in my nightstand, clutching him in my hand as I struggled through Varo's abysmal handwriting. Asking if his soldier was keeping me safe, asking if I'd be waiting for him when he came to Godsvail.
It crushed me I wouldn't be. No matter what happened, win or lose, I wouldn't be here should the Gods choose my sweet Varo, and I knew he would look for me.
I felt the guilt creep over me as I realized that I’d forgotten what his home life was like, forgotten what I'd left behind. He deserved a better life, a life free from hunger and servitude. And I'd gotten so wrapped up in the stress of the Challenges and surviving the torment of Godsvail, that I had done nothing to improve his life.
I hadn't even taken his soldier on any adventures with me.
Determined to remedy that, I stood from the bed. With the letter in one hand and the soldier in the other, I stepped out of my room and barely bothered to lock it behind me. There was nothing in that room that mattered. Everything I owned and had meaning to me was already on my person.
I ran down the hallways and up and down the stairs as exhaustion threatened to consume me. By the time I reached the main floor, ducking around toward the back entrance to stand in the hallway where the guys had first tried to intimidate me. It seemed like forever ago, and I was beyond grateful that the hall was empty despite its central location. I held out the soldier, as if showing my brother the halls of Godsvail through proxy.
While I didn't speak, I thought of all that had transpired since I arrived. I hoped that Varo would never come to Godsvail, not unless something very serious shifted in the way they treated the humans there.
Even while I mourned the loss of him, I hadn't felt so connected to Varo despite the distance.
And I'd also never felt more alone.
✽✽✽
I didn't know what it was but getting the letter from home made me feel like I'd betrayed myself, betrayed the memory of my fam
ily.
Because that was all they'd ever be.
A memory.
And while they probably felt my absence, I'd been flirting with the very beings who had taken me away from them. It comforted me to know that I at least provided for them financially, but even that had a potentially limited timeline.
If I stayed in Godsvail, I would provide for my family, but Hollis had made that impossible the moment he put my name forward for the Challenge. In Sylfeshire I could continue to provide, unless a God set his sights on me and the representative at Sylfeshire decided I was ready to Ascend. Given Lathyn Majele's words about claiming me as a wife, I didn't have much hope that I'd be able to support my parents through their elder years. Even with the time I had to spend waiting before I could mingle with the Gods.
And that was if I even survived the Challenge.
Given my stubbornness, my unwillingness to accept a blessing from the Gods, that seemed less and less likely by the day, no matter that they favored me. But I was determined to win despite that. Despite all of them.
My will to live, my will to continue to defy the Gods for all those who didn't have the ability or the courage, pulsed stronger than ever in me. But the unintended consequence of it was that it made me retreat from the guys. They were associated with the Gods. They would become Gods and very much enjoyed the perks of the life that afforded them.
I didn't imagine they would ever be willing to fight for human rights in the way I wanted, would no doubt want me to turn my back on who I was and where I came from.
That was, if we had any future to begin with. We didn't.
We couldn't.
After the final Challenge, I would either be dead or a Sylfe, while they remained at Godsvail and continued in their own fight for Ascension. I knew they would all Ascend. It was clear from the way the other students and the teachers regarded them that they were top students and prime candidates to Ascend.
But the matter of when was another story. It could be within months. It could be a decade.
It could be so long that they forgot all about me, or it could be so long that I'd already been bonded by another. Never mind the matter of who would become my sire bond in the event they even tried to take me for theirs. A sire bond was considered sacred, not to be violated.
I didn't belong to any of them over the other, so there was no way for us to make that arrangement work.
As I thought of all that, those thoughts churning in my mind, I went through the motions. The daily grind.
I cleaned their rooms. I cuddled with them. I laughed. But I could see the way they looked at me, hear the way they talked to me. Even they knew it wasn't real, that something had me so distracted that I couldn't experience being with them.
Tate was too sensitive, too in tune to my emotions for it to get past him. He studied the soldier clutched in my hand regularly. He’d asked about the envelope I had waved in front of their faces, but I’d ignored him, ignored the questions and just gone about my tasks.
"Stop it," Char ordered sullenly, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind and nuzzling his face into my neck. I wanted nothing more than to lean into the touch, to really feel the warmth he provided to my body that felt somehow frozen. Numb.
"Stop what?" I asked instead, swiping my rag over the dining table in the common area.
"You know we don't expect you to clean. Annalee can do it."
I stiffened immediately at the mention of her name. "I don't like feeling like she can provide you with something you need," I admitted, surprising even myself with the blunt honesty regarding my jealousy.
"It's her duty, and it's not like we use her in the other ways anymore. She might as well fill a purpose-"
"You don't use me in the other ways either. So, I should fill this purpose too by that flawed logic." The argument slid off my tongue too easily, and I knew instantly that part of me was looking for a fight. Anger would surely be better than the numbness.
"You don't need to have sex with us. We just enjoy spending time with you," Tate said with a sigh. He stepped over and ran a hand down Char’s hair before running a finger down my cheek. “Don’t cry.”
I hadn’t even noticed that a tear had fallen. “I’m fine. I just need to clean.”
“You need to feel, Mireyah.”
I shook my head but said nothing, not trusting myself to speak.
"Okay, come with me," Shep inserted, hopping up on strangely giddy feet. "I have a surprise for you." His hand wrapped around mine and he guided me out the doors to the balcony off their common space. I stood there, waiting for something, for anything. The others remained inside, staring at us through the glass doors as if Shep had grown a second head, so I knew they were just as clueless as I was.
"Uh, Shep?" I asked.
"Give me a minute," he grunted, and given the intense focus written on his face, I decided to obey.
When the first ball struck my head, I winced and glanced up toward the sky, wondering who had thrown something at me from one of the other balconies. But the second ball of hail struck my cheek before bouncing off and sliding across the floor. I stared at it in wonder, holding out a hand to catch the little balls of ice as they fell more steadily. So tiny, they were nearly snowflakes, but not quite.
I laughed as I watched them melt in my open palm, turning wide eyes over to look at Shep. That focus remained on his face, but he smiled back at me. "Snow is hard, so this was the best I could do."
"Why would you do this for me?" I whispered.
His brow furrowed as he hauled me into the chest when he saw the tears pooling in my eyes. My nose burned, and while a single tear down the cheek wasn’t too bad, I really, really didn't want to sob my heart out.
I was such an ugly crier.
"You miss your home," he said simply. "Your family. You never talk about them, and I can't take you to see them. But I could bring a little piece of home here for you, Snow." My face buried in his chest, an anguished sob ripping from my throat.
Because home wasn't my home anymore, but neither was Godsvail.
Everything was temporary, and I had no way of knowing how long it would be or if I would ever truly feel settled again. All I knew was that I wasn't the same girl I'd been when I'd lived in Wintercairn, and I didn't think I ever could be again. I wasn't the girl who was an apprentice and learned how to make the best soaps from her best friend. I wasn't someone who could ever be content doing something so mundane in the grand scheme. After fighting for my life, and suffering to maintain my free will, I knew I would always want to do something with that. Something that meant something to someone.
As vague as it was, as the hail rained down around us, it became clearer and clearer that I would have to continue to struggle if I wanted to do that. To live that life in a world that was determined to put me in a box. Leash me.
Tame me.
Even the Majele, for all his fascination with my fight, would grow tired of it. He'd undoubtedly want to harness that to use against others, but he wouldn't tolerate having that kind of defiance from his wife for eternity.
So I clutched the soldier tighter into my hands, determined that if I couldn't be a part of Varo's life, then I would at least dedicate mine to making sure he had a better world to live in than the one I'd suffered through.
But first, I had to survive.
I had to win, and to do it meant I would need to see Annalee and Ryder dead. The thought didn't fill me with joy like it might have even for all the harm they'd caused me.
I still knew that they would dance on my corpse should I lose.
That alone would have been motivation enough to win.
Chapter 27
Mireyah
I loved that they didn't push me for things I wasn't ready to give.
I really did.
So, I wasn't certain why I wondered if our relationship had shifted at some point. If we had made that dramatic transition into the terrifying territory of platonic friendship. They kissed me, snuggled
with me, but none of them pushed for more. None of them even hinted at wanting more. Given my knowledge of their conquests before me, through the rumors and the tales of the prowess they each possessed, I knew that celibacy wasn't in their repertoire. Maybe it was only me who thought there was more to our relationship, maybe they only humored my need for affection and sought to relieve their more ardent desires elsewhere.
I knew I was being stupid. Realistically, it didn't matter much. Whether I died or went to Sylfeshire, they'd soon be without me. Someone else would fill my place alternating between their beds. Someone who would give them more than I did. I wondered if they already had someone in mind but didn't let myself think about it.
It couldn't matter to me. There were more important things to worry about, although leaving them behind made something inside me want to wither and die. I wouldn't have a choice.
Not unless I died, anyway.
So, when I went to the common area first to pick up my cleaning supplies to clean Hollis' room, I never could have prepared myself to see Annalee come scurrying out of the room. Her hair was mussed, tussled and far from the perfection I was so accustomed to seeing on her. She closed the door behind her quietly with a little triumphant smirk on her face, and her eyes widened in surprise when she turned to find me standing there.
She shifted, as if uncomfortable, but didn't bother hiding her satisfaction as she blew out a contented sigh. "Did you really think they ever stopped playing with me? Did you think they stopped enjoying all the others?" I huffed out a laugh in response, crossing my arms over my chest because her words stabbed like ice. "There is no planet where five young, virile men agree to share one woman and be monogamous to her. You aren't monogamous to them, so why should they need to be to you?"
"I really hope for your sake it isn't true. They treat you like garbage, and you still let them fuck you? That's just sad, Annalee."