by I J Shur
A smile spread across Assaf’s face. “One piece of advice I can offer that might do you well: Always go with your heart. The most powerful conversation that you can have will be with your heart. That’s the source, and the other parts will join in. God created what He created, and He did not intend for us to understand everything. That’s what separates Him from us, and it’s good that it’s that way. There are things that we’re responsible for, and the rest is on Him. Sometimes a man might wonder about something and can’t find a solution. It’s possible that he wandered into God’s realm, and the best thing for him would be to let go of it. You only have one obligation in your conversation with the universe.”
“What is that obligation?” Udi asked.
“To be very clear about what you ask for.” Assaf was quick to respond. “Try and clarify to yourself, what is the thing that you really want?”
“I have a hurricane in my head,” said Udi. “How can I clarify that?”
“With me, alone, with a friend, however you choose—and only you can choose. Go home! Go and be with yourself for a little while. I’ll be here.”
Chapter 63
Udi was confused when he awoke because he didn’t remember where he was. Yinon tugged at his sleeve and called out his name.
Looking around, he remembered that he was on a flight to Buenos Aires. He tried to go back to sleep, but Yinon insisted that he wake up. A sharp pain in Udi’s neck reminded him why he ought to get a neck support pillow for plane journeys.
Without regard for Udi’s sleeping form, Yinon reached for Udi’s arm and pulled it. Udi felt like he wanted to crush Yinon’s hand with a move normally reserved for street fights; however, he relented and opened his eyes. The seat belt held him firmly to the seat.
“Leave me alone, for fuck’s sake!”
Once he had risen from his seat, Yinon took him to the plane’s lower level. “There’s a whole section of bathrooms. Unbelievable!”
Udi’s surprised face led Yinon to say, “We’re flying on an Airbus A380!”
Udi asked Yinon to excuse him and went into one of the toilets. As if to spite them, the plane hit turbulence at that very moment and it began to shake. Udi wondered how, with several thousand tons of aircraft being shaken like that, nothing happened to the wings and the aircraft remained stable.
A blond-haired and blue-eyed stewardess passed down the aisle as Udi made his way back to his seat. Her warm smile melted his heart, and he was tempted to flirt with her.
“Attention, please!” The pilot’s voice crackled over the PA system.
“We are about to land in Buenos Aires. Local time is 6:30 a.m. and the ground temperature is 54 degrees.”
Udi looked at Yinon, who was holding the armrests with all his might. “Is something wrong?” Udi asked.
“Why doesn’t he lower the wheels?” Yinon asked in a distressed voice. “He’s going to land soon, and I haven’t heard the wheels going down.”
“Relax,” Udi told him. “They’ll come down in a minute. We’re not going to land on the belly of the plane.”
Yinon’s eyes were wide, and the beads of sweat on his wide forehead made it clear that he was serious.
“Go to the pilot and tell him to lower the wheels. He probably forgot!”
“Yinon, if I try to get to the cockpit now, they’ll jump on me and tie me up before I have a chance to explain what I want.”
“If you don’t go, I will!” Sweat poured down his face, wetting his shirt. Udi was about to get up when there was a prolonged mechanical sound. The wheels descended, and Yinon let out a nervous breath.
Udi couldn’t control himself, and he burst out laughing.
Yinon looked at him, half offended. “It’s a bad habit I’ve had for years. It’s lucky that they always remember to lower the wheels.”
They both laughed.
From the tired carousel they collected their baggage, wandered outside, and looked for a taxi.
“Hotel Babel, San Telmo, por favor!”
The driver just smiled, revealing rows of crooked teeth, and shook his head. He then nodded, repeating the words, and they were on their way.
They were met at the hotel by Rosanna, a young, chubby, and energetic Argentinean. She adjusted her tight pants, lifting them slightly, and pulled down her shirt to hide her love handles. She repeated the process each time she had to bend over to pick up change from the floor or look for a room key.
Two young men took their suitcases, and another young man holding a large, old-fashioned key led them to their room. He rattled it in the ancient but elegant keyhole until they heard a loud creak and the door finally gave in. With a wide smile, the young attendant took a step back and disappeared behind the door. Yinon waited until the door was finally closed, then let out a huge fart.
“Congratulations!” said Udi, who tightened his stomach muscles and returned the favor. “Let’s try to save these noises for the street and not for the room.”
“You’re right!” Yinon laughed.
Udi lay down on his bed. “I’m just going to rest my eyes, and then we can go out.”
The next thing he knew, it was early morning, and he fixed his gaze on the ceiling. There was a luxurious moment before he remembered where he was. Layers of peeling paint covered the vaulted ceiling. Yinon lay asleep at his side, his face buried in his pillow.
A light snore escaped Yinon’s nostrils, and Udi thought that he could live with that. He slowly lifted the blanket, got up, and then locked himself in the bathroom. He was still cold from the previous night, and he hoped that the hot water would help him forget about the chill. He turned the tap and his disappointment knew no bounds. A weak stream of water dripped from the shower head. Not only that, but balancing the hot and cold water seemed impossible—it was either too cold or scalding hot. The shower, which was supposed to refresh him, turned into a traumatic experience. He went to the hotel dining room and was also disappointed by the breakfast buffet: bread rolls and toast, some peeled fruit, butter, baked cakes and cookies, sliced cheese, slices of sausage, and other unidentifiable meats.
Udi sat by a window where he had a view of the street. It was raining heavily, and raindrops beat down on the street. An alarmingly thin waiter approached and, in clear and proper English, asked him which breakfast he would like to order. The minutes passed, and he was filled with intense longing.
He saw Rona’s face in his mind, a sweet, tantalizing smile parting her lips. He wanted to hug her, to kiss her. If she were to call him at this very moment and demand that he go to her, he would drop everything and book a seat on the next flight out. The long flight would probably pass by quickly, and the hug at the end would make it all worth his while.
On the trip there, he had succeeded in minimizing the amount of time that he spent thinking about her, but all of a sudden, she appeared in his head. Tears welled up in his eyes, and sadness weighed on his heart. He fantasized about long text messages, his imagination weaving their texts, plots, and subplots together. Since the breakup, he’d written a number of messages on his cell phone—and then erased them immediately. The words seemed too heavy, clumsy, and idiotic. He couldn’t express what he was feeling. After all, he wasn’t going to write that he missed her. What would be the point? And if he wrote that he wanted her here, now, with him? After all, she didn’t even know that he was abroad, and anyway, it could prevent wounds from healing.
What do I want the most from Rona right now? Is she missing me as much as I’m missing her? He typed out a “?” on his phone and hit the send button. A question mark will ferret out the information that I’m looking for.
He turned his attention to the kitchen, where a pair of swinging saloon doors opened and out came a short, stocky woman who walked in his direction. Her long black hair was gathered into two thick braids, with white hairs woven in among the black. Her hair was perfectly parted down
the center of her head. A large, colorful apron divided her diminutive body into two equal parts—from her breasts up and from her stomach down. She wore a wide pair of sweatpants that were too long, and the cuffs dragged on the floor, only slightly impeding the loud clack, clack of her extra-large clogs. She served him a large white plate containing two croissants that had somehow been squashed, surrounded by an omelet.
“Por favor!” She placed the plate in front of him.
“Gracias! Muchas gracias!” He smiled up at her as he chewed on a piece of croissant. He took a long sip from his coffee and stole a glance at his phone screen. Nada. Nothing. No reply. His heart beat faster, and he wondered why she wasn’t answering. He almost felt sorry that he had sent the message.
“Buenos dias!” Yinon suddenly appeared in front of him, a smile lighting up his face.
“Buenas tardes —good afternoon, lazybones!”
“In answer to the question that you didn’t ask, yes, I slept great!”
“What time did you get to sleep?” asked Udi.
“Two a.m.”
“Did you do something that I’d be jealous of?” asked Udi.
“I’ve got you set for the rest of our trip,” replied Yinon.
“What did you arrange?” asked Udi. He noticed Yinon’s enthusiasm for elaborating on the subject.
“Order me what you have.” Yinon was clearly taking advantage of the situation. “And then I’ll tell you the rest of the story.”
Udi signaled to the waitress, and she nodded that she understood his intent.
“It’s time to judge the local Argentinean beef and its ability to stand up to our barbecue techniques,” said Yinon. “I don’t have patience for museums, so I’m sure I can pass the day on a chair in one of the local coffeehouses. You can join me, or you can visit La Recoleta, the graveyard where most of the Argentinean rich and famous are buried. They’ve got over 6,400 plots.”
Just then, Udi’s phone made a loud noise and his heart skipped a beat. There was an exclamation mark on the screen.
“What’s wrong?” asked Yinon as he observed Udi’s jubilation.
“Nothing—something good has happened.” He told him about the question mark he’d sent and showed off the exclamation point with pride.
“You aren’t going to leave me here and go to her, are you?” asked Yinon, half kidding and half worried.
“If it was that easy, I wouldn’t care about hurting your feelings—I’d be on the next flight out. But it isn’t that easy.”
Udi sent another message. I knew you would reply and not wouldn’t disappoint me.
How did I know that you would send me a sign of life? Was the immediate response.
I’m in Argentina and I was feeling you today—a powerful signal!
With the energies that I feel, I could have sent you to the moon.
He dropped all pretenses and wrote, I am missing the hell out of you.
I’m sick—sick from missing you—and there is no cure. Rona texted back immediately.
Will you wait for me? he asked.
Until the end of the world. When will you be back?
Another week.
Should I come and get you from the airport?
That’s too far away. Come here now.
You know that if you commit to me, I’ll drop everything and come.
I know, he wrote, his hands trembling, and tears filled his eyes. So I guess I’ll have to wait to see you until I get back.
Love you—love from afar.
He wrote, Love you always! Then he placed his hands on the table.
“You’re making me jealous,” Yinon teased after reading the text. He handed the phone back to Udi. “I have a surprise for you. Do you want to hear it?”
Udi sank in his seat for a second. “I’m all ears,” he said, but they both knew that he wasn’t.
“In two more days, we’re going to fly to the north, to the border with Paraguay and Brazil, and we’re going to visit Iguaçu Falls.”
Udi wished he could express more interest, but his heart just wasn’t in it.
Yinon’s plate arrived, and on it were the two toasted croissants. He stabbed his fork into the food and cut it into bite-sized pieces, which he ate quickly since he was famished. Udi looked out the window and sank into deep thought.
“Where are you?” asked Yinon.
Udi kept his gaze fixed outside of the window for a few moments before he answered. “I really miss Rona.”
“What is it with this Rona? What does she do for you?” asked Yinon.
Udi was surprised by the question and wasn’t sure if he was being reprimanded for his longing or if Yinon was genuinely interested.
“I really want to know,” he said. “Talk to me.”
“It’s everything. Her sense of humor—she can neutralize any tension with a small joke. She doesn’t get angry, doesn’t hold a grudge, has no interest in revenge, and has no sense of cruelty. We’re together because we want to be, not because we have to be. Her good nature links us together. I can see the light of an eternal love in her eyes. She’ll sometimes say the word ‘love,’ and I melt. Sometimes I receive a text message that says just ‘you,’ and I don’t need any explanations. Sometimes she writes, ‘Remember?’ and it’s so clear. I can get advice from her on any subject—financial, social, business, family. It seems to me that we’ll never get tired of each other.
“She once quoted a line to me that summarized the situation. ‘Lovers never tire of each other due to the fact that they are drawn constantly to each other.’ There’s communication. Do you understand?” Yinon nodded, and Udi continued. “She’s not playing hard to get. When we’re in bed, she’s wild. I’m not kidding you. This is real. Each time, her imagination takes us higher.”
Yinon interrupted. “How long have you guys been together?”
“It’s not important,” replied Udi.
“So where is this thing headed then?”
“Nowhere,” replied Udi in a heavy voice. “I don’t have the willpower to end it, but I won’t break up my family in order to make it happen. The frustration is as strong as the love is, and that’s why it sometimes feels unbearable.”
“But what does that do for you?” Yinon leaned in.
“I have permission to be who I am. She constantly acknowledges my virtues while totally ignoring any possible drawbacks. I’m allowed to be myself all the time, and I’m even loved for it.” Udi was silent as his face became very serious.
“And where are you now?” asked Yinon.
Udi remembered a saying he’d heard as a kid. “If everything is so good, what can be so bad?” He said, “I didn’t destroy my family, and I didn’t move in with her.”
“Why not?”
Udi took a breath and paused. “It’s not real life. The yoke of earning a living isn’t placed on us. We don’t have kids together, there aren’t any dirty dishes in the sink, there is no dishwasher to be emptied, no house to be cleaned, no laundry, no daily grind—just having fun and missing each other. There is no guarantee that things will work out if we move in together. The rejection we’ll both receive from our families and friends if we announce our relationship scares me so much that I don’t dare try it.”
“You’ve really created a mess for yourself,” said Yinon. “The price is a high one. I wouldn’t go there.”
“A love so huge and absolute! I can’t give up on that,” Udi said. “I don’t need to make anyone understand what it’s like, and if you hadn’t asked, you would have never unearthed the details.” He took a long breath. “The possibility of being with her has been tormenting me for a while now, but an inner voice keeps telling me that this is only the flavor of romance. I’m afraid that once we break up the structure of our lives and we build a new one together, the daily routines will take over and we’ll both wind up se
arching for someone else again. That’s the way it is.
“I think that you change your life when you think it’s no good anymore and you’ve tried everything in your power to save it but to no avail. You don’t rush to break up a family just because you found a relationship that makes you feel better. I think that most of the relationships that start from other relationships either don’t survive or end up having the same problems as the previous one. If I’m miserable enough at home to want to leave, I’ll need to do that out of an inner decision that it’s the right thing to do, not just because I met somebody else.”
Udi tried to imagine Yinon’s response.
“I can see that you’ve given this a lot of thought, which leads me to my final question. How can you deal with the fact that you have this huge love for Rona but you know it’s only temporary?”
“I feel like I’m being torn apart, Yinon. I can’t give up on her, and I can’t imagine my life without her. I swear to you, I’m just going with the flow now. I try to see her as much as I can, and I try to avoid talking about plans for the future. I’m proud that Rona has chosen me, but I’m far from proud of the situation. Her husband knows about the connection, and he won’t let it continue. I suppose that we’ll continue to drink the forbidden waters of this romance for as long as it pleases us. The moment that the waters become poisoned, we can go back to our own lives and try to salvage what we can from the destruction. It won’t be easy either way, and there’s a good chance that in the end, we’ll regret the whole thing.”
“Okay,” said Yinon. “Let’s not forget the reason that we’re here right now. Maybe we’ll even enjoy ourselves, huh? So here it is. Let’s get back to our plans for Iguaçu Falls. In two days, we take a morning flight to a small town named Puerto Iguaçu. We’ll sleep there, and we’ll spend the entire next day at the falls. You’ll see! It’ll be great!”