by Laura Brown
“Honey, you’re the realest thing Levi’s ever dated. And I say that as someone who handed him back his ring this weekend. That’s why you’re here. Because I screwed up and hurt him further by delaying our official breakup. Don’t be like me. He deserves the look you put on his face.”
More lies. He couldn’t come out and tell her a thing, could he? And not due to language incompatibilities, but because it was always a game, and Gaby had had enough.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, then pushed past a confused Monica, heading straight for the front of the house. She didn’t grab her purse, or her jacket, making a beeline for the outside and the fresh air and wished she’d at least grabbed her damn car keys. Let them mail her belongings to her.
In the front yard, she took a few deep breaths of the cold air, but nothing settled. This whole situation so far out of her comfort zone, she felt like she’d crack. She didn’t know what to expect or how to act or react. She didn’t even know what anyone wanted from her or why she had to be there. She set up a text to her sister.
Gaby: I should have eaten yeast with you.
Phone in hand, she stared at the sky, wondering if the dark clouds would spit out rain or snow or men.
No, not men. The last thing she needed was another man to deal with.
Her phone pinged, and she expected to find a response from Izzy, daring to hope that her car-less sister would come and pick her up. But it wasn’t Izzy.
Levi: You okay?
Gaby shook her head and blinked enough to see her screen. No rain needed to make things blurry; she did the water effects herself.
Gaby: No. I’m not okay. I shouldn’t be here. You didn’t need a fake date, and I need all these lies to stop right the fuck now.
Her hands shook with rage, and she took in a deep breath of the cool air, trying to collect herself enough to gather her belongings and go home.
Her phone pinged.
Levi: I’m sorry, I needed to see you. And my family really wanted to meet you.
She shook her head and didn’t turn around, even when she felt the air shift, somehow warming against her spine, and knew he stood outside with her. She hated herself for her reaction, for even knowing, sight unseen, that he stood with her. Hated even more that a part of her liked her reaction and wondered if he felt the same.
Gaby: Not good enough.
Levi: Good point. Then I need you to promise me you’ll read what I’m about to send. I have a lot to type, so please, read.
This was what she wanted. If only her nerves weren’t rubbed raw before getting the answers she needed. She couldn’t leave, not unless she faced him to get to her keys, so she studied the trees, giving him time to type whatever he needed to type.
The branches swayed, the clouds shifted, and time passed slow as molasses. She started to gather up her strength, ready to push past him to collect her keys, when her phone finally pinged.
Levi: I’ve spent my life being an observer. Part of that is my deafness, part of that is me. And being an observer means I notice things. I’ve turned it into helping people, finding what they need and giving it to them, or at least letting them know what it is.
Levi: Part of the reason why I’ve rarely had a serious relationship. All my dates, I’m looking for that switch, and once I find it, it’s time to move on.
Levi: I couldn’t find Monica’s, not right away, and I mistook that for being a deeper emotion than it was. She did, too. We realized we didn’t work together, but by then, I was her ticket to her dream, and she refused to let me go until she got it.
Levi: I set out with this “fake” date to find your switch, to help you move on to a healthy place where it wouldn’t matter if you went home with or without a date.
Gaby took a deep breath and looked up, afraid to continue. This was it, Levi saying goodbye. Whatever he was about to tell her would help, or he thought it would. She had her doubts.
Levi: You weren’t easy to flip. That might have more to do with me and not you. But here it is, here is what you’ve been missing.
She clutched her phone in her hands, waiting for that next message to arrive, barely breathing—craving and dreading the next words.
Levi: You’re wonderful. One of a kind. There is no one like you. You’re full of color and light and somehow along the way that color became subdued. When you stuff yourself in a small box, you stop shining, and that’s not where you are best. But you can’t shine when you don’t see yourself like this, when you don’t see yourself like I do.
Levi: You don’t need me, not really, that’s not what will make you whole again. But you need someone to show you how wonderful you are. Your father did that, but he died. Your mother is too worried about everything to be a simple support. And Tom was an asshole, so don’t listen to a thing he ever said.
Levi: Listen to me. I could search the world a thousand times over and never find someone with your beauty and color and caring. I wouldn’t find someone who made me laugh. I certainly wouldn’t find someone who could communicate even without words as well as you could with me, and trust me on this one, I teach ASL for a living.
Levi: I don’t know how to make sure you see all of this for yourself. I don’t know how to show you that not all change is a bad thing. But if you give me a chance, I’ll spend a long time showing you, as long as you need, maybe more, because I can’t handle losing that special Gaby color from my life.
Levi: Let me show you?
Gaby’s shaking hands nearly dropped her phone. Tears slid down her cheeks. It wasn’t skywriting or a large poster board, but the words and heart were there. Colorful? Her? Sure, she liked color, but she’d never been that color to someone else, she’d never been what Levi saw.
How did he see that? They’d known each other a week, and yet his words touched her deep down in her soul. Some change could be good. More importantly, without change, without risk, she wouldn’t be in Maine right now, standing on the front lawn of her fake boyfriend’s family, with him sending her sweet words.
Didn’t change the ruse he’d used to get her there, and before she let her heart out of its cage, she needed to clarify a few things.
Gaby: So what’s the truth with your family?
The wind blew, and she wanted to shiver, but she didn’t dare move, not yet.
Levi: Truth: my parents thought I was engaged up until this weekend. I didn’t come for Passover because I didn’t want to lie to them. I didn’t talk about them because I didn’t know how I could without mentioning Monica, and I mistakenly kept that secret from you.
Levi: Truth: I came here to support Monica, trying to help. With a little nudging, she helped herself. That allowed me to mention you, and everyone wanted to meet you, noticing how big of a mark you’ve made on me.
Levi: So, yes, I lied to get you here, but I needed you here. And if my mother didn’t meet you, she’d be very upset with me.
A small laugh clogged Gaby’s throat at his mother’s mention, and she brushed away an errant tear. His words warmed and soothed her, giving her the answers she needed. And then some. She’d stepped out of her comfort zone, and instead of something negative falling on her, like large chunks of hail from the clouds, she got something even better than if it rained men. Her fake date wanted something real with her. Their chemistry hadn’t been fake or a farce; this little slice of heaven was real. Yes, some change would be good, especially if it involved a certain gym rat she’d been ogling for months.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Levi studied Gaby’s back, wishing she’d turn around and show her face, give him something, anything to show what his words meant to her. He’d laid himself out there, gave her what he hoped she needed, leaving him lost and vulnerable and insecure.
Not emotions he liked.
He’d never felt about someone the way he felt about Gaby. Not even when he thought Monica to be the o
ne. He’d never meant those three little words the way he did now, watching Gaby’s back, knowing that even if they still needed to learn each other, she was for keeps. And Meyer could make all the dirty diaper jokes he wanted, because that no longer fazed him at all.
Then she turned and faced him, eyes glistening as though she’d been crying, and the sucker punch nearly doubled him over. “I’m sorry,” he signed, not sure if she’d learned that word yet or not. He felt like a royal douche and should probably have his family give him an ass-kicking. Too much, too soon, or too late or whatever the reasons were, he’d botched it up.
Gaby sucked in a breath, and he forced himself not to notice how cold she was. He should drag them both inside to finish this, but a live wire existed between them, and they needed this solved. She pointed to herself. “Want. Know. ASL.”
She collected her phone, and he watched while she typed, unsure if she wanted classes and to get him out of her life, or if she wanted something different. His heart stuttered at the thought of her not wanting him, not returning his emotion. He wouldn’t need anyone to give him an ass-kicking; she could do it without breaking a nail. His confidence had left him on an all-expense-paid vacation, leaving him exposed and vulnerable and unable to not follow the curve of her cheek as he waited for her response.
Gaby: I want you to teach me ASL. I want to learn for you, so we can communicate better. So I’m not the one here who can’t communicate with you. You sent me all those wonderful words. I didn’t know anyone saw me that way, that anyone could. And yet you did, you saw the color, and you healed me in a way that I hadn’t realized needed to be healed. So let me do the same for you, starting with making sure we don’t need these damn phones to communicate.
He let those words seep in, through his skin, soothing the aches and pains. He’d gotten her right. There’d been a fear he’d fail her, but he didn’t. Another text came through.
Gaby: The change thing is going to take time. Don’t go shaving your head or growing a mountain man beard without at least telling me, okay?
He grinned, wanting to reach out to her, grab her close, and never let her go. He also needed to be 100 percent clear on his intentions this time. “I want to date you.” He signed slow, making sure she caught each sign, spelling out “date.”
Her smile grew wide, no more tears present in her eyes. She completed him. As corny as it felt, and he’d surely kick his own ass later, but she wasn’t some quick fix—she was his fix.
But he had to share one more thing before his family did. It was too early, too soon, but looking at her, he knew it to be right. “I love you.” He had to spell it out, and he waited for her reaction, more nervous than he ever thought possible.
Her smile didn’t falter. It spread, those top teeth digging into her plump lip. She nodded, and that colorful Gaby special burst within him, filling him with the best feeling.
“I love you, two,” she responded.
So he had a few more things to teach her. He would. In time.
He crossed the lawn to her and ran his fingers down the side of her face. She pressed her cold cheek to his palm, and he brought her face to his lips. No longer fake or a trick or a fight against their chemistry. This time he kissed her as her real boyfriend, knowing damn well that one day they’d be more.
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Acknowledgments
This novel began after Robin Lovett told me to check out the editor wishlist at Entangled, where Liz Pelletier was looking for romantic comedies with deaf heroes. Being Hard of Hearing, Deaf characters are what I like to write, so I knew I wanted to try! I started to think of what I could do and the fake date trope came to mind. But so many fake date situations have been done, until I thought of Passover. I didn’t know where the story would go at the time, but I’m so grateful for Robin’s suggestion and Liz’s request, for the light bulb idea that happened afterwards, and for the chance to share this story.
This was my first attempt at writing comedy, and I would like to thank my characters Gaby and Levi for helping me keep things light and fluffy! Also, to echo my dedication, to my Aunt Felice, who filled me with many funny Passover memories. I can still see the table set up in her dining room, the dog hiding under the table, and that one spot on the rug where a previous dog had had an accident, that somehow always started to smell around the holidays.
Thank you to Liz Pelletier and Lydia Sharp, for pushing me to make this better, and giving me the tools to do so. To Bree Archer for my gorgeous cover. And the entire Entangled team! I am so happy to join the Entangled family!
To Heather DiAngeles and Karen Mahara, you two hold my hand through everything and I don’t know where I would be without you!
Tif Marcelo, Emma Wicker, Rochelle Karina, Laura Heffernan, Stacey Agdern, and Jami Nord: thank you for reading sections and versions, giving me your honest input on how I could make this story stronger and better. You are worth all the gold!
To my twitter groups, you mean the world to me for your support and encouragement: Robin Lovett, Juliette Cross, Naima Simone, Farah Heron, Mona Shroff, Mina Beckett, A.S. Fenichel, Sheryl Nantus, and Tif Marcelo. As well as Stacey Agdern and Felicia Grossman.
To my writing community: you prop me up as I hope I prop you up. This writing business truly needs a community, needs a group of writers who are there for each other, and I am so thankful I have found you.
A special shout out to my fabulous agent, Lynnette Novak. You weren’t with me at the start of this deal, but you still stepped in and helped out when I needed you. So grateful to have you by my side!
To my husband and son: I know writing takes a lot of my time, but I also know you cheer me on. Thank you. I couldn’t keep going without your support and understanding. To my parents, for being proud of me and always the first to show off my books.
And to my readers old and new: thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy!
About the Author
After spending her childhood coming up with new episodes to her favorite sitcoms instead of sleeping, Laura Brown decided to try her hand at writing and never looked back. A hopeless romantic, she married her high school sweetheart. They live in Massachusetts with their two cats and son. Laura’s been hard of hearing her entire life but didn’t start learning ASL until college, when her disability morphed from an inconvenience to a positive part of her identity. At home the closed captioning is always on, lights flash with the doorbell, and hearing aids are sometimes optional.
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