by Addison Cole
“I heard Lacy had a hard time today,” his father said.
“Of course you did.” He and his siblings were so close that when something happened to one of them, the rest were not far behind with open arms and a sympathetic ear.
“She okay?”
Dane nodded, though truthfully, he wasn’t sure. She’d had a pretty major panic attack, and from the brief conversation he’d had with Danica after she’d seen Lacy, Lacy really hadn’t known her fear of sharks was so great. If there was one thing Dane knew, it was that when it came to a fear of sharks, the path to understanding and conquering the fear was not an easy one—but it was doable if the person was amenable to difficult, scary, and sometimes overwhelming steps.
His father looked across the room to where Lacy was talking with Savannah. “Savannah said it was a bad one.”
“Yeah. Are there ever good panic attacks?” Dane sipped his drink. Lacy looked so pretty with her tanned skin against the light shade of her dress. It pained him to see the worry behind her eyes.
“I suppose not.” His father crossed his arms and lowered his gaze, seemingly studying Lacy. “Your brother tells me that you haven’t gone to see Lacy since you met her. That right?”
Dane looked away, sipped his drink, then ran his hand through his hair. His father knew him well, and he’d hoped to avoid this conversation. He still hoped to avoid it by remaining silent.
“What are you afraid of?” his father asked, turning an unwavering gaze on him.
Dane broke the link and looked at Lacy. “I’m not afraid of anything, Dad. I was traveling.” He felt his father scrutinizing his answer.
“Mm-hmm.”
Dane shook his head.
“I know for a fact that you weren’t traveling over Christmas.”
“Dad.”
“I’m not judging you.” His father looked at Lacy. “Be careful, son. She seems like a nice girl, and from what Treat says, she’s been through a lot.” He sipped his drink. “She tell you about her father?”
Dane nodded. Lacy had told him that her mother had been her father’s mistress, and she had gotten pregnant while her dad was married to Danica and Kaylie’s mom. Lacy was the quintessential love child. She’d shared with him her excitement of finally meeting Kaylie and Danica and the anger that she’d never before felt toward her father, which mounted the weekend of her sisters’ wedding. He’d wished he could have held her when she was pouring her heart out to him over Skype.
“She did,” Dane said.
“You haven’t seen her for more than a year. To some people, that might feel like a lifetime.” The honesty in his father’s voice was thick, the concern tangible. “Life’s short, son. Figure out what your heart wants and follow it.”
“That’s easy for you to say, Dad. You had a stable life and lived in one state for your entire life. I travel all the time. I have a boat that feels more like a home than any house—besides yours—ever will. My life isn’t an easy one alone. I’m not sure it would be any easier with someone by my side, relying on me for stability.” Dane hadn’t told anyone his concerns about his career, and now that the words were out in the open, they scared him.
“You chose that career. You’ll figure out what’s what. But see that woman over there?” He nodded toward Lacy just as Lacy looked over and smiled.
Dane held up a glass and blew her a kiss.
“Stringing her along isn’t the right thing to do, and you know that. You’re a good man, Dane. You’ll figure it out.”
Nothing like a little pressure. “I hope so.”
LACY STOOD BESIDE Dane, trying to focus on the jovial conversation between Hugh and Savannah, but she felt like she was drowning. Each thought cried for oxygen, each breath twisted her thoughts back to the boat. Trying to gain understanding was like grasping at straws, and every time she looked at Dane, she envisioned a rope around his neck and knew she was the tightening factor. How could she live a normal life for so many years, go snorkeling, ride on boats, and never once realize that she had such an enormous fear of sharks hidden within her subconscious? I’m really messed up.
Dane squeezed her hand.
Lacy looked at him, hoping he hadn’t asked her a question. If he had, she hadn’t heard it. The pit of her stomach took a nosedive. A cool breeze wrapped itself around her shoulders and she shivered against him, wishing it would carry her away.
“Are you okay?” Savannah asked, looking at Lacy.
“Um, yeah, thanks. Just chilly,” Lacy lied. I wanna go home.
Dane put his arm around her. “Actually, Lace and I are heading out for a bit.”
“Where to?” Savannah asked.
“I want to show Lacy around,” Dane said.
“I’ve been here before,” Lacy said. “When I was young, we visited a cottage here a few times.” She thought about those trips with her parents, a weekend here or there over the summers, and while it hadn’t struck her as odd when she was younger, now she realized that they never took her anywhere to swim besides the local ponds. Darn it. Maybe if they had, she could have dealt with this mess instead of repressing it.
“Yeah?” Dane asked.
“It was a long time ago,” Lacy said.
“Well, I bet I know of a few places you haven’t seen,” Dane said, holding her gaze.
“Oh.” Savannah wiggled her eyebrows. “You two kids go have a romantic night.”
THEY PARKED AT the Wellfleet Marina. Dane opened the door for Lacy and took her hand. She breathed a little easier, away from the worried eyes of Dane’s family and her sisters.
Dane flashed a smile. “Come on. Let’s get some ice cream.” He pulled her toward Mac’s Seafood and Ice Cream.
“I never turn down ice cream,” she said. One night. Just one night.
“Then we have something else in common,” Dane said.
They ordered chocolate cones and ate them as they walked along the pier. Lacy couldn’t stop thinking about the panic attack, and as they neared the edge of the pier, she slowed her pace.
“You okay?” Dane asked.
She looked at the edge of the pier and felt her pulse speed up. Come on! This is ridiculous. “Yes,” she managed. She looked back the way they came and spotted a store.
“Want to go look around?” Dane led her back away from the pier. “Come on. This place is really cool,” he said.
The Frying Pan was an artist’s studio, which also served as a store. Its floors were made of wide-planked wood, and the same wide-planked boards ran both horizontally and vertically along the walls. Lacy had never seen such interesting metal sculptures, some taller than she and Dane and some impossibly small and intricate, interspersed with paintings of fish, oysters, and other sea life.
“Every month, the artist features his newest piece on this wall.” Dane pointed to a sculpture that looked alive. Two big metal fish chased a school of smaller fish, fanning out before them.
Lacy stood before it, mesmerized. She reached up and touched the shiny details of fins and scales, the hole of the eyes.
“It looks too real to be fake,” she said.
“Funny how something so cold can look as if it lives and breathes,” Dane said.
“It does. I can feel the heartbeats of each of those tiny fish, the fear as they swim for their lives.” Her pulse kicked up again. Oh no. Stop it. Don’t think about fish or sharks. “Dane, can we walk a bit?”
“Yeah, sure.” He led her out the door, and they walked along the side of the road and past a tent, beneath which a small band was playing. “Over here,” Dane said. They walked past the tent to a playground at the far end of the property, where Dane climbed up the colorful play equipment to a big square platform a few feet off the ground and patted the seat beside him.
Lacy smiled at his offer, then joined him on the playground equipment. “It’s been years since I’ve been at a park.”
“Me too. I spend most of my time on the water and as little as possible on dry land,” he said.
; Lacy’s stomach twisted again. What am I doing? I can’t have just one more night. One more night would secure his spot in her already swollen heart. He was too sweet to just break up with. She couldn’t do it. I have to do it.
They listened to the band, and Lacy tried to imagine a future with Dane. Every time she thought of being on his boat, her throat tightened. She gripped the cold metal of the playground equipment. She had to end things and she had to do it now. She’d never be able to do it if she spent one more night in his arms. She looked at his profile, the smile that had first attracted her to him and those honest eyes that had stolen her heart over Skype and FaceTime. She hated herself for what she was about to do to him—and to them—but she knew he wouldn’t let her go if she told him the truth, and then she’d feel guilty and his life would be ruined. She steeled herself to ask the question whose answer she didn’t really care about.
“Dane, what was the real reason you never came to see me?” Lacy asked. “I don’t want a pat answer. I’d really like the truth.” Stop. Stop. Stop. She hated baiting him into a fight he couldn’t win.
He looked at her then, his brown eyes warm and alluring. His hand moved to cover hers, and then he turned to look in the direction of the beach.
“Never mind. I…I get it.” What am I doing? Anger tugged at her belly—anger at herself for having the stupid panic attack, anger at Dane for being so flipping perfect when he was with her. Fear wrapped around the hurt in her heart and squeezed tears from her eyes. She was throwing their relationship away, and it was killing her.
“I get it,” she said more forcefully, pulling her hand from beneath his. “I don’t know what I thought was happening between us or why I thought it was okay that you didn’t see me because of your schedule or whatever, but…” Stop it! I can’t stop. I can’t. I have to break it off, so why not lay it all on the line?
“It’s not what you think, Lace,” he said.
She jumped off of the equipment. “Right.” She turned away, then heard his feet land with a thump behind her and felt his hand on the small of her back.
“Lacy, I don’t have a good answer,” he said.
“That’s what I thought.” She twisted out of his reach. Walk away. Just walk away.
He grabbed her hand. “Lacy, wait. Please.”
He looked into her eyes, and her tears momentarily blurred his image.
“Lace, when we talked, I wanted nothing more than to run to your front door and see you. To date you, take you in my arms and woo you like a queen, but…”
“But?” she huffed.
“But every time I started thinking of doing it, something held me back. I don’t know if it was fear or what, but I knew that once I had you in my arms, I’d never want to let you go, and…” He shrugged.
It wasn’t an I-don’t-care shrug. It was an I-don’t-understand-it shrug. Lacy sighed. Part of her wished he’d have told her something else, even if it were a lie. Something that would make it easier to walk away. Another, bigger part of her melted by the heat of the sincerity in his voice, the hopeful look in his eyes. She knew what he was trying to say, because as much as she wished he’d swooped in like a knight on a white horse, she’d been scared of what would happen if he had.
He reached for her hands, and this time the love she already felt blooming for Dane overrode the anger and confusion that tried to rip them apart, and she let him take her hands in his.
“I was right, Lace. I never want to let you go,” he said.
The memory of the boat returned, bringing with it a searing tightness in her chest. “Neither do I, but…”
“But?” he asked.
“I have to leave in the morning.” I can do this. “And I’m not sure we should continue talking after I leave.” Tears sprang from her eyes.
“What? Lacy, why?” he asked.
“I’m not the right person for you, Dane. I have this…” She smacked her thigh, crying harder. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I didn’t even know I was so scared of sharks, but now I know, and you work with sharks.” She laughed through her tears. “It’s ridiculous.”
“It’s a setback,” Dane said.
“Setback? Dane, you probably have a woman at every stop around the world, or two, or three, or whatever. The last thing you need is a setback.” She swiped at the tears that burned her eyes.
“Is that what you think? That you’re just another one of them?” He ran his hand over his face. “I knew we shouldn’t have gotten close last night. You have no idea who I am.”
“I know who you seemed to be over the phone, on Skype, and in all those sweet, romantic texts when you shared your days and told me how much you thought of me.” She turned away and folded her arms across her stomach. “And how every time I heard your voice, you sounded genuinely happy to hear mine.” She spun back around before he could respond, and when she spoke, all of the hurt at her own weakness and all of the pain of knowing she’d waited so long for a man that she now had to walk away from came rushing forward. “And I know that when I was in your arms, I never wanted you to let go, but now…I can’t be your setback.”
“You’re not my setback. I was making a point. I don’t want a woman at every port, Lacy.” He touched her chin and drew her eyes to his. “I won’t lie to you. I know women in the areas I work, but they’re women I see once or twice a year. They’re not women I even think about after I leave. I know how that makes me sound. I’m well aware of my relationship history, and, Lacy, that’s another reason I was afraid to go see you. Come on, Lace, couldn’t you tell when we were together that what we had was so much more than a fling?” He searched her eyes.
“I felt every blessed second of what I thought was so real and so magnificent, that it made me forget everything else, but I’m not a guy. I woke up and I remembered.” Lacy thought she was only trying to pick a fight—but the reality of his answers now simmered beneath her feigned anger.
“What are you implying?” Dane asked.
Lacy gritted her teeth against the urge to run away or curl up in the fetal position and sob. She’d come this far. She had to finish. “While you were out sleeping with women across the world, I was waiting for you to show up at my front door,” Lacy admitted. She hadn’t realized how much those long months had upset her. The calls carried her through the next day, and the next, and weeks turned into months, and every time she’d start to get upset about not seeing him, he’d text or email and she’d remember that he was worth waiting for. And darn it, you were worth waiting for. It’s me who’s messed up. Before she knew it, she was coming to the wedding, and even then she’d panicked. She’d had a long time to build up expectations, and that was nerve racking. Once together, everything fell into place so seamlessly that she would have married him if he’d asked. But now that the pain of not seeing him for all those months combined with his admission of being with other women had broken through, she was powerless to stop it. She didn’t recognize the voice that came from deep within her aching chest.
“I remembered how lonely I felt waiting to see you and how I tried so hard to lose myself in my work just so I wouldn’t think about you every minute of every day.” She wiped her eyes and brought her voice under control. “I remembered the nights where I lay in bed, wondering if you were with someone else, and if you were, if you were thinking of me.”
“Lace,” he whispered.
She knew she was creating a fissure too deep to fill between them, but that was the point, wasn’t it? The easier she made it for him to walk away, the easier it would be for her to do the same. She put the final nail in their relationship coffin with a whisper, a sole tear streaming from her eye.
“When I go back home, I don’t want any more of those nights. I think we both know that between the panic attack and the reality check, this is one setback neither of us needs.”
Chapter Ten
DANE AWOKE TO his alarm at five thirty Sunday morning. He hadn’t spoken to Lacy since the night before. She wouldn’t return hi
s phone calls or texts, and he’d tried to reason with her, but how could he reason with someone who saw right through him?
He packed his bags, sent a text to his employee and friend, Rob, whom he was supposed to meet at the Chatham Marina. Disappointed that he still hadn’t received a text from Lacy, he stuffed his phone in his pocket and headed downstairs. He was surprised to find Josh and Riley at the registration desk.
“You’re heading out early,” Dane said.
“Yeah. We’re meeting with the attorney to finalize the partnership papers.” Josh looked at Riley and smiled. When they’d gotten engaged, Josh had made Riley a full partner at his design company, JBD, which would now become JRB Designs. “After today, we’ll be inseparable.”
“Like we aren’t now?” Riley teased. Her eyes swept over Dane. “You okay? You look really tired.”
“Yeah, fine,” he lied.
“Uh-oh. Trouble with Lacy?” Josh asked.
“You could say that.” Dane set his bags down and dug his hands into his shorts pockets.
“I’m sorry, Dane.” Riley furrowed her brow and tucked a strand of her wavy brown hair behind her ear. She leaned against Josh and wrapped her arm in his. “She seems really sweet.”
“She is,” Dane said.
“What happened?” Riley asked.
“Let’s just say that she sees me for who I am and not who I want to be,” Dane said.
“Ouch,” Josh said. “Sorry, bro.” He embraced Dane. “Listen, if anyone can convince her otherwise, it’d be you. But before you even think about doing it, you might want to be sure that’s what you really want to do.”
Dane let out a breath. “Yeah. Thanks. I see the Braden grapevine wasted no time again.” What do you think I stayed up half the night thinking about? “I think it’s more than that, though. I think the panic attack had something to do with it.”
“Can’t you talk to her?”
He shook his head. “I’ve tried.”