His brow creased. “ ‘Cause of the sea?”
Leaping in to alleviate that almost accusation, her shoulders went back. “No,” she said. “I’d live my whole life on the waves for him and never miss dry land.”
“Then why would you—”
“He deserves better. He deserves more,” she said, touched by just how blessed she’d been to belong to her captain, even for a short while. “He doesn’t need to be with a woman as screwed up as me. I have no home. My father was an addict. My mother’s a flake. My brother is lazy and shifty, and I can’t even tie a true lover’s knot. Swain is so… skilled and together and—”
“He’s a grumpy ass who don’t deserve to be idolized.”
But, the truth was, Jockey valued the captain and had as much admiration for him as she did, maybe more. “He’s not grumpy,” she said, her lips curling in a faint smile. “He acts hard sometimes and impatient because it gives the crew confidence to see he’s a serious man. They think when he’s aloof and distant that he’s thinking about the course and the weather. They like to think the orders he’s barking are considered and wise. No one wants to give a joker their life and that’s what his crew do, they sign over their wellbeing to him every time they come aboard.”
“That’s what you did and he feels like he’s let you down,” Jockey said, getting up to come around to her. Sitting with his back to the table, he picked up her hand. “Did you even realize what you were doing when you came to us?” She shook her head. “We’ve had crewman come and go plenty before. But, you were different to him… You are different.” Gulping in some air, Sassi hiccupped out a sob, but quickly covered her mouth. Jockey softened further, which didn’t help her strained composure. “You’re a part of Eros now. You’re more valuable to him than the fleet, than the ocean, than any man…”
Jockey needed something from her, some sign that she understood and wouldn’t take their loyalty for granted ever again. Fidget came in yawning and stopped when he saw the cook and first-mate holding hands.
Smiling at him, she left Jockey to go touch Fidget’s face. “How are you feeling, honey?”
“The cap’n come back yet?”
“The captain knows you’re here,” she said.
“Is he mad at me?”
“No, honey,” she said, pulling him into her arms, because as much as she wanted him to have a hug, she needed one too. Pulling away, she widened her smile. “The crew are coming back to quarters. Will you help me make up the berths? We’ll wait ‘til the captain’s back with the others for chow, okay?”
Fidget glanced at Jockey. “Skipper?”
“The cap’n’s wife gives you an order, you follow it, boy,” Jockey said, picking up his newspaper. He folded it while he stood up and took it around to the pouch at the back of the bench. “I’m going to the engine room to check our levels… You help the lass with the berths then you help her do full inventory of the stores.”
“Yes, sir,” Fidget said and followed her into the passageway.
There were four cabins on this floor with the mess. Three on the opposite side and one on the same side as the mess. At the starboard end of the passageway was a stairwell that led to two individual rooms, Jockey’s and Foist’s.
Sassi and Fidget did full changes in the three rooms first before moving to the cabin with the bunks on the same side as the mess. “I know Tune and Hector usually stay in here,” she said because it was the largest of the bunk rooms. “But I think we’ll put them in the single rooms on the other side of the passageway. Would that be okay?”
One of those rooms was the room reserved for the cook, her room. “I think so,” Fidget said, helping her with the sheets. “Cap’n usually decides.”
“I know, honey. But, the captain isn’t here.”
If Swain was bringing Stuart and Karen back, it would make sense for the couple to share a room while the more capable engineers had their own rooms. The other bunk room belonged to Swing and Fidget. Sassi didn’t want Fidget to be by himself. Swing was big enough to protect the scrawnier, younger boy if anyone unauthorized came on board.
“Miss. Sassi,” Fidget said as they put covers on the pillow. “Why did you kiss that guy?”
Slowing, she hadn’t expected questions. But, Sassi didn’t want to brush the apprentice off when he’d been so understanding. “I wanted him to let us go.”
“The cap’n said you weren’t coming to sea with us again, is that right?”
Putting the pillow on the lower bunk, she propped an elbow on the Pullman bed. “I don’t know, honey,” she said. “You know those guys want to hurt us and Captain Swain is going to do everything he can to keep all of us safe. So, he wants everyone to stay on Eros until we can figure a way out of this.”
Which as far as she was concerned was with her marrying Dario. Not because she wanted to, but because she couldn’t think of any other solution.
“That’s why everyone’s coming back?” he asked and she nodded. “But, you is in love with captain, aren’t you? You are still Eros?”
If anyone could make her cry it would probably be Fidget and his sweet view of the world. Such an innocent boy, simple, understanding, and so accepting.
“I am Eros,” she said, taking his hand. “Just like you.”
“You heard him! All hands! Get it tied down! Stow all below! Batten down!”
Foist’s voice echoed through the passageway and heavy footsteps thundered through the deck.
Darting out the door, Sassi caught sight of the engineer disappearing into the mess. Going after him, she found him munching a cookie in the galley when she got there. Karen and Stuart were going toward a settee in the far corner of the rec room.
“Foist,” she said.
The glare on his face when he whipped around made her nervous. She tensed as he marched toward her, fearing he might be ready to scream at her for putting them all in this position. “You keep shore leave interesting, Shortcake,” he said. Hooking an arm around her shoulders, he ducked to line up their faces. “You good?”
“I’m sorry about all this, Foist,” she said.
“Shouldn’t have fallen in love with me, Shortcake,” he said and yanked her forward to press his mouth against her forehead.
Jockey came in, wiping his hands. “Got a duty list for you, snipe. Keep Fidget with you,” the first-mate said. Foist pulled off his jacket. “Where’s the cap’n?”
“Swag Wagon,” Foist said, rolling up his sleeves. There were two duffel bags in the corner by the fridge and she wondered if everyone had packed and how long they planned to stay. “He’s putting the word out. Tune and Hector are clearing the deck. Swing’s loading supplies.”
“Good,” Jockey said.
Foist went over and slapped Jockey’s shoulder. “Feels good to be home,” he said and went out into the passageway with Jockey hot on his heels.
Sassi pushed aside her own feelings of shame to turn to her brother who was talking to Karen in the corner. “Are you guys okay?” she asked, going to join them.
“I’m just…” Karen seemed flustered. “Dario came to you?”
“I told her what happened,” Stuart said, putting an arm around Karen. “Your captain isn’t very patient. He storms around the place saying nothing making people uncomfortable not answering questions.”
So, her brother’s mood hadn’t improved and he hadn’t found any gratitude for Swain either. “He’s taken you in,” she said. “He’s offering to protect all of us. Maybe you should be more understanding, Stuart.”
“We can’t just sit around in here,” Stuart said. “We have to be doing something.”
Karen lowered her voice. “You had an affair with Carson?”
“No!” Sassi paused. “Wait, who?” she asked, confused for a second before she laughed. “The captain… Yes… Shit, I’ve never used his first name in my life.”
“What did you call him in bed?” Karen asked.
A smirk formed on her lips as her brows rose and her eyes sl
ipped to the side. “Not Carson anyway.”
Stuart drew her back. “We don’t want to talk about that. We want to talk about what happens next. We need a plan, we’re running out of time.”
“Next we wait for the captain’s orders and then we’ll eat,” Sassi said. “It’s late, there might be cards, but I doubt it. He’ll probably order everyone to bed… Let me show you guys where you’ll sleep. It’s modest, but it has everything you’ll need.”
She showed them to their cabin, which had a larger head than she’d had in her original cabin. But, it was obvious that the couple were surprised. “No double bed,” Stuart said.
“Stuart,” Karen chastised him. “Sassi’s right, we have to be grateful. It’s nuts, but I feel better here than I did at the apartment… These guys are big and scary. I don’t know if I’ll ever say a single word to any of them. But, while we’re here, Dario isn’t going to hurt us… This captain doesn’t have to help us. He could tell us to go to hell. But, he’s helping us, Stuart… What’s the worst that can happen by going with this? This morning we were three, this afternoon, we’re… more…”
“Ten,” Sassi said. “There are eight of us on the crew, Captain Swain, Jockey, Foist, Tune, Hector, Swing, Fidget, and me… and you two make ten.”
“There. We’re ten,” Karen said. “I called work and took some time off. Your captain said we would be here as long we needed to be… Do you know how long that is?” Sassi shook her head. “Did you, uh…”
Karen was nervous, but Sassi couldn’t tell if the anxiety was caused by Stuart being there or what she wanted to say.
“What?” Sassi asked. “Did I what?”
“Captain Swain…” Trying not to prickle, Sassi anticipated what her pseudo-sister-in-law might say. “Did you talk or was it just… physical? I mean, do you think he cares about you?”
“He cares about everyone on his crew,” she said.
“But, will he talk to you?” Karen asked. “Tell you what he’s thinking? We’re not leaping into the fire, are we?”
Picking up her hands, Sassi wanted to reassure Karen because Eros could be intimidating on its own without adding the bolshie crew to the mix. “I’ll talk to him, I will. I just… I haven’t had time yet. But, I promise you, you’re safe here. No one will hurt you… Eros is a haven, a sanctuary. She and the captain kept me alive for over a month… She’s the closest thing I’ve known to a home in my whole adult life.” To relax Karen, Sassi pulled her closer, resting her hands on her upper arms. “If he’s in a good mood, I’ll ask Swain to take you out on the water one day… There’s nothing like it, Kar… You’ll fall in love, and feel at peace like you never have before.” Their blank expressions amused her, but just talking about being on the waves made her feel better. “I’ll let you guys settle in. Come back to the mess when you’re ready.”
Leaving them alone, Sassi paused in the passageway to look toward the deck. She wanted to go outside and breathe in the air, but there was work to be done. Fidget had his own orders, and someone had to log the stores.
Reassuring herself that she’d get to go out soon enough, she instead went down to investigate the cargo holds to figure out what they had and what she’d need to feed ten people for the next… however long.
Close to an hour later, Sassi finally got her chance to go outside.
It was dark, just the way she liked it. She kind of resented the dock at the starboard side, but there was nothing she could do about that. Going to her usual spot, she bent over to lean on the handrail and closed her eyes to breathe in the salt air. Trying her hardest to imagine they were on the ocean, she couldn’t manage to block out the sounds from the dock and the nearby city. There was nothing she wanted more than to be far from any kind of civilization.
She thought there was nothing more she wanted, until someone came up behind her and leaned over her, opening his arms wide to rest his hands on the handrail at either side of her so he could talk into her hair at the top of her head.
“Your captain told you to stay inside.”
“My captain told me to stay onboard,” she said, moving her hips to rub her ass on his groin. “I didn’t disobey.”
“It’s dangerous out here,” he said, taking her arm to pull her away from the handrail.
“Swain,” she said, pulling back to stall him.
The longer she stood there saying nothing, the more tense and impatient he became. “What is it, Waif? I’ve got a crew to inspect.”
“I kissed him,” she said. Since Fidget had brought it up, she’d been preoccupied with telling the truth. “I kissed Dario.”
His lips thinned. “When?”
“Today,” she admitted. “He’s tried to kiss me before and I’ve always fought him. But, today I… I kissed him and then, I let him kiss me.” The shift of his jaw made sorrow and shame well up inside her. “I was so afraid he wouldn’t let Fidget go. I said if he let Fidget go that I would be grateful and he asked me to prove it… so I kissed him… As Fidget was going out Dario kissed me again and I… I let him because… I thought if I fought him he’d hurt Fidget and—”
“I get it,” he said, sliding his fingers under her jaw. “Did you feel something? Is that why you want to marry him?”
“Swain,” she said, letting her hands creep onto his waist. “I know we’re not… We weren’t… We didn’t make promises to each other, but…”
Frustrated that she could find the words to say what she wanted to, Sassi felt tension begin to move through her.
“Waif?”
She huffed. “I hate myself for putting you in this position. I never wanted you to be hurt, but…” She inhaled through her nose. “Shit, Captain, I feel so much safer and calmer here. I can’t thank you enough for letting me, Stuart, and Karen be here.”
“They’re guests,” he said, his thumb moving over her cheek. “You’re crew. Hostess, remember? You have a job and I expect you to look after all of us.” Hostess like she had been with Gumdrop and Clive. His expression changed like he’d just thought of something. “You’d have made more money on the Dreamboat… You didn’t know about the other debt then, you could’ve hit your target if you jumped ship… Was sex with me that good?”
Her head fell back and her eyes found his. “Yes. But, I didn’t stay for the sex,” she said, edging in. “I stayed for my captain.”
Curling a hand around the back of his neck, she tried to draw him down, but he resisted. “No, Waif.”
No? Her smile vanished. He didn’t want to kiss her. The captain she worshiped didn’t want to kiss her. She’d thought walking away from him was painful. She’d breathed through the agony of confessing her family’s shame to him.
But, this… learning he’d come to his senses and didn’t want her anymore, it was torture more excruciating than she’d ever have been able to imagine. But, she couldn’t let him see that. She had to accept it. Swain had every right to hate her. Every right in the world.
“I understand,” she said. Why should he want to get intimate with her when she was intending to marry another man anyway? “I made up cabins for everyone. I put Stuart and Karen in Tune and Hector’s room and moved them into the single cabins. I know there’s accommodation on the lower deck, and I know I didn’t have your authorization, but I thought if you were securing everyone at night—”
“You did the right thing,” he said. “Did you cook?”
They might not be a thing, but she’d have to find a way to be his friend, so she smiled. “Why? Do you want a cookie, Captain?”
He groaned and hooked an arm around her to guide her starboard toward the passageway. “You made dessert?”
“I did,” she said, putting an arm around his waist. “But, I did use the last of the chocolate chips.”
“We’ll need to do inventory—”
“I already did,” she said. “I filled out an order sheet and gave it to Jockey.”
“Good girl,” he said and squashed a kiss to the side of her head before pushing he
r into the mess which was overflowing with people.
It was odd for everyone to be here all at the same time. Usually the crew was split onto different eating schedules with at least two of them in the wheelhouse while the others ate. But, they weren’t at sea, so no one had to be in the wheelhouse and there were two new people here too.
The men were drinking beer, which was another unusual sight. But, again, they weren’t at sea, so she guessed drinking was allowed.
“Chow time!” Swain hollered.
Everyone started to move around the table. Everyone except Karen who was hanging on the periphery, probably unsure what to do.
Knowing how intimidating the crew could be, Sassi went to Karen and took her hand to guide her over to the table. “Not everyone has set seats,” she said in her ear because the men were making too much noise to be heard. “The captain has to sit at the head of the table. There’s space for four on one side and four on the other.” It had been set that Sassi had to sit at the captain’s left, but with her being betrothed to another and Swain refusing her kiss, she guessed that was over. “Come sit here.” Taking Karen to the end of the table where Jockey was, Sassi put a hand on the first-mate’s shoulder. “Can Karen sit between you and Stuart?”
Jockey got out to let Karen slide onto the bench between her boyfriend and the first-mate. Foist was next to Swain on the other side of Stuart. Captain and engineer were already deep in some kind of discussion; she’d guess about the engines since Foist had spent the evening in the bowels of the ship.
Tune, Hector, Swing, and Fidget were on the backless side of the bench, and it was clear they were trying to cheer Fidget up. The kid seemed okay, but she was glad he’d get special treatment for a while. Sassi felt bad for Karen who looked overwhelmed, even Stuart was quiet.
Serving family style, Sassi handed out the warm plates first then began to take dishes of food over. The crew wasn’t shy about diving in. On autopilot, she did what she’d always done after the feast was laid out, and took Swain’s plate to fill it for him as he carried on his conversation with Foist, who was already eating.
Sweet Seas Page 24