The Way Back

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The Way Back Page 5

by Melissa Toppen


  “Well that's more information than I really needed, baby girl, but I have to admit, I'm a bit relieved.”

  “Oh shut up and go, Alec,” I spit out, crossing my arms in front of my chest in a full blown pout.

  “Okay. Well, I've never been in love,” he says, a shy smile spreading across his face in a very un-Alec like way.

  He usually bleeds confidence and with his looks and charisma, I have no doubt that while Alec may have never been in love, there are certainly women out there who have loved him. Hell, I think my best friend might be one of them.

  My mind immediately drifts to Kyle and I lift my glass, emptying the contents of my drink. Emma and Ian follow suit but to my surprise Zayne doesn't drink. He's never been in love before? He's thirty-two years old, how is that possible? But then again, Zayne is a lot like Alec in the way of women and I guess the knowledge shouldn't surprise me, only it does.

  After four more rounds, Emma is a pile of giggles on the ground, Ian is slurring his words so badly that I can hardly make out what he's saying, and me, well let's just say I see myself sleeping in this very chair in the near future.

  Alec, being the responsible one, puts an end to our charades. “Come on, baby girl. Let's get you to bed.” He makes his way over to me.

  I shake him off. “No, I'm good here.” I lay back further in the chair with a sigh of contentment.

  “You're not sleeping out here by yourself.” He leans down to pick me up. I swat him away.

  “I'm a big girl, Alec. I'll go to bed when I’m damn good and ready.” My words all slur together. “Take Em up. She'll never get up the stairs by herself. I'll be up soon, I promise.” I peer up at him through my heavy eyelids.

  He sighs and turns his attention to my best friend who is still lying on the ground. “Fine.” He grunts, clearly not happy that I’m not giving him his way. He scoops Emma up into his arms and then kicks Ian, gesturing for him to follow.

  “Zayne, for the love of god, talk some sense into my sister, would you?” Alec calls over his shoulder as he heads up the stairs, Emma draped in his arms, Ian stumbling behind him.

  I watch them until they disappear from view and then lean further down into my chair, closing my eyes. I know that Zayne is here, I can feel his eyes on me but I don't acknowledge his presence. Right now, with the alcohol running rapid through my bloodstream, there is no telling what I might do or say if I give myself time to think about the fact that we are down here all alone.

  I hear him moving around but my eyes are too heavy to open them to find out what he's doing. The next thing I know, my body is being lifted clean off the chair and my eyes shoot open and lock on Zayne's. He has me cradled to his chest, his face so close to mine that I can smell the whiskey on his breath.

  “What are you doing?” I get out weakly, on the verge of passing out or throwing up, I haven't decided which yet.

  “I'm taking you to bed.” His voice comes out low and for a moment I misunderstand what he's saying and panic bolts through me, pulling me from my haze. He chuckles lightly, clearly realizing that I took it the wrong way. “Your bed. You need sleep,” he clarifies, not losing his grin.

  “Well shit. Here I thought you were going to do something about my only having slept with one person. Hmmm, fine. I'll find someone else who can take care of that little problem for me.” I’m clearly teasing, but that doesn't stop his expression from turning serious.

  “That's not funny, Grace. You can't find a random person and have sex with them.” He shakes his head.

  “Why not, isn't that what you do?” I cock my head to the side in question.

  “It's different. I'm...well, I'm already tainted. But you, you're perfect.” The last part comes off his lips in a whisper and I’m suddenly overtaken with a type of sexual want that I’m fairly certain I have never felt before. I have never craved a man's touch or a man's kiss, but with this man, hell I'm craving things I have never even really thought about before. It's a strange and yet intoxicating feeling.

  “Kiss me.” I vocalize the thought before I can take it back.

  Damn whiskey.

  I am going to hate myself in all kinds of ways tomorrow but right now, I simply don't care. I guess that's the plus side of being drunk. I no longer care what I say or do. Honestly, it's freeing in a sense.

  His face hovers over mine but he doesn't make any attempt to move closer. He continues to hold me tightly against his sculpted chest, his eyes scanning mine like he's looking for something. “Unless you're too scared,” I tack on the last part trying to tempt him into it.

  “I'm not scared, Grace. But you should be.”

  I feel the sting of another rejection coming on. The alcohol intensifies every emotion and while all is great in the world, one wrong word can send you reeling off in a completely different direction.

  “Put me down, Zayne.” My tone flat. “Put me down. I can walk.” I try to wiggle free.

  He sighs loudly and sets me to my feet. My first step is a complete failure and I stumble forward. Zayne reaches out to steady me but I push his hand away. Right now, I want to get the fuck away from him. My second step is a little more successful and by the third, I feel like I have a pretty good balance and slowly start to make my way toward the stairs.

  I stumble up a few and have to hang on to the handrail to support a good portion of my weight, but I end up making it up the stairs completely unscathed. Just as I am about to push my way through the back door, Zayne grabs my arm and spins me around to face him.

  I don't have time to process anything as his lips crash down on mine, hard. He pulls me to him, my feet leaving the ground as his mouth ravishes mine. He trails his tongue across my lower lip, silently asking permission. I grant it immediately, opening my mouth and letting him really kiss me. The second our tongues clash together, my body is overcome with a burning need so strong that I feel like I might tear apart from the pressure.

  I wrap my hands around the back of his neck and pull him closer, wanting him so badly in this moment that I can't process one coherent thought. But before I can even think to act on it, Zayne breaks away from my mouth and rests his forehead to mine. I want to protest the loss but there are no words. The man has officially rendered me speechless.

  “That never should have happened.” He takes a step backward, not meeting my eyes as his fingers reach up to touch his bottom lip. “Tell Alec and I'll deny everything.” His demeanor has abruptly shifted.

  I stare at him in shock before the anger takes hold.

  “Yeah, same to you,” I bite out at him, the hurt apparent in my voice. I push past him before any other emotions have time to catch up with me. I stumble up the stairs as quickly as possible and slam my bedroom door shut before throwing myself face first on the bed.

  So many emotions are running through me accompanied by the alcohol, causing my head to spin and my insides to turn violently. I can't believe that happened. I wanted him to kiss me, hell I asked him to. But I never dreamed he would do it and then when he did, I never expected it to feel that way. I didn't expect it to consume me and for me to never want it to end. What I should have expected was his reaction afterward. Why did I think Zayne Evans could be anything but a heartless womanizer?

  Chapter Three

  I WAKE THE NEXT MORNING to the most intense headache I have ever experienced. I roll to my side and groan loudly. Why did I let them talk me into drinking whiskey? I make a move to sit up but the entire room spins and my eyes are having difficulty adjusting to the brightness. I peer over and catch sight of Emma passed out cold and as always, mumbling to herself.

  After a couple of minutes, I manage to peel myself out of bed. Still dressed in the clothes from last night, I stumble to the bathroom and cringe when I catch sight of myself in the mirror. I pull at my tangled hair, trying to tame the mess of waves but it does me no good.

  Deciding a shower is the only way I’m going to feel even relatively normal again, I turn on the water and strip out of my wrinkled cloth
es. The warm water soothes my body but does nothing for my headache.

  What the hell happened last night? I don't remember drinking that much. Hell, I don't remember much of anything. How did I get upstairs? Did I make an absolute fool of myself? Oh god, do I even want to know?

  As the water fades from hot to a much cooler temperature, I struggle to recall the events that led me to the way I feel right now. I know it started with that stupid game that Ian suggested we play. Oh god! The memory of me announcing to everyone that I have only had sex with one person comes back to me clear as day. It's not like it's some huge secret. Everyone knows I haven't dated since Kyle, and if they didn't already know I haven’t slept with anyone since him, they sure as hell do now.

  I groan, sinking my head into my hands. I am such an idiot. I don't drink often, clearly this is the reason why. But that's not all there was. I can't quite piece it together, but I know that there is something that I’m not remembering, something important.

  I flip off the now cold water and slip a towel around my body. It isn't until my toothbrush hits my mouth that I remember Zayne's lips on mine. I stop mid-brush, remembering the way his tongue moved inside my mouth, the way my entire body lit up in his arms.

  That didn't actually happen, did it?

  Certainly that part is just a crazy dream that I’m confusing with my drunken actions. But then again, I know it was real. I can remember it so clearly. The way he pulled me into his arms, his hot breath against my face. No, it wasn't a dream at all, but a staggering reality.

  But like all good things, nothing can last forever and my mind chooses this moment to remind me of how one of the best moments of my life quickly turned into something else entirely. The way he pushed me away. How cold he was afterward.

  The memory brings my anger back to the surface but it's not just Zayne that I’m angry with. I'm angry with myself. I know that Kyle is gone and that he is never coming back but allowing myself to give into Zayne feels like such a betrayal. After Kyle, I couldn't bear the thought of being with another man on any level other than friendship. But last night I crossed that line. For the first time in five years, I allowed myself to give into the temptation of my older brother's sexy as sin best friend. And what's worse, he made me feel like a fool for it. He pushed me away like the kiss meant nothing to him.

  Did it even mean anything to me?

  I know the answer to that but I don't want to accept it.

  Truth is, it meant a hell of a lot more to me than it should have and that knowledge leaves me not only angry and embarrassed but also terrified. What is wrong with me right now? I have gone five years not even looking in the direction of a man and then one day Zayne shows up and I feel like I’m a completely different person. For the first time in a very long time, I feel normal. And for whatever reason, that feeling does not sit well with me.

  After throwing on Emma's red bathing suit and slipping on a black sundress, I head downstairs in desperate need of water and some ibuprofen. I think the overflow of memories running through my brain like a movie has only intensified the ache running through my skull.

  To my relief, the kitchen is empty and after grabbing a bottle of water and two headache pills, I head outside and flop down in one of the comfy chairs that look out over the water.

  I can't keep my mind from wandering to Zayne. While I am mad and hurt about the way he treated me, I'm also a little grateful. I know that I need to avoid him. Him being a complete asshole only makes that task easier. Besides, do I really believe there could be any kind of future for us?

  Hell, I think dating would be a massive stretch for a man like Zayne. And of course, I can't forget about Alec. Zayne is his best friend, his business partner, and the one person he trusts more than anyone else in the world, probably even more than me.

  I don't know a whole lot about their friendship, just that they are very close and that Zayne helped Alec through some pretty challenging times after they moved to New York. Alec would never tell me what happened, but from what I have gathered, Zayne helped him out in some big ways and things like that don't go unnoticed by my oldest brother.

  He doesn't trust easily yet he trusts Zayne. That really says something. Suddenly my petty infatuation with Zayne seems so much less important. Yes, I need to avoid him for my own wellbeing, but I also need to avoid him for Alec. Being as overprotective of me as he is, I can't see him taking something like a fling between me and his best friend lightly.

  “How are you feeling, Gracie?” Rob's voice interrupts my thoughts and I turn my attention to him. He looks freshly showered and completely energized. I only wish that I shared in his enthusiasm to face another day.

  “I've been better.” I shrug, turning my attention back out to the water.

  “Rumor has it your two knucklehead brothers fed you a half a bottle of whiskey last night. I must admit, I thought I would find you passed out in the bathroom this morning.” He chuckles lightly and takes the seat next to me.

  “Stomach of steel.” I laugh, patting my belly. “My head on the other hand.” I run my fingers across my still aching forehead.

  “Yeah, hard liquor will do that to you.”

  “So who spilled the beans?” I ask, glancing to meet his eyes.

  “Ian. Well, that and I came down for a glass of water last night and I saw you and Zayne on the patio,” he says apologetically.

  Instantly, fear cripples me and I have to take a deep breath to calm myself. Before I have a chance to respond, he speaks again, “Don't worry, your secret’s safe with me.” He says, giving me a wink. “But I wouldn't be a very good stepfather if I didn't at least try to warn you about men like Zayne.”

  I hold my hand up to stop him. “You don't need to say anything, Rob. I know. And last night was definitely a one-time thing.” I relax back into my seat.

  “Well, I would be lying if I said I wasn't relieved to hear that. You're a sweet girl, Gracie. You deserve a man who will appreciate you and cherish you. I really want that for you, kiddo. I know you've had a lot of shit luck, but I think one day you're going to find a man that you love so much that all the bad things will seem a little less important. We always carry those we have lost with us, but eventually we learn to love again.” He reaches out and pats my hand.

  “Thank you, Rob,” I say sincerely. “And not just for this talk, but for everything you've done for my mom. After Dad died, I didn't think I would ever see her smile again. But you have brought her back to life and for that I will forever be grateful.”

  “I appreciate that, Gracie. But I think she is the one who brought me back to life, not the other way around.” His eyes break away from mine to stare out at the water.

  The silence stretches between us for several minutes before Rob excuses himself to see what's taking my mother so long. I know Emma is likely to sleep half the day and I can only assume the boys will do the same. Considering the late night we had, I can't believe I woke up so early, but then again, I have always been an early riser. Even as a child on summer break, I would wake up at the butt crack of dawn no matter how late I stayed up the night before.

  Deciding to take advantage of the early morning sunlight, I grab a beach towel and make my way down to the dock. I lay the towel out in front of me and slip out of my dress before lathering my body in some of Emma's expensive tanning oil.

  I lay on my stomach and rest my head on my arms, enjoying the feeling of the sun on my back. After about an hour, I roll to my back and lay my arms at my sides. The sun is blinding, but tolerable through my sunglasses. I close my eyes again and listen to the sound of the water lapping underneath me. It's so peaceful here, and while I’m more than ready to start my life in New York, a part of me would really like to just stay here forever.

  Footsteps walking across the dock pull me from my sun induced coma but I make no attempt to move, figuring Emma has finally woken up. “Bout time, Em. I was starting to think you were going to sleep the day away.”

  “I think she probably
will.” Zayne's voice cuts through my ears and my head shoots up, completely caught off guard by his unexpected appearance.

  “Oh, sorry. I didn't realize it was you,” I say casually, laying my head back down.

  “Sorry to disappoint.”

  “I don't know where Alec is if that's why you're down here.”

  “Actually, I was looking for you.”

  I peer back up at him, for the first time registering his appearance. He's dressed in charcoal board shorts and a sleeveless white shirt that shows off the deliciousness of his massive biceps. While I try not to stare, it's very difficult to rip my eyes away from his perfect flesh.

  “I didn't know you had a tattoo.” I try to cover up my gawking by pointing at the large black tribal tattoo that starts at his shoulder and wraps all the way down his upper arm, coming to a stop inches above his elbow. How did I not notice that before?

  “I've got a couple. Anyway, I came down here because I was hoping we could talk.” He shifts his weight from leg to leg.

  “Okay, talk,” I say, desperately trying to play it cool and not embarrass myself any more than I already have in front of him.

  “Well, I was thinking we could take the boat out. Rob said it was cool and the others will probably be asleep for at least a couple more hours.”

  “I don't think that's such a good idea. You and I alone don't mesh well and I usually end up storming off. If we're out on the boat, I won't have anywhere to escape to when you piss me off.”

  “That's the point,” he says, a wicked smile turning up the corners of his mouth as he leans down and takes my hands. I allow him to pull me to my feet, but quickly realize that I am only dressed in a little red bikini. Normally, I would be frantically trying to pull my dress on, and while it's the first place my mind goes, I decide against it.

  If this man is going to torture me with his impossibly good looks, the least I can do is give him a taste of his own medicine. Not that my body is even half as miraculous as his, but right now that's not the point.

 

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