by Khadijah J
“I’m trying to understand and not question God, but this shit hurt so bad.” He admitted to me. I nodded and shrugged.
“Take care of yourself, Vontae.” Was all I could say. He nodded and told me if I needed anything, to hit him up.
“You ready, baby girl?” My mother asked, grabbing my hand. I nodded as we walked off to the car. Mylo wasn’t too far behind when we got into my mother’s car, heading home.
***
I stood in my mirror, trying to keep my composure, but it was not working at all. Today was the day that my best friend and I were set to walk across the stage. We had planned our entire day out today. We had matching dresses and everything. I couldn’t bring myself to walk out the room, and if I didn’t leave soon, then I was sure to be late to my own high school graduation. All our conversations kept replaying, I kept hearing her goofy laugh, and how she talked about the dresses I picked out for us before picking out this one. Before I knew it, I was on the bathroom floor weeping. I couldn’t hold it any longer, I was trying to be strong, but how could I, when I had just suffered another loss? How much more could I take? I hadn’t even turned eighteen yet, and I had been through more shit than an average teenager could handle. I couldn’t get Taylynn, nor my brother’s, smile, out of my head. I was crying so hard I couldn’t even see, nor did I care to.
“These dresses are a little short, don’t you think?” I stated.
“Live a little, show a little legs, pop a lil coochie.” She joked.
“No, I see where that got you.” I cracked.
“Whatever. Okay, what about this?” She smiled, holding the pink spaghetti strap long dress. It was pretty.
“I like it.” I smiled.
“Ohh, look at my bestie. Okay, girl, you trying to show everybody what they been missing, huh?” She joked.
“Whatever. We can wear these shoes with them?” I asked.
“Yasss, look at you. You can even flat iron your hair.” She suggested.
“Noo,” I whined.
“Come on, friend. I’ll even flat iron it for you.” She pleaded.
“Okay, I guess.” I gave in, this fool started jumping up and down.
“Yasss, I can’t wait, friend. We gon’ be the finest two walking across the stage.
“Yanni, baby, open the door.” My mother said. I instantly stopped crying, wiping my face as if she could see me.
“ALIYANNA!” My mother screamed.
“I’m okay, Mommy.” My voice cracked.
“Baby, please open this door.” She pleaded. I peeled myself off the floor and ran some water to wash my face. My eyes were red and glossy, but I was trying to hold it all together. I took a few deep breaths before opening the door.
“Sorry. I just needed a moment, Mom. But I’m okay now.” I told her.
“Aliyanna.” She started.
“I said I’m fine, Momma.” I walked around her and walked into my bedroom. I gathered myself and gave myself a prep talk. I had to do this for the both of us. Taylynn wouldn’t want me all sad and crying, and she wouldn’t want me to miss my graduation. I had on the dress, and I even flat ironed my hair, just because that was the plan. I had my glasses on, looking myself up and down. I put the rest of my stuff on and made my way downstairs.
“I’m so proud of you, Yanni. You will never understand.” My mother came up to me. My auntie and grandma greeted me as well.
“You look beautiful, baby girl.” My auntie kissed my forehead.
“Thank you.” I gave them all a small smile.
“Alright, let’s head on out.” My mother smiled hugely. We walked out the house, Mylo rode with my auntie, and it was just my mother and I in the car. We pulled up in the parking lot, and my mother parked the car and stared at me.
“Yanni,” she paused. I just stared out the window.
“You are so strong at a young age. I know that you’ll do great things. I know I haven’t been the greatest parent, but when I look into your eyes, and see all that you’ve accomplished, and endured at such a young age, I know that I must’ve done something right.” Her voice started to crack. She cleared her throat.
“I am so proud of you, baby girl. The neighborhood and society we live in, it is so easy to get caught up doing other things that you have no business doing, but you. You have a full ride to the top school in Michigan, baby girl. You did it, you worked hard for it, despite what life has tried to throw at you. You did it.” She smiled through her tears, I put my head down, wiping my tears.
“You’re my little queen in the making. You’re so strong, Aliyanna, you’re smart, beautiful, and God would never put more on you than you can bear. Know that, believe it, and accept it. It may be hard right now, but I’m telling you in the end it’ll be worth it. You’re something special, Aliyanna, and anyone that encounters you, will know that. It’s up to you to decipher if they have good intentions or bad intentions. But God will help you with that too. I’m just so happy and so proud to be your mother, baby girl. So when you walk across that stage today. Walk with your head held high, not only for you, but for Taylynn, who would’ve been right beside you.” Her voice cracked.
“And for your brother, who never got the chance to walk across the stage. Just know that their spirits are somewhere in the audience, smiling, cheering you on, baby girl.” We both shed a few tears. After while, she wiped mine and hers.
“You look beautiful, are you ready?” She asked.
“As ready as I’ll ever be.” I told her, nodding.
“Well, let’s go strut then, honey. We ain’t got all these ropes and ribbons for nothing, honey, my baby graduated top of her class, with a full ride to the top school in Michigan. My little Pharm D in the making.” My mother yelled out, as we got out the car. I couldn’t help but to smile and laugh at her. Thank God for my mother, otherwise, I didn’t know how I’d make it.
They called my name, and I gladly went to grab my diploma, as the principal shook my hand. When they called out Taylynn’s name, her mother came and grabbed me to grab her diploma, and we had a moment of silence for her. It was sad, but I swore I could hear my friend screaming ‘Yasss, bih, we made it. Smile! What you looking so sad for? We did it.’ I was actually sure I heard her say that, unless I was going crazy. I smiled, because I knew she wouldn’t want me to be sad. This was for us. You right, Tay Tay, we made it!
SEVEN
MYLAIJHA “MYLO”
“My My, you should get this.” Giona said, holding up a cute little floral romper.
“Nah, you should get this.” Amara held up some jean booty shorts. I rolled my eyes at her, she was always doing the most.
“I think I’ll settle on the romper.” I smiled.
“Yeah, yo big ass probably couldn’t fit these.” Amara joked.
“Girl, you just mad because you suffer from nasatal.” I rebutted.
“Bitch, what is nasatal?” She frowned.
“It’s no ass at all.” Giona giggled.
“Forget both of y’all. I’m just too ready for this party tonight. I can’t believe yo momma letting you come, Mylo.” Amara smirked.
“Girl, I’m practically grown. Marleigh don’t run shit, but her damn mouth.” I rolled my eyes.
“You know you need to stop.” Giona said.
“Whatever. Amara, you got this for me or what?” I asked her. She nodded. I went to the register to grab some earrings and a t-shirt. Shit, the romper was twenty five, and I ain’t have it. So Amara stole it for me, while I paid this little six dollars for some earrings. We walked out the mall and to the bus stop, where Amara finally put the romper in my backpack.
“Thanks, boo.” I told her. She just smiled at me. We got on the bus heading to Giona’s crib. I couldn’t wait ‘til this party, so I could see my boo, Noah, tonight. Noah and I had been messing around for some time now, we were like unofficially official, if that made sense. We did everything that couples did, had sex, kissed, went on dates, everything. I even let him stash his product at my house. But he nev
er asked me to be his girl or nothing.
“I’m trying to understand why you still have me stealing shit for you, but you messing with a nigga with money. Y’all fucking?” Amara asked.
“What? Keep your voice down!” I whispered harshly.
“Of course, why do you think Marleigh tried to beat her black and blue that one day?” Giona shook her head.
“Oh yeah, but was that Noah or Jeff?” Amara asked.
“It was Jeff, but me and Noah are different. We just vibe with each other differently. Like,” I paused.
“Oh Lord, this the same thing you said with Jeff, but go ahead.” Amara giggled.
“Okay, but what I’m saying is. You know what? Never mind.” I rolled my eyes.
“Hey, when does your sister leave for U of M again?” Giona asked.
“Umm, not for another couple of weeks, why?” I answered. Giona asked about my sister quite often. I know she always said how she looked up to her, but God, my sister wasn’t nobody, forreal. She came from the same place we did, and I give her a year tops, before she comes back, talking about how she couldn’t do it.
My sister and I were completely different from each other. Most people said I resembled my brother, AJ, a lot. When my brother was murdered, I started to just not give a fuck about nothing. My mother had lost her damn mind, and my sister, who was already borderline a weirdo, turned into a certified creepo. So I started making new friends, and my girls helped me get through all the bullshit. On top of that, I knew AJ was in a better place now.
I was going into my senior year come this fall, and I couldn’t wait to finish school and get out of my mother’s house. I was gon’ go work at the strip club with Amara as a bartender. I knew this ass was gon’ rack up hella tips. I was shaped like my mother, but a much thicker version. Like my sister was thick, but I was like peanut butter thick. I had more thighs and stomach than her, but I loved my shape, and the niggas did too.
“I was just asking a question, girl. Your sister is so damn dope. Like, she’s literally, the definition of brains, beauty, and booty.” Giona smiled.
“And you know I’ve been thinking about going into the science field too. So I-” Giona stopped, because Amara interrupted her.
“Well, then call her, text her. Ugh. Any who. So y’all coming to my apartment tonight, right?” Amara interrupted and asked.
“So I’mma go home, pack a bag, and then tell my momma I’m coming over Giona’s to stay the night, but we really staying at Amara’s tonight.” I told them. They nodded.
“Okay, that’s cool.” Giona said.
Later on, I went home, took a shower, and got dressed, before my mom got home from wherever. I packed a bag for the weekend before heading out my bedroom. As soon as I was about to leave, Aliyanna stopped me.
“Where you about to go?” She asked.
“Tell Mom I’m going to Giona’s for the weekend, we’re having a girl’s sleepover.” I lied.
“Why are you lying?” She asked.
“Girl, ain’t nobody lying. Why you all in my mix?” I frowned.
“Because your friend, Amara, already posted that tonight y’all two were getting into some shit. So again, why are you lying?” She asked.
“You ain’t my momma, I ain’t gotta explain shit to you.” I snapped, and went to walk out the door.
“No, but I’m your older sister, who actually cares about your wellbeing. So again, where the hell are you going?” Aliyanna asked.
“Bye, Aliyanna, with yo corny ass.” I waltzed out the front door. I was glad I left when I did, because the second I got on the bus, my mom was coming down the street. I just put my headphones in and continued my route to my destination. My sister wasn’t about to ruin my Friday night because she wanted to be lame for the rest of her life. Shit, I was living my life like it was golden.
When we got to the house party, I quickly grabbed a red cup. Before I could get my second cup, Noah was swooping me upstairs to a bedroom, telling me how good I looked, before undressing me, and making love to me right above the party. I was washing up in the sink, and then I walked back out into the bedroom, sitting next to him.
“So, when are we going to make things official?” I asked him. He chuckled, before looking me up and down.
“What you mean? I mean, I like shit the way it is right now.” He lit his blunt up.
“Well, we don’t have a title or nothing. But we act like boyfriend and girlfriend. I mean, we really like each other, and we make love, and-” He cut me off.
“Hold up, wait. Mylaijha, you ain’t even tried to get to know me or nothing, bro. I bet you don’t even know my last name,” he said. I just sat there quietly trying to think of it.
“Exactly, so we ain’t making no damn love. We don’t even know each other like that. We can keep shit the way it is, or keep it pushing, to be honest.” He shrugged.
“Keep what pushing?” I asked.
“Go our separate ways, shit. You bad, I ain’t gon’ lie, but you been around the block. You don’t know shit about me, and to be honest, only reason I fuck with you, is cause my mans nem said you had some good pussy.” He chuckled. Now what he just said stung, I won’t lie, because it was the truth. I had slept with quite a few niggas, not more than ten though. But I never took the time out to get to know Noah.
“I’m sorry, you’re right.” I admitted.
“Don’t be sorry. You’re a beautiful girl, Mylaijha, know that. Also know that nigga’s gon’ play you how they see you. That’s free game.” He shrugged.
“So what do you see me as?” I asked him.
“I mean, you cool, you smart when you wanna be. I think you just with the wrong crowd right now. If you was my girl, you wouldn’t be running around with them hoes you running around with.” He smirked.
“Well, I’m not your girl.” I smiled back.
“I fuck with you, Mylo, you got potential.” He stood over me.
“Yeah, I do actually. But you was just saying how we could go our separate ways and shit.” I argued.
“Yeah, we can. I won’t like it, but we can, or we can build something. You wanna build with me, Mylo?” He asked me.
“Of course, Noah.” I started, but he wrapped his hand around my neck, pulling me closer to him.
“That mean you mine, and only mine.” He looked into my eyes. I nodded.
“I wanna here you say that shit.” He snapped.
“Okay, Noah. I’m yours, and only yours.” I smiled, and he pulled me into a kiss.
***
Noah and I had grown closer, and closer, as the months flew by. My sister had went off to college, and my mother was trying to be in my business more, and more, but it was a wrap. I ain’t care what she was talking about. She would try and get my father to talk to me, but I wasn’t trying to hear neither one of them. I knew what the fuck I was doing. I never talked to my girls either, because I was always up under Noah. He had started hustling heavily, and was spoiling me, which caused my girls to get jealous. I told Noah about it, and he told me fuck them bitches, so it was fuck them bitches.
“Mylaijha Marie Ray, why the fuck is your school calling me telling me that two days out the week you’re skipping school completely, and that if it continues, you won’t be graduating with the rest of the seniors?” My mother barged in my room, asking.
“Ma, I don’t know, they must not be seeing me in the classes or something.” As soon as the lie fell from my lips, she smacked fire outta my ass.
“Stop fucking playing with me. Oh, what you standing up for? You gon’ fight me?” My mother asked. I looked her up and down. I started to swing on her, but I didn’t.
“Make my motherfucking day. Go ahead, so I can show you what a real OG ass whooping feel like. You think you bad, I’ll show you who the HBIC is in this motherfucker, and I put money it ain’t you!” She screamed in my face, spitting.
“You spitting in my face!” I yelled at her. She choke slammed me into the wall, screaming at me.
�
��YOU GOT ME FUCKED UP! I AIN’T RAISE YOU LIKE THIS! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?” She yelled. She looked hurt, but I ain’t really care. When she let me go, I adjusted my clothes.
“I’m sorry I’m not your little perfect child that’s gone off to U of M to become a pharmacist.” I said.
“Nobody wants you to be like Yanni. Y’all are completely different, I know that. But you don’t, you trying so hard to fit in with these motherfuckers, who don’t give a fuck about you. They seen the potential in you. Hell, in all y’all. They saw AJ’s potential, what they do? Pull him into some shit to bring him down. They tried that shit with Yanni, but she wasn’t going for that. And now you, you falling right into the trap! They trying to bring you down to their level, they see greatness in you, Mylo. But you too dumb to see it!” She yelled at me, with tears down her face.
“I guess I’m just like you then.” I shrugged. She looked at me.
“Nah, you not. Cause I’ll never let a motherfucker convince me to do shit. I’ve always had a mind of my own, but you.” She shook her head.
“Just take yo ass in yo room.” She spat. I rolled my eyes and went to my room, flopping in my bed. I texted Noah and let him know what happen. He didn’t text back, I just sat in the bed annoyed. I couldn’t help but to replay what my mother said. She said she’d never let a motherfucker convince her to do shit, I felt like she knew something. Like she knew what happened. I sure hope not. Whatever, I wasn’t thinking about her. I couldn’t wait to graduate and get the fuck outta this hell hole.
EIGHT
YANNI
“Well, I’m proud of you, and I know you’ll do great things here. Do you think you need anything else?” My mother asked.
“No, Ma, you’ve done enough, seriously.” I told her.
“Girl, that’s my job. You need anything, Yanni, I’m here. I mean anything. And another thing.” She started.
“What now, Mom?” I huffed.
“Let your hair down a little bit. It’s some little cuties out here.” She smiled, and waved at some fine boy that was walking to the door.
“MA!” I shrieked.