by Frey Ortega
Bennett shook his head. He couldn’t quite accept the reason, even though it made some sense. “But because of me, people died, Elijah. People might continue to die. So many people have been hurt by me, and all because I wasn’t strong enough to fight against Marcel. I helped him do so many terrible things. Before we came to this city, for example, Marcel fed on people in rest stops. Hitchhikers, truck drivers—all manners of transients—because he thought no one would miss them. That’s not even the worst of what he did, but I knew about all of the crimes and transgressions. I cast spells to help him hide the evidence. I could have faked it. I could have fought him. I could have done something—anything, really—but I didn’t. And now, my past has come to haunt me. I deserve to be punished. I don’t deserve the kindness you’re all showing me.”
Elijah sighed. Slowly, his arms fell down from Bennett’s shoulders, settling to his side. One muscled arm lifted up to scratch at the back of his head. There was a moment of silence between them, but it was Elijah who spoke first. “It really sucks that you feel this way and I wish that I could do something to help you. You’re my mate, and you’re hurting, and all I can do is watch helplessly while you go through this.”
Bennett turned to look at Elijah. The other man wasn’t looking at him, but the expression on Elijah’s face told Bennett all he needed to know.
Elijah was hurting.
For…me?
Those eyes, which were normally so vibrant, were a little glassy. He was frowning, too, as if he were trying to collect his emotions. And as he shook his head and took a deep breath, Elijah finally met Bennett’s gaze.
“The way I understand things, you were forced by someone else to do something you didn’t want to do, and because you were afraid for your own life, you followed his orders,” Elijah said. “Now it seems like you’re being weighed down by all the bad things that happened, which tells me you’re not a bad person, because you actually feel guilty. And I also don’t think fate would be so cruel as to mate me to a bad person.”
Bennett couldn’t help but crack a smile at that.
Elijah continued. “And I know it’s hard to live with the knowledge of what you were forced to do. But that’s the thing, too—would you have done any of it if someone wasn’t threatening your life?”
Bennett scrunched up his face. “No, of course not. I don’t like hurting people.”
Just the very thought of going back to that kind of life made Bennett feel ill.
“Then I think you should cut yourself some slack,” Elijah replied, patting a hand gently on Bennett’s thigh. Bennett looked down at his mate’s hand and blushed, and slowly, he moved his hand over to Elijah’s.
Elijah then entwined his fingers with Bennett’s, and smiled at him. “Not all of what happened was on you. You were forced into it. The fact that you even feel any sense of guilt for what had happened is proof enough that you’re not a monster. Not to me, anyway.”
Elijah sighed, and then continued to speak. He gently rubbed his thumb across the back of Bennett’s hand. “But I also know this isn’t something I can fix. I wish I could carry even some of that burden for you. Right now, all I can do is sit here and show you that I’ll be right here for you. Forever, if you’ll let me.”
Bennett smiled—or he tried to, anyway. He didn’t know if he was convincing.
Elijah was right, and Bennett knew it, but it was hard not to feel some level of personal responsibility. With Soraya and Haley’s deaths, Bennett added two more to the number of people he had inadvertently hurt because of Marcel. Sure, he wasn’t the one who actually landed the killing blow, but he was involved.
“I’m sorry,” Bennett said softly. He pulled his hand away from his mate’s.
Elijah tilted his head. He leaned back against the headboard, stretching both arms above his head and rolling his neck as he tried to wake himself up. “For what? You didn’t do anything wrong. Not to me, anyway.”
“I wish I were a better mate for you,” Bennett said. “Maybe…maybe if I weren’t so messed up, and if I was able to—”
“I’m gonna stop you right there,” Elijah interrupted, as he placed a finger right against Bennett’s lips. The vampire gently ran his thumb across Bennett’s lower lip, smiled, and then pulled his hand away. “You need to stop with all these “ifs” and “maybes.” It doesn’t change the fact that you’re my mate. It doesn’t change how I feel for you. The only thing it does is make me upset because you’re kicking yourself while you’re down.”
“The time you spend mulling over how you could be better doesn’t do anything except make you feel worse about yourself. You could use that time, instead, to actually do something about it. To make you feel good, not just for me, but for yourself, too. Did you ever stop and think about that?”
Bennett blinked. “I…I guess not.”
Elijah shrugged. “It’s easy to criticize what’s already been done. It’s a little harder to actually step up and do something about it. So, instead of worrying and overthinking and getting caught in our own heads, let’s focus on right now and what’s coming next. The coven wanted to give you a moment to breathe and be safe, so let’s take advantage of it. Are we gonna sit around in bed all day? Because I think we could find something fun to do together between these nice, soft sheets, but I promised I’d take it slow. I was thinking we could go and get breakfast, instead.”
The vampire slowly stood to his full height, stretching his hands above his head and showing off the lines of muscle all across his body. Bennett would have drooled if he weren’t so troubled and anxious right now, but maybe that was the point.
Maybe he needed to surrender to the distraction.
Maybe he needed to clear his brain so that he could focus on the days ahead.
Maybe instead of resisting the fact that he was here on a boat in the middle of the open water, Bennett could embrace it, instead.
Sometimes, the only thing one could do was to wait and see what was going to happen next, right? And clearly, the coven wanted him here—where it was safer, or so they all thought—and he was surrounded by miles and miles of water, and someone who loved him enough to protect him with his life.
This wasn’t such a bad situation to be in at all. And while he could continue to think about all the negatives, Bennett knew it was better to focus on where he was right now.
Otherwise, Bennett would be over there—where it was dangerous—and he could be ambushed as soon as he decided to set foot outside of the building. Worse, even. Bennett suppressed a grimace at the thought.
The Cleaners had a reputation. They might’ve been able to give Marcel a run for his money in terms of sheer ruthlessness.
Was it love that pushed Elijah to act this way toward him, though? Bennett knew they were mates, even though they hadn’t mated yet. But was this connection deep enough to be called love, when all he’d really done this entire time was be skittish and run away?
It felt like that was all Bennett did—ran away—all while Elijah pursued him, remained patient with him, and went against what he wanted for himself all to make sure Bennett was happy and comfortable. All of that, just because he had a mate as difficult as Bennett was.
And he knew that if he kept being like this, he was going to ruin something beautiful.
There were very few things that Bennett was sure of anymore. But he knew, with absolute, one hundred percent certainty, that he didn’t want to sabotage his mating before they could even have a chance.
Maybe he needed to take that leap of faith, and just hope that he would be caught when he fell.
He just needed to take a chance. Elijah had proved he was capable enough to be there for Bennett. After all, the vampire hadn’t run away screaming yet.
That had to count for something, right?
“So, what do you think? Should we go get breakfast? Maybe watch something on the big screen?” Elijah asked.
Bennett turned to look at Elijah, sighed, and then nodded. “Okay, fine. Let’s do it. I don’t know wh
at we should do, but…anything is better than sitting here overthinking myself to death.”
He still wasn’t completely convinced, but he would try his hardest. He was choosing to trust, even when he didn’t feel like it was the best decision.
But when Elijah beamed at him with a smile that almost made Bennett’s knees buckle, he knew he’d made the right choice, even if it wasn’t the best one.
“Yeah?” Elijah asked, the pensiveness and excitement in the larger man’s voice was enough to break past some of the misgivings in Bennett’s heart.
Honestly, Bennett still couldn’t believe what was happening right now, and maybe he never would. Maybe trying to make sense of everything in the way that he usually did was actually leaving him even worse off. All he knew at that moment was that he liked the way Elijah’s smile made him feel. It was such a small thing—to see another person beam at him the way his mate was doing—in these craziest of days, but it was just enough for Bennett to take a deep breath, and let go of some of the tension he kept in his body.
Bennett smiled at Elijah. “Yeah,” he repeated. “Worrying isn’t going to help right now. I’ve thought about things over and over and all it’s done is left me frustrated and more confused. You all want me here, so I might as well make the most of it.”
“Well, good,” Elijah replied as he stood and sauntered over to a bag that he’d tossed to the other side of the room. They’d been exhausted last night—Elijah probably more so than him. Bennett vaguely remembered Elijah settling in beside him later in the evening after coordinating with the crew on the yacht. “Let’s make the most of it, and try to get your mind off of things. I can’t go out because it’s still daytime, but you can take a swim in the pool if you want to. Or we could take dip in the hot tub. That, I can do because it’s here in the bathroom. Ooh, or how about we spend the day in bed and veg out? Do you want to read anything? I have a tablet over there loaded with books. Spoiler alert, they’re all romance novels, but I figure it’d be a nice escape from reality for a little while.”
Bennett chuckled, watching the excited vampire rummage through his things until he pulled out a tablet and held it out for Bennett to take. “Did you really take the time to load a bunch of romance novels into your tablet just for today?” He asked, reaching for the tablet.
Elijah grinned sheepishly. “Nah,” he replied, scratching the back of his head with his other hand. “I’m a fan of the romance books. They’re kind of a guilty pleasure. I guess you could say they’re a big part of why I’m a huge fan of the grand gestures and such. Kind of backfired on me, though, huh?”
Bennett took the tablet and shook his head. “No, it didn’t. It led us to being together, didn’t it?”
The vampire shrugged, but continued to smile at Bennett. “I guess you’re right. So, what do you want to do?”
Bennett didn’t miss the fact that Elijah had quickly changed the subject, and when he noticed the vampire’s cheeks turning an adorable shade of light pink, Bennett knew he could let it go. He could always tease Elijah about his romance novels later…not that he would.
But this was a revelation in and of itself. Elijah was a big softy. He had a crunchy, sassy outer shell, but his insides were gooey and warm, like one of those candies with crushed almonds on the outside and a malted chocolate ball in the middle.
Elijah was a guy who looked like some kind of lothario who could have any man or woman he wanted. The fact that he was into romance novels made him a lot less intimidating.
“I don’t know,” Bennett answered. “But half the fun is in figuring that out with you, right?”
Elijah grinned as he found a pair of plain black boxers and slipped them on before he sat back on the bed. “You’re damn right. Let me take a shot at our first activity, then. You can veto it if you don’t like what I’m suggesting. So, for our first order of business of the day, do you wanna cuddle a little and watch a movie? I promise I won’t do anything lewd.” Then, he paused. “Unless you want me to.”
Bennett chuckled, and slowly moved over into the bed right beside Elijah, who immediately wrapped his arm securely around Bennett’s body.
And even though it was just for this moment, Bennett felt calm. Well, calmer than before.
Maybe that was enough.
And with the faintest of smiles gracing his lips, Bennett thought to himself, this is fine. I’m with Elijah. I’m safe. Nothing else has happened.
This is good.
For now.
Chapter Twelve
“I know I don’t need to tell you this, Elijah, but you need to keep him safe.”
Julien’s voice was soft—barely a whisper—as he spoke to his friend.
Elijah nodded in response.
“He’s been through so much. I know that this is a lot to handle for anyone. It doesn’t help that it’s all happening so fast. Bennett needs to take a moment to breathe, and you do too.”
“Me?” Elijah raised an eyebrow at his leader—his friend.
Julien smirked. “Yes, you,” he replied. “This is a lot for you, too. Take some time to rest and put your mind at ease. Keep your mate safe. Hell, if you could actually get that bond in place…”
“I know,” Elijah interrupted. Things would be a lot simpler if they had consummated their bond—if everything had been simpler between the two of them. He took a moment to think things through, and then sighed. “This is a crazy plan, you know.”
“It’s crazy enough that it just might work,” Julien replied. “It’ll be hard, but try to relax. Vadim and I have it under control.”
“Oh, it’s not Vadim I’m worried about,” Elijah joked, grinning at his friend. He patted Julien’s shoulder. “Thank you.”
“You have nothing to thank me for, Elijah,” Julien said. “We’re basically brothers—you, Vadim and I. This is just what a brother is supposed to do for one another. And who knows, right?”
“About what?”
“By the time you leave, we might have this threat under control.”
Elijah stared at him, not quite believing his friend. “One can only hope, right?”
“Yeah.” Julien nodded. “If nothing else, we have hope. And maybe a couple of guns, if things turn south.”
“I’m hungry.”
Bennett’s voice snapped Elijah out of his bubble, his head tilted down to his tablet as he swiped the page on his reading app. What was he even reading? Shit. He’d been skimming the same paragraph over and over for a little while now. It was a sign to stop, for now.
The memory of Julien’s words just before Elijah and Bennett left for the yacht still played in his head.
God. Much as he hated to admit it out loud, Julien was right. Elijah really needed this, after all. It wasn’t just for Bennett—this escape was for him, too.
On the large, nearly wall-to-wall flat-screen TV right in front of them, Bennett was watching some kind of historical drama about chess. At least, it looked like one from the scene that was currently playing in front of them—there was a beautiful young woman and a man in a suit surrounded by people watching their game unfold, all eyes on the board.
Elijah turned to look at Bennett wiggling out of the covers, rubbing his stomach as he stood up and stretched from side to side. “We still have snacks in the room, right?” Bennett asked.
“Uh, yeah. Check the mini-fridge. I’m sure the staff loaded up on candy bars while you were out reading by the pool,” Elijah answered, rubbing away some of the strain in his eyes from staring at a screen for far too long. “I think there’s microwave popcorn in the cupboard, too.”
“Yeah, I think I’m gonna make me some of that,” Bennett said. “You want some?”
Bennett looked downright adorable standing there in an oversized shirt. He had borrowed one of Elijah’s, and it drooped so low over Bennett’s form that it looked almost like he had just been freshly debauched. But he wasn’t.
Elijah was a good mate, after all. Well, he wanted to be one, anyway. He wouldn’t just
force Bennett into doing that. Even if he wanted to do it—but what man didn’t want to have sex when he was in the presence of someone as important to him as his mate?
At least he had his hand. And he’d be lying if he didn’t say he’d rubbed one out at least once a day these past couple of days. More than once, really. Bathroom time had gotten longer and longer.
Regardless of some of his sexual frustrations however, Elijah couldn’t help the smile from growing on his face as he stared at Bennett as he turned around while he stretched. Bennett’s rather nice, pert bubble butt almost seemed like it gave a little bounce as he moved, but Elijah knew his eyes might’ve been playing tricks on him. He was sure part of that was just from his own sheer horniness. For someone who was so thin and lanky, Bennett had curves in the places where it counted.
God, Elijah felt like some kind of Victorian rake, watching his conquest after a night of passion, especially when Bennett raised his arms and the shirt rose up just enough to show a glimpse of Bennett’s inner thighs, and Elijah’s breath almost hitched. Pure debauchery.
Calm down, Elijah. You’re not in one of your favorite books.
“Hello?” Bennett called out to him, tilting his head and raising an eyebrow at Elijah. “You want some popcorn?”
Elijah blinked. Crap. He’d gotten so sucked into his thoughts he forgot Bennett asked him a question. “Sure.”
Bennett smiled and nodded in response. The young warlock then walked over to the little mini-kitchen in their room to go and fix them both something to eat.
The yacht pretty much had everything. It was like they were on a mobile five-star resort in the middle of open water. The two of them were living in a secluded little bubble—a luxury suite, insulated from the outside world—and Elijah couldn’t be more thankful.
The privilege they both currently enjoyed was a godsend, because Elijah certainly hadn’t seen his mate as relaxed in the past week as Bennett was at this very moment.
It warmed his heart in a way he never thought he’d feel before.
To see Bennett actually smile—to see the warlock enjoy just cuddling against him when they were sleeping, or the way his face looked when he was completely enraptured by whatever they were both watching, or reading the romance books stored in Elijah’s tablet before they both went to sleep—made this strange feeling of lightness settle in his chest. The tension he didn’t even realize had settled in his shoulders lifted, and he breathed a little easier.