When they arrived at the restaurant, he was horrified to realize it was their karaoke night and the place was busy. “I’m so sorry. Usually we eat here other nights of the week. It’s—”
“It’s okay,” she said, giving him a smile. “As long as they can get us a booth.”
“For privacy?”
“No, chairs are harder on my back.”
“Oh, sorry.”
She patted him on the arm. “You can stop apologizing now. I’m comfortable with you. That was the massive hurdle. I don’t know how Hunter’s anxiety manifests, but if I have a strong, familiar anchor, I’m good. I did shows for hundreds or thousands of people. It’s not anonymous crowds that bother me.”
“Okay.”
They were shown to a booth that was fairly close to the area where the DJ had set up. It meant a low, quiet conversation wouldn’t be possible. He was about to suggest another restaurant anyway when Dani reached out before she sat down and snagged a binder from a pile of them on a table next to their booth.
After they gave their drink orders to the waitress, she flipped open the binder. “Oooh, let’s see what he has.”
“Sorry?”
“Songs.” She quickly scanned the lists. Aha!”
There were some slips of paper and a pen tucked into the binder’s front pocket. She pulled them out and wrote her name and three numbers onto a slip and handed him the paper. “Would you mind taking that up to him for me, please? You’re more mobile than I am.”
“Oh, sure.”
He walked the paper up to the DJ, who put it in line with four other slips already in front of him. Apparently they were just getting ready to start.
Dani was looking at the menu when he returned to the table. “I think I’ll take a cheeseburger and fries. That’s hard to mess up.” She smiled “I don’t get brave with food until I’ve eaten somewhere a few times.”
This was definitely going to be a different experience than with Hunter. “That’s good to know.”
She leaned in. “Do you like to sing?”
“I can’t carry a tune in a bucket.”
“Oh, well.” She shrugged. “You’re good-looking. I guess you can’t be perfect.” She grinned.
He liked that she kept him slightly off-balance. “God, I hope you and Hunter and Todd get along.”
“Me, too.”
They hadn’t received their food yet when the DJ called Dani’s name five singers in. She stuck her hand up and waved at him, slowly easing herself up and out of the booth and making her way around the tables.
Now intrigued, Coop sat back and studied her. He could see where she was a person used to being confident with her body, but what the accident had done to her gave her a stiffness that didn’t look natural. Like she was fighting with her own body. He couldn’t imagine the pain she’d been through and still felt.
Could he actually top her?
That was something they’d have to work out. He didn’t want to harm her. If all she wanted was some sensual play, he’d be okay with that. He could beat Hunter’s ass for his sadistic fix.
As she picked up the mic and the music started, he recognized it was a song by Pink but didn’t catch the title. Then…
He couldn’t explain it except that, suddenly, it was like another person stood there. Dani was gone and a Dani-lookalike had emerged. A woman who sang to the crowd, used the stage, made eye contact with the audience.
It sent the good kind of chill down his spine.
If that was a hint of who she’d been before, he wished he’d seen her perform on a larger stage.
By the time she finished, the audience had all been watching her, paying attention to her, and went nuts with applause and cheers. He’d even missed the fact that their food had arrived while she was singing.
Then she switched the mic off, slipped it into the stand, and his Dani reappeared, slowly and stiffly walking back to their table where she retook her seat.
He stared at her.
“Well?”
“Wow.”
“I miss performing sometimes,” she admitted, picking up a napkin and tucking it into her lap. “I’ll pay for this tomorrow though.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ll be stiff as a board from pain. But I need to move sometimes. My body needs it.”
He was still trying to process that this woman before him had made those sounds up on stage. “You blew me away.”
She grinned. “Not the only thing I can blow.” She took a bite of her burger.
* * * *
Dani knew she’d have to fess up to Ned that this was actually a stress reliever for her. A hit.
A fix.
For a few blessed minutes, she’d seen the inside of a theatre and the audience wasn’t there to eat, but to watch the show. And she’d brought her A-game to give them their money’s worth.
On stage, she could shove everything else out of her head—pain, worry, stress, anxiety—and focus.
Here, too, although the pain she now felt made sore feet or monthly cramps pale in comparison.
Where he’d seen karaoke as a potential trigger because of Hunter, she’d seen Nirvana. And not the grunge rock band.
Only after her third and final song was over and they were sitting there talking did she finally admit it to him.
He cocked his head and studied her for a moment. “I thought you said you were comfortable with me?”
“I am. That’s not a lie. This is…like a bonus.”
“No way could I ever get Hunter to one of these nights.”
“Then if we keep going, this could be one of our things. He won’t feel jealous about something he won’t enjoy anyway, right?”
“I hope.”
“You’re worried he might not like me.”
“I’m cautiously optimistic.”
* * * *
It wasn’t exactly a lie. Coop had stopped by Hunter and Todd’s the night before to talk to them privately, wanting to actually see Hunter’s reactions.
He could tell the man wasn’t going to be an easy win-over for Dani.
“That means,” she said, “you already think this could end before it begins.”
“No. Hunter processes change slowly. After what we just went through with my ex, he’s understandably nervous.” He had put his hands on the table and she’d reached out and met him, curling her fingers around his.
“One thing I insist on,” he said, “one of my rules is complete honesty. No lies. At all. Not fibs, not white lies to spare feelings.”
“I’m fine with that, but is that for my benefit, or are you leading to something else?”
“It’s more a blanket statement. Hunter admitted he’s nervous about this. And I told him that, no matter what, nothing changes between him and me.” As he met her gaze, he again noticed how similar her expression looked to Hunter’s.
Like a matched set. “You have to be able to accept me and them, and whatever happens with me and them. I can’t promise you I won’t go on to have full-on sex with either or both of them. You and I would need to exchange test results, all of that.”
“What if I decide to have a boyfriend on the side?” she asked, looking curious.
“That’d have to be discussed as well. I was more hoping that I’d be your boyfriend if you and I were having sex, but I won’t say absolutely not when we’re not even playing yet.”
“But he’d have to pass group muster?”
“Yeah. And agree to be monogamous to the group. Meaning with you.”
“But you’re not taking that off the table outright.”
“No. Why would I?”
He didn’t understand her smile. “Just for the record, if you and I are sleeping together, and are boyfriend and girlfriend and not just playing, I probably wouldn’t want another guy in my life. I was just curious to see what your reaction to the possibility would be.”
“Let me guess, your ex was a hell-no kind of guy?”
“Wow. You’re re
ally good at this game.”
“No, if I was, I wouldn’t have dated Bethany for a year.”
“Look at the bright side. You ditched her in time to meet me. Lucky you.” She grinned. “Possibly two anxiety-ridden submissives. Now spell it out for me, who’s the masochist, again?”
He gently squeezed her hands. “Oooh, I’ma gonna spell it out for you who’s the masochist, all right, I get the chance.”
Her steady gaze never wavered from his. “Gonna show me how to make the chimichangas?”
His eyes widened. “You tell me you love Deadpool and I’m liable to propose to you right now.”
She let go of his hands and pulled one hand into the sleeve of her jacket so that her fingers barely showed as she wiggled them. “I bet you’d feel huuuge in this hand.” Then she grinned again.
He roared with laughter, which fortunately was lost in the sound of the crowd cheering for the latest singer as they wrapped up their song.
* * * *
If Dani wasn’t already feeling pain and exhaustion creeping up on her, she would have invited Ned in to talk some more. But it was nearly eleven when he walked her to her front door, where she turned and gave him a long two-armed hug, trying him on for size.
He felt perfect.
“I’ll let you tell me when I get to meet them,” she said.
“I’ll work on Hunter. Meanwhile, I guess you and I will need to keep spending time together.”
“Come to the club tomorrow night. I’m going to be a wreck. Feel free to sit in the office with us and chat, if you can.”
“I’ll do that.”
She stared up into his eyes. “That no-lying rule goes both ways, right?”
“Right. And I promise, as long as Miky doesn’t kick me out of the office tomorrow night, that I’ll come. Uh, to the club.”
“Thank you for understanding.”
“Like I said, I’m pre-trained.”
After he left, she headed straight for the shower to stand under the hot water and think about the night.
While physically exhausted and drained, mentally and emotionally she checked in and realized she was…good.
Wow.
All she could do was hope that Hunter and Todd welcomed her to the fold. Until then, she had a life to try to get back to. Starting tomorrow with her first meeting with Ted.
Chapter Eleven
Dani and Ned had been talking, e-mailing, meeting for dinner, and texting for over two weeks now. Dani nervously studied her reflection in the bathroom mirror on a Tuesday night. There was a definite urge to go change clothes, but she beat it back with slow breathing and anchoring herself to the moment.
The bathroom tile feels cool under my feet.
I can smell the tub cleaner I used.
I can smell my shampoo.
I can hear the TV out in the living room.
She’d opted for jeans and a loose blouse she could wear one of her soft, shapeless camis underneath instead of a bra. The way she felt today, a bra would only chafe her flesh and irritate her and add to her discomfort.
If Ned couldn’t understand the girls had to be free-range today, then they weren’t going to be a good fit. At least she would be comfortable in the process.
She also knew Ned wouldn’t be having her meet Hunter and Todd if he didn’t think they’d at least get along. After what he’d told her he went through with Bethany, and the direction his relationship was moving with Hunter and Todd, he wouldn’t risk all of that just to have to send her packing. If he thought the two men wouldn’t accept her, or that she couldn’t accept them, this meeting wouldn’t be happening and they wouldn’t have even gone down this road in the first place.
I need to trust him.
She did trust Ned. She hadn’t pushed for anything else yet despite how close she knew they were getting, and neither had he. But it already felt like she’d known Ned for years. And she felt more comfortable calling him Ned than Coop for some reason she couldn’t explain yet, but wanted to.
In typical Ned fashion, he understood and didn’t have a problem with that.
In retrospect, she could already see how her relationship with Clayton differed from this. Clayton hadn’t been her first play partner, although he’d been her first dip into the D/s dynamic end of the pool and not just the play end of things.
Clayton had been a different “style” of guy, artsy and suave and cool. He’d loved what she did for a living, they’d had some friends in common, and before she knew it she’d slipped into a kind of routine with him. From there, dating, to play. Then to moving in together.
And it had been fun, in its way.
She might still be battling her way through that relationship jungle were it not for the accident.
Things with Ned felt…easy. Comfortable. Familiar in a weird sort of way. Almost scary-easy, although Ted and Mikayla both warned her not to drift too far into self-sabotage territory.
Which she was well aware she had the potential of doing.
When Ned knocked on her door two minutes early, she smiled as she peeked through the viewfinder before unlocking the door for him. Only once so far had he run late, and that had been an unavoidable work issue that he’d texted her about as soon as he’d realized it.
“Ready?” he asked.
“Yes, Sir.” Even though they’d had discussions, they hadn’t formalized anything yet. Still, it felt comfortable calling him that, and he didn’t mind if she did.
“Let’s go introduce everyone.”
“Do you think they’ll like me?”
He turned, taking her hands in his. “I hope so. It’s not Todd I’m worried about so much as it is Hunter. Please don’t feel—”
“He’s got issues like I do, and if he wigs out, it’s more about him than me.”
“Yeah.”
“But if he doesn’t like me?”
He didn’t answer at first. “I can’t force this on either side. I understand that I might have to give Hunter an adjustment period. Especially after Bethany. But if we get through that and he absolutely can’t accept you…I honestly don’t know what I’ll do. I won’t jettison what I have with him. I’m sorry.”
“I get it. I want honesty from you.”
“It might be easier on him since you’re a woman and not another guy.”
“What about when you play at the club with someone?”
“That’s different, in his mind. It’s limited, situational. Not…”
“Not a relationship.”
“Right.”
She took a deep breath and reached over to pinch the inside of her right arm. “Let’s do this.”
“What did you just do?”
Heat filled her face. “It’s a trick I use.”
“To do what?”
The heat increased. “To help short-circuit things. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.”
“Dani, if you’re not up to doing this tonight—”
“I want to be pushed in some ways. If you let me back out of tonight, I might want to back out every time. If anything else is to ever happen besides us being friends, this has to happen. I get it.”
He looked concerned.
“I’m serious, Ned.”
“Okay.”
* * * *
Hunter had to take a Xanax, and Todd noticed.
“I can call Coop and postpone this, if you need to.”
Hunter shook his head.
Todd pulled him in for a hug. “This’ll be okay.”
“Why’d he have to meet her now?”
“At least she’s not like Bethany.”
“We don’t know that.”
“Give her a chance. Please? He seems to really like her.”
“And he just met her two weeks ago. Two days after breaking up with Bethany.”
Todd made Hunter look up at him. “Coop has to be able to live his life.”
“Why can’t he give us a chance?” Hunter hated that he was whining. And he knew he was whining.
“He’s not in love with me.”
“You can’t be everything to everyone. I let you play with Coop and we’re doing more with him. You don’t think that was hard for me at first, in the beginning?”
Hunter stared at him in shock. “What?”
“Yeah. You don’t think I was jealous as hell in some ways, until I got to know Coop better? Had he been gay, there’s a damn good chance I wouldn’t have let this happen, or been able to deal with it.”
Hunter didn’t have a reply.
“Your first thought every morning is you have to text him,” Todd said. “When you play with him, I might as well not even be there. And I get it. It’s okay. I love you. I never thought I’d be as okay with it as I am now. It’s good that he wants to explore more with us now. I like that. But I was an adult about this at the beginning. That’s the only way I was able to let us get here.”
Hunter took a deep breath. “Sorry. I love you.”
“I know, and I love you, too. I’m not trying to guilt-trip you. I know part of this is the anxiety talking. I get that, too. But think about it this way—she has anxiety and OCD. If Coop wants to play with her, or more, would you want to deny her the chance to possibly feel as good as he makes you feel? To help her the way he’s helped you? This isn’t about sex. This is about everything.”
More guilt. “No, I wouldn’t want to be a dick.”
“Exactly. Let Coop be Coop. He’ll be happier that way. What happened when a woman he dated for a year tried to pressure him?”
“He kicked her out.”
“He kicked her out,” Todd echoed. “Immediately. Without even discussing it with her or giving her a warning. Do you honestly think he’ll throw you over for someone he just met? Let your logic talk through the anxiety before you answer me.”
Hunter took a deep breath. “Coop’s always put me first before others.”
“Exactly. Another reason I’m good with this. Because I know he’s not going to fuck you over. If you can’t trust him or yourself, can you at least trust me and my judgment?”
“Yes.” He laid his head against Todd’s chest and focused on his breathing while Todd held him and nuzzled his chin against the top of Hunter’s head. “I trust you,” Hunter finally said. “And I trust Coop.”
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