I sat up and slid out of bed. When my feet touched the cool floor, I almost decided to get back in bed, just so I could feel Jack’s arms around me again, even if it was only in my head. But I had to go to work. No matter how much I wanted to hide out for a while longer, I couldn’t do it.
Padding over to my bathroom, I stepped into the shower and washed off my nightmare. As I ran the soap over my body, I thought of what it would be like to have Jack slip into the shower behind me, running his hands over my body in a more sexual way than he had last night. The way he rubbed my back last night was meant to be soothing, but I wanted something more. I wanted him to touch me like he needed to feel me against him.
Berating myself for my idiocy, I shut off the shower and grabbed a towel, drying off before going back into the bedroom to get dressed, but stopped short when I saw Jack standing in the doorway in nothing but his jeans. My breath caught in my throat as I tucked the towel tightly around my breasts.
Jack’s gaze slowly trailed over my body, but I had to be imagining things. Jack never looked at me like that. His fists clenched at his sides and there was no mistaking the way his throat bobbed as he swallowed.
Uncomfortable with the man I loved staring at me the way he was, I glanced away. “Did you need something?”
He cleared his throat and finally dragged his eyes up to my face. “Uh…breakfast is almost ready.”
“Oh…I didn’t realize you…I thought you left.”
We stood there, both of us staring at each other, but neither of us knowing what to say.
“I’ll be down in a minute.”
He nodded and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him. Sighing, I sat down on the bed and ran my hand over my forehead. This was killing me. How the hell was I supposed to survive in the same town as him? Sure, he looked at my body. Any man would. That didn’t mean jack shit though.
Angry with myself, I grabbed my clothes and quickly dressed. I brushed out my hair, staring at myself in the bathroom mirror. I would never be what he wanted. Slamming the brush down, I went downstairs to face him again.
The smell hit me hard as I walked down the stairs. He was making bacon. Grinning to myself, I closed my eyes as I remembered him making bacon for me years ago. It sounded strange, but no one made bacon as good as Jack. I headed for the kitchen, eager to eat whatever else he made. When I rounded the corner, I stood there staring for a moment. I thought for sure he would have put on a shirt by now. But instead, I was staring at his very muscular back as he moved around my kitchen. Stepping back, I hid around the corner of the wall and watched him as he finished breakfast.
Every muscle in his back and his arms flexed. It wasn’t fair. Why did he have to be in my house, in my kitchen! And even though I knew I should step out from behind the wall, I couldn’t help but stay hidden so I could watch him for as long as possible.
He walked over to my cabinet with dishes and pulled down two plates. His jeans slipped dangerously low on his hips, giving me a scandalous view of the top of his ass. After setting down the plates, he hiked his pants back up and buttoned his jeans.
“Damnit,” I whispered to myself. Then I saw his feet. His perfectly shaped feet looked so damn sexy in my kitchen. Shouldn’t he have square feet or enlarged toes? Even super hairy feet! It wasn’t fair that he was so damn sexy, literally from head to toe.
“Are you going to hide there all day?”
I skulked back and pressed myself against the wall, my heart pounding out of control. Damnit, he caught me. I could handle this one of two ways…I could walk out there like nothing happened, or I could run upstairs and hide under my covers until he left. Option two was definitely tempting, but that wasn’t who I was.
Taking a deep breath, I stepped out from behind the wall and walked into the kitchen. “Good morning.”
A sexy grin split his lips as he salted my eggs. “I thought you were going to stand back there all day.”
“It’s not polite to point things like that out.”
He shrugged lightly. “I checked you out first. I think it’s only fair.”
“I wasn’t checking you out. I was just…” Flustered, I wasn’t sure quite what to say. “I haven’t seen you in a long time. I was just…remembering.”
He nodded. “I don’t remember either of us seeing quite so much of each other when we were younger.”
“Not true. You used to walk around all the time in just your jeans. What’s with that anyway?”
“Does it make you uncomfortable? Do you want me to put my shirt on?”
I shrugged like it didn’t matter, but my insides were screaming Don’t you dare!
He grabbed his shirt and pulled it over his head. “So sorry to offend your delicate sensibilities. I’ll keep in mind for future reference that you don’t want me to walk around without a shirt on.”
“Who says there’ll be a next time?”
He leaned against the counter, his eyes boring into mine. I looked away when I caught myself staring at the way his shirt stretched across his chest.
“You don’t want me in your house?” he asked, almost offended.
“We’re not young anymore, Jack. We’re not…together or anything. We’re barely friends.”
He huffed out a laugh, staring down at his plate. “That’s funny, because last night sure felt like it used to.”
I dropped my eyes to my plate, picking up a piece of bacon. Fiddling with it, I tried to come up with the words I needed to say. “I really appreciate you taking care of me last night.”
“Any time.”
“But it can’t be any time.”
“Why?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest.
I finally looked up at him. “Because you have a son that you need to focus on.”
“It was one night,” he said, laughing slightly.
“And that’s the way it needs to stay.”
“What’s really going on here?”
“I just think we need to keep things in perspective.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “You don’t want things getting too personal, like when I saw you walk out of the bathroom in a towel.”
My face flushed in embarrassment. “Friends don’t…”
“Check each other out?”
I shoved a bite of bacon in my mouth, chewing like I needed it to survive. “Damn, I almost forgot how good your bacon is. You know, men like you should not be able to cook.”
“Deflecting?”
“Did you cook for Natalie like this?”
His eyes dropped to the counter, effectively shutting down his interrogation. I knew it was shitty to bring her up, but I couldn’t go down this road where we started talking about what exactly happened this morning.
“Just breakfast,” he muttered. “Natalie did most of the cooking. I wasn’t very good at anything else.” He huffed out a laugh. “I was the guy that was always running late. Dinner was always on the table and cold by the time I got home.”
“I’m sure she understood.”
“Maybe a little too much.”
“What does that mean?”
His gaze locked on mine and a hint of sadness crept into his eyes. “It’s not a good thing when what you’re reliable for is being late.”
Grinning, I pointed my bacon at him. “So, you’re saying you’re not actually perfect.”
“No, I can’t claim that I ever have been.”
I hated that I needed to know, but part of me hoped I was wrong. That I was imagining the deeper meaning in what he was saying. “But you were happy, right?”
He nodded. “Yeah, I mean, for the most part. Everyone has their ups and downs, but things were good.”
I deflated a little at his statement. I guess deep down I was hoping that he had been miserable. That he had realized Natalie wasn’t the one for him, but it was too late because he’d already married her.
“But that was a different time. For our whole relationship, Josh was missing. The day I introduced him to her
was the day he went missing. And every day after that was tainted until he came home, and then she died shortly after.”
I didn't really understand what one had to do with the other. Shouldn't they have been stronger together, even though his friend was missing?
Shaking his head he sat down to eat his own breakfast.
“How did Brody do last night?” I asked, changing the subject.
“I talked to Carly this morning. He's doing fine. He was excited as hell to be over at their house.”
The way he said it made it sound like he didn’t like that. “Okay,” I said hesitantly. “That’s the second time you've said something that made it sound like you're not exactly thrilled they're hanging out together. What's going on?”
He ran his hand through his hair, shaking his head slightly. “You'll probably think it's ridiculous.”
“Why don’t you try me.”
“When Carly and Josh returned, they were on the run from Carly's family. They had their daughter Alessa who was just a few months old, and they were gonna leave her with Eric.”
“Wait, they were gonna leave their daughter behind?”
“It was dangerous and they were constantly running for their lives. About a year before Alessa was born, they were hiding out someplace and were ambushed at a grocery store. Josh was shot, taking a bullet for Carly. From what I understand he barely survived. She drove for days just trying to find them someplace safe to lay low. They needed time for him to recuperate. So, when they found out she was pregnant, they didn't know exactly what to do. They didn’t want to have a baby on the run with them. It would have been extremely dangerous. So, the plan was they were going to drop off Alessa with Eric and leave him as her guardian.”
My hand covered my mouth as I thought about what that must have been like. They must have been extremely terrified if they decided to leave their own child behind. “That's terrible. I can't imagine having to make that decision.”
“They were devastated. Honestly, I don't know if I could have made that decision, but they were trying to do what was right for her.”
“So how did it end?”
I knew Natalie died, but I wasn’t sure at what point in the story or how it even happened.
“They were able to put a stop to Carly's family. I don't want to get into it,” he said, rubbing his hand across his jaw, obviously irritated with the conversation. “It’s just a lot of crap that I don’t really understand, and I just can’t deal with it.”
He was silent for a long time, so long that I wasn’t sure he was going to say anything more. I didn’t want to pry, but then I was also stuck in this limbo. He was saying he wanted to be my friend, but friends told each other things.
His finger ran slowly up and down the counter, like he was tracing a line to keep his train of thought.
“Carly’s ex was a money-hungry psycho. He thought if he could convince Carly to marry him, he would get everything. But Carly didn’t want him.” He sighed heavily. “We were at Eric’s house and Natalie went out to the truck for something. I can’t remember what,” he said, shaking his head in thought. “I never even knew she was missing…They were gone for a while and then we heard screaming. We all ran to this old barn…”
His eyes glazed over as he stared off into space, reliving every moment of what he saw. Now I understood, because the same thing happened to me every night.
“The barn collapsed and this beam fell on her…she never stood a chance.”
I couldn't help but reach across the counter and hold his hand. He looked up at me startled. I didn’t have any words of comfort for him. I didn’t know what to say that would make any difference. Saying you’re sorry doesn’t mean a thing. It wouldn’t make him feel better or bring her back.
“I told myself for a long time that it was Carly and Josh’s fault, that if they had never come back Natalie would still be alive.” He shrugged slightly. “Maybe she would have been, but it wasn't their fault. It took me a long time to admit that. It was terrible timing on Natalie's part, walking out of the house when she did. We never thought…we thought it was over. We didn't think there was any danger.” He finally looked up at me, his eyes misted over as he stared at me. “She paid with her life.”
With tears in my eyes, I couldn’t resent Natalie anymore. Whether or not I felt like she took Jack from me, she meant a lot to him, and he was in so much pain.
“So, for a long time I’ve blamed Josh. And now we’re working on being friends again, but it’s hard to go from the asshole to the friend. And every time Brody stays over there, I can’t help but wonder if it’s all going to come back and bite me in the ass.”
“You don’t think Josh would do anything to him…”
“No, nothing like that. I just…Brody loves being over there, and I’m never around. This is so fucking stupid,” he muttered. “It makes me wonder if he would rather be with them than with me.”
“That’s a little silly, don’t you think? You’re his father. I haven’t seen you with him very much, but I can tell that he loves you. Josh and Carly are a novelty for him. He may like spending time with them, but they could never replace you.”
He nodded and then slid his hand across the counter to grip mine.
“I need you to understand…I know I seem too controlling right now with this guy coming to your house. But it's only because I can't lose another person I care about. I know we haven't seen each other in seven years, but that doesn't mean I feel any less for you than I did then. I want us to be friends again. I want…No, I need that back with you. And I won't let anyone stand in the way of that, including some jealous ex who thinks that he can win you back with lingerie.”
Finally, understanding where he was coming from, I nodded and finished eating my breakfast. We didn't speak again, and after that, both of us finished our breakfast in silence. My heart was breaking for him. I couldn’t deny now that maybe I was being too hard on him, that maybe he was suffering enough without me adding to it.
But I still had to keep my distance. Just because he lost Natalie didn’t mean I could just pick up where we were left off. My heart couldn’t handle it. So, as much as I loved this man and wanted to be there for him, I had to protect myself.
And despite all that, when we walked out the door, I turned to him and gave him a hug. His warmth enveloped me, just like I remembered. I wanted to cry. The old part of me that was still his friend just couldn’t walk away when he was hurting. It would be a juggling act, but I could do it. I could keep my distance, but still be there for him. Anything else would just be cruel.
“Thank you for staying with me.”
“Any time,” he grinned.
“Tell Brody I said hi.”
“You can tell him yourself,” he said as he walked me to my car. “You’ll see him at daycare.”
15
Jack
After dropping Brody off at daycare the next morning, I headed into the station. There was so much shit to take care of, not the least of which was the situation with Christy and her ex. I wouldn’t get the results back right away on the prints. Our town was small, so everything got sent out for processing.
I walked into the station, and took my seat, turning on my computer. Carter was already there.
“Hey, how did things go with Christy last night?”
“They could have gone better.”
“In what way?”
I shook my head slightly. “I don't know, man. She's hiding something from me.”
“How do you know?”
“She's not telling me something. She's so insistent this guy isn’t a threat to her, but who the fuck goes and breaks into someone's house and leaves lingerie on the bed? That screams psychopath.”
Carter was just as baffled as I was. “Maybe he really just likes lingerie.”
“Yeah, and he broke in to leave it on her bed, but has no intention of actually coming back to watch her wear it.”
“Hey, lingerie fetish is a real thing.”
/>
“Wouldn’t he keep it for himself then?” I asked.
“Who knows. Look, I’m not saying this guy’s not a psychopath. Clearly he has issues. On the other hand, maybe he just wanted to leave her a parting gift.”
I stared at him like the dumbass he was. “Yeah, a parting gift of lingerie.”
He shrugged. “Stranger things have happened.”
“You know, I’m trying really hard not to throw this pencil at you right now.”
He huffed. “Yeah, like you could hit me anyway.”
I didn’t think twice before I launched it across the room. He just barely had time to duck out of the way before it hit him in the face. He slowly rose up, staring at me like I was crazy.
“That almost hit me in the face.”
“That was the point. Throwing it with no intention of hitting you would be pretty stupid.”
“It could have poked my eye out!”
“Lucky for you, those cats really helped with your reflexes,” I grinned. “How’s that antihistamine anyway?”
He glowered at me, and I couldn’t help but laugh. The guy ended up with rectal bleeding more often than any normal person. But he did it for the woman he loved. Nobody could deny his devotion to her.
“At least I have a woman,” he muttered. “What do you have? Oh yeah, you have a woman that you like, but just hang out with.”
“She’s been back for like two seconds.”
He grinned wickedly at me. “Yet, all your movements seem centered around her.”
“How do you figure that?”
“Turn your screen around.”
“My what?”
“Your computer screen. Show it to me.”
“Why would I do that?”
“Just do it.”
I slowly turned the screen and he walked over, studying what was on it. “As I thought. You’re checking up on the ex. See? It’s bleeding into your work.”
“I’m checking him out because it’s part of the case,” I said slowly.
“Right, but you would have checked him out no matter what, because you like this woman. Don’t deny it.”
Four Horsemen: A Small Town Romance (A Good Run Of Bad Luck Book 5) Page 12