by Marie Harte
“Yeah, they are so alike,” Lafayette nodded. “Come on, Smith. Just ‘fess up. You guys have to be related.”
Hmm. Would the others want to keep the connection under wraps? They seemed to like bossing him around well enough. Despite the fact they employed him, Cash wanted him to visit again, and Reid had texted him a ton yesterday about how great the evening had gone. They seemed to want him around. Evan did, no question. But Evan was different, not a true blood relation at all, so the fact he didn’t mind Smith’s parentage had less effect.
Smith liked the guy anyway. Evan’s girlfriend and aunt had been nothing but nice to him.
But Cash and Reid. Their existence put a different spin on things. His perfect cousins Meg used to go on and on about.
Though he’d been doing better about dealing with his repressed rage, sometimes it flared up out of nowhere. And even memories of Erin’s amazing smile and kick-ass body couldn’t suppress it.
“Yeah, we’re related. What of it?” he snarled, his good mood dead and gone.
Hector and Lafayette shared a glance before Hector added in a soft tone, “No worries, Smith. We were just hassling you. It’s nobody’s business but yours.”
And now Smith felt like a fucking idiot. They’d been razzing him the way he would have been razzing them—and had, he remembered—when they’d been all smiles and dopey in love. “I’m not dopey in love or anything,” he muttered more to himself than to them.
Lafayette scratched his military short buzz cut. “Um, sure, man. So, is it okay if I’m dopey in love with my man? Simon is so amazing.”
Hector rolled his eyes. “Please. No more Simon. He’s giving me hives.”
“He likes Lila.”
Hector’s new girlfriend, a hot piece of crazy. Smith had met her a few times. And yeah, she was beautiful. But she put him way too in mind of an Amazon. Not like Erin, who made him want to cuddle her and care for her. To keep her safe and…
“What?” he barked when the guys kept staring at him.
“Ah, nothing, chief. Just might want to be careful with that smile. Or someone might think you’re more Hannibal Lector-happy than Mr. Rogers-happy.” Hector made the sign of the cross and slowly backed away
“Smart ass.” But the guy was funny all the same. “Sorry, okay? Cash and Reid get on my last nerve. And yeah, we’re related. Not by choice.” Which was kind of obvious, but whatever.
“So why are you smiling and happy today? Got plans to disembowel them later?” Lafayette asked. At Hector’s puzzled look, he explained, “Been watching a Saw marathon on TV. Sorry.”
“I don’t know how good Simon is for you,” Hector muttered. “Saw. Please.”
“Oh, as if that’s not better than the Housewives of Major City Can We Please Have Drama,” Lafayette said. “And don’t even pretend you don’t watch that shit. I know you.”
Hector looked shamefaced. “Keep it down, would you?”
“You guys are ridiculous.” Smith shook his head, hiding his amusement. Hector’s addiction to the same reality TV he teased Cash about was a well-known fact. “There’s nothing good on cable”
“Well, that’s true but—”
“Except for Marvel movies and comics. Not DC, because they suck. I’m talking Avengers, Dr. Strange, Spiderman…”
Hector gaped. “You— I can’t believe it. You might be human after all.”
“Hell no,” Lafayette growled and planted his large hands on his hips. The guy looked like a shorter version of Michael Jai White, rocking those arms. “You did not just diss Superman.”
“I sure the hell did. DC sucks ass.”
They got into a loud argument about the different comic book publishers, arguing the merits of Dark Horse and Image—Wild C.A.T.S. anyone? —up against the megastars Marvel and DC. Then they segued into the strongest heroes and villains when Hector held up a hand and nodded over Smith’s shoulder.
As one, they turned to see Mr. Wade, an older gentleman, standing with his grandson, who had to be the politest ten-year-old Smith had ever met.
Smith cleared his throat. “Sorry. We were on a short break and got a little carried away.”
“I’ll say.” Mr. Wade left the bottom step into the basement and glared. “How can any of you possibly be a fan of the house that created Green Lantern?” he asked Lafayette. “Hal Jordan is a douche.”
Coming from the mouth of a distinguished-looking older gentleman with a Porsche SUV in the driveway, douche made Smith’s day. “Oh man, he so is. His big superpower is a magic ring that makes imaginary green things come to life. Lame.” Smith sneered.
Wade’s grandson, Billy, shook his head. In the tone of a college professor, he said, “Marvel isn’t so great. What about Doctor Bong?”
“That’s made up,” Hector said.
Lafayette grinned. “But funny.”
“Nah. He’s real.” Smith sighed. “I mean, he’s a real Marvel superhero. You got me there, kid.”
The boy considered Smith with new appreciation. “You know who he is?”
“Doctor Bong doesn’t really have powers. He’s a genetic engineering genius who turned animals into humanoids. That’s pretty lame in the grand scheme of things. Still, he’s better than Asbestos Lady.”
“That’s true,” Mr. Ward grinned.
“And Batman.” Smith was on a roll. And there he lost Wade.
As Smith, Mr. Wade, and Billy argued obscure mutants and villains, Hector and Lafayette backed away.
“Who knew the big guy was a nerd?” Hector asked.
Smith smirked. “A super nerd.”
Billy and Mr. Wade grinned, and Billy said, “I bet there’s already a Marvel hero out there with that ability.”
Smith looked at Billy and his grandfather, his good mood restored. “Mr. Wade, do I get a bonus if I noogie your grandson?”
Wade stared down at the boy. “For that slight on Doctor Bong, I think you have to.”
* * *
The rest of the day passed swiftly. The Jackson brothers made no more mention of Smith’s new brothers, though they did tease him unmercifully about being a nerd. So Smith got them back by digging on them for pussying out on their significant others. Lafayette had a boyfriend, and for a time Smith had worried for the guy, about what Cash might do if he found out.
Turned out his brother was an equal opportunity asshole. Gay, straight, woman, man, white, black, and everything and everyone in between, Cash poked fun at everyone.
Smith couldn’t care less about orientation. In the Corps he’d been good friends with a guy who’d had a crush on him. Smith had found it flattering, the idea of being wanted by anyone a compliment, though he and his friend had never mentioned it.
Was that why he liked Erin so much? Because she liked him back?
The idea bothered him while he drove home, tired after a full day. So he wasn’t in the best mood when he returned home and listened to his voicemail. He had five messages on his cell phone. And none of them had been from Erin.
The first two he deleted. Friggin’ telemarketers. The next one was from Evan, bugging him about dinner at “their” aunt’s again. Smith would call him back tomorrow. The last two froze him in his seat, and his mind blanked.
He replayed them, wondering if he’d been hearing things.
“Boy, you know it’s me. Your mother. Not your real mother. Margaret. I need you to help me move. My back isn’t so good anymore. And I can’t exactly afford to hire an outfit to move me.” She blathered on about how he owed her and his responsibilities as a good son, which shocked him.
The following message was worse. “I know you’ll think about deleting this, pretending you didn’t hear it. But guess what? I know something you’d die to know. I have a letter from your father. Yes, the man who fucked your mother and knocked her up. Allen Smith. He left a note for you six months ago. If you want to read what it says, you’ll do what a good son should and help me out. I did my best to raise you, but you were such a selfish, egotistical�
�”
He tuned the rest out, replaying the part about his father.
Did he believe her? Could he afford not to? But did he want to learn anything about the fucker who’d cheated with Angela then disappeared? The same man who’d done nothing to help him and left him to Margaret Ramsey to raise?
Stirred up, he sat on his weight bench and curled twenty pounders for a while. The mindless reps helped him deal, so when he received a text inviting him to Erin’s, he felt in a good frame of mind to visit.
He knocked on the door, and she let him in to a tiny apartment filled with the smell of something amazing.
He didn’t know what to say. Why did you ignore me all day? Am I being needy? Are you done with me now that we’ve had a marathon fuckfest? What should I do about the shitty woman who’s now blackmailing me? He settled on, “Hi.”
Erin gave him a shy smile, and he hated that he wanted to forgive her anything if she’d still like him.
“Hi.” She looked nervous, clutching her hands tightly in front of her. Then she groaned and darted into his arms for a kiss that shook him. “I wanted to do that all day. I also wanted to text you a bazillion times. But I thought that might be too clingy, so I didn’t. But I missed you all day today. I’m sorry.”
It took him a moment to understand her rush of words, and when he did, he felt ten times the man he’d been thinking he was. He put a finger under her chin and tilted her head up so he could see her eyes. “Is it bad that I missed you all day too?”
Her slow smile mesmerized him. “Good. I wouldn’t want to think I’m forgettable.”
“With those witchy eyes? No way. You scare me.”
She frowned. “What’s wrong with my eyes?”
He picked her up and settled her on the kitchen counter. “They’re mesmerizing. I look into them, and I can’t look away.”
She locked her hands around his neck. “Oh. That’s okay then.” She drew him close for a kiss.
As usual, just her scent aroused him. The feathery touch of silk lips against his own made him hungry for more. But he caught her softening, a subtle care in the way she kissed him.
He drew back, studying her for some clue to the way she watched him. With caution and something more.
“I made you dinner if you want some.”
He paused. “You did?”
“Yeah. How do hamburgers and fries sound? I made some for Tilly and had a hankering for some myself.” She glanced down at his chin and said, “But I mean, don’t feel like you have to stay or anything. I know you’ve got to be tired. It’s late.” It had passed seven. “And just because we slept together doesn’t mean you owe me any—”
He hugged her, finding it easier to speak if she didn’t look at him. “I wanted to call and text and tell you how I couldn’t stop thinking about yesterday. Then I thought you’d think I only wanted sex, so I waited for you to text me. And I had to work with the Jackson brothers all day, and they’re so fucking pleasant it’s annoying. But then they said I was being too happy, and all because of you, I might add. The move wasn’t so bad after all, but I got home to a bitch of a message from Meg.” He sighed and drew in Erin’s scent, needing the peace she brought. “I hate her, Erin.” She takes away all the good in my life and reminds me exactly how shitty I am. “I was in such a good mood today. Then a call from her, and I’m right back into feeling like a loser.”
She burrowed closer, and he never wanted to leave the warmth of her arms. How had he gone from being the protector to needing protection?
Erin drew him down for another kiss, and he took it. But it wasn’t enough. He had to get closer, to show her what he felt, even if he didn’t understand it yet.
Smith heard the hitch in her breath, felt the familiar tingle of lust and affection. Without asking, without questioning, he gave them both what they needed. He pulled back to scoot her jeans off, staring into her eyes the whole time.
She bit her lower lip but said nothing and helped him removed her panties as well. Then she unsnapped his jeans and reached inside for him.
Her touch rocked him back, and he came to that place where nothing mattered but Erin. No shitty mother, no miserable childhood, no remembrances of being discarded and unloved. He pushed down his clothes and let her draw him closer. Into her wet heat.
“Yes, more,” she breathed and kissed him.
He kissed her back and pumped inside her, needing the respite of desire and care, if only temporarily, to heal that part of him that always bled when he thought of Margaret.
Reaching between them, he teased Erin, wanting her there with him when he came. Because it wouldn’t take long. He fucked her with his mind and body, claiming her for himself, because she couldn’t know how she affected him.
Two people in one place at one time, together, and she gave him everything, even if she didn’t know it. Only after she’d cried out did he let himself pour into her, loving the mess he made, the claim that she belonged to him, in this moment.
Then he made the mistake of looking down at her and seeing in her eyes a possibility for a future he didn’t deserve.
* * *
Erin hadn’t intended to jump Smith the moment he got home. She’d missed him fiercely, so much so that Tilly had asked if she might be sick earlier. So, Erin had lied, claiming to be a little homesick.
She worried that she’d fallen too fast for Smith. Their amazing sex was one thing. Tender feelings for him because they’d made love was another.
After hearing about his day though, and how he’d thought about her but, like her, didn’t want to seem too clingy, she wanted only to make him feel better.
God, how did he do this to her? Destroy her so that the sex evolved into affection, and one step closer to that dreaded L-O-V-E that had ended her life in Kansas?
“Damn, Erin. You feel so good.” He moaned her name and pumped a few more times before withdrawing.
But of course he couldn’t just wham-bam-I’m-out-of-here. He had to clean her then himself and tease them both about being quick on the draw while helping her prepare dinner.
He didn’t make fun of her for having so little in her apartment. Nor did he try to take charge of the evening and be “the man,” the way Cody used to. He asked her questions about her day and deflected more inquiries into his.
And he showed real interest in her editing job and her desire to restart her cooking channel.
“You need to film yourself making burgers. Holy shit, these are amazing.”
Erin loved his compliments. Especially because they seemed so honest. The man was as likely to tell her she looked witchy as he was that she cooked amazing burgers.
“I’m washing dishes.” He stood and collected their plates. Not that she’d ever argue over dishes—she loathed them—but that he offered without being asked meant a lot. Cody had taken for granted she’d assume the “woman’s work.” At first Erin hadn’t minded. But her life soon revolved around Cody. His wants, his needs, his city far away from her.
She sighed.
“What’s that about?”
She decided to be honest. “Cody.” She though he stiffened but couldn’t be sure.
His voice remained even when he asked, “You miss him?”
“Like the plague,” she said drily.
He snorted. “Same with me and Meg.”
“I think it’s different for you. You were just a child, and she treated you terribly. You never had any choice in being with her.” She could see him listening, focused on her words. “I chose to be with Cody. Even knowing the way he was, kind of self-centered, but he was nice to me, I let myself fall for him.” She sighed. “I’m the loser. You were just a poor little boy stuck with a monster.”
He left the dishes to sit by her at her tiny table. Fortunately, the chair held under his weight. “Why do you think you went with Cody in the first place?”
She’d been thinking about that for a long time. “He was handsome and sweet. And smart. He works for an IT firm and travels a lot i
nstalling equipment. I’ve always been invisible. My parents’ daughter. My older sister’s helper. I’m there for everyone, but no one really sees me. You know?”
He nodded.
“I’m not complaining about it. It sounds like I am, but I’m not. I like being needed. And my first few boyfriends liked me for me, but I was younger. Those relationships didn’t last. Then going to school took a lot of time, and I tried to do it on my own and be independent.”
He reached for her hand over the table and stroked it with his fingers. “You’re like me. We have to earn everything we get.”
She agreed, wondering if that’s why she felt so close to him, because they were alike that way. “Yes. I offered to help my sister when she was in chemo. I cooked meals, cleaned up, and helped with my niece and nephew. I loved it, and Tim, my brother-in-law, is a wonderful guy. They’re a great family, and I loved feeling a part of that. Maybe…maybe I envied her. Wanting my own family. I don’t know. I only know that when Tim brought Cody home one night for dinner, and Cody flirted and flattered me, I felt like I mattered, and not just because I was family.
“My parents love me. Joy loves me. They care, but it felt like they had to care because we’re related. You know?” As soon as she said it, she realized her mistake. “I’m so sorry. But your mother should have cared.”
“Which one?” He snorted, a hard gleam in his eyes.
“Both of them.” She cupped his hand in hers, now stroking him. “You should have been surrounded by love. I bet you were an adorable baby.”
“I’m sure I was.” He smiled, but it looked strained. “But keep telling me about Cody. You wanted to matter to someone not family?”
She let him change the subject, not wanting him to dwell on bad memories. “Seeing it now, in hindsight, I feel stupid. I should have looked beyond what he gave me to what I really wanted. But he was handsome and treated me well. We went out on dates, and whenever he could he’d stop by Tim and Joy’s, he always made me feel special. When I moved back to Colby, he’d come visit me there.” She frowned. “Of course, I treated him like a king. I cooked, cleaned, did anything he needed. I pretty much catered to the man, because that’s what the women in my family do. Except I didn’t like doing it any more. Then he stopped coming around so much.”