by Jill Nolan
"I don't think so."
"If we're together, will my family and my friends be safe? Or is it possible they could be used as pawns again?"
"They should be safe."
"But you can't promise that."
"I don't want to make another promise I can't keep. I promise that I will do everything in my power to protect you and the people you care about. I wish I could offer you more than that. I wish I could give you a normal life."
"You said before that you like what you are. Would you even want a normal life?"
"I would be happy with a normal life if it meant I could be with you. I would do anything for you." His hand is on my cheek again and moves to grasp the back of my neck. He wants to kiss me again, but he seems to be waiting for the okay. I want him to kiss me to take the decision out of my hands, but he's leaving it up to me. Go figure, he picks now to not be pushy.
This is it. I can feel it. I’m standing on the precipice and I can either fall off and let myself be caught by Mason or I can push him away and fight my way from the ledge. He’ll let me go. He said so himself. The question is what do I want?
Various fears bounce around in my head, but when I focus on his eyes, they all begin to quiet. Isn't he worth it? Isn't he worth the risk?
Yes. Yes, he is. He's worth everything.
He leans in then, and his lips gently press against mine. He kisses me a few times, going slowly, but it only makes me want more. I grasp his neck and pull him into me as our tongues clash. He shifts us so he's on top of me, and his hands explore the parts of my body he hasn't touched in months.
My memories and fears assault my mind once again, but this time, I push them back and focus on his touch. When that isn't enough, I pull back to look at him, to remind myself that he wants me and cares for me and wouldn't hurt me. He strokes my face and my hair, taking me in like I'm the most alluring thing he's ever seen.
One hand travels down my body, palming my breast, squeezing my hip, and then sliding in between my legs. And that's enough to quiet my runaway thoughts. I moan and arch into his touch while he continues to watch me. I pull at his shirt until he takes it off while I take off my own. His lips find mine again, and I sigh at the feeling of his skin against mine. He works my shorts and underwear off, then proceeds to kiss down my body. I know where he's going, and while I wouldn't mind the feeling of his tongue there, my mind has the tendency to wander easily.
I pull his head back to me. "Stay here with me," I say, my voice pleading.
He kisses me deeply again, while his fingers move in tiny circles between my legs until I cry out in release.
He moves to kissing my neck while I simply breathe, waiting for the throbbing to lessen. As soon as I stop feeling hypersensitive down there, I whisper in his ear, "I need you inside me."
My words have an immediate effect on him. He pulls off his pants quickly, and pushes inside me. He goes slow at first, his mouth often on mine and his hands caressing and massaging every part of my body that they can reach.
He starts moving into me faster and faster. I nest my head in the crook of his neck, moaning while I hold onto him as if my sanity depended on it. He slams into me over and over until he finds his release.
He relaxes on top of me, still inside me. I run my hands through his hair, feeling sated and content.
I let myself fall for him again, and I know there's no going back this time. I don't want to go back anyway; I want to keep moving forward. With Mason.
I’m no longer a stranger to death and loss. I feel a darkness in me, but I suspect it was always there. It’s probably the reason I was attracted to Mason in the first place. As much as I wish he didn’t have to kill people so often, let alone kill people at all, I wouldn’t change a thing about him.
He’s my creature of the night, and I will walk with him in the shadows.
Playlist
In the Shadows Playlist on Spotify
Daylight by Matt & Kim
My Type by Saint Motel
People are Strange by The Doors
Bad Moon Rising sung by Peter Dreimanis
Oblivion by Grimes
Post-Apocalypso by Midwest Death Rattle
Burn the Witch by Queens of the Stone Age
Sweet Dreams sung by Marilyn Manson
Destruction by Joywave
Little Monster by Royal Blood
Desire by Meg Myers
The Garden by July Talk
Beautiful Dangerous by Slash & Fergie
Animal I Have Become by Three Days Grace
Missing You by Cree Confederation
Meet Me in the Woods by Lord Huron
Power by Isak Danielson
Breezeblocks by Alt-J
Toes by Glass Animals
Careful You by TV on the Radio
Need You Tonight by Welshly Arms
Lions by The Features
Live in the Dark by Jeff Beck
Acknowledgments
My husband, Jon: You pushed me to work on this book as much as you distracted me from it. Thank you for all of your help throughout the four years it took me to finish this novel. Thank you for inspiring me, believing in me, and growing with me.
My friend and beta reader, Jules: I can’t thank you enough for your role in this novel, from being my biggest cheerleader to reading my first manuscript. This book would not be what it is without your invaluable feedback.
My beta reader, Sarah: Thank you for volunteering to read my manuscript and giving me feedback. You helped me to make some much needed final edits.
My family and friends: Thank you for all your love, support, and encouragement. I couldn’t be more grateful to have so many amazing people in my life.
My kittens turned cats, Jasmine and Kira: Thank you for the extra joy you’ve brought into my life, but you were zero help while I was writing. Your cuteness is distracting, and I don’t appreciate when you walk on my keyboard.
My ferret, Meeko: I miss you and your ferret shenanigans. Thank you for being so fun and loving and always making me smile.
My readers, assuming I have some: Thank you for reading my first novel! Look out for many more to come.
About the Author
Jill Nolan has a bachelor’s degree in Biology and currently works in Analytical Chemistry. She tends to live in her own fantasy world while physically residing near Milwaukee, WI with her husband, one sassy cat, and one sweet cat. Jill has loved to create stories in her head for as long as she can remember, but she’s only recently discovered her passion for writing them down. In the Shadows is her first novel. Connect with her on Goodreads or Facebook.