‘Hmm? What’s that mean?’
‘Nothing. She’s cute.’
‘Yeah, see.’ He nudges me gently in the back so I move forward slightly. ‘Nicer than Mr Gloomy behind the till.’
‘At least I’m big enough to admit she’s pretty,’ I say. ‘You can’t admit that about mine.’
‘Well, I guess he’s just not my type. Oh, here you go, you’re on.’ He makes low cheering noises, like my very own personal cheerleader – ‘Go Orla, go Orla’ – and of course I’m giggling and pink in the face by the time I get up to the counter.
‘Hello, what can I get for you?’ my luscious, delicious coffee man asks me in a bored voice, not even looking up from the till.
‘I’ll have an americano and this,’ I say, placing the salad baguette I’m holding onto the counter and getting my card ready to pay. It’s then that he glances up and smiles.
‘Oh hi, you usually come in in the mornings, don’t you? Tall skinny latte?’
‘That’s right.’ I beam happily. ‘I haven’t been in recently because I’ve hurt my ankle.’
‘Oh no.’ Leaning forward, he peers over the counter at my foot, and I’m pleased that I’ve managed to find a plain black fluffy sock instead of the panda ones. ‘What have you done?’
‘Just a sprain. It’ll be back to normal soon.’
‘Good stuff. It’ll be good to see you every morning again.’
‘Ha ha! Yes, the sooner the better.’
I pay for my meal before moving to the other end of the counter to wait for my coffee, all the while grinning like a lunatic.
‘See, he smiled at me,’ I mutter, as soon as Aiden comes to stand next to me.
‘Christ! I feel soiled after watching that exchange.’ Aiden lowers his head so he can speak directly into my ear. ‘It’ll be good to see you every morning,’ he mimics. ‘If that’s not an invitation to spend the night with him, I don’t know what is.’
‘Oh shut up!’ I scoff. ‘He was just being friendly! It just happens to be that I usually see him in the morning. But he smiled. Didn’t I tell you he smiled at me? He doesn’t look so dark and dangerous when he smiles.’
Aiden snorts, eyes dancing with laughter. ‘You keep telling yourself that, honey.’ Moving towards the counter, he leans over it so he can make eye contact with the girl who’s making the coffee. ‘Hey, how’s it going?’ he calls, to attract her attention.
‘Oh, hiya!’ she replies cheerfully. ‘How are you?’
‘Good, thank you!’ He glances back over his shoulder at me and nudges my cup of coffee towards me before turning back to the girl. I see from her name badge that she’s called Candy. ‘How are you today?’
I just have time to see her wrinkle her cute button nose before I move away to find a seat. I pick one with a good view of the counter. ‘Oh, you know. Working, again. My feet are killing me and I’m only halfway through my shift.’
‘Sorry to hear that. Hope you get to sit down soon. Thanks for the coffee.’
‘No worries. See ya.’
He pops a pound in the tips jar as he turns and heads over towards me. I raise my eyebrows at him. ‘Smooth.’
‘Ah, you see. The old Irish charm comes in handy from time to time.’
‘Are you going to ask her out?’
‘No!’ He looks horrified as he unwraps his baguette and takes a massive bite.
‘Why not?’
‘What’s the point? I’m only here for a few more weeks. Besides, I’m not good at relationships. My attention is always focused on getting the next shot and wondering where the animals are going to be. Women don’t like that, for some reason. And they get upset when I leave, as though it’s a huge surprise when the reality is they’ve known what I do from the very beginning.’
‘What about sex?’
‘Oh, I’m an enthusiastic partaker when I can get it,’ he says, taking another massive bite from his baguette. ‘But it can be more hassle than it’s worth. Especially at the moment when I’m studying animals that generally come out at night. Can’t be bothered. By the way, that reminds me, you can do me a massive favour when your ankle’s up to it.’
‘What’s that then?’ I pull a piece of lettuce from my baguette and nibble it.
‘There’s a woman from the otter watch who’s a bit keen, if you know what I mean. If you can pop by one day when she’s due to come, can you pretend to be my girlfriend?’
‘Will I have to kiss you? Or be naked?’
‘No!’ His shoulders shake with laughter. ‘I’ll just say, “this is my girlfriend, Orla”, and that will be it.’
‘Why don’t you just talk about your girlfriend Orla when she comes by?’
‘It’s hard to slip in an anecdote about your girlfriend when you’re discussing spraint. Believe me, I’ve tried.’
‘How do you know she likes you if all you talk about is otter poop?’
‘The way she looks at me and goes all red whenever I speak to her.’
‘Maybe she’s shy. And if she is, she’s not likely to make a pass at you or ask you out. And even if she does, then you can just say you don’t want a girlfriend.’
‘No, no. I don’t want it to get that far. If it does, I’ll just end up in bed with her and it’ll be a disaster. Best to put an end to it now before it gets to that.’
My jaw drops in disbelief. ‘You don’t have to go to bed with her! Why would you go to bed with someone you don’t even like?’
Aiden looks up in surprise. ‘I didn’t say I didn’t like her.’
‘What?’ I’m completely confused by him now. ‘If you like her, then …’ My voice trails off, fearing we’re just going to go round in circles forever.
‘I just don’t like her like that.’
I blink at him. ‘You like her but you don’t fancy her?’
‘Yeah, yeah.’
‘Okay, good, well there’s absolutely no need to sleep with her then, is there?’
‘Yeah, but if she comes on to me, then I’d feel obliged.’
‘You can’t have sex with someone just because you feel obliged.’
‘Yeah, but sometimes it just happens and then everything gets messy. I do my best to avoid all things like that.’
‘So how does flirting with girls in coffee shops fit with that?’
‘That’s safe. She’s at work and doesn’t know where I live. It’s just a bit of banter.’ He takes another bite. ‘So how about you and Mr Darkness over there? Are you going to ask him out, or wait until he makes his move?’
‘Neither. I’m not interested in dating him. I just like to look at him.’ I glance over to where he’s still serving customers.
‘But you fancy him?’
‘Yeah but …’ I shrug. ‘I’m just window shopping.’
Aiden frowns as though trying to work me out. ‘You don’t want to go in and try on the clothes?’
‘Definitely not.’
Aiden rolls his eyes. ‘Why?’
‘I’m too busy for a boyfriend.’
‘Rubbish!’
‘It’s not rubbish. Look, I’ve just landed my dream job and now it’s time to concentrate on working my way up through the ranks. I work into the evening and some weekends. I don’t have time.’
‘You’re sitting here with me now, aren’t you?’
‘Yes, it’s lunch. I’m allowed lunch.’
‘Well, that’s a start.’
‘I couldn’t go for lunch with him, could I? He’d be working.’
Aiden laughs. ‘So when was your last boyfriend?’
‘I don’t know. Couple of years? How about you?’ Suddenly uncomfortable with the subject of my love life, I switch the subject back to him as fast as possible.
‘About the same. So was your break-up particularly bad? Did something happen?’
‘No.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes! Why?’ I ask, frowning.
‘Because I thought girls your age are usually dreaming of wedding dresses and
finding Prince Charming, aren’t they?’
‘Well, Katie certainly is, but not me.’
‘You don’t want to get married and have kids?’
‘Not especially.’
‘Never ever?’
‘Not never ever, just not now.’ I meet his gaze across the table, wondering why he’s so interested. He’s watching me intently, like he’s some kind of psychologist or councillor or something. I laugh nervously. ‘Wow, this got deep very quickly. How about you? I take it you’re not looking to get married and have kids if you’re travelling the world.’
‘Absolutely not. Besides, this planet is full enough without me adding to it.’
‘No kids, never ever?’
‘Never ever ever.’
‘Oh!’ I nibble the end of my baguette, realising that I didn’t think my choice of sandwich through properly. It’s really hard to eat and far too phallic to sit at a table and devour. Aiden has had no such problem with his, but he’s a bloke. He’s already crunched his way through half of it, cheerfully oblivious to the crumb mountain that’s formed on the table in front of him. ‘That’s quite a serious decision to make when you’re still young. How old are you, by the way?’
‘Twenty-eight.’
‘Still plenty of time to meet the right woman and change your mind.’
His eyes meet mine, and just for a second I think I see a spark of something, but then it’s gone, replaced by his usual humorous glint and I know I must have imagined it. ‘Nah, I’m cursed to walk this earth alone.’
‘Cursed?’ I raise an eyebrow at him. ‘Sounds like a choice to me.’
He nods slowly. ‘Yep. Are you ever going to eat that baguette, or just pick it to death?’
‘I’m not really hungry,’ I lie.
‘Do you want a knife and fork? And a plate?’
‘No, I can’t …’
‘Hold on, I’ll get you one.’ He’s up out of his seat and across to the counter before I can protest. ‘You can’t let that baguette go to waste, Orla,’ he says in a disapproving parental voice, returning to the table with a plate and the cutlery. ‘You must eat it all! Come on now, eat up.’ Reaching across, he slides the plate beneath my baguette and places the knife and fork into my hands.
‘Yes, Mammy,’ I say in my best Irish accent.
Aiden laughs. ‘I should think so. There’ll be no prunes and custard for pudding if that plate’s not cleared.’
‘Ugh! Good!’
‘What? You don’t like prunes and custard? It’s lovely.’
‘Gross.’
He tuts. ‘Kids these days!’
I giggle and set about eating my sandwich with a knife and fork. I feel ridiculous, and it’s not the easiest thing to cut through, but at least I’m not dropping the filling everywhere and gnawing at a massive phallic shaped loaf. It’s not even because Sexy Coffee Guy is here. He’s much too busy serving customers to notice me, and I realise I’m much too busy talking to Aiden to pay much attention to him.
‘So back to you and your nonexistent love life,’ Aiden says as soon as my mouth is full. ‘Why do you think you can’t have a job and a relationship? Surely that makes for a very lonely life.’
‘No.’ I cover my mouth to speak as I swallow the last of my mouthful. ‘I have my friends, my family, my job. I don’t need some guy coming in and messing with my head.’
‘Is that what guys do? Mess with your head?’
‘Eventually, yes. I’ve seen it loads of times with my friends. They’re perfectly happy, independent women, and then suddenly – bam! – some guy appears and they become moony-eyed lovesick fools, refusing to come out at weekends and changing their whole lives to fit around one guy who probably doesn’t care that much anyway.’
‘That’s a bit cynical, isn’t it?’
‘It’s the truth. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve sat up all night with friends who’ve been left brokenhearted by bastard men. I bet you’ve left a few women brokenhearted in your time, haven’t you?’
‘Like I said, they never understand that when I have to go, I have to go.’
‘But presumably you could return to them?’
‘Well …’ He shrugs one shoulder. ‘Where’s the fun in that?’
‘See, you’re a bastard just like all the other men out there.’
He thinks for a moment. ‘That’s not entirely fair on me or the other men in this world, Orla.’ Wiping his mouth on a paper napkin, he screws it up and places it on the saucer of his coffee cup. ‘For one thing, I’m not a typical guy with a typical job, and I make that clear when I meet someone, but for some reason the girls I’ve dated in the past seem to take that as some kind of challenge or something, as though they’re out to prove they’ll be the one who’ll finally change me and make me settle in one place. I don’t know why, I really don’t.’ He looks away, out through the window, though I’m pretty sure it’s not the shoppers in the street outside that he’s seeing in his head. ‘It’s my job, my livelihood. What do they expect? For me to give up being a wildlife photographer? Don’t they get that it’s my passion? It’s who I am. Why would they want to change that? If they really loved me as much as they claimed to, they wouldn’t want to change that, would they?’
‘I suppose that’s how it works, doesn’t it? People see love as a kind of ownership. They say that if you love someone, you’ll set them free, but I don’t think it really works like that in reality. Emotions seem to make people irrational.’ I look at him for a moment. He seems disquieted by the ghosts of his past. ‘It must be flattering to have these girls begging you to stay, though? How many are we talking about?’
‘Not many, three or four. The last one ended really badly though. Put me right off getting involved with anyone ever again.’ He shudders. ‘Never again.’
‘I take it you didn’t love any of these girls as much as they loved you?’
‘No.’
He sounds belligerent, and it makes me wonder if he resents these poor girls for changing the rules on him and turning what was supposed to be a casual affair into something more.
‘Why?’
He shrugs. ‘Different reasons for different girls. I liked them, but none of them were ever meant to be serious, and I always made that clear at the start. Besides, I don’t think any of them really loved me for who I am. It was just the challenge of changing me into who they wanted me to be.’
‘I’m sure it wasn’t,’ I say. ‘I mean, look at you. You’re kind, thoughtful and really great to talk to. Any woman would want a relationship with you.’
‘Except you.’ He laughs.
‘Except me,’ I confirm.
‘And we still haven’t got to the bottom of that, Orla.’ Aiden wags a finger at me. ‘So you’re friends have been hurt, but that’s part of life, surely? That’s what happens. People come and go and that’s just how it is.’
‘Yes, but I like to keep my wits about me. I have my plan for where I want to be in five years’ time, and it absolutely does not include a man.’
‘So where will you be in five years’ time?’
‘I told you the other day: living in London, working on one of the big national newspapers.’
‘Fair enough, and I’m sure that’s attainable. But why would a boyfriend stop you doing that? If you went out with your sexy coffee guy over there, how would that affect your plan? You don’t know he’s going to stop you from doing anything. In fact, he could facilitate your path by being perfectly lovely in every way and doing all the chores and cooking your tea when you come in late from work. He could be a stay-at-home dad to your children while you power up the career ladder.’
I look across at the counter to where Sexy Coffee Guy’s looking mean and moody again, stabbing the buttons of the till angrily as he takes yet another order from the never-ending queue.
‘I doubt that would happen.’
Aiden follows my line of sight and chuckles. ‘With him, yeah, me too. But the point is, you don’t know until you
take a chance on someone. You could date Sexy Coffee Guy and have great sex, but have nothing to say to each other, so it ends within a month. Or you could date Eric, the IT bloke from work and have great conversations, but really dull sex so it ends within a week. Or you could start sleeping with your boss, have great conversations, great sex, and rise up the ranks of the Hawksley Gazette faster than a rat up a drainpipe.’
‘Oh God! Stop, stop!’ I say, covering my ears with a shudder. ‘You’re grossing me out.’
Aiden laughs. ‘Just don’t be so closed off about things. Life is full of possibilities, and just because you date a guy doesn’t mean that’s it for the rest of your life. You don’t have to get married and have kids. You don’t have to stay with him forever. You don’t even have to stay with him for the rest of the month if you don’t want to. Just live your life and stop denying yourself opportunities to have fun.’
‘And also,’ I say, thinking back to what he was saying before, ‘poor Eric from IT. Why would I dump him after a week just because he was bad in bed?’
‘You don’t think sex is important in a relationship?’ He looks at me askance.
‘I’m not saying it isn’t important, it’s just that other things are also important. Possibly more so, in fact. Especially in the beginning when you wouldn’t be sleeping with them yet anyway.’
‘Oh! Now this is interesting.’ Aiden looks intrigued as he props his elbows on the table, crossing his arms in front of him. ‘How long do you wait before sleeping with someone?’
‘Oh, err, well …’ I feel my cheeks flush and glance at the people sitting at the next table. They seem to have gone suspiciously quiet all of a sudden. ‘Longer than a week, which is all you’ve given poor Eric from IT!’
‘Poor Eric? Does Eric actually exist?’
‘No! You made him up, not me.’
‘So why are we suddenly feeling sorry for an imaginary man with erectile dysfunction? Is it because you’re overthinking things again? Imagining how sad Eric will be if you leave him? How you could fix his little problem if you just give it time and work through his issues together?’
The Five-Year Plan: The utterly heart-warming and feel good rom com of 2020 Page 9