by Cassie Mae
The corner of my mouth twitches, and I shake my head. Luke’s good at reading lips, but I always make sure I enunciate as much as possible for the words I don’t know how to sign. After a year and a half of working alongside him, I’ve picked up a bit, but I’m not fluent by any means.
“Not sad. Frustrated, maybe.”
He adjusts his thick-framed glasses, a concern wrinkle peeking just over the top of the frames. Why?
Gosh, loaded question… with a loaded answer. I get how he notices my off mood. I’m cool and calm Maddie. Rarely do I come to the ranch in anything but good spirits. I try to check my emotions at the door so the horses don’t sense it. Apparently some of it is still latched on today.
It’s not that I don’t want Pete to get married, or that I don’t like Candace or think they aren’t right for each other. It’s that I’ve been dealt another hand, and I have to rethink my game plan. It’s happened my whole life; think I’d be used to it by now.
I sign some of what I tell him, knowing a little of the words. “My brother is getting engaged. Which is great. Super happy for him. But now I have to support my sister on my own, and I’m worried I’ll have to give up something in order to do it.”
His eyes widen underneath those glasses, and he signs so fast I’m surprised I catch it. Candace is getting married?
Whoops. Sometimes I forget how close Luke and Candace are. I hurry to cover up my blunder.
“If she says yes. He hasn’t asked her yet. So shh.”
His brow furrows, and I’m not sure if he’s confused about what I said or he didn’t catch it all. He reaches for his phone tucked into the back pocket of his hay and mud caked jeans, his red and blue flannel overshirt opening as he does so. I wait as he taps a much longer response on his phone, his fingers flying across the keypad. When he’s done, I lean into him to read his message.
Are you looking for another job and keeping this one? Or are you thinking of a different job altogether? Are you moving?
I lift a shoulder, unable to answer any of those. I’ve thought about a second job, maybe going back to the movie theater—the job I had before this one—and working nights, but I forget that someone needs to watch Demi after school. Right now Pete and I switch off, so some days I get off at two and others I stay until seven. I’m hourly pay, so those five hours take a chunk out of my check, but with Pete helping out, it never was a huge deal. Plus, it gave me boarding time.
My heart pinches, and I realize what I already know—boarding will probably have to go. The sponsorship isn’t guaranteed, and without one, I can’t afford to spend my nights running drills.
Luke taps me again, this time signing. Did I lose you to your thoughts?
I chuckle. “A little, yeah.”
Can I hear some of them? He laughs at his own joke, so I humor him as well. Luke was born deaf, and he’s learned to communicate in what works best for him and the person he’s talking to. I hope that some day I won’t need the phone at all when we have our chats.
“I think I have to stop boarding.” The words bring a tone of grief I’m glad he can’t hear. “There just isn’t enough time to dedicate to something that doesn’t make me money.”
He nods, and his eyes jut across the field toward the stallions grazing. Those guys are really his boys, though the owner tag says Sherman Farms. Luke’s raised them up as breeders, been at the farm since he graduated high school seven years ago. They know and love him more than anyone.
A soft tap pushes against the back of my hand, and I give Luke my attention again.
There is always time for the things you love.
The knowing sparkle in his eyes makes me wrinkle my nose. I playfully shove him and shake my head.
“I know, I know.” Believe me, I know. I love boarding; it’s my dream to do it for a living. It’s what I live and breathe for. Growing up the way I did, with the parents I have, there was only the one thing I had for me. It wasn’t expensive, either. A skateboard and a hand-me-down helmet and lack of supervision was all I needed. Nothing beats the wind in my hair as I drop into a half-pipe, the exhilaration of climbing the rise only to flip around and do it all over. The sound of a board against metal or wheels on concrete is so therapeutic. To lose it feels like losing a limb.
But honestly, I’d lose that limb for Demi. I would do it over and over and over again.
I call Mona Lisa in and trot her back to her stall. I give her a big ol’ carrot for being my favorite, then make sure her hay feeder is nice and juicy before locking her in for the day. June and Pearl are already settled in, so I wash my hands and head out. It’s one of my days to pick up Demi, and I think I’ll try to skip Troublemakers tonight. See if I can do it… if I’m capable of giving it up. The Ultimate Boarding Competition is in a few months. I know this. I’ve been training for it. I need to go in, but what’s the point now if it’s not guaranteed? I thought I had it last year, and here I am, still boarding for no money.
I wave a goodbye to Luke who will be here all night most likely. He waves back and then hoists a hay bale up and marches it into the barn like it weighs two pounds instead of forty. Oh to have a life like his and take his advice. He’s loved one thing as far as I can tell, and that’s ranching. But me, who loves so many things… Well, I can’t just make time for them all. Especially if one is only benefitting me.
I’m gonna do it.
Today is the day I’m gonna tell Brink I’m in love with her. I’m gonna ask her out, hold her hand, board till we get too tired, then kiss her goodnight.
Today.
Aislynn is working the Wheel Zone with me today, and she’s currently dancing around with a bottle of disinfectant, singing to the Backstreet Boys on the intercom, and catching the eyes of a few must-be-sixteen-year-olds hanging out on the rink.
I take a sip of my trusty Dr. Pepper and do the same thing I’ve been doing all night—wait for Brink to walk through those doors; her dented helmet and broken-in board in tow. My knee’s doing that bouncing thing as I cross my arms and crack my knuckles one by one with my thumbs.
It’s nearing closing time again, and there’s a sick dip in my gut that something’s going on with Brink that’s much bigger than she’s letting on. Mad doesn’t let anything come between her and boarding, and there’s rarely a shift I have when she’s not out there, freestyling or working on her next routine.
I jam my hand into my back pocket and pull my phone out, debating on sending her a message. Can’t imagine she’s locked out again; we’re getting close to closing time, but Pete won’t lock the doors until it’s nine-forty-five or later even. Unlike Candace, he isn’t much for doing things right the minute they need to be done.
I tap against the screen a few times before biting the bullet and pulling up her name.
Hey, you coming in tonight?
I watch the screen till it turns black, then I tap it against my leg and wait for it to buzz. Aislynn meets my eyes from across the zone and when I force a grin, she tilts her head and skips over.
“Been a long day?” she asks, grabbing my Dr. Pepper and taking a swig. She sweeps her long pink hair that hangs out from her Troublemakers cap out of the way before leaning against the counter.
“You got no idea.” My glance cuts to the door, and when I meet her gaze again, a knowing glint flashes in her blue eyes.
“Waiting for someone?” She nudges me, and I chuckle, ignoring the fact I’m completely hopeless when it comes to hiding my feelings. Hell, everyone here knew when I had a thing for Candace. I’m pretty sure even Candace knew about it.
“Maybe,” I admit. “Did she come in earlier?”
“Not that I know of.” She passes me my Dr. Pepper. “But don’t sweat it. If she doesn’t come in tonight, she’ll be here tomorrow for sure.”
“Yeah.” But I don’t know. Two nights in a row now, I’ve been stuck in a bundle of nerves waiting for her to walk in. Yoda is gonna get dust on him.
I jut my eyes toward the stuffed animal sitting behind
the counter. I propped him up there earlier. Just getting prepared is all. Gonna ask her out. Hold her hand. Board with her. Kiss her goodnight.
I adjust my Troublemakers cap, and Aislynn lets out a giggle.
“You’re so cute,” she teases, slapping the bill of my cap. “She’s going to say yes.”
“You think?”
“Tanner, you know how to board. You’ve got a freaking adorable nickname for the girl—you should see how she lights up when you call her Brink. You’re fun and sweet and a total catch. I have no doubt in my mind she’ll jump at the chance to go out with you.”
The corner of my mouth tilts upward, even if I’m blushing to the millionth degree. Easy for her to say; Aislynn is no stranger to compliments and isn’t shy about handing them out either. But my track record has me believing all sorts of negative things about my appeal to the opposite sex.
“Well, I hope you’re right.” I give her my Dr. Pepper after she gestures for it. She takes a generous sip, then sets it awkwardly on the counter.
The cup teeters on its edge, and my stomach bottoms out as the drink tilts, dumping all over the counter, splashing down over Yoda’s head.
“Oh crap!” Aislynn shouts and fumbles for the cup, but I hop the counter and grab the stuffed animal. Brown liquid seeps into the green material, and my heart jumps twice the speed it usually does as I swipe what I can off it. I press the ear, praying the thing still can speak.
Grr ought iffffmme oooo ill.
Shit.
“Tanner, I’m so sorry,” Aislynn stutters, her hand covering her mouth, her eyes wide and apologetic. “I’ll get you another one for her, I promise.”
I look at the thing, Dr. Pepper staining the eyes and mouth and dripping from the points of the ears. A deep sigh rocks through me, and I check the door again in vain.
“Don’t worry about it,” I say, setting the Yoda into the puddle on the floor. “It was stupid anyway.”
“No it wasn’t,” Aislynn argues as I head for the mop bucket. “She would’ve loved it.”
I duck inside the mop closet and turn the water on, filling the bucket to the halfway point. As I roll it out, I catch Aislynn trying to squeeze the soda from Yoda’s face back into the cup and making a bigger mess.
I chuckle. “Seriously, Aislynn. It’s okay.”
“I feel horrible! I stole your drink and ruined your grand gesture.”
“I’ll get another one.”
“A drink or a grand gesture?”
“Both.”
I ring the mop out and slap it to the floor. Aislynn fusses over the ruined toy and whispers under her breath to herself.
“Stop beating yourself up about it.” I give her a reassuring nudge. It sucks, yeah. But I still want to ask Brink out, with or without Yoda. I’ll just have to find the courage somewhere, dig it up, and then let it spill out.
“Can’t help it.” She strokes down the ears and frowns. “He was perfect and now he’s all…”
“It’s fine.” I finish up the mopping and push the bucket to the side. “It won’t stop me from asking her out.”
She gives me a look, and I realize just how well she knows me. “You promise?”
I cross an x over my heart. Damn, I hope I didn’t just lie to her.
***
I don’t get an answer from Mad until it’s past ten-thirty. I’m still at work… decided to mop the whole place while I had it out. And well, there was a part of me that hoped she’d text back while we were closing, and she could get some ride time in. Pete often looks the other way when she comes in while we close.
But no go, and her text makes it seem like she’s not coming in for a while.
Not tonight. It’s been a day. Probably gonna ease up on the training for a bit.
My brow furrows, confusion pulling at the threads in my mind of what I know about this amazing girl. If it’s been a day, that would give her more motivation to show. Boarding is her catharsis. Watching her feels like mine.
Not to be that guy… but that doesn’t sound like you, I type.
It’s not.
I wait for her to elaborate, but she doesn’t. The last light above the halfpipe turns off, plunging me into semi-darkness.
It’d be easy… to sneak her in. She needs her boarding, and I know I’m only talking to her via text, but I can tell it’ll help.
I quick check outside the Wheel Zone, eyeing the main entrance to Troublemakers. The manager’s office has its light on, but other than that, it’s just me left to close up.
Pete won’t check on me. He won’t come near the Wheel Zone… I mean, unless he just makes sure I turned the lights out. But he’ll be out of here soon.
My heart pumps double time as the doors to the Wheel Zone click shut and echo in the surrounding blackness. Shit, if we get caught, not only could I lose my job, Mad might get banned from Troublemakers indefinitely. Maybe get a trespassing charge. I’d take the fall one hundred percent. Still, it has me hesitating over our message thread, wondering if I should make the offer.
Bubbles pop up, and I hold my breath and wait for her message first.
Honestly, Tanner… I don’t think I’ll be boarding. There aren’t a ton of skate parks close by, and the other really good training arena is at Troublemakers, and you close RIDICULOUSLY early