The Problem with Forever

by Jennifer L. Armentrout

  Biting down on the inside of my cheek, I placed my hand on the center of his chest. Wiry hairs tickled my palm. I could feel his heart pounding. Slowly, I dragged my hand down, over the tightly rolled muscles of his abdomen. He jerked when my hand reached the band on his jeans. I drew my hand back, my gaze flickering to his face.

  “It’s okay.” His voice sounded rough. “More than okay.”

  Touching him again, I slid my hand across his stomach, avoiding his jeans this time. I loved the feel of him. So much strength under soft skin.

  Rider shifted back onto his side next to me and placed his hand on my waist. Kissing me again, he quickly distracted me from my explorations. I got lost in the kisses and in the way my body was responding to them. Muscles low in my belly tightened. My head was spinning as his hand drifted to my neck and over my front, lingering in ways that caused my back to arch and my breaths to come quicker. Then he went lower, slipping his hand under the hem of the sweater dress and up over the thin tights.

  His hand slid over my thigh and then between them. My entire body felt like it was on fire. Tension built deep inside. It was hot and tight and I didn’t understand it. Unease curled low in my stomach as I gripped his arm. Some of the heat faded as my eyes fluttered open.

  “Rider,” I said, and he kissed me again, and for a moment, I got lost in that kiss, lost in what his hand was doing. It felt good, but I...

  Oh, God, I wasn’t ready for this.

  “Can we...slow down?” I whispered, my hand tightening around his wrist.

  His hand immediately stilled as he lifted his head. “Yes. Yeah.” He cleared his throat as he eased over, drawing his hand away from me.

  I squeezed my eyes shut against the sudden burn of tears. God. I didn’t even know why I wasn’t ready or if I should be. I had no idea, and now I feared—

  “Did I hurt you?”

  My eyes flew open. “What?”

  He was staring at me intently. “Did I do something wrong?”

  I couldn’t answer. Nothing he’d done felt wrong. Quite the opposite.

  “If I did, I really want to know. I promise I’ll—”

  “You didn’t hurt me,” I said. “I just... Why would you think that?”

  He lowered his gaze. “I...I haven’t done a lot of this.” His cheeks flushed pink and my eyes widened. “I mean, I’ve done some stuff, but not a lot. I haven’t...had sex.”

  For the longest moment I couldn’t respond. All I could do was stare at him. “You’re a virgin?”

  One side of his lips kicked up. “Yeah. You sound surprised.”

  “I am. I thought... I don’t know. You were with...Paige. I just assumed you had sex before.”

  “That would be a negative,” he replied, picking up my hand. “You’re looking at me like you don’t understand how it’s possible.”

  He could really read minds.

  “It’s gotten close, but I just never— I haven’t wanted to go that far.” He shrugged a bare shoulder.

  “I haven’t done it, either,” I blurted out. “I mean, that’s super obvious since...you’re the first boy I’ve kissed, but yeah, I don’t even know...what I’m saying and I’m just going to shut up.”

  Rider chuckled. “Don’t. I love it when you ramble.”

  “Only you would enjoy that.” I curled my fingers through his. “Do you want to...go that far with me?”

  His lashes swept up and his eyes, with their greenish flecks, met mine. “Yeah. Yeah, I do. Someday.”

  Warmth swept across my cheeks as I whispered, “I...I want that, too. Someday.”

  The dimple in his right cheek appeared. “Then we’re on the same page.”

  “Yeah.” I lifted my head and kissed him. “I’m sorry about stopping. It felt good, but—”

  “Mallory, please don’t apologize.” Rider sat up, pulling me along with him. “We can do whatever you want, go as far as you want and we will always stop when you want, no matter what. You feel me? There’s nothing to apologize for and that’s the way it should always be.”

  Oh my God.

  Rider wasn’t perfect, but he was damn close. Actually, he was perfectly imperfect. A giddy rush hit me, and I grinned at him.

  “We should head down there, huh?” he asked, and I nodded. Rider picked his thermal up and pulled it on over his head, pausing to grin at me. “Sorry. I’m going to have to cover up. I know it’s not fair.”

  I laughed as he shrugged on his shirt over the thermal. “It really isn’t.”

  He pulled out his phone as he grinned at me. “Crap. My battery is about to die.”

  “I have mine.”

  “Cool. We can use yours later to see if there are any good movies out.” He offered me his hand and I took it. The giddiness followed me on the way down.

  Back in the living room, Rider sat in one of the plastic chairs catty-corner to the couch and pulled me down in his lap, curling his arms around my waist. I didn’t see Sheila or Rico. It was then I realized we’d left our drinks upstairs.

  “Nice of you all to join us,” Paige commented as she looked over her shoulder.

  Rider’s arms tightened around me as Hector chuckled. “Metete en tus asuntos.”

  She shot him a dirty look as I heard the front door open. A few seconds later Jayden walked in. He saw us and smiled widely. “Yo! I didn’t know you guys were here.” He shuffled over. “Awesome.”

  “Hey,” I said, smiling at him. The bruises had long since faded, and Jayden looked the way he did the first day I met him.

  “We’re probably leaving soon,” Rider said. “Might catch a movie.”

  Jayden leaned against the wall as he looked around the room. “I see how it is. You figure you don’t stand a chance with Mallory now that I’m here to show her what a real man looks like.” He winked as Rider just shook his head. “Fine, leave. But no dumb movie will be as entertainin’ as the Jayden Show. And I don’t charge admission.”

  Rider chuckled. “Whatever, man.”

  “Is Rico here?” Jayden asked.

  “He was. Not sure where he’s at now.”

  He nodded slowly as he shoved his hands into his pockets. “What movie are you guys gonna see anyway?”

  “I don’t...know,” I answered when Rider remained quiet. An idea formed. “Do you want to come?”

  Jayden blinked as if he was surprised. “Aw, that’s sweet of you, but I’m not good sittin’ in a theater.”

  My brows furrowed. “Why?”

  “Because he’d talk through it,” Paige answered from the couch. “He would literally talk through the entire movie.”

  “True dat,” one of the other guys responded.

  I grinned.

  “It’s true. You know, I like to add commentary every once in a while,” Jayden explained. “But for some reason people be all upset over that.”

  “I can imagine,” Rider replied drily.

  “I like to think what I’m addin’ actually enlightens the experience,” Jayden said.

  Paige snorted. “I don’t think enlighten is the right word.”

  “My entire presence is enlightening,” he replied.

  Hector looked over his shoulder, eyebrows raised. “I can come up with a few words that describe your presence. Enlightening is not one of them.”

  Jayden grinned at his brother. “You know what they say.”

  “What?” Hector waited.

  He winked. “Hate the game, not the player.”

  Hector shook his head as he squinted. “That don’t even make sense in this conversation.”

  “That’s because it’s too highbrow for you,” Jayden retorted.

  His brother rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Did you fill out the application?”

  Jayden nodded. “Yes, Dad. It’s on the coffee table at home for you to take in tomorrow.”

  “Application?” I repeated, hopeful.

  “Hector can’t stand to be one minute without me, so I’m going to be workin’ with him at Mickey D’s,” Jayden s
aid. “Got to get a permit and stuff.”

  “Yeah.” Hector laughed. “That’s exactly why I want you working with me.”

  Happy to hear that he was doing something that his brother had been asking him to do, I smiled up at Jayden. “That’s awesome.” His gaze met mine. “Really,” I repeated.

  “Yeah.” Jayden dipped his chin as his cheeks deepened in color. “Gotta start somewhere, you know?”

  “It’s a good...place to start,” I told him, meaning it.

  We ended up hanging out for another hour, and any earlier nervousness vanished with Jayden there, making fun of himself and cracking jokes in between messing with his phone. His texts were going off like crazy, and by the time we said our goodbyes and walked outside, I’d swear he’d sent about two dozen. Jayden followed us out, his fingers flying over the keyboard.

  Rider draped his arm over my shoulders as we started across the street. “Any idea of what movie— Whoa!”

  He yanked me back against a parked truck as a car roared down the street, seeming to come out of nowhere. There was a squealing sound and I caught sight of the passenger window rolling down.

  Fireworks went off, the kind that snapped and popped when you threw them at the ground. Except they weren’t fireworks. That sound. It wasn’t—

  Air punched out of my lungs as I hit the ground, a heavy weight settling over me. Horror seized me as my brain registered what the sound was.

  It was gunshots.

  Chapter 30

  Tires peeled, kicking up loose gravel. Tiny pebbles sprayed into the air, pelting my cheeks. My palms stung from sliding across the asphalt, but the pain barely registered. I started to lift my head.

  “Rider?” I whispered.

  “I’m here.” The weight shifted off me, and he said something else, but the blood pumping in my ears caused his voice to fade in and out. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah.” Adrenaline coursed through my veins, pushing the disbelief aside. My gaze flew across the parking lot and then stopped on the person lying on his side. “Oh my God...”

  Rider rose swiftly. “No. No.” He shot across the parking lot.

  I froze, not believing what I was seeing. I couldn’t afford to believe it. My heart stuttered in my chest. My stomach twisted painfully. Oh, God, this hadn’t happened. This wasn’t happening. These kinds of things didn’t happen in broad daylight. They didn’t happen right in front of me. They didn’t happen to someone I knew. They didn’t...

  Those thoughts were so stupid, because it did happen.

  That was Jayden.

  That was Jayden lying on his side.

  That was Jayden lying on his side with dark liquid pooling on the ground beneath him.

  “Oh, shit. Oh, shit.” Rider dropped to his knees beside Jayden. “Holy fuck. Jayden? No. Goddammit. No!” His voice broke on the last word and he shouted it again, the word ripping out from him, tearing through all the noise. “No!”

  With shaky arms, I pushed to my knees and then stood. Swaying, I stumbled forward, my mouth moving, but there were no words.

  Rider looked up at me, his eyes wide. He lifted his hands. The same dark substance covered his hands. I lurched to the side, pressing my palm against my mouth. Horror slammed into me with the force of a freight train, bowling me over. A million thoughts raced in my head as I looked around. People were gathering, coming out of the nearby row homes. Someone was crying. Screams still tore through the cold air. Everything was rushing around us but standing still at the same time.

  I needed to get help. We needed help. I knew what to do. I reached for my phone as I heard sirens wailing. Help was already coming. I twisted back around, and Jayden was now lying on his back. I knew he didn’t move himself, because I saw his eyes. I’d seen eyes like that once before.

  They were fixed on nothing, dull and unseeing.

  Oh, God. Oh, God.

  Rider was touching Jayden’s throat and he was shaking his head. The two blurred. I walked around Jayden’s unmoving legs, my steps jerky. I knelt—fell to my knees beside Rider. I placed a trembling hand on his arm. He jerked as his gaze swung to mine.

  Someone shouted and the small half circle of people broke apart as a tall form pushed through. Rider shot to his feet as Hector stumbled to a halt.

  He took a step back and then doubled over, slamming his hands onto his knees. “No. No. No. That’s not my— No.”

  Then Hector sprang forward. Rider wrapped his arms around his waist. “You don’t want to see this, man. You don’t—”

  “That’s my brother?” He struggled to get around Rider, voice cracking like a whip. “Man, is that my brother?”

  Rider dug in, holding Hector back as he kept shouting, “That’s my brother?” Over and over, he asked and each time it was like hearing the shots pop. “Aw, man, no. No. No! That’s not Jayden. That’s not him. That’s not him on the ground!”

  My heart caved in on itself. The blare of the sirens grew closer, drowning out everything except for Hector’s broken, shattered voice, the sound of absolute heartbreak.

  * * *

  Red. Blue. Red. Blue.

  Hours later, and I could still see the flashing, whirling lights. It didn’t matter if my eyes were open or closed. I could still see them and the sea of blue uniforms that had swarmed into the street and the parking lot.

  Everything had been a blur of questions and faces, and I didn’t know how much time passed. Police asked me questions I couldn’t answer. Then two men in suits were there, asking the same questions. I was separated from Rider, pushed back by the EMTs and then the police. The crowd had thickened, and it took me forever to get back to my car and find my bag. I’d tried calling Rider, but my hands were shaking so badly.

  He’d found me, though, stalking out of the crowd. I’d cried out when I saw him and he moved to touch me, his hands hovering on either side of my face, but he didn’t.

  “I’ve got to stay with Hector,” he’d said. “Go home and stay there.”

  “But—”

  “Please, just get away from here. Please,” he said again, his face leached of all color. “Just get away from here. Go home and stay there, okay? I’ll call you when I can.”

  My heart had been thundering in my chest. “I don’t want to leave you. Not right now—” I started to look to my left, where yellow tarp had been draped. “I—”

  “Don’t look. God, it’s already too late, but don’t look.” He’d shifted, blocking my view. “Please, Mallory. Please get out of here.”

  That was the last thing I wanted to do, but he was begging me and I’d never heard Rider beg before, not even when he fell under Mr. Henry’s fists. So I nodded, and Rider had kissed me then, a hard, almost brutal kiss that tasted like anger and fear. When he walked away, I wanted to follow.

  But I got in my car and I drove home like he’d begged me to. In a numb daze, I parked my car and grabbed my bag. Feeling like I was walking through sand, I went inside and winced at the familiar, normal noises.

  Carl was in the study, to my left, talking on the phone. Chuckling. Living. In the kitchen, I could hear water running.

  “Mallory?” Rosa called out. “You didn’t answer my text. Is Rider coming over for dinner?”

  A dry, barely audible laugh rasped out my throat. Rosa was trying. She really was, but Rider wasn’t coming over for dinner. I didn’t respond. I dragged myself up the steps. I heard Rosa call my name again, but I kept walking.