by I J Shur
Victor sighed. “We had to mortgage our house in order to get the money. Tomer is now working three jobs. During the day, he works as an electrician at a large company. In the evenings, he takes one of the company cars and does private jobs on his own. At night, he’s a deejay at private parties. And that’s not all. There’s a lot more.”
Victor took a drag of the joint he had rolled. He said, “On Saturday morning, we were sitting on the porch talking and the conversation made its way to matters of the bedroom. I innocently asked him where he gets the strength from. Then he pulled out his cell phone and showed me some movies in which he was the star. All of a sudden I was exposed to my son’s dirty mind and what really was keeping him busy during the day.” He took a sip of coffee. “How do those girls agree to be filmed like that? I ask him and he answers that they fight each other to see who will get to be in his movies, and they’re proud to be a part of it.” Victor looked at Udi, took one last drag of the joint, held the smoke in his lungs for a long moment, and exhaled. “Would you like me to continue?”
“Sure,” replied Udi.
“At home, the separation of power is absolute. My wife lives in the living room and sleeps on the sofa, and I live in the upstairs bedroom. I live there, eat there, recreate there, and sleep there.”
“What about the chocolate woman?” asked Udi.
“You won’t believe it,” he said. “She was deported, since apparently she didn’t have a valid visa. So now the seven lean years have started—in other words, loneliness, sadness, and a longing for better times. But wait a minute. I’m not done yet.”
Victor smiled a bitter smile. “My car engine died, and I’ve had to rely on my friends for favors here and there. I have some clients who owe me money for services they received a long time ago, but they don’t want to pay. For the first time in my life, my bank manager called me. He’s new and replaced the old guy, with whom I had a fairly good relationship. You know how it is.”
Udi nodded.
“He asked me to come in for a meeting. Then, I went in there the way I always have for years. I walked in, winked at the secretary, asked for some coffee, and walked into his office. He got up slowly, closed the glass door behind us, and said to me, ‘I’m new here, and I plan on being here for a long time. I went through all of the bank’s customer accounts, and I can see that things were run here on a friendly basis. Problems were solved with slaps on the back.’ Then he told me in a bone-chilling, quiet voice, ‘Mr. Orkavi, your balance stands at about minus one hundred thousand shekels. You’re going to pay that all back within a year, and you don’t have any more credit.’
“I’m standing up, looking him over, and telling him with the most confidence that I can manage to summon up, ‘Mr. Manager, all of these past years, the bank chased after me because I was financially strong. Now that I’m having a crisis at work, it’s not the right time to be like that.’
“Then he said, ‘I promise you that if you recover, I’ll be the first one to run after you. But right now you owe us a lot of money, and I’m giving you a chance to pay it back before I limit your account and notify the other banks.’
“I told him that I was one of the bank’s oldest customers and that I’ve been around for a long time. I told him I’ve known many ups and downs, and everybody knows that before long, I’ll be back on top. Then he says to me, ‘Go tell your friends,’ and points to the door. He says, ‘Tell your friends that there’s a new manager now, and anybody who falls behind on their payments will have their accounts frozen.’
“Before I left, I made it clear to him that his strength can also turn into his weakness, and we’ll all be waiting for him to slip up. In any event, I made my way out of there with my tail between my legs. For the first time in my life, I admitted the truth about my situation and how deep a pit I’m in.”
Victor’s shoulders began to tremble, and the smoke in his lungs overpowered him with a coughing attack that threatened to choke him. “Excuse me for crying,” he said weakly. “It’s been years since I’ve cried, and certainly not in the presence of another man.”
For a moment Udi thought about putting his arm around his friend’s shoulder and confirming that the situation was indeed bad. Instead, he turned on the gas burner and brought the coffee to a boil again. He filled their mugs and looked at Victor, who gave him a blank stare.
“We were all born equal,” Udi said as he brushed dry leaves off the table with his hands. “None of us were born into the situation that we find ourselves in now. Our situations are the results of choices that we made, and now we have the opportunity to discover exactly how the situations serve us.”
Victor looked at him in surprise. “You don’t see that you’re sitting in front of an uneducated simpleton? Where did your theories come from? Can you try to talk my language?”
Udi smiled. “You named a whole list of subjects that you need to give your attention to in different ways. You gave up on some of those subjects, so those situations deteriorated into this horrible mess. If you analyze them, with or without my help, you’ll see that they are all still safely situated far from the point of no return. Despite the fact that you’ve journeyed a significant way toward it, you still have the chance to internalize the situation, make some decisions, and change your direction. It’s not too late. But you can’t take care of everything at once. You’ll have to choose which subject to tackle first. Choose one of the easier ones first. That way, you can prove to yourself that you’ve still got it. Don’t forget, anything that can be broken can also be fixed.”
“Talk to me in examples,” said Victor. “Don’t leave me alone with all of those theories and fancy words.”
“I’m glad you’re finally responding,” said Udi. “Let’s see now. Do you have the money to pay off the bank? No. Fine, so let’s leave that for now. Do you have enough money to buy a new car? Of course not, so let’s leave that alone too. Do you have a solution to your marriage?”
“I don’t have a life at all, so how can we talk about married life?”
“Okay, so let’s leave that alone too.” Udi paused briefly to place emphasis on the next question. “Are there people who owe you money? There must be. Can you tell me how many?”
“I have no idea.” Victor sighed.
“Do you know who owes you money?”
“Sort of.” Victor grimaced.
“Can you give me names, amounts, payment schedules?”
“Let me roll another joint.” Victor changed the subject. “This is beginning to be complicated.”
“What’s so complicated?” Udi felt a tinge of impatience. “Names of people who owe you money, how much they owe you, when they need to pay you by. That’s it. Give me the information.”
Victor remained silent.
“For how long have people owed you money?” Udi asked.
His friend’s wide eyes and blank stare indicated just how little he knew.
“You just give people service and then you’re embarrassed to ask them to pay you! People get used to the fact that you don’t stand up for yourself, and they’ve learned to take advantage of you to the max. You’re afraid to lose your customers, and so you don’t ask them for what they owe you. In other words—and excuse me for saying this—you are the carpet under their feet. On another day of the week, I’d kick your ass.”
“You are taking advantage of the fact that I am totally wasted right now.” Victor tried to get Udi’s sympathy.
“About just how much money do your customers actually owe you? How much of your money, money that you worked hard to earn and is actually owed to you, is now circulating in the hands of people who are in debt to you?”
It was clear by the look on Victor’s face that he knew the answer to this question. “A few months ago, I met with my tax advisor, who, by the way, has been asking that very same question for years. We wrote down the amounts that I remember
ed I hadn’t collected in the previous two years. When we got to about 100,000 shekels, I gave up and left the meeting, and I didn’t continue to take care of it.”
“Tomorrow morning, make an appointment with your tax advisor. You’ll pick through your memories and write down every single name of anybody who owes you that you can remember. Write an amount next to each name, even if you’re only talking about fifty shekels. For the next few weeks, you’re going to change your job. Leave the electric work and deal only with collecting. For new or returning customers, simply tell them that you’re not available. Write down their phone numbers, promise them that you’ll return their calls, and tell them when you’ll call back. You’ll call them as you promised. Today is the first day of the rest of your life.”
Something in Udi’s speech touched Victor’s soul, and he burst into tears. After several moments of silence and listening to the wind whistling through the branches of the trees, he said, “This conversation is just in time. I was really close to giving up. Thank you for being here for me.”
“One more thing before I have to go,” Udi said, looking into Victor’s eyes. “There is no power in the world that will move you from this place where you’re at if you don’t believe in yourself and the powers that you possess. Tomorrow morning, you’ll wake up to the old and familiar world that you know. It will smother you. It will try to choke you and take control of you, just as it has every other day. Only your belief in your power and ability to change will help you get rid of the past. The future is in your hands, so don’t blow this opportunity.”
When he left Victor, Udi felt that he had done his best to set his friend off in a new, positive direction.
Later that evening, Udi asked Varda if she’d like to go with him to a pub. He made a point of inviting her to go out from time to time, but he knew she wouldn’t come. She didn’t like the pub atmosphere. She didn’t drink beer, didn’t smoke, and couldn’t stand the smell of cigarette smoke clinging to her clothes and hair.
“I’ll come with you,” she said.
Udi looked at her in disbelief.
“If it’s important to you that I come, I’ll join you.”
He wanted to ask her what had happened that she agreed to join him, but he decided against it and figured he’d just go with the flow.
Chapter
“What shall I drink?” she asked him when they sat down across from each other at a small, elevated table. “I don’t like beer.”
“Try Shandy,” Udi suggested.
“What is that?” asked Varda.
“Beer with Sprite. Try it! What do you have to lose?”
“Tell him to bring me a Shandy,” she said to Udi, gesturing toward the waiter who stood and listened patiently to their discussion. The atmosphere was so strange to Varda that even addressing the waiter seemed to be difficult for her.
“A Shandy and a Guinness,” Udi requested, and the waiter went on his way.
“Why did you bring me here?” Varda tried to goad Udi.
“I didn’t bring you—you came of your own free will.”
“What is it with you men? What are you looking for in these places?” she asked.
“You’re not looking for anything here. You just sit, talk, laugh, drink, eat, sing, and look at all of the other characters who come here.”
“That makes you feel good?” She was being tough on him, and he began to regret his decision to invite her.
“If I come back here from time to time, it certainly looks that way.” Udi knew Varda. He knew that she’d never let up, and his heart shrank from the tension. What he really wanted to do was change the subject before it ruined both of their moods. “Is there a chance we can change the subject?” he asked.
“Why? Is this conversation going in an uncomfortable direction for you? Is there something that you’re hiding from me and I’m getting warmer?”
Udi knew that he was not going to go home happy. “Did you come here to interrogate me? We could have done that at home. If I wanted to hide something, why would I invite you here?” He didn’t realize that he was losing his cool, or that he’d said the last word with a raised voice.
Varda smiled, and it was clear that she was enjoying herself and the situation.
Udi’s blood boiled. “What is your story? People come here to be happy, not to fight,” he said loudly.
Other patrons started but immediately averted their gazes when Udi began to look around.
Varda scanned the faces. “Which of these people do you party with when I’m not here?” she asked without making eye contact.
Udi tried to compose himself, but he was clearly losing it. He remembered how Rona had criticized her husband. The possibility of the four of them sitting in the same pub and exchanging murderous glances was too much for him to bear.
“Where are you right now?” Varda continued. “I’d like to take out a loan and buy your thoughts.”
“You don’t need a loan,” he said. “I’ll tell you for free that it was a mistake to come here with you. People come here to be happy and to escape from the things that they’re used to doing so well at home.”
“I’m sorry that I ruined it for you, but this pub reminds me more of Sodom and Gomorrah than the Supreme Court.”
“No problem! Next week we’ll go to a concert or a ballet, and you’ll find all that you’re looking for. However, you won’t be able to carry on a conversation like the one we’re having this evening.”
He paid the bill, and they drove home in silence, headed for another night of sleeping back to back.
Chapter 59
As was his custom, Udi opened his eyes early in the morning. He felt a heavy sense of despair, and for a while he just lay there staring at the ceiling. The memory of the pub visit the previous evening made him feel worse. He thought of Rona, and for a moment he thought he heard the sound of an incoming message on his phone saying that she wanted to meet him. He was daydreaming.
“What are you thinking about?” He heard Varda’s voice next to him. “You’ll burn out the wheels of your brain if you make them spin too fast.”
“I don’t think so,” he replied. “I need to wake up, but I don’t feel like it.”
“Snap out of it!” she whispered. “How about I make you coffee and something to eat, and you go off on your day? What could be so bad about that?”
Suddenly Udi was wide awake. That’s strange! She’s going to make coffee for me!
After finishing his coffee, he kissed her and left the house. He considered doing a round of his building sites, but he couldn’t focus on anything and he couldn’t stop thinking about Rona. In the end, he found the local liquor store. Along its walls, there were long tables set up, and many people were sitting down and drinking wine or beer. The air was thick with cigarette and cigar smoke where he found a spot and sat down. After ordering a beer, he turned to look around. A couple sat in the corner. He tried to guess if they were married. The man seemed to be extremely aroused—he kept touching the woman’s knees, and she kept pushing him away with her palm. Udi watched them and took a gulp from his beer. When he realized that the woman was looking back at him, he was embarrassed and went to the bathroom.
When he got back to his table, he saw that the couple had shifted so their backs were to each other. Udi was familiar with this situation, and he wondered what hurtful words one of them must have said to cause them to react like that.
He picked his phone up from the table, hoping to find a message from Rona, and was surprised to see that she had called him. He called her back, but she did not answer. He tried again and again without an answer. After so long? On a Saturday? When she knows that I am supposed to be at home? He quickly gulped down the rest of his beer and didn’t know what to do. Should I wait for her to call? For how long? Should I go back home and take the risk that Rona will call while I’m with Varda? What has hap
pened? Maybe she is at my house, sitting with Varda and telling her everything. Maybe her husband is sitting with Varda.
The sound of an incoming message startled him. He looked at the screen and it was from Rona. My husband found out about us, she wrote. Gilly from the garage told him. He’s acting like a wounded animal. I’m afraid. He threw me out of the house, and he is capable of doing anything. I am at a friend’s house. It’s a mess. Don’t call.
He panicked. How do I go home like this? Varda knows me. She’ll know that something is amiss, and she won’t leave me alone. The tension gnawed at him and reached the ends of his nerves. He left far too much money on the table and walked out.
Chapter 60
Udi parked along the gravel road that looked out over the sea. He saw himself bobbing up and down in the choppy waves, thrown from here to there and unable to control the direction in which he was being thrown. He remembered how impatient he had been and suddenly realized how important Rona was in his life. He thought about all of the situations in his daily life and looked for something to distract him or bring him some happiness. My children? It’s all so unimportant. How easy everything seemed when I was with her, and how sad the future looks now that I’m without her.
He knew that he’d only cope as long as they didn’t meet, either accidentally or because the resolve of one of them weakened. The fear of a visit from Rona’s husband, and an explosion with Varda, made him feel dizzy. He looked at his phone screen once again and prayed for the sound that would redeem him. He walked slowly to his car and made his way into traffic and onto the road. The phone rang and startled him; the ringtone sounded louder than usual. He looked at the screen. Yinon, his beloved cousin, was calling.
“Hello.” Udi’s voice was heavy and slow.