The Problem with Forever

by Jennifer L. Armentrout

  unfortunately that’s also not unusual. That doesn’t make you weird.”

  I started to explain that I was weird, but I stopped myself. Ainsley had a point. I didn’t have a common childhood and I didn’t talk, but that didn’t make me some strange, unknown creature.

  Ainsley knew a lot about my childhood. She knew it had been rough for me and Rider, and that I’d been burned, but there were things I hadn’t told her. Stuff that I had only ever talked to Dr. Taft about. Things Carl and Rosa knew, because they’d seen the police reports and my case file.

  My gaze swung around the room, settling on the owl soap carving before coasting over my neat desk and the thickly cushioned window seat. This bedroom was so different than the ones in that house. Clean, bright and airy. Welcoming.

  The back of my throat dried as I looked at Ainsley. Never in the past had I wanted to tell her the things I never talked about, but the need blossomed, burning through my stomach and chest.

  I forced my tongue to become unglued from the roof of my mouth. “I have...a problem with noise and talking.” Heat flooded my cheeks as I lowered my gaze to the pillow I held. It was hard to explain why a dance might be too much. “I had to be quiet, because Mr. Henry didn’t like...noise. He didn’t like a lot of stuff, but staying quiet kept me out of...trouble for the most part.”

  Ainsley stilled, quiet.

  Drawing in a deep breath, I continued. “Rider would always...tell me ‘not to make a sound’ so...I couldn’t be found when Mr. Henry was drunk or when I...did something wrong. Sometimes, he would get mad if I ate cookies or...walked up the stairs too loudly. He never liked it if I spoke. And I...I guess—I know that’s why I don’t like to talk and I don’t like noise. The therapist I saw used to say it was post-traumatic stress syndrome...and conditioning.” The heat lessened as I continued. “Anyway, the night...I was burned, something else happened.”

  She didn’t know how I was burned, so I told her. It was rough and painful to get out. The room was so quiet, even with the TV on low in the background, I could hear a cricket sneeze. I told her about Velvet and how much I treasured the doll Rider had stolen for me, no matter how old I got. I explained how a few weeks before, Mr. Henry had gotten mad over something insignificant and had taken the doll, stashing it in plain sight, really just to taunt me. I told her how Mr. Henry had tossed Rider outside after he’d asked if we were having dinner that night.

  “He...threw the doll in the fireplace,” I explained, smoothing my hands over the pillow. “I didn’t think. I reached in...and tried to grab it. That was how I burned...my arms.”

  “Oh my God,” she whispered.

  “I know it sounds stupid, but Velvet was the...only thing that was mine. It never belonged to anyone but...me. I just panicked.” I shook my head. “But before that, I...tried to get Miss Becky to wake up. She always...liked Rider. I thought she would step...in.”

  “She didn’t?” Her voice was quiet.

  I swallowed the sudden burn in my throat. “I went...into her bedroom even though I wasn’t supposed to. Miss Becky drank a lot. When I was younger, I thought it was because she was sick. I...went into that room and she was lying on the bed...”

  My breath caught as the image of the room formed. Empty bottles. Messy floor. Miss Becky on the bed, her thin chest unmoving and her skin a weird, waxy color. “I thought...she was sleeping. She slept a lot. I called her name and when she didn’t wake up, I went to the bed. I tried to shake her.” Wincing at the memory, I barely heard Ainsley’s soft inhale. “She wasn’t asleep. She’d...died sometime that day. Later I heard that it was an overdose. Pills and alcohol. Mr. Henry didn’t even know. I guess her passing out...was so common, he...he didn’t even check on her.”

  “Oh my God,” Ainsley repeated.

  “I’ve been dreaming about that night, about touching her. I don’t know why. For a while I didn’t think of her, but it...messed with me.”

  “It would mess with anyone, Mal. God, I would be traumatized if I saw a dead person from a distance, much less up close and personal.” She tucked long blond strands behind her ears. “What happened after you were burned?”

  “I...I was screaming. I guess. I don’t...remember exactly. I just pieced it together from what I heard later, but Rider heard my screams and he...went to the neighbors. It took a couple houses...before anyone answered the door. They called the police.” I forced myself to keep going. “When the police showed up, Mr. Henry answered the door like...nothing was wrong. So crazy. Mr. Henry ended up in jail for what he did to Rider and me. I...I doubt he’s still in jail. I don’t think about that,” I said, and that part was true. “I don’t know why, but I...I don’t.”

  I lifted my gaze just in time to see Ainsley spring forward. She wrapped her arms around me, nearly tackling me. I froze, unused to this. I didn’t hug a lot. For the most part, I didn’t like to be touched, but I got over it quickly, because the hug was warm and good. Different than Carl and Rosa’s. Different than Rider’s, but just as good.

  Wrapping my arms around her, I hugged her back. I didn’t even know why I’d told her, but I was glad I did. A weird rush of tears pricked the backs of my eyes. Not sad ones. More like relief. Confiding in Ainsley felt like I’d just stripped off a layer of bulky clothing.

  Ainsley pulled back, her eyes shining. “Thank you for sharing that with me.”

  I didn’t know what to say, but for once I didn’t mind. Right now there was nothing to be said and that was okay with me.

  * * *

  My heart was racing so fast Monday morning I wondered if it would pop out of my chest and run circles around me. Today looked like every Monday that came before it, but it would be different. It was the first day in school since Rider and I had gotten together and I didn’t know what to expect. I doubted things would change significantly. Wasn’t like I was wearing a badge that said “Rider Stark’s girlfriend,” but going to my locker in the morning felt different, and it wasn’t because Jayden wasn’t there.

  I worried about him during lunch. He’d been so bruised and bloodied, but I knew from previous experience that sometimes bones could be hard to break, as if they were laced with titanium. Other times, bones were like dry branches, easy to snap. Had Jayden suffered broken bones? That nose hadn’t looked too good.

  I’d picked at my salad until lunch was over. I didn’t even like salads, but I wasn’t sure what the heck the alternative was.

  At the end of lunch, Keira stayed at my side while Jo and Anna walked ahead. “So.” She drew the word out. “There’s a party at Peter’s house this week. It’ll be really fun. It’s an annual thing he does the weekend before the homecoming game. I just wanted to make sure you knew that you’re invited, and I hope you come.”

  My step faltered as I dragged my right foot.

  Anna looked over her shoulder. “Of course she’s coming. Right, Mallory?”

  I nodded, almost afraid if I did speak, I’d ruin the moment, and it was a big moment because I was invited to a party. A real party.

  “Cool.” Keira nudged me with her hip. “You can bring whoever you want with you. There’s really no limit.”

  I felt myself nod. Normally that invite would have me stressing out, but my stomach had started doing cartwheels for a totally different reason, and the giddiness continued into calculus. I had no idea what was being covered in that class and when the bell rang, I bit down on my lip to stop myself from grinning like I was deranged. Shoving my textbook into my bag, I walked out of my class and there was no stopping my smile.

  Rider was waiting for me.

  He pushed off the lockers opposite the classroom, unfurling his long body. Parting the sea of students, he shoved the ratty notebook under his left arm and prowled up to me. I stopped, smile widening as I lifted my chin and looked up at him. His hair was wavy, as if he’d shoved his fingers through it a dozen or so times and it flopped onto his forehead in a careless way.

  “Hey,” I said, speaking first.

&nbs
p; The dimple in his right cheek appeared, and he dropped his arm over my shoulders as he lowered his head. We were surrounded by people, but in that moment, as he lowered his mouth to my cheek and kissed me, it was like we were on our own island. There was something sweet and familiar about that feeling.

  He squeezed my shoulders. “Hey.”

  My smile spread.

  “Ready?” he murmured.

  I was so ready.

  Dropping his arm from my shoulders, he reached down and folded his hand around mine. It wasn’t the first time he’d held my hand, but there was an intimacy there that hadn’t been present before. A tight shiver curled its way down my spine as his thumb moved along my palm while we walked down to class.

  He had not done that before.

  Rider let go of my hand when we entered speech, and I stepped in front of him, walking toward my seat. I dropped my bag on the floor and started to sit when Rider swooped down, kissing my cheek once more.

  I flushed as I glanced over at him.

  He grinned as he sat. “Couldn’t help myself. Your cheek looked like it was missing my kiss.”

  A wide smile raced across my face as I took my seat. I wanted to say thank you, but saying thank you seemed weird. I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t grasp any of the words fluttering back and forth in my mind.

  Rider’s grin grew until the dimple appeared.

  And I realized my wordlessness was... It was okay. In this moment, it was all right. More than that.

  The warning bell rang, dragging my gaze to the front of the room as Paige walked in. My smile slowly faded. Her long legs carried her to the back of the class.

  “Hey,” she said to Rider.

  Rider nodded in her direction. “Hey there.”

  She didn’t say anything to me, which was kind of normal, and as class started, I wondered if she knew that Rider and I were together. My stomach shifted. Even though I was not a fan of Paige, I felt bad for...for her, because I believed she really did like him and that had to hurt. People broke up all the time, but that didn’t make it easy. I didn’t know what to do with those feelings.

  Mr. Santos announced our next speech would be a persuasive one. I waited for someone to point out that I hadn’t given my speech yet. Either no one noticed that I hadn’t or they didn’t care. I hoped it would stay that way.

  When class ended, I quickly gathered my stuff as Hector stood and faced us. He started to speak as Keira walked toward us, but Paige beat him to it. “Can we talk?”

  I didn’t have to look to know the question was directed at Rider. Pressing my lips together, I focused on zipping up my bag while my heart thumped in my chest. Would Rider talk to her? Was that okay? Should it be okay?

  “What’s up?” Rider replied after a moment, and I looked up. He was standing beside my desk.

  Paige stepped closer as Hector turned away, but I caught sight of the wide-eyed look he shot in Keira’s direction. She halted, seeming to know not to come any farther. “I was thinking we could talk somewhere a little more private. What about later tonight?” Paige asked.

  “I’ve got to work,” Rider replied, and I stood, swinging my bag over my shoulder.

  Paige ran her tongue along the inside of her mouth. “What about after?”

  Rider looked away, rubbing a hand across the center of his chest. “Paige...”

  “What? You can’t talk to me now? I thought we were still friends?” She folded her arms across her chest. “Friends talk.”

  He opened his mouth and then closed it. A moment passed. “We are friends, Paige. You know that.”

  “Hey,” Hector spoke up, stepping toward her. “Walk with me?”

  She snorted. “Uh. No.”

  “I think you should,” Hector insisted. “Because you really don’t want to do this right now.”

  “Do what?” she shot back. “I just want to talk to Rider.”

  “It’s okay.” The two words spilled out of me, and all of them looked in my direction. I swallowed hard. “I mean, it’s...okay if you two need to talk. I’m going to head...out to the car.”

  “Don’t.” Rider reached out, catching my hand. His fingers threaded through mine.

  Paige’s gaze sharpened on me and then dropped to our joined hands. Her glossy pink lips parted as understanding flashed across her face. Her chin jerked up as her brows rose. “Seriously?” Her question was directed at Rider. “You...you did break up with me to get with her?”

  Oh, God.

  Keira pursed her lips and started backing up. Hector closed his eyes.

  “I never said I wasn’t,” Rider said so quietly I almost didn’t hear him. He squeezed my hand.

  Paige unfolded her arms, and I tensed, because for a second I thought she might come across that desk and strangle one or both of us, but then her lips curled into a smirk and she barked out a harsh laugh. “Yeah. Whatever. Like I didn’t see this coming the moment she showed up.”

  I wanted to hide, but that would make me a coward, the worst kind of coward, so I forced myself to stand there.

  “I don’t know what to say,” Rider said, and his hand tightened around mine again. “I really don’t.”

  “That’s okay, because I do.” Paige lifted her chin once more. “Don’t come crawling back to me when she lets you down. Because that will happen.”

  My eyes narrowed and the words burst from me. “That’s not going to happen.”

  Paige looked at me and laughed again. “Whatever. You and I both know how this is going to play out.” She wiggled her fingers as she pivoted. “Peace out.”

  Standing there, I watched Paige stalk out of the class while Hector twisted toward us. “Shit,” he said. “That was awkward as hell to witness.”

  “True dat,” Keira murmured.

  “Try being in my shoes,” Rider said, sighing. He pulled me into his side. “You okay?”

  “Yeah.” I blinked. “Why...wouldn’t I be?”

  Rider raised a shoulder in response. I started to ask if he was all right, but Paige’s words had left me cold in the chest, because she’d said them with such certainty.

  Like she knew Rider and I wouldn’t last.

  We wouldn’t be forever.

  Chapter 26

  “Hey, bebé.”

  The words came from behind me as I rummaged through my locker Tuesday morning. Recognizing the voice, I looked over my shoulder.

  Jayden stood there, his face bruised under his eye and swollen along his cheek. I shoved my history text into my bag, squeezing it in next to my binder. “How...are you feeling?”

  “Like a million bucks.” He laughed at my doubtful expression. “Okay. I’m feelin’ like a quarter and maybe a nickel.”

  My lips curved up as I closed the locker door.

  “I wanted to say again that I’m sorry about Saturday.” Jayden’s bloodshot gaze moved away from me, to the scuffed floor. “I didn’t know you’d be with Rider.”

  “It’s...all right.” I turned away from my locker. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah. Yeah.” He shoved his hands into the pockets of his baggy jeans. “So, you and Rider are a thing now, huh?”

  Biting down on my lower lip, I nodded. Rider had worked last night at the garage, finishing up the job on the car he’d shown me. “We’re...hanging out today after school.”

  “That’s real good.” He smiled, lifting that swollen cheek, and it looked painful. “Rider is a good guy.”

  We walked down the hall side by side. “He worries about you.”

  “He always has.” He paused. “I...uh, I looked up to them, you know? Hector and Rider. They don’t think I care, but I do listen to them. And I am listening. Got new plans now.” When we reached the doors, he looked up. His gaze was distant. Off. “I got to head down the hall. Just wanted to swing by. See you later, cariño.”

  Jayden was off, dodging taller kids before I had a chance to say another word. I stared after him for a moment and then slipped through the open door, hoping that Jayd
en wasn’t just listening to Hector and Rider, but that he was hearing them.

  * * *

  “Keys?” Rider asked as we walked to my car after school. Curious, I fished them out of my bag and handed them over.

  I tossed my bag in the backseat, and Rider dropped his notebook next to it. “Where are we going?”

  “It’s a surprise.” He opened the driver’s door.

  A giddy, probably dumb smile appeared as I walked to the other side. The whole relationship thing was brand-new and I didn’t really have any idea of what to expect, but I knew enough to know that surprises were good.

  Once inside, Rider turned the key in the ignition and looked