Ian pulls his sunglasses down and gives me a dark look, his eyes dancing across my face, registering every ounce of emotion on display. And then he does what only Ian would do. He busts out laughing.
“Oh shit. You should have seen your face. Oh, damn, that was priceless.” He laughs, warranting a nice hard smack across his chest from me.
“Ian, you asshole. Do you always have to mess with me?”
“And miss the chance to see you get so worked up. Never.”
“Seriously though. Leave Alec to me, please.” I turn the ignition before putting the car into gear.
“No worries there. I don't want in the middle of that drama. We all know how crazy serious Alec can be and if you ever repeat this, I'll deny the hell out of it, but our big brother scares the shit out of me.”
With that, we both break into laughter. The conversation flows freely from there and alternates between Emma and Alec, which Ian is completely floored by and honestly a bit envious of, to what Ian has been up to all summer.
He tells me about his trip to Seattle and all the places he visited while there. He describes some of the amazing spots he found to paint and how he plans to go back again in November. As I listen to him go on and on about his work and travels, I can't help but feel a hint of jealousy toward my brother.
I wish I possessed even an ounce of his artistic talent, not to mention his free spirit. He's one of those people that everyone loves. He's the right amount of funny and charming. He never takes himself or anyone else too seriously, but he also knows when things require a more serious side of him. I don't realize that I have lost myself to my thoughts until Ian practically yells in my ear.
“Grace. Did you hear me?” He chuckles softly when I jump at his voice. “Holy hell, sis, where did you go?” He waves his hand in front of my face.
“Sorry.” I swat his hand away on a laugh.
“Your phone keeps lighting up. I think it's a call. Do you want me to answer it?” he asks, holding my phone up, but facing the screen away from me so that I can't see who is calling.
“Nah. I'm sure it's nothing that can't wait.”
I put my phone on silent for a reason. At least while I'm driving, I don't want to think about Zayne. Not that avoiding his calls really helps in that regard, but it makes me feel the smallest bit better. I can't bring myself to give him the satisfaction of an answer.
“Well considering he's called about ten times in the last hour, I'm answering.” He taps on the phone, holding it to his ear before I have a chance to stop him.
“Ian!” I make a grab for the phone. The action causes me to swerve a bit on the road, reminding me where my focus needs to be.
“Hello,” Ian practically sings. “She's not able to talk right now. She's too busy ignoring your calls.” He turns, giving me a thumbs up and a wide smile when I throw him an evil look.
“Ian, get off the phone,” I whisper angrily. He only smiles wider and turns his attention out the window.
“We're heading back to New York as we speak.” He waits for a response on the other end before continuing. “Yeah, tagging along. Gonna try to sightsee, maybe paint a little,” he says casually as if he's talking to an old friend. “I don't know.” Another pause. “Yeah, we're somewhere in Pennsylvania I think.” Another pause. “We'll probably stop and stay somewhere tonight.” Another pause, this one much longer. “I see.” He drops his voice to a near whisper. “It's gonna take more than that.” I can only make out bits and pieces of what he's saying and the not knowing literally has my nerves so on edge that I’m seething mad by the time he ends the phone call moments later.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” I scream, ripping my phone from his hand.
He immediately buckles over in laughter. “For fuck’s sake, Grace, relax, would you?”
“Relax? How can I relax when you’re over there talking to Zayne like it's just another day? How could you do that?” I don't try to hide the anger in my voice.
He laughs even harder this time. “Did I ever say I was talking to Zayne?” he questions, looking at me like I’m the most gullible person in the world. Hell, maybe I am.
“You said he has been calling. I just assumed.”
“You know what they say about people who assume, Gracie.” His tone turns serious as he does his best adult impersonation. Because even though Ian is twenty-seven, he never matured past the age of twelve.
“Then who the hell was that?” I ask, throwing one hand up in the air in frustration.
“It was Alec.” He chuckles again.
“Alec?” His name sounds tight on my throat but I manage to get it out.
“He wants us to call him as soon as we arrive back in the city. He's gonna come over once we get settled.” He props his feet up on the dashboard.
“Did he say anything else?” I ask, not really sure where I stand with my oldest brother.
“Nope.” He slides his sunglasses back into place. “Now if you don't mind, your clear overreaction has rendered me very sleepy. I think I'll take a nap now.” He fake yawns as if he's so completely bored with my emotions.
“You're such an ass,” I say, finally cracking a smile.
“And that is precisely why I am the perfect person to road trip with. Never a dull moment.
“YOU GONNA GET THAT, or should I?” Ian asks, turning down the volume on the television, his head swiveling toward me in the kitchen as the second knock sounds against the door.
I step away from the sink where I’ve been washing dishes for the last twenty minutes. I swear, Carver did not clean one bit in the two weeks I was away. Wiping my hands on a nearby dish towel, I drop it onto the counter and make my way to the door.
Nervous butterflies flap around in my stomach and my hands feel damp with sweat, even though I just dried them off. I never thought I would dread seeing Alec, but right now, dread is exactly what I feel. When I pull open the door, I don't know what to expect, but I relax the moment I catch sight of Alec's face and the warm smile pulling up the corners of his mouth.
“Hey, Grace.” He pulls me into a hug. Confusion and shock are among many of the emotions I’m feeling at this very moment, but I think relief is the most prominent.
“Hey.” I step out of the doorway as soon as he releases me, gesturing for him to come inside.
“There he is!” Ian shouts from the couch, throwing himself over the back as he jumps up to give Alec a hug. “It's good to see you, brother.” He pulls back, punching him in the bicep. “Wouldn't hurt you to call every now and again, you know?” he scolds Alec for a brief moment and then the playful smile returns.
“That's a two way street.”
“Yeah, yeah. So you wanna go catch dinner or something? You can show me where all the hotties hang out,” he says with a sly smile.
Alec laughs lightly. “Can you give me a few minutes with Grace first?” he asks, briefly looking at me before turning his eyes back to Ian.
“Yeah, you all need to sort your shit out.” He gestures between the two of us. “I'll be in my room.” He skips down the hall.
“He has a room?” Alec cocks a brow at me.
“He's claimed Em's room. I made sure it was okay with her first.” I make my way around the other side of the couch and sit down.
It takes Alec only seconds to join me, plopping down on the chair that sits adjacent to where I’m sitting. For a moment, the silence surrounds us in a heavy fog. There are a million things I want to say, but I can't think of one damn thing.
“I owe you an apology, Grace.” Alec leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “I never should have reacted the way I did. But you have to admit, it was a shock to find out that way.”
“I know. And I'm so sorry,” I start, but he holds his hand up and cuts me off.
“Don't apologize. After everything you’ve been through, you deserve to find happiness. I'm sorry if I got in the way of that. But there's something you need to understand.” He pauses briefly. “I know Zayne, very well
. And he knows himself, which is why I think I was so hurt by the fact that he got involved with you anyway, knowing how he can be. He's an all or nothing kind of person. The problem with that usually is that he goes all in only to realize he rushed into things too quickly and then he panics. I can't tell you how many girls I have seen show up at our office, outside of his apartment, and sometimes even mine, looking for him, begging him to be with them. He leaves a line of heartache everywhere he goes, baby girl. Most of them know what they’re getting into, and they do it anyway. But you? You didn't know and I felt like he betrayed me by betraying you. I felt like he misled you and you had no idea that you were another flavor of the week for him.” Apology laces his features.
“Alec, I...” I start, only to be cut off again.
“Please, Grace, just let me get all this out,” he says, continuing when I nod. “I was angry and I reacted poorly and for that, I truly am sorry. You didn't do anything wrong, if anything, you did everything right. You followed your heart and you weren't afraid to love. I don't think you realize just how far you’ve come.”
“He's the reason,” I admit, my eyes immediately tearing up.
“He misses you, Grace.” His words cause my eyes to widen and my breath to catch. This is not something I expected to hear Alec say. I struggle to find a response, but he continues on before I have a chance to even think. “I know I said a lot of horrible things that day, and I'm sorry for that. I really am. But at the time, I had no reason to believe that you truly meant anything to him. I now know that is not the case.” He reaches across the short distance between us and takes my hand. “I've never seen him this torn up before, Grace. He's a mess. He's drowning himself in alcohol. He barely makes it to work and when he does, he's usually hungover and gets little done in the way of actual work. It took a few days for me to cool down, but once I did, I saw how incredibly wrecked he is.” He squeezes my hand. “He loves you. I know it's crazy that I'm the one saying this to you but I've never seen him like this. And no, he didn't ask me to talk to you for him. He knows I wouldn't do that. I just needed to give you the opportunity to make the right decision for yourself by having all the facts. I'm not pressuring you and I never would. Honestly, my preference is that you two aren't together, but I will support you if that's what makes you happy.”
“He's lied to me too many times. Not stood by me when I needed him. I can't keep doing this to myself. Not to mention, all the women. I love him, Alec. So much. But I refuse to live my life being someone's doormat.” I pull my hand from his, swiping the one tear that manages to escape my eye. “He even lied to me about Kyle. He said you never told him. He made me feel like I could be me, without the worry of my past or the way he would look at me because of it. The sadness and pity that everyone else looks at me with. I felt like for the first time I had the choice to share my past and only when I was ready and that... Well, that was a huge step for me. Finding out that he already knew? I think that hurt more than anything else he's done.” I fold my hands in my lap, fighting back the emotion that courses through my body.
“I'm sorry I told him. I know that's not the issue but I'm sorry I did. I didn't tell him until the trip to the cabin. I saw the way he looked at you and I wanted to warn him off before he even thought about trying something with you. I thought maybe if he knew what you had been through, maybe he would leave it alone. Clearly I was wrong.” He sighs. “But don't be angry with him for not telling you he knew. I think he wanted to give you the option to tell him or not tell him and he didn't want to take that choice away from you. At the end of the day, I don't think it had any impact on the way he felt about you. The way he feels about you. I'm just sorry for the role I played in all of this.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. I did this. And I deserve everything that man put me through. I knew better and yet I did it anyway.”
“I don't know the whole story and I don't need to, Grace. I just needed you to know that I will stand by you no matter what you decide. I know I can come across a bit controlling and maybe I am, but it's only because I want you to be happy and protected, nothing more. I'm not trying to replace Dad. I just always felt like he would want me to fill that role in your life, at least when you needed it.”
“Please don't think I don't appreciate it, Alec. I will never be able to thank you for everything you have done for me. But from now on, I just want you to be my brother.”
My phone springs to life on the table in front of me and without looking at the screen, I know it's Zayne again because of the ringtone. I reach out and hit ignore, not missing Alec's face when I do.
“You should talk to him, baby girl. I get that he hurt you but imagine how you would feel if you messed up and couldn't get him to answer one phone call or one text message. It would drive you mad.”
“You really care about him, don't you?” I ask, cocking my head to the side as I examine my brother. I don't know how I never noticed before, but his loving protective nature isn't just toward me. It's toward everyone he holds dear.
“Of course I do. We may not be blood, but he is my brother.” His shoulders sag slightly.
Guilt floods through me over the impossible situation that I have put Alec in. I can't imagine how I would feel if it were him and Emma going through this and I was in the middle. He must feel completely torn.
“Are we done with the serious shit yet? I'm starving.” Ian's voice booms through the apartment as he suddenly appears in the archway of the hall, a look of annoyance displayed across his face.
“Well, I guess we are now,” Alec snips at him, throwing Ian a vicious look which quickly turns into an annoyed smile. “We good?” he asks me, dropping his voice.
“We're good.” I stand, wrapping my arms around his neck. “Thank you... for everything,” I say into his shoulder before releasing him and backing away.
“You coming with us, Grace?” Ian asks, appearing at my side.
“No, you two go ahead. You have some catching up to do.” I grab the throw blanket off the couch before folding it. “I want to be here when Carver gets home.”
“Okay. You want us to bring you anything?” Alec takes the blanket out of my hands before draping it across the back of the chair.
“No, I'll probably order in for me and Carv. You two take your time. But don't forget your key.” I point at Ian. “I will not be happy if I have to get up in the middle of the night to let you in.”
“Yes, Mother,” he mocks, rolling his eyes in the most dramatic way.
I laugh. It's nearly impossible not to laugh at almost everything that comes out of that man's mouth. Quite the comedian he can be.
“Out,” I say, shooing him away.
Finally alone for the first time in two days, I flop back down on the couch and let out a long sigh.
I wasn't sure how I would feel once I got here, but at the moment, it's proving more difficult than I thought it would be. I knew being so close to Zayne and not being able to see him or talk to him would be a challenge. I just didn't realize how strong the urge would be to get in the car and drive to his apartment.
My phone comes to life again, Zayne's ringtone, once again blaring through the small space. For a moment, I consider answering, but I can't bring myself to hit the button. I know the moment I hear his voice everything else will cease to matter and my resolve will go out the window.
I can't do that to myself. But I also know that if I don't address this issue soon, he's going to keep calling. Pulling up my messages, I type out a message, delete it, and then type it again. It takes me about ten more tries before I finally settle and hit the send button.
It never would have worked. I need you to stop calling me.
If you really care about me, you will let me heal. I'm sorry.
Surprisingly, I don't burst into tears the minute his response comes, but that doesn't mean my throat doesn't close off with emotion.
I'm sorry too.
I stare at his words for what feels like forever. With each min
ute that passes, my chest feels heavier, and my mind foggier. How am I ever going to find the strength to live each day knowing that I can't see his face? That I can't feel the smoothness of his skin or the ripple of his muscles under my fingertips? That I can't hear the sweetness of his voice or the way it hitches when he says my name? How will I ever survive without any of this?
And just when I feel like my life could not get any lower, something completely unexpected happens. I get another message, only this one is not from Zayne but from my agent.
We got an offer.
It's all she needs to say before I’m dialing her number, my hands shaking as the phone rings and then finally, her voice fills the line.
Chapter Twenty-two
“WELL, WHAT DID SHE say? Tell us everything,” Carver chimes the moment I walk in the door from my meeting with Hannah.
My huge smile must say it all.
“I can't believe you did it. You actually did it.” Ian grins at me from the couch.
“I did it! You are looking at a soon to be published author!” I squeal, wrapping my arms around Carver's neck when he swoops down and picks me up, swirling me in a circle.
I spend the next thirty minutes going over every detail with the boys. How Hannah found a publisher within days of pitching my manuscript, how the terms were super agreeable, and how they want to see my next project as soon as possible.
It's so hard to believe that we started negotiations only two days ago and now, here I am, making my own dreams come true. This must be what Em felt like when she landed her role in Wicked. It's one of the best feelings I have ever experienced.
A mixture of pride and accomplishment.
Yet even though I’m thrilled to know that my book has sold, a piece of me can't fully enjoy it because Zayne is not here to share it with. None of this would have been possible without him, and even though things are hard between us right now, I still feel like I owe him something.
The Way Back Page 33