She did. Or well, Naomi had heard of people who didn’t have a soulmark. It wasn’t something she understood. There were a lot of things Naomi felt she didn’t get about soulmarks due to not actually being able to see them.
But Naomi knew enough. She knew that in some cultures they were called cursed, in others they were called soulless. People who didn’t have a match. Doomed to never fit with anyone.
It brought such deep sadness to Naomi to think that Ryan had lived with those sorts of stories all his life. That he thought he wasn’t meant to be for anyone or with anyone. It told her volumes about the reasons he’d pulled away from her, the reasons he’d insisted they didn’t fit with each other.
Carefully, Naomi brushed her hand over Ryan’s arm again.
“So you knew it couldn’t be me because it doesn’t say my name.” Or anyone’s name. Despite how much sorrow Naomi felt for Ryan, knowing how hard it must be to not have a soulmark, she couldn’t help the small spark of joy inside her. They didn’t not match.
Ryan shook his head. “It wasn’t about you,” he said. “I can’t be your soulmate, because I’m not anyone’s.” He sounded… resigned. It made Naomi’s heart break for him a little bit more. She’d never cared much about soulmarks, but she could imagine how difficult it must have been for Ryan to date, believing that he would always be second-best to someone his girlfriends were meant to be with.
“You deserve to meet your soulmate, Naomi,” Ryan added. “I want that for you. But… if you want to be with me, in case you don’t meet him, I won’t make that decision for you.”
Ryan pressed a kiss against Naomi’s hair. “I want to be with you. I think you’re amazing. I just wish -” He shrugged.
Turning slightly, Naomi pulled back. Taking Ryan’s hand she led it down to her hip where her own sticker was, covering her soulmark. Unlike Ryan’s, Naomi knew it was there. She’d been told it was.
“I want you to take my sticker off,” she told Ryan. “I’ve never seen my soulmark,” she added. Ryan knew that Naomi had always been blind, but she was pretty sure that he had never considered that she wouldn’t know what her own soulmark looked like. Of course, Naomi did know what it said. And she wanted Ryan to see it. Wanted him to read his own name on her skin.
She could feel Ryan’s fingers tremble against her hip. He made a noise, like he might argue, then stopped. After a pause that seemed to last forever, Ryan nodded. “I trust you,” he said. Naomi wondered if he were telling her or himself. Either way, her heart swelled with the knowledge. She wanted to be someone Ryan could trust, always.
He peeled the sticker back carefully. Naomi knew when he could make out the name, because he drew in a sharp breath. His fingers traced the letters on Naomi’s skin, his thumb brushing a line under them.
“But -” His voice sounded so vulnerable. He leaned in, covering Naomi’s soulmark with one hand as he pressed a kiss against her shoulder. “If it were me, wouldn’t we match?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” Naomi answered honestly. No one really knew anything about soulmarks. People pretended, sure. There were films and there were studies. When it came down to it - no one knew. Whatever the soulmarks were and however they worked was still in many ways a complete mystery.
Using her hand to find Ryan’s face, Naomi then moved to kiss his lips. It was a soft, gentle kind of kiss. She poured as much emotion into it as she could. “What I do know is that I love you, Ryan. That is definitely there.”
He smiled, leaning into the touch against his cheek. “I love you too,” he replied. Naomi could hear the excitement in his voice. “I never thought I’d get to say that to someone,” he admitted. Naomi smiled back. She was glad that she got to be the person lucky enough to have Ryan love them.
Whether they were soulmates or not hardly seemed important. Not when Naomi knew that Ryan loved her, and wanted to make her happy. He’d already tried so hard to learn how to be a good boyfriend. Naomi had no doubt he would keep working hard to make her happy.
Naomi felt so light that if she hadn’t been lying down she might’ve thought she was floating. Having Ryan love her felt incredible. Knowing that he wanted her to love him back was just as invigorating. Naomi pressed another soft kiss against Ryan’s lips before sliding lower in the bed, tangling their legs together.
“I’m sorry that you’ve spent your whole life thinking there’s no one out there for you,” she said gently. “I want to be that person for you, Ryan. Soulmarks never really mattered to me very much because I can’t see them.” It was true. It almost figured that Naomi would fall in love with someone who didn’t even have a soulmark.
That thought made her frown slightly. There was, of course, no proof and no way to check whether it was true but...
“What if you don’t have a soulmark because I can’t see it?”
Ryan lifted a hand, brushing against Naomi’s brow. She stopped frowning, and Ryan’s fingers moved to cup the side of her neck. “It could be that,” he said slowly. Naomi knew there was no way to be certain. She even knew of other people with visual impairments who had found their soulmates - or believed they had. And those people had soulmarks, just like the majority of the population.
Even so, there was nothing to confirm that soulmarks worked the same way for everyone. Plenty of people thought there was more magic to them than science. For all Naomi knew, it could be true.
“You want to be my soulmate?” Ryan asked, almost shyly.
It seemed to equally break and mend Naomi’s heart. That tone, the way she now knew Ryan had never thought he could be someone’s soulmate. “If being your soulmate means loving you and you loving me? Yeah, of course I do,” she confirmed with a smile.
“I don’t need you to have my name on your skin or for yours to be on mine,” even though it was. Naomi felt like Ryan could very easily be her soulmate. And if he wasn’t? Well, then that didn’t matter either. She was happy. “I just want us to make each other happy,” she voiced out louder. “And I think we do.”
Ryan kissed her, slow and sweet. Naomi felt as though she were melting into his embrace. “You make me incredibly happy,” he said, when he finally pulled away. “And I want to make you feel that way, too.” He nuzzled his nose against hers. “I know I haven’t always made you happy,” he added. And no, Naomi could hardly pretend that Ryan had always made her happy.
She understood, now, that he’d thought he was doing the right thing. It had been misguided, but Naomi knew Ryan’s heart was in the right place.
“I’ll do better,” he promised. “You make me believe I can. I never had that before.”
It felt right. This felt right and having Ryan back in her life felt right. Naomi pressed another kiss against Ryan’s skin, a smile refusing to leave her lips. “We’ll try together,” she decided. “But,” Naomi paused there, dramatically. “Dougie’s going to have to help us, too.” She nudged Ryan’s leg with hers.
“You going to let him in? He’s missed sleeping with you.” She, too, had missed sleeping with Ryan. Dougie might have genuinely missed it more.
“Dougie’s already helped us,” Ryan pointed out. “He did lead me over to you, remember?” He groaned, as if getting up and out of the bed was the last thing he wanted to do. He made sure to heap the blankets over Naomi, pulling his boxers on and padding over to the bedroom door.
He had barely cracked it open when Dougie all but threw himself against it, giving an excited bark. Ryan laughed. “I guess you really did miss me, Dougie, yeah?” he asked. Dougie bounded onto the bed, finding Naomi under her pile of blankets to press his nose against her cheek.
Ryan slipped back into the bed beside her, his muscular legs tangling against hers. “I can already tell I’m going to sleep well tonight,” he said, giving what sounded like a stifled yawn.
“Dougie will protect you,” Naomi promised. She liked to think that after they’d had sex twice that evening, they’d both sleep well. And tomorrow they could have even more sex. For the first t
ime in weeks, Naomi was excited for what tomorrow was going to bring. Whatever it was, it would be with Ryan. That was how Naomi wanted to be.
Chapter Eleven
Ryan had been delighted to settle back into a routine with Naomi. He’d taken her home with him the next day, pulled all of Dougie’s things out of the closet and let the dog reacquaint himself with Ryan’s house. Since then, they’d spent at least a couple of nights a week together. They tried to split their time evenly between their two homes.
The more Ryan thought about it, the more he liked Naomi’s idea. Maybe the reason he didn’t have a visible soulmark was because Naomi wouldn’t have been able to see it. There was no way they’d ever be able to prove it. Even so, it helped Ryan worry less about the idea that another Ryan might sweep in and take Naomi away.
Naomi loved him. Ryan was determined to make the most of that, for however long it was true. Even if he wasn’t Naomi’s soulmate, he could still make her happy. That was exactly what he wanted.
The Howlers were thrilled. Ryan had to take James aside to thank him for getting involved. James had refused to take all the credit. He’d rightly pointed out that Naomi had been the one who’d kept giving Ryan chances, even when he hadn’t acted as if he deserved them.
As they’d arranged, Ryan had met Naomi’s dad. Ryan had been a lot more terrified, knowing that he’d been the person to comfort Naomi after their break-up. Luckily, Eric Stone didn’t seem to hold a grudge.
It was a couple of months before Ryan’s dad was in the area again. This time, his plans didn’t fall through. Knowing how much support he had in the audience, Ryan played his best game of the season. He was elated. After a shower and a couple of interviews, he finally joined up with Naomi and their fathers at a nearby restaurant.
He pressed a kiss against Naomi’s cheek as he slid into the booth next to her, grinning while his dad patted his arm approvingly.
“I’m starving,” he announced, reaching for the menu. “How’ve you three been getting on?”
He wasn’t surprised to see his and Naomi’s dad exchanging grins. “Like a house on fire,” Paul answered, giving his son’s arm one last squeeze. Having already watched an entire game together seemed to have created a bond between them. It couldn’t have hurt that they’d both been supporting the same team,
Eric nodded in agreement, giving Ryan a smile. “We have been getting on very well,” he agreed. “Congratulations on the win! You played a great game,” he complimented. Ryan felt like he really had, too. Knowing that his dad was in the stands always made him play better. Now he also had Naomi and her dad to show off for.
Naomi leaned into him, finding his hand to give it a squeeze. “Your dad’s been telling us about your first juniors team,” she explained, making Ryan almost instantly groan. “No, it’s good. Apparently, he knew you’d be a defense player when you held another six-year-old against the barrier so he couldn’t score?” Naomi teased.
“He was six, I think I was seven,” Ryan corrected. He remembered because he’d been significantly bigger - which was why he’d been able to hold him against the barrier. “It seemed like the most efficient way to win!” he protested. Paul laughed. He’d heard this line of defense before.
“Ah yes, seven-year-old Ryan was big on efficiency,” he said, like he was confiding some great secret. Eric chuckled.
“Did you ever play, Eric?” Ryan asked. He knew Naomi’s dad was a fan of watching hockey. Personally, Ryan couldn’t imagine not wanting to get involved on the ice.
Naomi’s dad gave a small nod. “Only beer league, before I got married and had Naomi,” he answered. “Things got a bit too busy after that. But I was never very good at it, so I don’t think the hockey world ever lost out without me in it.” It was a nice way to put it. Ryan knew that after Naomi had been born, Eric had had to massively step up. First because of her blindness and then to raise her on his own.
Paul seemed to understand that, too. He didn’t push the topic any further than that. It was nice. Ryan had never expected to be able to have his dad spend time with the dad of someone he was dating. Having them get on was excellent.
“I’ve only skated once,” Naomi told Paul. “It’s a good thing that wasn’t one of Ryan’s criteria for dating,” she joked.
Ryan chuckled at that. He hadn’t ever had criteria for dating. He’d never thought it was something he could expect to do. Even if he had made a list, he wasn’t sure loving skating would be on it.
“I have to be the best skater in any relationship I’m in,” he teased. “Otherwise it’s no good for my ego.” It wasn’t true. The rest of the Howlers were at least as good at skating as Ryan. He wouldn’t have begrudged them if they were better.
“You think he’s joking,” Paul added, “but he really did refuse to teach Lara any of his techniques in case she got better at it than he did.”
Scowling at his dad across the table, Ryan took a sip of his beer. “She was older, she was already better at everything else,” he pointed out.
“Ryan says you’re thinking about joining him on his visit to Missouri in the summer, Naomi?” Paul asked. Ryan felt the butterflies kick off in his stomach just at the mention of it. He was eager to show Naomi off to his mom and his sister. They’d both be pleasantly surprised he’d finally found a woman he could picture spending time with in the long-term.
“Yes,” Naomi nodded. “Dougie’s very excited, it’ll be his first trip out of state,” she joked.
Eric, seeing the slight frown on Paul’s face interjected. “Dougie’s Naomi’s guide dog,” he explained. Paul nodded with a small ‘of course’. Ryan had told his dad about Dougie before, but he could understand why Paul might not remember the dog’s name.
“I’ve had Dougie for about three years now,” she told Paul. “So he hasn’t had a chance to go out of state yet. I would say that he’ll be excited, but Dougie’s pretty excited to go anywhere Ryan goes.”
Paul grinned at Ryan over the table. “I imagine the feeling is mutual,” he noted. “You wouldn’t believe how much Ryan begged me to get a dog when he was about ten. Your mom’s neighbors had one, didn’t they?”
Ryan nodded. “Tosca. I used to take her for walks. Dougie seems to recognize me a lot more.” Maybe it was just because Dougie was more intelligent - or because he didn’t have five or six neighbor kids running around to cater to his every need.
“I’m very excited, even if Dougie isn’t,” Ryan announced. He was looking forward to summer generally. As much as he loved playing hockey, it would be nice to have more time to spend with Naomi. “My tomato might be ready to harvest,” he teased, nudging his shoulder against hers. “Naomi’s been teaching me how to garden,” he offered, by way of explanation.
“Naomi’s got great green thumbs,” Eric said proudly. Ryan saw the slight tint of a blush against her cheeks. Her garden looked amazing, so Ryan felt the praise was well deserved.
“She must have if she’s getting Ryan to garden,” Paul said with a laugh.
Naomi gave Ryan’s hand a small squeeze, leaning in to press a kiss against his cheek. “The tomato is going to be ready to harvest well before we go to Missouri. If you want, you can always take it with you to show your mom,” she teased.
The idea of taking a single, solitary tomato all the way across state lines made Ryan laugh out loud. “Mom’ll appreciate that idea,” he said, shaking his head at his dad. As the only other person present who knew Ryan’s mom well, Paul could judge just how much she would appreciate the gift of a tomato Ryan (and his girlfriend) had grown.
After getting back together with Naomi, Ryan had wondered if it would be weird with his dad. After all, it had been a conversation with Paul that had started Ryan thinking about how hard it would be if Naomi left him for her soulmate.
Looking at his dad now, Ryan knew he had nothing to worry about. Paul might not have met his soulmate, but he’d told Ryan not to believe that not having a soulmark meant he shouldn’t look for a partner. Paul liked
Naomi. That was more important than whether her name was written on Ryan’s arm.
“Have you found the Howlers have made a lot of difference to your charity, Naomi?” Paul asked. “I saw a few of the fans tonight wearing Sunshine buttons, so I presume it hasn’t hurt.”
“Oh, it’s been amazing!” Naomi answered straight away. “We’re going to be able to almost double the number of dogs we sponsor next year,” she said. Ryan already knew that. Hearing how excited Naomi was, how proud she sounded of the Foundation, that never got old.
He let the conversation about the Foundation take the forefront, leaning back into his seat. It was nice to listen to his dad, Naomi and her dad all chat. Ryan did interject where necessary, offering his opinion. Mostly he just enjoyed this. The way it felt good, to have Naomi become part of his... well, everything.
By the time they were all ready to leave, Naomi had a bag of leftovers to take home for Dougie and was saying goodbye to her dad as they waited for his cab. Ryan and his dad stood over to one side to give them some privacy.
“She’s lovely,” Paul told Ryan. “You’ve done well, son.”
Ryan had done well, and he knew it. He grinned at his dad. “Thanks,” he offered. “It means a lot that you’ve met her.” Ryan had never expected his dad not to welcome Naomi into their lives. Since he’d never had the opportunity to see it before, he hadn’t really known what that would look like. Or how much it would mean to him.
Watching Naomi with her dad, Ryan could feel his heart expanding. “I think I’ve done pretty well, for a first real girlfriend,” he teased. “Definitely better than the guys Lara used to bring home.”
His dad laughed at that, just as Ryan had expected him to. “When your sister was sixteen,” he pointed out, making Ryan shrug. He didn’t at all feel like he’d missed anything by not bringing home a string of girlfriends he had no real interest in.
Empty Net (Madison Howlers Book 3) Page 16