I spit my toothpaste in the sink and then rinse my mouth and wipe it with a hand towel. I switch off the light and walk toward her in just my briefs, catching her studying my torso for a few beats before her eyes meet mine again.
What I wouldn’t give right now to have her slowly peel off that tank top and straddle me. I wouldn’t even have to go all the way with her, but to feel her skin on mine, to experience her tight nipples rubbing against my hard chest, to know what it feels like to have her straddle my lap and slowly move over my erection back and forth, back and forth until we’re both gasping for air and climaxing at the same time.
Fuck, the image is so vivid in my head that I have to think of something else quickly before I embarrass myself.
“How do you like the new toothpaste?”
Jesus, that’s what she’s thinking about? Here I am, perverted thoughts of her half-naked on my lap, and she wants to know how the new toothpaste is? If this is what I’m dealing with when it comes to her feelings versus my feelings, I’m totally fucked.
“It’s good.” I swallow back my feelings. “I don’t mind it.”
“Really?” She claps. “That’s so exciting. Do you think you’ll use it from now on?”
I shrug. “Sure. If I can remember to order.”
“I can set you up with a subscription so you won’t even have to worry about it. They’ll just come in the mail.”
I get under the covers while she still sits on top of them.
“Do you realize how huge this is, Maddox? If we all make changes like this, we can make a significant difference for future generations. Did you know it takes five hundred years for a toothpaste tube to decompose? And the average family goes through one tube a month.” She’s getting even more excited now. “That’s a lot of tubes, Maddox.” I don’t have to glance down to see that her nipples are taut and pushing against the stretchy fabric of her tank top. Little nubs that I want to pull between my teeth. “. . . and these jars are completely recyclable, so if we all switch to these—” She crosses her arms over her chest. “Maddox, are you paying attention?”
“Hmm?” I ask lazily as my eyes focus on her.
“Oh my God.” She huffs and crawls across the bed to her side, her pert little ass shaking back and forth with her retreat. What would she do if I spanked her? Moan? Look at me in shock? Ask for more?
Or smack me back?
I chuckle thinking about the latter.
“What’s so funny?”
“Nothing.” I shake my head.
“Well, clearly something is funny enough to distract you from my tirade about toothpaste tubes.”
I roll my head to the side and catch the crease in her brow. I lift my hand and press my fingertips to her forehead, flattening the wrinkle. “I love you, Kin, but you talk a lot about recycling. I’m bound to tune you out at some point.”
She smacks my hand away. “Hey, someone has to talk about it or no one is going to ever care to make a change.”
“You’re changing me, babe, one bamboo toothbrush at a time. Save your breath.”
“Never.” She looks out toward the hallway and bites on the inside of her cheek. I know exactly what she’s going to say before she even says it just from that one little look.
“No.”
“No, what?” she asks, looking a little surprised.
“Herman is not sleeping with us.”
“But what if he’s scared?”
“He’s fine. He has his bed. We left a night light on for him. He has one of my shirts and one of your shirts near him that we weirdly rubbed all over our bodies for scent, a blanket from his old home, and you sang him a good-night song.”
“I think if you chimed in with backup, it would have helped.” Yeah, that isn’t fucking happening.
I shift in bed and turn off the nightstand light. I turn to face her and catch her still sitting up, arms crossed, staring down the hallway.
“Kinsley, he’s fine,” I say, drawing out fine. “Lie down.”
“But—”
“He’s staying here, isn’t he? He’s not with the other barking dogs? I allowed him to stay despite my number-one rule. Can’t that be enough for now? You can’t push me too much, Kinny,” I say, speaking my truth.
And she listens, because she scoots down under the covers and faces me as well, both of us using our pillows to prop us up ever so slightly so we can see each other.
“Am I pushing you?”
I reach out and take her hand in mine, entwining our fingers together. “It’s just a lot, okay? I love how you want to change the world, it’s one of my favorite things about you, but I’m also used to a certain way of living, and it does not include a three-legged bloodhound sleeping in my room.”
She nods. “I get it. I’m sorry.”
With our connected hands, I tip her chin up. “I appreciate you trying to help me be a better person.”
“Even if I push you too hard?”
I nod. “Even if you push me too hard.”
She lightly smiles and then yawns. “I’m tired. Getting a bloodhound to give you his best angles is not easy.”
“Which reminds me, you’re going to get that suit dry-cleaned, right?”
“No, that’s Herman’s suit now. You have ten in there. Do you really need one more?
“I don’t have ten.”
“Ten, two, whatever.” She shrugs and fuck I just want to kiss her when she does cute shit like that.
“Herman can’t have that suit.”
“Ugh, fine.” She closes her eyes and nuzzles into the pillow. “I’ll get it dry-cleaned, but I will say this, I bet Herman rocks that suit way better than you ever did.” She peeks one eye open and smiles.
I just shake my head at her and close my eyes as well, happy and content that Kinsley is once again, in my bed, holding my hand. Do I want to lean forward and taste her lips again? Caress her gorgeous skin? Fuck. Yes. But holding her hand in my bed? Going to sleep with my girl in my bed? Fucking fantastic. I’ll take that any day.
Chapter Thirteen
MADDOX
All-Star breaks are never as long as you hope them to be. Four days. That’s it. That’s all we get and then we’re back to the grind of showing up at the ball field, getting a workout in, reviewing tapes, reading up on the opponent, basically going through the daily routine of preparing for a game. It gets monotonous after a while, and it’s why a lot of us break it up with charity work. That, and the desire to give back to the community, because that too is a privilege of the game.
It’s why I’m at the Children’s Hospital with Cory Potter this morning.
Cory has made it his mission to help clean up the stereotype surrounding the Rebels franchise, and he’s doing it one event at a time. He’s chosen to hang out at the Children’s Hospital, handing out Rebels gear, and he asked me to come with him. It was an easy yes.
“Coach doesn’t care you’re going to miss pregame?”
“As long as I’m there to take some BP, that’s all he cares about.” He looks me up and down as we quietly talk to each other while maneuvering through the stark, taupe walls. “Must be nice to be a pitcher, just lazing about all the time.”
“Fuck you,” I whisper softly. “You know that’s not what we do.”
“I know, but I like seeing you get all riled up about it.”
“You’ve been hanging out with Jason for far too long.”
We turn a corner and someone opens a door for us as we head into the children’s wing. “He is my brother-in-law after all, so I really don’t have a choice. That and he seems to have some unusual man crush on me, which makes it pretty difficult to shake him off.”
“Right this way,” one of the assistants says, directing us into an empty family room. “We’re going to prepare some of the families. Hang tight for a second.”
We both thank the girl and when the door clicks shut, Cory leans against the wall and asks, “How are things with Kinsley?”
“Fine,” I answer
, looking away.
“Just fine? Right. The truth?”
I scratch the side of my jaw and say, “With Natalie, you were friends, right?”
He smiles. “Sort of, but not like best friends or anything like that. More acquaintances that had to room together.”
I twist my lips to the side trying to figure out how to put this. “Kinsley and I have been best friends since we were five. I always thought she was beautiful, but never made a move because she was my Kinsley, my rock. I didn’t ever want to fuck that up. I needed her strength and friendship more than I needed to satisfy my dick.”
“Understandable,” Cory replies, intent on listening to me.
“So I always dated others girls and in high school, I had a serious relationship with a girl named Jamie. When things got twisted with her, Kinsley was there to pick up the pieces and I think that was one of the first moments I ever thought about kissing her.” Cory smiles. “Figured I was vulnerable and shit, so I never dove too deep into that gut instinct.”
“Until she moved in with you.”
“Exactly.” I breathe out heavily. “It didn’t take fucking long either. Immediately, I had that gut instinct again, the one that’s telling me to make a move, to tell her how I feel. But I don’t know how to cross that line, you know?”
“You’re scared.”
“Fucking terrified. What if she doesn’t want what I want? I don’t want to fuck up our friendship. Did you ever feel that way?”
Cory shakes his head. “No, Natalie and I weren’t that good of friends. We were in different places in our life, but I can understand the fear of crossing that line. With Natalie, I didn’t want to cross the line over to intimacy because I knew if I did, I wouldn’t be able to stop from taking everything I wanted.”
“What made you finally give in?”
“She did,” he answers on a chuckle and a shake of his head. “The girl is fucking persistent. She knew what she wanted and she took it.”
Damn . . .
“From the look in your eyes, I’m going to assume that’s not what you wanted to hear,” Cory says, eyeing me.
“Not really. I honestly think Kinsley is completely oblivious to my feelings.”
“Have you told her how you feel?”
“Fuck no,” I say quickly, making us both chuckle. “But I’ve been, you know, touching her in different ways, holding her. I mean, hell, we fall asleep in my bed every night, holding hands.”
“Just holding hands? Dude, that’s friend-zone material.”
“I know,” I groan while dragging my hands over my face. “Fuck, I know. But then yesterday, she brought home this dog—long story—and I told her he could stay with us for a bit and she fucking kissed me on the lips. Jumped up my body and kissed me on the lips.”
“Oh damn, really?” Cory looks excited. “What did you do?”
“Nothing. I was so shocked, I just stood there and before I could react, she hopped off me. I mean, what was I supposed to do, kiss her back, grip the nape of her neck so she couldn’t move, press her up against the wall and really take what I want?”
“To name a few things.”
I look down at the ground, feeling at a loss. “I don’t know, man. I’m really fucking terrified that she’s not feeling the same way and if I make a bold move, I might scare her away. I can’t lose her.”
“Then make small moves.”
“Small moves?”
“Yeah, test the waters. See if you’re what she wants. Touch her differently here and there, gauge her reaction. Maybe instead of holding hands at night, pull her into little spoon position. Kiss her neck good night. Subtle fucking moves that are toeing the line but not completely crumbling over.”
“Subtle moves.” I give it some thought. “I think I can do that.”
Cory just laughs, a good hearty laugh while he stares at me in disbelief.
“What?” I ask.
“Never in a million years would I have guessed that Maddox Paige, the bad boy of baseball, is a fucking softy with a heart. Nor would I have ever bet that you would come to me for girl advice.”
“You don’t need to rub that shit in.”
Cory pushes off the wall and says, “After all the crap you put me through my first season with the Rebels, yeah, I’ll be rubbing it in.”
Okay, I deserve that.
* * *
Subtle things. It’s what I keep saying in my head over and over again as I walk down the hall to my apartment. Knowing Kinsley is home, I don’t bother checking the lock but open the door and find Kinsley and Herman sitting together on the couch, followed by Joan and who I’m going to assume is her husband sitting across from them. Everyone has a coffee cup in hand, while there’s a spread of breads on a tray in between them.
What the fuck is happening?
Immediately the hairs on the back of my neck rise as I slowly shut the door.
There are strangers in my apartment. People I don’t know, invading my space.
My home. What the actual fuck?
“There you are.” Kinsley stands. “Congrats on the win. Linc pitched one hell of a game.” She takes me by the arm and leads me into the living room. “Maddox, you’ve met Joan, but I don’t believe you’ve met Melvin.”
The curmudgeon glances up at me and then waves his big paw before turning back to a piece of bread he seems to be enjoying.
“Uh, Kinsley, can I talk to you for a second?”
“Yes, in a bit. Joan was just telling a story that has me on the edge of my seat. Sit down.”
Kinsley yanks on my arm again and sits me next to Herman, who automatically rests his head on my thigh. Tense and very uncomfortable, I sit there, ramrod straight as I stare at two complete strangers, in my living room, my personal space. The only sacred space I have in Chicago. This is not okay.
“So you were saying, Melvin was about to bungee jump blindfolded.”
“Yes,” Joan says, setting her mug on the coffee table. “And as they were counting down to his plummet, he called out to me, that he loved me. It was the first time he ever said it.”
“Ahhh.” Kinsley clutches her heart. “That’s so sweet.”
“And then they pushed him right off.”
“And what she’s failing to tell you, is that they didn’t push me off a cliff, they pushed me off the dock of my family’s lake. I splashed into the water rather than bungee jumped.”
“What?” Kinsley asks, laughing hard. “You tricked him?”
Joan nods with humor as I sit there completely lost. “The old fart—well, young at the time—refused to give in to his feelings, so I pretended to send him bungee jumping with friends, and they tricked him. He was so scared he wasn’t going to live, that he finally told me his feelings.”
“Forced them right out of me,” Melvin says, taking another bite of the bread on his plate, obviously enjoying the flavors.
“What an interesting story,” Kinsley says and nudges me. “Isn’t that interesting, Maddox?”
“Uh, yeah,” I say automatically, my skin practically crawling from how uncomfortable I am.
Joan must sense the tension building inside me, because after studying me for a few seconds, she pats her legs and says, “Well, we must be on our way. We have some more bread to make to take to the homeless shelters tomorrow. Thank you for taste-testing for us.”
“Anytime,” Kinsley says, standing while Melvin helps Joan to her feet. She walks them over to the door, gives them both a hug and of course, Herman follows as well and they give him a pat. They wave to me, I awkwardly wave back, and then the door is shut. Kinsley turns to me, hands on her hips. “Maddox, could you be any ruder?”
“What?” I ask, feeling so fucking confused. What just happened and why am I getting the wrath of Kinsley right now?
“You were like a stone. They obviously left because you were stewing on the couch, barely breathing, just spouting steam from your ears.”
“Because there were strangers in my apartment.”
“They’re not strangers, they’re your neighbors.”
“Which is a stranger to me.” I stand and try to calm myself as I say, “I don’t want people here I don’t know. I told you that.”
“You met Joan in the hall. Melvin is her husband. He’s very kind.”
“I don’t care if he’s kind or not. I don’t know him or really Joan for that matter.”
“But I know them. Don’t you trust me?”
I blow out a frustrated breath. “Of course I trust you, Kinsley. But this is my space, the one place I can go that is safe, away from fans, photographers, reporters. It’s rare when I even bring my friends back here.”
“Why?”
Herman ignores the both of us and hobbles over to his bed where he makes a disinterested sound and collapses on the cushion.
“Why are you so closed off when it comes to your apartment?” she asks, interest, and also irritation in her voice.
I let out a frustrated breath and stare down at the carpet, reminding myself that I’m trying to make small steps. But she’s pissing me off. Rules. I set rules for a goddamn reason, and it seems like she doesn’t care about stepping over all of them.
“You out of anyone should know what a safe place means to me,” I say, softly. And when I look up, her face falls flat as she realizes what I said.
Her hand covers her mouth, and she quickly rushes over to me. I can sense the onslaught of apologies coming and I really don’t want to hear them. That’s not what I want to do tonight. I want to start taking small steps toward an intimate relationship with her, not go through a round of apologies.
And the thing is, she does know me, more than anyone. And she’d never intentionally do shit to annoy me. But she’s always been so much more inclusive of people than I have. Always tried to bring me into groups of friends that I really didn’t give a shit about. We haven’t spent enough time with each other over the last ten years to come across these idiosyncrasies, I guess. So, I have to forgive her. I am who I am, and she will eventually realize that I’m set in my ways. It keeps me sane.
The Change Up Page 14