by White, Gwynn
When he noticed the fear in his mother’s face, he growled and fled the room.
* * *
Every night, when dusk fell, Toxiv kept one eye open for Shovock. She didn’t disapprove of what he needed for she loved him without judgement, but if he were discovered hurting a woman, he’d be sent away. Life would be nothing without him.
One night, Mel and her mother had fallen asleep early. Toxiv checked on Shovock to find his bed empty. An impulse to wake her mother surfaced, but she squashed the impulse by taking up a torch and lighting it on a sconce outside their rooms.
After an hour of searching all the hiding places of their childhood, she heard a bump in one of the sanctuary’s storerooms. Toxiv crept between dusty crates to the old shelving at the rear of the room; there she found Shovock and a woman, at least three times her brother’s age, hidden in the shadows between barrels of vegetables. Her arms were pinned above her head against the stone wall. The servant woman’s mouth curved into an empty smile, her eyes corpse-like. Shovock’s whispers raised the hair on Toxiv’s neck as ungloved hands trailed down the servant’s waist.
‘Shovock,’ Toxiv said, firmly. ‘Let her go.’
Her brother’s arms were thin, and his tunic curved against jutting ribs. He spun on her menacingly, but Toxiv didn’t fear him. Thick lashes blinked over the infinite blackness of eyes that seemed capable of consuming time itself. As a healer, Toxiv was spared the full coercive power of his gaze, yet even so she felt it as an invisible force nudging her to submit.
Toxiv swallowed and crossed her arms. ‘Come home. Now.’
Shovock turned back to his victim and whispered into her ear, waking her to reality.
‘Oh,’ the woman said, feeling her forehead. Shovock picked up the woman’s bucket and cleaning cloth and offered them to her.
‘Get to work,’ he ordered.
Disoriented and confused, she fled the scene in a bumbling, embarrassed mess.
Shovock stalked to Toxiv. A black vein pulsed on his forehead.
‘I love you,’ she said.
His breath was putrid. ‘I must have one.’
‘I know. Soon. You’re too young.’
‘But you want me,’ he said, smiling deviously. ‘And you’re but thirteen like me.’ Shovock softened his manner. ‘I can’t s-stop.’ Snapping back to his hardened state, he growled and shoved his sister aside with no clear intention to return home.
Toxiv sighed and then set off home. Shovock had to be stopped. As she rounded a corner into their family rooms, Mel slammed into her.
‘Where is he?’ Mel asked, panicked.
‘Is that Endra?’ her mother said.
Mel answered over her shoulder, ‘Yes, Mother.’
‘Where’s Shovock?’ asked Mel.
‘He’s coming.’ Toxiv lowered her voice. ‘I found him with a woman.’
Mel nodded sadly and whispered, ‘Don’t tell Mother. I’ll speak with him. I’m a healer, he can’t kill me, at least not easily. And his eyes hold no sway over me, Toxiv. I’ll be safe.’
‘He’s weak.’
‘We will leave this place if we have to.’
‘No,’ Toxiv said, pulling Mel into the passageway out of their mother’s earshot. ‘The healers believe him harmless. Here he is pitied; out in the world he’ll be stoned for his appearance.’
‘Let me take this burden, Toxiv. Please,’ Mel begged.
Toxiv pressed her lips together, but she hid her true intentions from Mel. Trying to control his movements would only drive her brother into Mel’s arms. ‘If you need me then—’
‘I will call on you,’ her sister said, kissing her cheek affectionately.
‘I only want his happiness,’ Toxiv said, a tear trickling down her cheek.
‘You’re the smartest of us, Toxiv. Forget us, make your life grand. Climb the holy ranks. Make us proud.’ Mel hesitated.
‘You deserve a life too, Mel.’
‘Mother will help me. We have a plan.’
But there was something in her eyes, some flare telling Toxiv that their plan would cause great pain to her brother. Shovock’s future was bleak, but she could at least save his life.
* * *
As the days passed, Toxiv saw Mel continually lecturing Shovock on propriety and control. The frailer Shovock grew, the thicker his black veins became, and he started to comply with Mel’s demands. She and Shovock kept to their rooms as Shovock’s affliction progressed.
Although he tried not to hurt Mel, his moods became violent, and unpredictable. During a fever, he knocked Mel unconscious and snuck out into the night where he was found lurking in a young girl’s room. Soldiers removed him, and Mel locked him in their bedroom.
Superior Infalla checked on them in the morning, bringing soldiers with thick chains that tied Shovock’s hands and feet together.
Toxiv visited him two days later. He panted with weakness and said, ‘My dear sister, I am a monster and I fear I will lose myself in this madness. Kill me now. Fetch a soldier who can give me a swift death.’
Mel, who’d been listening at the door, sobbed. She entered the room saying, ‘Don’t say such things, Brother.’ She held Toxiv’s arm. ‘This is all he speaks of now.’
‘Mel,’ Toxiv said. ‘Grant us time alone.’
Mel touched her sister’s shoulder and left, sniffling; she locked the door behind her.
‘What do you need, Shovock?’ Toxiv asked. ‘You’re in pain, I can see your body is wasting. Tell me, and leave no detail out.’
He stared at her eerily.
‘By the gods, tell me!’ Toxiv yelled.
‘Mel!’ Shovock cried out. ‘Mel!’
The lock on his door rattled with a key turning. Mel barged in looking frantic.
‘She’s trying to get me to talk about the act, the bad thing, the horrible thing I’m not supposed to do.’
Mel started shoving Toxiv towards the door. ‘Get out, get out. How can you talk of such evil? You know it tempts him!’
‘He’s dying,’ Toxiv snapped.
‘Get out!’ Mel yelled.
Toxiv obeyed her sister, but through the drawings in his room, Toxiv guessed at what he needed: intimacy with a woman. His body hungered for it.
The next day, Mel and Shovock moved to the opposite side of the sanctuary, and Toxiv was called into the Holy Chamber where a healer’s council took place. While her heart yearned for Shovock, her aptitude for healer theory, history and scripture separated her from other healers her age.
Toxiv was to be inducted into her healer training six months early, and journey to Lightened Sanctuary in three days. Toxiv asked to stay until her hair turned golden, but Superior Atanta denied her request.
Shovock was too weak to stand when she entered his room to relay the news. A soldier stood guard at the door, keeping him prisoner. His arms had withered to rotting stalks, his veins were ropes of death suffocating his entire body. She went to his side, leaned over and said, ‘Before I leave, I will see you healed of this curse.’
7
Toxiv
On the day Toxiv was to leave for Lightend Sanctuary, she asked for her sister and brother to see her part of the way to her new home. Her request was granted since Shovock could no longer summon enough strength to walk.
They drove a cart with Toxiv’s horse—laden with supplies—in tow: the one she would ride alone to an inn a day’s ride away. Another servant girl, Judinia, Shovock’s personal attendee, travelled with them in the back of the cart.
Toxiv reached over to Mel and took her hand in hers and whispered, ‘Sister, before I go, we have a chance to save our brother’s life.’ Toxiv withdrew a poisoned water skin that would weaken Judinia so she could not fight Shovock off. Toxiv leaned over the back of the cart, passing the water skin to the servant. ‘Drink, Judinia, we’ve another hour of travel.’
‘Thank you, Healer,’ she said.
Tears ran down Mel’s cheeks. ‘He said he would rather die before hurting another. He made m
e promise to kill him.’
Judinia groaned in the background. Mel turned her head. ‘Are you well, Judinia?’
The servant girl clutched her forehead. ‘It’s nothing. I feel woozy from the journey. I’ll recover soon.’
Shovock met Toxiv’s eyes, and she nodded at him. Using the last of his strength, he positioned himself next to the servant girl. ‘Let me feel your brow.’
As he touched her, his black veins pulsed.
‘No, Shovock!’ Mel said, starting to climb over the back, but Toxiv grabbed Mel’s wrist.
Toxiv tackled Mel to the ground, bruising them both, but they ignored their injuries to claw at each other’s faces. The horses stopped walking. Toxiv knocked Mel unconscious, snatched a rope from the back of the cart—catching a glance at Shovock unfasten his pants—and tied her sister’s arms to the cart wheel.
Toxiv heard her brother moaning. Twinges of pleasure tingled across her body at hearing Shovock indulge himself. Shame made her turn away, closing her eyes in disgust.
‘Help!’ Mel shouted, making Toxiv jump.
‘Be quiet.’
‘He’ll hate you for this,’ Mel said, sobbing on her knees. ‘So will I!’
Then, it was Shovock’s screams that startled her. He crawled out of the cart, fell to the ground, and his sisters watched in horror as their brother writhed violently. The black veins faded. Black hair lightened to brown, rosy blush came to his pale, blue cheeks. As he healed, Toxiv untied her sister who rushed to his side.
Toxiv went to the back of the cart where Judinia lay staring at the sky. Eyes open and empty. Limbs unmoving. She jumped into the cart, rolled the servant’s body onto the road, and started dragging her into the bushes.
‘Toxiv,’ Shovock moaned.
Abandoning Judinia, she swept to his side. ‘Hush, brother. You’re alive and well. Come back to us now.’
He pointed at the lifeless corpse. ‘I took h-her life.’
‘But you live.’
Mel kissed her brother’s beautiful, smooth face, and without warning, punched Toxiv across the jaw. ‘You let him murder.’
‘Judinia. Oh Judinia,’ Shovock whispered. ‘Not her. She was so beautiful.’
Toxiv didn’t understand. She’d saved his life, how could her brother and sister be angry?
‘Shovock,’ wailed Mel, her voice tight. ‘This is not your fault. You were led by a harlot who fed your demon.’
As his strength returned, Shovock sat up, still weeping. He scampered across the ground to Judinia’s body and cried. ‘Can you see yourself, Judinia? I think you’re so beautiful.’
‘Shovock?’ asked Mel, confused. ‘Why are you talking like that? What’s wrong?’
Toxiv wondered if his madness had already returned. How many women did he have to violate to retain life and sense?
He struck at his temples shouting. ‘No no no! Forgive me, I’m sorry.’ Blood dribbled down his head as he struck even harder. Toxiv and Mel ran to him, trying to restrain his arms but he’d recovered his strength and easily fought them off. ‘She’s in my head. Judinia lives in my head.’
Toxiv didn’t believe him. ‘Calm yourself.’
‘No, you…she speaks to me, in my head. I see how she felt before I forced myself onto her.’ He gasped, staring at Toxiv. ‘This is your doing!’
‘Be silent. I did not touch her, you did. Be grateful that you’re alive.’
‘She feared me,’ he continued. ‘Her mother begged her to stop working for our family, but we paid her well, and now she’s dead. Now I live because of her! Her life is in me!’
‘Stop crying. Both of you,’ Toxiv glared at Mel.
Mel glowered back at her. ‘You are not my sister.’
Shovock cried into Mel’s neck, and Toxiv raged with jealousy for she wanted him to seek his comfort in her. She’d saved his life, and he blamed her. He took no responsibility for his own actions. Mel fawned over her brother, but Toxiv saw him for what he truly was. A monster that needed to feed. A monster only she could truly love. Monsters need victims.
Enough of this, she thought. Toxiv marched to the horse, untied its rope and swung up into the saddle. ‘Shovock, now that your body has healed, and your appearance is ordinary, you must decide whether to come with me to Lightened Sanctuary, or go with Mel back home.’
Mel scowled at her sister, but said, ‘Shovock, you must go with her or you’ll be hung.’
Shovock’s bottom lip quivered. ‘M-Mel…I killed her. I forced myself on her. Let justice be upon me for I deserve it. Her memories are mine now. I see her gentle mother, her dutiful father. Her soul is innocent and she deserves to see justice done against me.’
‘Don’t be a fool!’ Toxiv hissed, then brought the horse around to her siblings, holding out her hand. ‘The curse compelled you to act. You were not of sound mind.’
‘And next time?’ he asked sadly.
Toxiv and Mel exchanged a glance. ‘You don’t know there’ll be a next time.’
Shovock glanced away. ‘The darkness shrunk to the size of an ant, but it will grow again. It can never be destroyed. I will need another.’
In that moment, riders appeared on the path to the north.
Toxiv felt her heart racing, pounding. ‘Soldiers. We tell them she fell from the cart.’
‘There’s blood on her dress,’ Mel said.
‘Listen to me. Judinia fell ill suddenly, she hit the ground and didn’t move. There’s no reason for them to suspect us. We’re young, and we’re healers. They trust our goodness. Shovock?’
‘Yes, yes. I would do nothing to hurt my sisters.’
As the soldiers approached, they stopped to inspect Judinia. ‘What has happened?’
Toxiv spoke for the others, telling the story they’d agreed upon.
‘And why are you on that horse now?’ one asked her.
‘I was riding back to the Mountain Sanctuary to fetch help.’
‘We’ll escort you.’
Shovock and Mel huddled around Judinia’s body in the back of the cart as the soldiers took them south again. A Mountain Sanctuary soldier ran inside; soon Priestess Atanta appeared to greet the soldiers.
‘Thank you for escorting them back safely.’ She smiled meekly.
‘This girl is dead.’
Priestess Atanta eyed the soldiers, then her gaze settled on Shovock for a moment. ‘The girl has been sick for some time.’
Toxiv glanced at the priestess. She’d lied for them.
Priestess Atanta lowered her face, pretending to be saddened by Judinia’s lifeless body. ‘I shall inform the girl’s family.’
The soldiers nodded, took one last glance over the three young siblings, and then mounted their own horses. One of them said, ‘Blessings to you.’
‘And to you,’ said the priestess.
Priestess Atanta turned to her own soldiers. ‘Bring them to my rooms. Fetch their mother. Now.’
8
Toxiv
Priestess Atanta and Superiors Tordan and Infalla stood to one side of a drawing room as Toxiv entered Priestess Atanta’s quarters.
Mel sat with her mother, while Toxiv remained beside Shovock, whose wrists were chained behind his back.
Decorative furnishings—elegant statues, rich rugs, intricately carved tables and chairs —were evenly spaced about the room. This was her family’s first—and likely last—visit to Priestess Atanta’s private rooms.
‘Dear Quxa,’ said Priestess Atanta, addressing their mother. ‘Shovock has claimed his first victim.’ The priestess waved Shovock forward. His restraints chinked in time with his steps.
‘Shovock,’ Priestess Atanta said, staring up at the boy who seemed so ordinary now. ‘Do you remember what happened?’
‘No. But I know it was me, priestess.’
‘I am troubled, for you are much changed, and for the better. Those big brown eyes of yours no longer frighten me as they once did. Your skin has cleared, even your manners have returned. Can you account for these chan
ges in your being?’
Shovock shook his head. ‘Not exactly,’ he lowered his voice. ‘Judinia’s soul all but destroyed the darkness in here.’ He beat his chest. ‘But it will awaken once more.’
Mel put her face into her hands, crying. Toxiv almost told her to shush.
‘This…darkness. When did you first notice it?’
‘At age ten. It is not darkness like night, but emptiness.’ Shovock reached out in front of him. ‘The wind is invisible, as is air, but we know it’s there. What’s in me is nothing. As it grows, it consumes my soul because where there is nothing, all the somethings are sucked into it, including me.’ He shook his head. ‘I do not expect that to seem like sense.’
Shovock’s words left a silence hanging thick in the air. ‘And if you were not in control of this, nothing, then what was?’ Priestess Atanta asked.
Shovock chewed on his bottom lip. ‘The nothing desires life. Life that I must steal from another to feed it. That is where my urges come from. They don’t bring me joy.’
Priestess Atanta nodded. ‘They just reduce the nothing.’
Toxiv’s brother’s eyes lightened with a hope. ‘Yes,’ he said, inhaling with a smile. ‘You understand. I believe that once I started touching Judinia, I could not stop. I took her innocence –’ he swallowed ‘—and her life.’
‘Murder and sorcery,’ Superior Tordan hissed, understanding filling her voice. ‘It is unnatural for a healer to lose her healing powers as Quxa did. That is why she has borne a demon child. The boy is a curse from the sun god.’
Priestess Atanta raised her hand. ‘The sun god does not curse, Superior Tordan. Please be quiet until the questioning is concluded.’ She turned back to Shovock. ‘If you could tell us more about what you’ve been experiencing, young master.’
Toxiv watched her brother carefully. He did not strangle Judinia, or beat her; he wasn’t unusually violent. Ravishing a woman could see him imprisoned for life, and with his needs, he would die there.
‘Judinia’s soul lives inside me now,’ Shovock said, his voice saddening. ‘She’s in my head, flashing her memories at me. She wants to escape my mind.’