But these inanimate depictions did not declare my might and majesty on their own. The ranks of government stood around my throne, catching my glances with timid obsequiousness. At a certain distance from my throne an innumerable multitude of people thronged: their motley clothes, facial expressions, deportment, appearance, and bearing heralded the difference between their tribes. Their nervous silence assured me that they were all subject to my will. On the sides, on a somewhat elevated spot, women in great numbers stood in the most enchanting and magnificent clothes. Their glances revealed their pleasure in beholding me, and their desires would have been quick to anticipate my own if they happened to recur.
The most profound silence presided in this assembly. It seemed that all were in expectation of some important event upon which the peace and welfare of the entire society depended. Turned inward and feeling within my soul deeply rooted boredom arising from a monotony that quickly palls, I rendered my debt to nature and stretching my mouth from cheek to check yawned with all my might. All understood the emotional workings of my soul. Suddenly, dismay cast its gloomy veil over the features of merriment, the smile flew off the mouth of tenderness, and the gleam of jubilation from the cheeks of satisfaction. Twisted glances and glaring round revealed an unexpected onset of horror and pending woes. Sighs were heard, the piercing harbingers of sorrow; and groaning, restrained by the presence of terror, had begun to resound. Already with swift steps did despair progress in the hearts of all, and mortal convulsions, worse than death itself.—Moved to the depths of my heart by such a sorrowful sight, the muscles of my cheeks imperceptibly stretched toward my ears and by distending my lips produced in the features of my face a crookedness similar to a smile, after which I sneezed very loudly. Just as when a ray of the midday sun pierces a gloomy atmosphere thickened by a heavy fog, its vital heat disperses the moisture condensed into steam and decomposes it, whereupon the lighter part rises rapidly into the immeasurable space of the ether and another, retaining in itself only the mass of its earthly particles, rapidly falls downward: darkness, omnipresent in the nonexistence of the luminous globe, instantly, entirely disappears and, having hastily cast off its impenetrable mantle, flies off on the wings of the momentary, leaving behind not even a trace of its presence.—The look of sadness, settled on the faces of the entire assembly, dispersed, then, with my smile, elation speedily penetrated the hearts of all and not a single sideways look of dissatisfaction remained. All began to exclaim: “Long may our great ruler flourish, long may he live!” Similar to a gentle afternoon breeze that sways the foliage of trees and produces in the oaks a concupiscent rustling was the joyous murmuring that carried across the entire meeting. One in a low voice uttered, “He pacified external and internal enemies, expanded the boundaries of the fatherland, subjugated to his might thousands of different nations.” Another exclaimed, “He enriched the state, he expanded internal and external commerce, he loves the arts and sciences, encourages tillage and manufacture.” Women tenderly proclaimed, “He did not permit thousands of useful citizens to perish, saving them from a fatal end before they could suckle.” Another person with grave demeanor declared, “He increased the revenue of the government, relieved the people of tax burdens, supplied them secure nourishment.” The young, extending in ecstasy their hands to the sky, spoke, “He is merciful, just, his law is the same for all, he considers himself its first servant. He is a wise lawgiver, a righteous judge, a zealous upholder of the law, he is greater than all kings, he grants liberty to all.”
Speeches of this kind, striking the tympanum of my ear, reverberated loudly in my soul. These praises looked plausible in my mind, since they were accompanied by external displays of sincerity. Taking them to be such, my soul rose above the usual field of vision; it expanded in its essence and, by encompassing all things, touched degrees of Divine wisdom. But nothing was comparable to the pleasure of self-approval that came with the issuing of my orders. The chief commander I ordered to proceed with a large army to the conquest of a land separated from me by an entire zone of stars. “Sire,” he responded to me, “the very fame of your name alone will vanquish the peoples populating this terrain. Fear will precede your arms, and I shall return bearing the tribute of mighty kings.” To the chief admiral of the navy I uttered, “Let my ships scatter across the seas, let the unknown peoples espy them, let my flag be known in the North, East, South, and West.” “I shall fulfill it, Sire.” And off he flew to do my bidding like a wind created to fill the sails of a ship. “Proclaim to the most distant limits of my realm,” spake I to the guardian of the laws, “that today is my birthday, let it be marked forever in the annals as a general amnesty. Let the prisons be opened so that criminals may walk out and return to their homes as if they had strayed off the righteous path.” “Your mercy, Sire, is the image of the All-Beneficent Being. I hasten to announce the joyous news to fathers who grieve for their children and wives for their husbands.” “May there be erected,” spake I to the Chief Architect, “the most magnificent buildings as shelters for the Muses, may they be adorned with multifaceted imitations of nature; and may they prove indestructible, like these heavenly dwellers, for whom they have thus been made ready.” “O most wise,” he responded to me, “if the elements were to obey the commands of your voice and, mustering their might, were to establish in deserts and wastelands vast cities that surpass in their grandeur the most famous of antiquity, how insignificant then will the labor of the zealous implementers of your commands be. You spake, and the raw supplies of construction already obey your voice.” “Let,” spake I, “the hand of generosity be opened forthwith to shower the remains of excess on the helpless, so that superfluous treasures may be returned to their source.” “O most generous Sovereign, given to us by the Almighty, a father to your peoples, enricher of the pauper, may your will be done.” At my every utterance all those standing before me exclaimed joyously, and not only did a clapping of hands accompany my speech, but even anticipated my thought. Only one woman from the entire assembly, leaning steadily against a column, emitted sighs of woe and displayed a look of scorn and indignation. The features of her face were stern and her dress simple. Her head was covered in a hat although all the others stood bareheaded. “Who is she?” I inquired of someone standing near me. “She is a wanderer we do not know; she calls herself Straight Seer and Eye Doctor. She is, though, a most dangerous magician, bearing poison and venom, she rejoices in grief and destruction; always gloomy, she scorns and curses everyone, she does not spare in her abuse even your sacred head.” “Why, then, is such a villain tolerated in my realm? But about her—tomorrow. This day is a day of mercy and joy. Come, collaborators in supporting the heavy burden of ruling, take up a generous recompense for your labors and triumphs.” Whereupon, rising from my seat, I conferred various signs of honor on those present; and the absent were not forgotten, but those who when called presented themselves with a pleasant expression had a larger share in my benefactions.
Following this I continued my speech: “Let us go, pillars of my power, fundaments of my might, let us go take delight after work. It is befitting for one who toils to partake in the fruit of his labors. It befits a Tsar to partake in joys, for he showers many on everyone. Show us the path to the jubilee you have prepared,” spake I to the organizer of festivities. “We shall follow you.” “Halt,” declared the female wanderer from her place. “Halt and approach me. I am a physician sent to you and others like you so that I might cleanse your vision.—What cataracts!” she exclaimed.—An unknown force compelled me to walk to her despite the fact that everyone surrounding me hindered me, even to the point of using force.
“On both of your eyes,” said the wanderer, “there are cataracts, but you passed judgment on everything so decisively.”31 And then she touched both my eyes, and removed from them a thick film like a corneous layer. “You see,” she said to me, “that you were blind, you were completely blind.—I am the Truth. The Almighty, moved to pity by the groaning of people over whom y
ou reign has sent me from the heavenly sphere so that I could remove the darkness hampering the penetration of your gaze. I have fulfilled this. All things now will appear in their natural guise to your eyes. You will penetrate to the inmost of hearts. The serpent secreted in the crannies of souls can no longer hide from you. You will know your faithful subjects, those who far from you love not you but love their Fatherland: those who are always ready for your defeat if it will avenge the enslavement of man. But they will not stir up civic order untimely or needlessly. Summon them to you as friends. Banish the arrogant mob who surrounds you and who hide the disgrace of their soul with gilded raiments. For they are the real villains who obscure your vision and block my entrance to your halls. I appear to kings only one single time during their reign so they might recognize me as I am; but I never abandon the dwellings of mortals. My residence is not in the halls of kings. A guard that rings them round and keeps vigil day and night with a hundred eyes blocks my entrance into them. If I should penetrate the massed crowd, then by raising the scourge of banishment everyone around you will try to drive me from your dwelling; hence beware that I not retreat from you again. Then the words of flattery, by exhaling poisonous fumes, will restore your cataracts again, and a scab that light cannot penetrate will cover your eyes. Then your blindness will redouble; your gaze will barely penetrate as far as a step. Everything will have a cheerful appearance. Your ears will not be disturbed by groans, but your hearing will hourly rejoice in sweet song. Sacrificial incense will abide in your soul, opened to flattery. Only smoothness will fall within your sense of touch. Beneficial roughness will never shred your tactile nerves. Tremble now at such a state! A cloud will rise over your head and arrows of a vengeful thunder will be readied for your defeat. But I declare to you that I shall live in the confines of your realm. If you should ever wish to see me, if besieged by intrigues of flattery your soul thirsts for my gaze, summon me from a distance. You shall find me where my firm voice can be heard. Never fear my voice. If from the popular sphere a man arises to criticize your deeds, know then that he is your sincere friend. A stranger to hopes of reward, a stranger to servile trepidation, he will announce me to you in a firm voice. Take care and do not dare to punish him as though he were a common troublemaker. Bid him come, host him like a wanderer. For everyone who reproves the absolute power of a king is a wanderer in a world where everything trembles before him. Host him, I declare, venerate him so that, upon return, he might be able again and again to give voice unflatteringly. Hearts of such firmness, however, happen to be rare, and scarcely a single one will appear in the worldly arena in an entire century. But so that the ease of power not dull your vigilance, I make a gift to you of this ring that it might reveal your own falseness to yourself should you challenge it. For know: you have the potential to be the worst killer in society, the worst bandit, the worst traitor, the worst violator of the general peace, the fiercest enemy directing your malice at the innards of the weak. If a mother weeps for a son killed on the battlefield, or a wife for her husband—you will be to blame; for the threat of captivity can hardly justify the murder known by the name of war. If the field becomes barren, if the children of the tiller of the soil lose their lives because their mother’s breast is dry without healthful food—you will be to blame. So divert your gaze onto yourself now and on all those before you, check the implementation of your orders, and if your soul does not shudder from horror at such a sight, then I shall leave you and your palace will be effaced forever from my memory.”
The visage of the wanderer after speaking seemed cheerful and of a radiance of material brilliance. Looking at her poured joy into my soul. No longer did I sense in her swells of vanity or the pomposity of arrogance. I sensed in her peace; the turmoil of worldly vanity and overwhelming lust for power did not affect her. My garments, brilliant as they were, seemed spattered with blood and drenched in tears. On my fingers I could see the remains of a human brain, my feet stood in mire. Those standing around me looked even more vile. Their entire innards looked black and consumed by the dull flame of insatiability. They trained on me, and on one another, ravaged glances dominated by rapaciousness, envy, cunning, and hatred. My commander, sent off to conquer, was drowning in luxury and making merry. There was no discipline among the forces; my soldiers were treated worse than cattle. Nobody cared for their health or nourishment; their lives were worthless; they were deprived of their statutory pay, which had been used for elaborate uniforms, which they did not need. The majority of new soldiers were dying from the neglect of their leaders or their unnecessary and untimely severity. Funds allocated for maintenance of the militia were in the hands of the organizer of festivities. Medals were not the prerogative of bravery but rather of vile obsequiousness. Before me, I saw one commander renowned by word of mouth whom I had honored with the distinctive marks of my favor; now I saw clearly that all his excellent distinction consisted in the fact that he had been the instrument of the satisfaction of the lust of his superior, and that there was no occasion when he might have shown bravery since he had not seen the enemy even from afar. These were the sorts of soldiers from whom I was expecting new crowns of laurel for myself. I averted my gaze from the thousand woes arising before my eyes.
My ships, those designated to cross the most distant seas, I saw sailing about the mouth of the harbor. The commander, who had flown on the wings of the wind to fulfil my commands, his limbs spread out on a soft bed, was indulging in voluptuousness and sex in the embraces of a hired female arouser of his lusts. On a map he commissioned of a journey undertaken in his imagination could be seen new islands in all parts of the world, abounding in the fruits appropriate to their climate. Vast lands and multiple peoples had come to life from the paintbrush of these new travelers. A majestic description of this journey and acquisitions in a flowery and magnificent style was already sketched by the gleam of nocturnal torches. Gold boards were already prepared as a cover for such a significant composition. O Cook! Why did you spend your life in toils and privation?32 Why did you finish it in such a lamentable way? On board these ships, having begun the journey happily and completed it happily, you would have made as many discoveries while sitting in the same spot (and in my kingdom) and would have been equally celebrated, since you would have been honored by your sovereign.
The suspension of punishment and the amnesty of criminals were the triumphs in which in the blindness of my soul I, too, had most pride—and they scarcely figured on the scale of civic activities. My command was either undermined completely because of misguided directions, or did not have the desired effect because its application was perverse and implementation slow. Clemency became a commercial matter: the gavel of pity and magnanimity struck for the one who paid more. Instead of being renowned among my people as merciful in the pardoning of guilt, I acquired the reputation of a deceiver, hypocrite, and baleful joker. “Refrain from your clemency,” cried thousands of voices, “do not make an announcement of it in a magnificent discourse if you do not intend to fulfil it. Do not add sarcasm to insult, burden to the feeling. We slept and were calm, you disturbed our sleep; we did not wish to keep vigil since it would have been over nothing.” In the establishing of cities I saw only the squandering of public money, not infrequently bathed in the blood and tears of my subjects. In the erection of magnificent buildings there was often coupled with extravagance a failure to understand true art. I saw interior and exterior designs that were utterly tasteless. Their appearances belonged to the age of the Goths and Vandals.33 In the dwelling prepared for the Muses I did not see the springs of Castalia and Hippocrene flowing beneficially;34 this reptilian art hardly dared to lift its gaze above a horizon delimited by routine. Architects, hunched over the sketch of a building, did not think about its beauty, but about how they would acquire thereby a fortune for themselves. I felt disgust at my overblown vanity and averted my eyes.—But the outpouring of my generosity wounded my soul worse than anything. In my blindness, I had thought that one could do no better th
an use public money that was surplus for governmental needs on helping the destitute, clothing the naked, feeding the hungry, supporting the victims of an adverse accident, or rewarding the dignity of someone indifferent to gain and merit. But how grievous it was to see my acts of generosity showered on the rich, on the flatterer, on the perfidious friend, on a sometimes secret murderer, on the traitor and violator of the social contract, on the panderer to my predilections, on the indulger of my weaknesses, on the woman flaunting her shamelessness. The feeble sources of my generosity barely rewarded modest merit and shy distinction. Tears poured from my eyes and hid from me such pitiful images of my thoughtless generosity.—I now saw clearly that the signs of honor conferred by me were always given to the undeserving. Struck by the glitter of such sham bliss, inexperienced merit always ended up following the same path as flattery and baseness of spirit in the hope of honors, that coveted fancy of mortals; but by dragging its feet unevenly it always became weak with its initial steps and was condemned to find satisfaction in the approval it gave itself, convinced that worldly honors are ash and smoke. Seeing in everything such depravity caused by weakness and the cunning of my ministers; seeing that my tenderness was directed to a woman who in my love sought to satisfy only her vanity and who arranged only her appearance to my delight even as her heart felt disgust for me—I roared in a fury of anger: “Unworthy criminals, villains! Declare why you abused the trust of your master? Come now before your judge. Tremble in the hardness of your villainy. How can you justify your deeds? What can you say in your own excuse?” There he is, I shall summon him from an abode of humiliation. “Come,” I said to the elder whom I observed hiding on the edge of my demesne at the bottom of a hut covered in moss, “come to lighten my burden; come and restore peace to a pained heart and disturbed mind.” Once I said this, I directed my gaze on my station, I understood the extent of my obligation, I understood wherefrom derive my right and power. I was shaken to the core of my being, I felt dread at my office. My blood went into severe tumult and I awoke.—Scarcely coming to, I grabbed myself by the finger but no ring of thorns was on it. Oh, if only it had been even on the little finger of kings!
Journey from St. Petersburg to Moscow Page 7