Wrapping her arms around his waist, she squeezed herself close. If he could surrender his mood, so could she. Honesty felt good too. “I feel safer when you’re here.”
He ran his hand up her back then cupped it around her bundled hair. “Jockey will stay with you, okay? He’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe… Nothing will happen to you here.”
“If Dario comes he won’t hurt me, he’ll hurt Jockey or Karen. If I have to go with him—”
“No,” he said, drawing her back to meet her eyes. “You don’t go anywhere. If Jockey has to take Eros out to sea, he will… Do you want me to cast off on the way out? Me and the crew can stay on shore and—”
“No,” she said, clinging to him. “It’s not easy for me to admit that I need you.”
“I know,” he said, running his hand down her face. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make you feel safe… but don’t ask me to stay… What I have to do on shore is important… I wouldn’t let anything except the most vital business take me away from you now… I feel better when I’m with you too because I know I can keep you safe.”
They’d never admitted their feelings. They’d never really discussed emotions at all. But, it was difficult to ignore how things had developed since he’d found out the truth about Dario. “If you could tell me—”
He touched his finger to her lips. “Trust me. Waif. No more questions… Go upstairs and get back into uniform.”
Hearing that command excited her enough that she gasped. She’d worn Karen’s clothes that day, but all her uniform clothes were still in their cabin. “I can wear your name again?”
Cupping her face, he bent his knees and kissed her. “Waif, you should never have taken it off.”
She hadn’t really because she’d worn his hoodie every day since she found it in her pack. Except that day, she’d left it in her cabin because she wasn’t sure how comfortable Swain was with her wearing it, especially around the crew.
But, that day had proved to her how difficult it was for them to deny that there was something between them. And, there, as he kissed her again, she knew trusting him wouldn’t be a mistake, but saying goodbye to him might be.
TWENTY-NINE
For the next two nights, the men went out. They’d get ready and disembark not long after dinner and wouldn’t be back until the wee hours. Jockey and Fidget stayed onboard with her and Karen. They played cards and board games. It often seemed that the two men had been tasked with distracting the women from worrying about their absent men.
Even when the crew was onboard, they had private meetings and talked in whispers. Sassi had asked Swain and her brother to promise that they weren’t into anything illegal or planning to confront Dario. After assuring her that they weren’t, they both told her not to ask any more questions.
It didn’t reassure her that her captain and her brother were singing from the same hymn sheet. It just made their responses seem rehearsed. But, she had to admit having them on the same page was better than the alternative.
“I can’t keep living like this,” she whispered to herself, frustrated by the darkness outside.
Peering out of the porthole above the sink at the head of the galley, Sassi tried to distinguish the identities of the sailor’s she could vaguely make out grouped at the top of the dock, but Eros’ bow and another ship were hampering her view.
“What’s that, lass?” Jockey called from behind her.
The first-mate was at the mess table and although he hadn’t said it, she knew he’d been told to stay up as long as she did. Karen and Fidget had been in bed a while. It had to be close to three AM. But, Jockey was still awake, waiting with her, because the rest of the crew wasn’t back.
“I shouldn’t be here,” she said, tossing the towel onto the counter. She’d been filling the cabinets for two days and was washing her hands so much they were starting to dry out. “This is nuts.”
Marching down the galley, she had the exit in sight, but Jockey leaped up to get in her way. “Hey, now, lass, you sit yourself down. I don’t want to be telling the captain you disobeyed orders and abandoned ship.”
“There’s only two days left,” she said. “If Swain or Stu had fixed this then I wouldn’t still be under orders to stay here.”
“But, you are under orders. We both are. So, I can’t let you go.”
It wasn’t fair of her to run off while Jockey was looking after her. She didn’t want Swain to blame his first-mate for her leaving or to cause tension between the men. But, letting the seconds tick away and allowing this pressure to squash them all was irresponsible and unnecessary.
Her frustration had reached boiling point and unfortunately for the first-mate, he just happened to be in the way of it when it bubbled over. “You know he won’t have sex with me,” she snapped.
Jockey blinked like five times, probably shocked that she was talking about her and Swain’s intimacy when she usually kept details to herself.
She and Karen had always been friendly, but they’d never been close, so Sassi couldn’t discuss her personal life there either. Truth was, before their dad died, she and Stuart had been lucky to see each other once every month or two. Her brother was always on some get-rich-quick crusade that invariably ended with him poorer while Sassi had been trying to keep her head down to build some sort of stable life for herself. In short, he was happy having adventures and she was unhappy being boring.
It didn’t feel right that she should pretend her and Karen were best girlfriends just because they’d been thrust together. Especially since this proximity wouldn’t last. When Sassi was with Dario, she would go back to seeing little of Karen and Stuart.
“Well, now, lass, I—”
“I could understand staying here if we were having some kind of passionate affair. If we were making the most of the last days we have together before I have to go and marry another man. But, we’re not. I sleep next to him every night, naked, and he won’t even touch me. Doesn’t do wonders for a girl’s self-confidence.”
Her infuriation was fueling her, but poor Jockey was at a bit of a loss. “You’re a pretty girl,” he said, struggling to find an appropriate way to respond. “I’m sure the cap’n—”
“What? Has his reasons? I don’t care anymore, Jockey. He can go find another woman to terrify every evening and ignore every night. I’m not sitting her like a dutiful wife wondering if he’s still breathing and what he’s doing… I’ll have enough of that with Dario. Not that I’ll care if he gets hurt. But, Swain, why does no one understand that he’s in danger out there? If Dario sees him, he could hurt him. I have the power to stop this… all of this… I shouldn’t be here.”
Sassi tried to go around Jockey, but there was a thud that stopped them both. Pushing her back into the room, Jockey steadied her then went to grab the gun from the pouch behind the bench. Footsteps came ominously and slowly down the passageway in the direction of the mess.
“Are they back?” she whispered, hurrying in behind Jockey.
Grasping his shoulders, she tucked herself against him.
“Cap’n always sounds the whistle.”
And he did. When Swain came back this late he would whistle as he entered the passageway with his posse to let those still awake know their allies had returned and they weren’t in danger. Now, they heard a curse and a grumble, but no whistle.
“Shit,” Jockey said and stomped away from her to put the weapon back.
The first-mate wasn’t worried anymore, but she didn’t understand why until a tall guy in maybe his forties staggered into the mess.
“Skipper!” he declared, holding open his arms in greeting, showing a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels in his fist. His grin fell when his gaze raked over her and then his smile became sly. “Jockey, you dog, you got yourself a looker! How you doing, sweetheart? You on the clock or you just take pity on this old salt?”
“You boy keep your mouth shut,” Jockey said. “This here’s the cap’n’s girl.”
�
��No, I’m not,” she said.
“Aye, she is,” Jockey said, rushing to intercept her before she could walk past this new man. “What you doing staggering on here at this time, Raise? You should know yourself better.”
Raise. This guy was Eros’ cook. The man who’d had the job for years before she’d come along to save the day after his screw up.
“Got out of the joint today,” Raise said, sliding himself onto the bench at the table and taking a swig from his bottle. “Thought I should celebrate before getting back to work… where’s the good cap’n at?”
The good captain wasn’t onboard, but Sassi guessed Swain would be thrilled to have his old cook back. Now he had no need for her, and her family would just get in the way.
“I’m going to bed,” she said, feeling sick.
She’d been determined to go to Dario and end this. But, being made redundant exhausted her. With no wind left in her sails, she just wanted to curl up.
“Upstairs?” Jockey asked. “You go sneaking off and the captain will—”
“I know exactly what the captain will do if I leave and I know exactly how my former lover will react,” she said. “I’m going downstairs to sleep. If Dario was coming for me, he’d have come by now. I’ll leave in the morning. I’ll take Karen and my brother with me.”
Jockey watched her go. She took the time to nod at Raise, and then went into the passageway and down the hatch to a lower level of accommodation.
It was easy to isolate the accommodation and mess above, which was why they’d been sealed in that section every night.
It didn’t matter anymore if it was sealed up without her in it because they had Raise. Eros’ true cook was home. She was superfluous. It was definitely time for her to go.
The next morning, Sassi left Karen in her cabin and took a breath before going into the mess, which was a hive of activity. It was stupid that she felt a surge of jealousy when she saw Raise cooking in her galley.
The whole room reeked of butter and a mist of smoke hung in the air. As soon as Sassi entered, a bunch of the guys tried to talk to her at once, but it was Raise’s voice that carried over them all.
“You want breakfast? I’ve got leftovers,” Raise called, still cooking at the stove.
“Uh, no thank you,” she said. “We’ll be leaving in just a few minutes.”
That was enough to shut everyone up. Raise kept cooking, but the rest of the crew stopped, frozen in the midst of whatever they were doing.
Swain wasn’t there, Jockey either, but that just made this easier. “Leave?” Foist said, coming to the head of the pack.
“Yes,” she said. “Stuart’s in the shower. Karen’s packing. As soon as they’re ready, we’ll go.”
Sassi hadn’t talked to her brother, but Karen would convince him it was a good idea to leave. Spending days on end on a ship all alone was boring for Karen, Sassi got that. She could busy herself with cleaning or maintenance, but Karen and Stuart’s relationship wasn’t built to withstand close quarters.
“You can’t go,” Foist said.
As soon as the words came out of the engineer’s mouth everyone’s attention shifted to behind her. When she peeked over her shoulder, she wasn’t surprised to see Swain and Jockey entering the mess.
“How’d you sleep, lass?” Jockey asked.
Foist surged up beside her. “Shortcake says she’s leaving!”
Swain’s gaze cooled as it zeroed in on her. Sassi held her head high, preparing to have the argument that she’d expected her captain would give her.
“Crew, eat fast,” Swain said. “Supplies are landing in less than an hour, be ready to load up.”
She thought for a second that maybe she’d got away with it and he was going to let her go without a fight. Then, he leaned forward and took her elbow to pull her forward.
“Do we get donuts?” Swing appealed.
“In the top cabinet,” Sassi managed to call out over her shoulder before she was yanked out of the mess.
Swain pulled her down the passageway and out onto deck. The feel of the fresh air on her skin made her sigh. It felt so good to be outside again. He dragged her around to her spot and yanked her in front of him.
“I let you get away with your stunt last night,” he said.
“My stunt?”
“Sleeping on the lower deck,” he said. “I slept on the fucking floor of your cabin all night. You’re the only fucking crewman who can get the captain sleeping on the fucking floor!”
There was no gentle build up to this one. If he wanted a fight, Sassi had no trouble giving him one. “Don’t raise your voice,” she said. “No one asked you to sleep on any floor. I told you I’m safe. I’m the safest one here. I told Jockey I was leaving last night, but I couldn’t go without my brother.”
“Is this about Raise? You think because he showed up without invitation that I’m gonna boot you off?”
“No, it’s not about Raise.”
“So, if I fuck you, you’ll stay,” he said.
That snapped request took her aback. “If you—”
“I’ve got Jock asking if full sail’s a problem. Don’t talk to him about us, Waif. If you’ve got sex questions, bring ‘em to me.”
She wished she’d been a fly on the wall for that exchange; she couldn’t imagine a more awkward conversation. “Maybe he thought some men might be tempted to act if they were sleeping beside a naked woman.”
“You’re having a hissy fit ‘cause I haven’t fucked you?” he asked. “You’re gonna endanger yourself and Karen because I haven’t stuck my dick in your pussy for a couple of days?”
It had been more than a couple of days. But, as infuriating as their lack of intimacy was, it wasn’t the reason for her decision. Cursing under his breath, Swain began to unfasten his pants.
“No,” she said. “This is nothing to do with sex. I don’t see the point of hanging around if—”
Grabbing her shoulder, he spun her around and bent her over the handrail facing aft. “Stop talking,” he snarled and tugged up her skirt.
Sassi tried to twist around, but he kept an arm planted on her back. “What are you doing? It’s broad daylight!” she said. He grabbed the waistband of her panties and pulled them down her thighs. “Captain, don’t you—”
His fingers slid the length of her pussy and began to rub circles around her clit. “You wanna play barter with—”
“No,” she said, reaching around to smack his arm away. Sassi spun, but found herself pinned between him and the handrail. Still, she managed to get hold of one side of her panties, but struggled to pull them up. “I have to leave, Swain. We’re out of time.”
“I told you not to ask questions. I said I’d take care of it. I gave you orders to stay. You don’t have my permission to leave the ship.”
It wasn’t enough and she was exasperated by his cranky attitude. “It’s not enough to stamp your feet, Swain. It’s not enough to lock me up. We can’t ignore this and hope it will go away. You know, I really didn’t think you were a head in the sand type of guy,” she said, stopping her fight with her panties. “I’m disappointed actually. I always figured you’d be exactly the take action kind of guy who backed up talk with action.” She sighed. “If I have two days of freedom left, I’m not spending them in a prison, even if it’s yours.”
“You think me and the crew have been going out every night ‘cause we’re addicted to watching strippers?” he asked, easing back enough to give her space to right her clothes, while he fastened his pants. When they were both in order again, he exhaled. “If these were truly your last days of freedom, you and me would be on a yacht somewhere in the Caribbean and I’d keep you there trapped until you called the cops to beg for rescue. I wouldn’t be abandoning you on Eros with Jockey every night so I could go hang out with your brother.”
That made sense, but didn’t give her an explanation. “If you want me to stay, if you want me to have confidence that your plan is better than any I might come up with,
then you have to tell me what your plan is. If you tell me you’re following one of Stuart’s whacky strategies, I’ll—”
“There is no strategy or plan,” he said.
Quieting, she hadn’t expected him to say that and it made her panic. Some part of Sassi had believed her captain was taking care of business. To say there was no plan wasn’t confidence inspiring.
So, that was it. She was marrying Dario. There was no other option, no other hope. “I better go buy a wedding dress then,” she said. “Will you strip at my bachelorette party?”
“You’re not marrying him.”
Tensing her jaw, she growled her frustration out in a long irritated moan. “You keep saying that but then you tell me there’s no plan! What do you think I’ll do when he comes here and starts hurting people? If running was your plan, we should’ve cast off the day we all got here.”
“There was a contract between your father and each of the men he owed money to,” her captain said, flat calm as a windless sea. “I’m fulfilling those contracts. It’s a simple solution and nothing to get yourself riled up about.”
His hand moved toward her temple, but she ducked back as the reality of what he was saying sank in. “You’re… you’re fulfilling my father’s contracts? But… but, that means you’re… you’re paying the debt.” Probably because he read her shock, his brow began to tense. “How could you do that, Swain? Where did you get that kind of money?”
“I have access to money,” he said, sinking his hands into his pockets. “And, you’d have known that if you were upfront about what was going on.”
Sassi couldn’t believe it. She was incredulous. “You… you have money?”
“Sure,” he said, raising his shoulders in a loose shrug. “I’m not a millionaire or nothing, so you might have to wait a while for your new stove. But, there is money just sitting in the bank and I have an open line of credit. I sink most of my profit back into the fleet. But, I have savings. We have to, you never know when there will be a quiet season.”
“A quiet…”
Sweet Seas Page 27