by Gift .
Granted I had just gone through a traumatic experience due to a mark, and I know he was trying to save my feelings but I was sure. The icy warmth invaded my body at his almost denial, it didn’t quite like that… and neither did I suddenly.
“Now, Raziel, fucking mark me” I commanded. I was a little surprised at my tone, I had never been this forthright with something, especially to him. I was more of a take the hit and bury it type person.
I didn’t like to cause conflict, I tried to just stay silent until it was over if I could. But something about that icy warmth gave me power, conviction. Helped me to have a voice, and I definitely used it.
I could see surprise, and then desire flash through Raziels eyes. It was clear he didn't mind my conviction at all. The icy warmth inside of me shuddered as he obliged to our wishes.
“Ok, Darling. Whatever you wish” He purred.
Chapter 44
When Raphael marked me, it was as if he was just touching my face. I didn’t feel anything for him, I didnt feel anything at all really except a slight tingling and it was still there in the morning which is why I checked the mirror.
This must be what happens when you are marked and there are no feelings there prior. The feelings take a little time to manifest. When Raziel marked me it was as if every fiber of my being exploded into ecstasy! It was a feeling that I can't even explain, something more, something deep to my core.
It felt like his mark ran straight through to my soul, to my ever fiber, linking me to him for eternity. I watched him step back after he was done and admire me. I had no idea what his mark actually looked like, but I was assuming it was similar to the crescent moon on his golden gate at his house.
Raphaels was the same as his silver gate, so I had just guessed. But from the look of it, he definitely approved. I couldn’t even help it, the pull of his mark was so much stronger than Raphaels.
I swear I couldn't resist this even if I wanted to. I pulled Raziel in for a kiss, the lightning exploded between us! He grabbed me and pulled me closer, and just that simple maneuver had me reeling with pleasure. It wouldn’t be long until this mark was permanent, that was a fact.
Then I felt the tingling in my hands, I pulled away reluctantly to inspect my hands. I held them out palms up to see they were engulfed in magic and fire. “Raziel, teach me to control this. I need to learn to control my Reaver abilities” I asked him softly.
For a minute I didn't feel the icy warmth, but then I felt it wash back over me. It was the weirdest thing, that icy warmth. I couldn't place my finger on just what it is, or why it was here. All I knew is when it was gone, I felt like I was on the verge of breaking again.
Raziel locked eyes with me, and I could see worry in his molten golden orbs. He was worried about me, but I was just fine. I just needed to learn to control this shit so I didn't accidentally do anything I would regret. "Of course, Darling" he purred and took my hands palm up unto his.
"Magic isn't something you can force, it has to flow free. It's all energy my love. Imagine your energy as a light flowing through your body. Let's use green light since the fireball is already green. You need to channel the energy into your palms. Close your eyes” Raziel explained.
Just hearing his voice was sending chills down my spine. This mark really had a different effect when there were actually feelings involved. I had to concentrate extremely hard to get my mind to quit focusing on Raziel and start focusing on channeling energy.
After a few failed attempts I was getting frustrated, the mark was just too powerful I couldn’t concentrate with him so close to me. “Back up would you? Just enough so the mark will stop interfering with my concentration.” I asked Raziel with a wink.
Desire flashed through his gold eyes as he turned around and walked back about 40 feet. Once the marks effects had dimmed down, I was able to think. I closed my eyes and held my hands about a foot apart facing each other.
I imagined the green light flowing through my body like blood, and I was forcing all of the green light into the palms of my hands. It basically sucked itself out of the rest of my body and went right into my palms.
I opened my eyes when I felt the mark tingling again to find Raziel right by my side, and to my surprise a larger than I expected green fireball floating between my hands. My heart started to race, I was doing it!
So he was right, I couldn't force it. It had to flow freely. When I was so upset at Alpha Drake and Raphael my energy must have just been flowing without me realizing it. But when I tried to force it on my own it didn’t work.
“When you want to get rid of it you can either throw it, or just imagine the green light disappearing from your hands.” Raziel said.
I imagined the light dissipating out of my hands and going basically back to where it came from, and then I watched as the fireball shrunk and disappeared. The tingling in my hands went away as well.
For the next hour or so we went over the different ways to channel energy. Raziel showed me how to use the energy to become an extension of myself letting me engulf something in flames and move it, as I’ve seen him do many times before.
We practiced on some of the boulders around the grotto until I was feeling comfortable with the fireball. He then attempted to teach me how to materialize to another place. This was marginally harder than channeling energy.
“This takes a lot of practice, it’s not as simple as just thinking of where you want to go and boom you're there. You have to really feel it, really connect to the place in your mind. Imagine you have a rope in your mind, and you want to attach that rope to the place you want to go, or the person you want to get to. Start by trying to materialize to that bench over there. Just throw the rope to the bench and once it touches it you should appear there.” Raziel stated as if it were easy.
“Ok here we go” I said and I imagined a rope and threw it to the bench, I suddenly felt as if I were being flung through the air and then I landed hard on my knees, disoriented and only halfway to the bench.
“Shit, what happened?” I gasped. Raziel was right at my side, helping me up. He was laughing, and I couldn't help but laugh with him. “That was an epic fail!” I said while laughing hysterically.
He took me into his arms and we just laughed together for a few minutes. My mark was exploding at his touch, causing my body to shudder. For the first time since I had lost my mate bond, which, granted, was only a few hours ago, I felt normal. I felt like I hadn't just lost a huge part of myself. Just sitting here in Raziels arms, laughing.
We locked eyes, and I couldn't help but notice how beautiful Raziel's eyes really were. I mean I had been admiring them for years, but something about them right now just made my heart sing.
Suddenly worry flooded Raziel's face and at the same time I felt the icy warmth taking over. As if it were coaxing me out of my safe space and pushing me into the unknown. I stepped out of Raziels arms, “let’s keep working” I shot.
Raziel nodded his head and stepped back, I couldn't help but notice the worry resting on his beautiful face and I still thought he was overreacting, I was fine.
The icy warmth washed over me again reassuring me that I was indeed ok. I ignored his worry and continued working.
I closed my eyes and threw the rope to the bench again. This time I felt as if I were being pulled and I fell again, hard on my knees again, but I was in front of the bench this time!
“YES” I cried. Ignoring the pain I got up and kept trying, I went back and forth from the tree, to the bench, back to the tree, until I finally was able to anticipate my landing.
I wasn't able to land like Raziel who didn’t even stumble. It was as if he was there the whole time. I was more like a baby colt learning to walk for the first time, stumbling and falling. But at least I was there! I knew I would get better someday. But for now I was happy to just be able to get from point A to point B at all.
Next Raziel showed me how to materialize items like he always did. “It is the same concept as throwing the rope t
o the bench to get there, except there is no rope, instead you are visualizing what you want in your mind and reaching in and grabbing it. With a snap of your fingers, whatever is in your mind should appear in your hand. You just have to reach in and grab it basically.” He explained.
“Start with an apple, visualize it in your mind. Then snap your fingers while trying to grab it from your mind” Raziel said.
I saw the apple, I pictured myself grabbing the apple and I snapped, but nothing happened. “Shit, I lost the apple” I huffed. “It’s ok, Rome wasn't built in a day my love” Raziel chuckled. “Try visualizing it outside of your mind. So imagine that it’s floating in the air. And then when you snap, snap your hand over where the item is floating. Let’s see if that works.” Raziel stated.
I tried it that way and to my surprise it did work! I was holding the apple. So this was definitely going to take practice. I hadn’t even realized how long it had been, I swear time flows differently in the Grotto.
Raziel grabbed me, “That’s enough for tonight, we can continue the training tomorrow.” He purred, We walked to the gate, opened it, then locked it behind us, and materialized us to his room.
I was starting to get used to the mark and my reactions were a little less severe when I was just in his presence or hearing his voice. But nothing could calm the fire of his touch. As we got ready for bed I realized we hadn’t eaten in I didn’t even know how long but I wasn’t even feeling hungry.
Wynter said something about us actually not eating much recently and I shrugged it off not realizing because things had been so chaotic lately.
“Reavers do not need food to sustain us. We can eat, we enjoy eating, but we do not need food to survive. Now that you are coming into your abilities you will not need food to sustain yourself either.” Raziel answered as if he had heard Wynter talking. “Oh and yes I did hear Wynter. That is something you will develop as well. I can hear any wolf or mind link if I am close enough.” He said to me as he flashed me that million dollar smile that I loved, sending chills through my entire body.
So many things made sense now, how he knew about certain things, and the way I would see him snicker or smile when he was near me, he was hearing Wynters internal swooning! My cheeks flushed at the thought of him hearing her insistent obsession with him. But can you blame her? I certainly couldn’t.
We got into bed and Raziel took me into his arms. My mark was going absolutely insane at his proximity, and as much as I wanted to just get up and rip every shred of clothing he was wearing off of him, my body was too exhausted after today's events that I fell into a deep sleep almost immediately.
“Rayne…..Rayne……” My eyes fluttered open to find that I was laying in complete darkness. “Who’s there?” I asked. Then I felt the familiar icy warmth wash over me and I suddenly felt confident in my surroundings, and in my abilities to protect myself should the need arise.
“I said who’s there?” I snarled, my newfound confidence blasting through in my words. Still reeling in the icy warmth, I was surrounded by nothing, sitting there in the dark.
“You may call me the darkness, my dear. I am here to help you.” It said. “Help me with what?” I questioned. “I come when the need arises, I'm sure you’ve felt me comfort you today, have you not?” It asked.
“I have felt something, but I didn’t know what it was.” I stammered back, now getting a little nervous that I may be playing with something I probably shouldn't be…
Then I felt the icy warmth wash over me again and like a comfort blanket my confidence was back, pushing any doubts I may have had out of my mind. So this is what it was. This is what had been helping me today, keeping me from breaking into 1,000 pieces all over again. This is what I had been channeling to keep my strength up while training. It was the darkness.
I started to feel myself slipping back into a deep sleep, out of the darkness's grasp, and I couldn’t help but wonder just what the darkness actually wanted.
Nothing comes without a price...
Chapter 45
Once morning came my mind was reeling with my newfound abilities. I was going over the practices in my head and ready to start the day training. I threw on a gold sports bra and black shorts with my gold combat boots, and threw my hair into a high pony.
Raziel of course matching with his black and gold suit. I loved that we always matched. He pulled me into his arms and kissed me before we left, which made my mark explode with pleasure.
It was literally everything I had to walk out of this room with him hand in hand, all of our clothes intact. But I had other things on my mind as well, the darkness. I hadn’t forgotten the meeting we had, or my dream, or whatever that was last night.
I knew there would be a price, there had to be. But the darkness was literally the only thing keeping me together. Losing your mate bond creates an empty void, begging to be filled with something, anything.
And when you realize it will never be filled again all those emotions come flooding back in. That's when the darkness steps in, casts its icy warmth over me, and fills the void. It happens more often than I want to admit, but even Wynter is thankful when it comes. We may be playing with fire, but it's better than dealing with the grief and agony.
I decided I wasn’t going to say anything to anyone about the darkness. I didn't think it mattered, and honestly I thought I might be going a little crazy anyways. It’s possible the darkness wasn't even real, just a figment of my imagination my mind made up to help me cope with such a big trauma. I definitely didn’t want to seem crazy, so to save what face I had left, I figured this was the right way to go.
Just as I was feeling the doubt and the emptiness of the void was creeping back in, the darkness washed over me and brought out a new confidence. Fiction of my imagination or not, I needed this. I needed the darkness.
I locked eyes with Raziel as we started training. I could see the worry flood his face and I wondered why he was so worried? I was literally fine, I hadn't even broken down since the major break when it all happened. I was training and learning, getting stronger. I was fine!
I was able to create a fireball with ease today, it was much easier once I had done it a few hundred times. I could dissipate it and I learned to throw it today as well. I was able to materialize anywhere in the grotto but still stumbling on my landing of course.
Still though, the rope was easier to throw and I learned to imagine the end point in my mind closer to me, to make the rope easier to throw. I was able to materialize items from my mind a lot easier. Things were going well.
Raziel taught me about dreamwalking which is when everything clicked. That’s what I had been doing When I was with Alpha Drake, it wasn’t just a dream, it was my dream and I was manipulating it. And when I was in Raziels home, I was dreamwalking to his dream, which is why I remembered when he said I could call him Raziel rather than Mr. Kane. And that's how Raphael got to me, I was dreamwalking to his dream.
Now how I got there was unknown, I must have just been thinking about his name or something that I read the first time and it happened. The second time I knew I had gone there on purpose, and that was when he marked me.
Anger flooded through my body at the thought of him marking me. It was my fault for playing with something I didn't understand, but I didn't know what I was doing at the time. I hadn’t even realized but I had stopped everything I was working on and I was just reeling in anger.
Raziel materialized in front of me and grabbed my shoulders. “Rayne, are you ok? What happened?” He said with an exasperated breath. I saw his face, again worry flooded over him, and again the Darkness flooded over me.
This time it was different though, rather than filling the void with the darkness to keep my composure, it was like the darkness fueled my rage. Like it was just there egging me on, begging me to take my anger out on someone, on the person who hurt me.
I felt a sudden rush of confidence but this time it was different, it was stronger, more deep to the core. I couldn'
t explain it, but every fiber of my being at that minute wanted nothing more than to materialize to Raphael and make him pay for what he did to me. For forcing me to use the shadows, for making me give up my mate bond.
It was second only to the ultimate sacrifice, that’s how I was feeling. It was so overwhelming that I actually fell to my knees and closed my eyes. It felt as if I were about to pass out, and then I heard it, the darkness, speaking to me.