by Ashlee Price
I pull my hand away and slip it into my pocket. "Too valuable."
He shrugs. "Yeah. You don't want to end up gambling it away, do you?"
My gaze narrows. Does he think I gamble now?
He waves his hand as he steps back. "Well, we better go. The seminar starts soon. If you ever want to get in touch with me, you can just look me up."
I wave back. "Okay."
Adam smiles. "It was nice seeing you."
I nod. His husband glances over at me and nods as well, and then the two walk off. I stay where I'm standing and let go of another deep breath.
Adam is happy and successful and seizing the future and here I am still stuck in the past.
But that can change.
I glance at the bare fingers on my left hand, then slip it back inside my pocket before walking to the elevator.
Getting this marriage thing with Marian right is going to be my first step forward.
Chapter Thirteen
Marian
Things seem to be going more smoothly around here.
As I walk through the hospital corridors, I no longer hear people murmuring. I still get glances but no more glares. Lisa and Kim apologized and now they're both being nice to me. Actually, everyone is being nice to me again - some as nice as they used to be, others nicer. Only Dr. Hansen isn't. Then again, she never was nice, so this is normal.
Things are more or less back to normal. I even asked Dr. Easton and Dr. Fuller not to give me any more preferential treatment and they've agreed. I still get free lunches, but I no longer get free passes to the OR and I'm not having a wing named after me. Yeah, things are pretty much back to the way they used to be.
Except for Kelly, who I now spot coming out of the elevator.
Ever since that cafeteria confrontation, she and I haven't spoken unless it's to share urgent medical information. I guess she's still mad at me. After all, Ned is still no longer her intern and I haven't explained to her yet why that happened.
"Kelly," I call after her as I hasten my steps.
She glances over her shoulder but quickly looks away.
"Not now, Marian." Her steps hasten as well and she practically runs up a stairwell.
I decide to stop pursuing her.
Maybe she's not ready to talk to me yet, which means she's not ready to listen. I can't rush her. Regardless of the cause, deep wounds take time to heal. You can't rush the process.
"You alright, Dr. Carver?" Dr. Patterson asks me as he comes down the stairs.
"Yeah." I nod.
He's one of those who has been nicer to me after finding out that Hal is my stepfather. As it turns out, he's a big fan.
He pats my arm. "You know, if you ever need anything - "
"I'm fine," I tell him. "Just... be nice to Kelly. She's the one who wants to do cardio."
"Okay."
That's the least I can do for Kelly right now.
I walk in the opposite direction. When I round the corner, I stop as I see my interns looking out the big window, along with a bunch of other interns and nurses.
I frown as I approach them. "What did I tell you three about not wandering off, hmm?"
They turn to face me. The rest of the crowd disperses in various directions.
I cross my arms over my chest. "Well?"
Mandy shrugs. "You said we should stick to you like a leech."
"And yet I've been in this hospital for nearly an hour and only now do I catch a whiff of you. Maybe I should put a leash on the three of you."
They bow their heads and say nothing.
I open my mouth to proceed with my lecture, but the sound of horns and trumpets from across the street distracts me. I look out the window with creased eyebrows.
"What is that noise?"
They move away from the window. I move closer to it and see the marching band.
"What's a band - ?"
Then I see the streamer that two of the band members are holding. My jaw drops as I read the words on it.
I love you, Marian. Give me one more chance.
Below the streamer, I spot Liam in a marching band uniform, holding a bouquet of red and white roses. No way.
I've just dealt with a major disaster here at the hospital and my reputation has just started recovering. And now this?
I shake my head. I don't need this right now.
I turn to my interns. "Mandy, you're on charts. Jeff, go to the pit. Dana, go and see if Dr. Patterson could use an intern."
I glance out the window.
"I'm going to be out for a bit."
Dana steps forward. "But you said - "
"I know what I said," I cut her off. "And now I'm telling the three of you to go so I can take care of this problem before the whole hospital starts hating me again. Now go!"
They scurry off.
I head down the stairs shaking my head.
First Liam shows up at my apartment. Now he's brought a band. Why can't he just understand that we're through?
"Dr. Carver." Dr. Fuller stops me at the stairs. "There's - "
"I'll take care of it," I tell him before continuing down.
I'm going to make Liam understand that we're through once and for all.
~
"I understand that I wasn't the best boyfriend," Liam tells me. "I know I didn't take care of you enough."
My eyebrows arch. "Really?"
"Yes!" he answers enthusiastically. "So I will take care of you better. I will cook for you. I will drive you to work and pick you up after. I will go shopping with you more often."
I roll my eyes. None of those sound like taking better care of me. They only sound like taking over my life, especially since I know he only cooks what he likes and he only goes shopping with me so he can tell me what not to buy.
"And we'll have sex every Friday night without fail, even when I'm tired," he adds.
I glance sideways as I purse my lips in embarrassment.
Every Friday? So, on schedule like before? With him, everything has to be on schedule.
"Marian, please?" Liam resorts to begging. "Just give me one more chance. One more chance is all I'm asking."
"I can't waste all my chances on you, Liam," I tell him. "I've already given you plenty. I was with you for three years, remember?"
"Give me just one more year."
"No." I shake my head. "Enough is enough. We tried. We failed. We have to move on."
You have to be man enough to move on, I add silently.
"But I don't want to." He presses the bouquet of roses to my chest. "I love you, Marian."
I sigh. Does he even know what love means? Doesn't he realize how selfishly he's still acting?
"You have to stop this, Liam. Please."
"You have to give me one more chance. Please. I can't live without you."
Oh, now he's trying to blackmail me emotionally? What next? Is he going to say he'll commit suicide if I don't get back together with him?
"Yes, you can, Liam," I tell him. "You're a strong man. A good man. You're not for me, but I'm sure there's an amazing woman out there - "
"I don't want anyone else. I just want you."
I cross my arms over my chest and glance at my watch. This is taking too long.
"Liam, I - "
"She's no longer available," Dustin interrupts from behind me.
I turn my head and he steps forward, standing right next to me. I look at him with wide eyes.
"Dustin, what are you - ?"
"Who are you?" Liam asks him. His forehead creases.
Dustin grabs my hand. "I'm Marian's husband."
Now his eyebrows bunch up. "No way. No fucking way. She and I were together until - "
"You let her go, man," Dustin cuts him off. "She was free. She was lonely. And you know what? She wanted to be happy for the first time in a long time. I gave her that."
Liam's jaw clenches.
"Don't provoke him, Dustin," I warn him.
The last thing I need is for the
m to fight right now, right across from where I work and right here in a park full of people.
I don't need another scene.
I look at my ex-boyfriend. "Just go, Liam."
He shakes his head. "I don't believe it. You're not married."
"That's not our problem," Dustin says. "Right, sweetheart?"
He glances at me.
"Let's just go," I answer.
He leads me away but stops and turns. "Oh, but Liam, you know what would be our problem? If you keep showing up like this here at the hospital and disturbing Marian while she's working. We'll have to call the cops if it happens again. Also, if you keep chasing after my wife, that would be a big problem for me. Trust me, you don't want to cause me a big problem."
Liam falls silent. I see his fists clench at his sides as the bulge in his throat moves.
Dustin puts his arm around me and ushers me back to the hospital. I let him.
"Did you have to do that?" I ask him as we cross the street.
"What? Tell him the truth? He had to hear it."
"And the threat?"
Dustin glances at me. "He was bothering you, Marian. He can't keep doing that."
So he was thinking of me?
Well, I have to say he sounded kind of hot when he was delivering it. But not hot enough to make me forget that I'm still mad at him. Sort of.
When we reach the other side of the street, I stop to meet his gaze. "Where have you been?"
"In Vegas," he answers. "To meet an old friend."
"An old girlfriend?"
"There's no one like that," Dustin tells me.
And even though I don't understand why, I believe him.
"You didn't go on dates. You never had a girlfriend. Now you have a wife. That doesn't bother you?"
"It does, but we can't get rid of everything that bothers us," he answers. "Some things we just have to deal with. Calmly and sensibly."
For a moment, I just stare at him, trying to read his thoughts. Well, he does look calm and sensible, more so than the last time we spoke, which is what I need him to be.
Which is what I have to be, too.
I draw a deep breath and walk towards the hospital.
"Marian," he calls after me.
"I have to work," I tell him, then stop to glance over my shoulder. "I get off at ten. Do you think we can find a place that's still open by then where we can talk?"
Dustin's lips curve into a grin. "I surely will."
~
The place is a 24-hour coffee shop on the other side of town, far enough away from the hospital that I won't bump into anyone I know. It's not as quaint or as spacious as the cafe we last went to. This one's smaller, more modern, but also cozy.
A rug with a colorful tribal pattern covers most of the wooden floor. Furry pillows sit in pastel-colored tub armchairs. A huge clock with a glass face, jars of dried flower potpourri and wood-carved Mandarin ducks adorn the mantel of the fake fireplace, where white candles burn instead of wood. The coffee tables are topped with glass with coasters and napkin holders made of recycled materials, the magazine racks metal and the bookshelves wood painted ebony. Instrumental music and the aroma of brewed coffee fill the air.
I walk across the room to the pair of chairs to the right side of the fireplace, one already occupied by Dustin. Unlike the ones on the left, they face each other, but they have no coffee table between them. Rather, they have cup holders. I can already see a steaming mug of coffee in mine.
"What if I was late, hmm?" I ask Dustin as I sit down. I hang my purse on a peg before glancing at the mug. "My coffee would have gone cold then."
"Then it's a good thing you're not late." Dustin grins.
I take a whiff of the coffee and my eyebrows furrow. "What did you get me?"
"Something with a hint of vanilla, cinnamon and toasted almonds," he answers. "I remember you like your coffee sweet. Plus, don't you need to sleep later?"
I try to think of how he knows I like my coffee sweet. Then I remember the hazelnut latte Hal gave me that I spilled because of him. He smelled that? He remembered that?
"See," he says. "I can be sweet and thoughtful."
Then again, I never said he wasn't. Did I?
I take the mug into my hands. "What? Are you trying to impress me so that I'll be your wife?"
"No." Dustin leans forward. "But I'm going to ask you to give us a chance for a year."
My eyebrows go up. "A year?"
"Yeah." He shrugs. "You've been stressed out over this because you think it's forever, but it doesn't have to be."
I look at my mug and tap my fingers on it. He's right. I have been thinking of this like I'll be stuck with him forever.
"We'll go with it for a year," he goes on. "Then we can part ways and pretend we never knew each other if that's what you want."
"And what if we have kids?" I ask him.
"We'll just have to be safe from now on."
Right. "Just to be clear, does that mean I have to take a pill? Because I hate those pills."
Liam used to make me drink them every day, and most of the time they made me feel cranky and tired.
"I'll use protection," he assures me. "I usually do. It's just that last time, we were outdoors and..."
His voice trails off. I take a sip of my coffee and try not to imagine the rest.
Afterwards, I lick my lips and nod. "It's good."
"The coffee?"
I give another nod.
"And what about our one-year marriage plan?" Dustin asks.
I don't answer. I'm still thinking about it.
A one-year marriage plan. It sounds just as absurd as getting married by accident. Though not quite as crazy as getting stuck in a marriage we never wanted forever. Still, one year is a long time.
"You're right, you know," he continues. "I don't do dates. I don't do girlfriends. I never asked for this marriage. Neither of us did. But it's here. So I've decided, why not take this as an opportunity to learn something? You know, maybe fate or whatever higher power is out there is telling me that I have to start learning how to do commitments. So, yeah, I'll try this for a year."
I look at him. "In short, you're looking at this marriage like some trial period."
He shrugs. "That's one way of looking at it."
Well, I'm not sure I like it. He's making me sound like I'm just a part of some experiment. Even so, I can see how one year is a big leap for someone who's never been in a relationship. I appreciate the fact that he's putting himself out there.
"So, you came up with this idea so you can learn what it takes to be in a relationship and not just so you can use me as your regular sex toy?" I ask him.
Dustin frowns. "Did I really say that?"
I shrug.
He sits back. "We'll still have sex, of course. Protected sex. But that's not all this is going to be about. And we'll only have it when you want it."
My eyes narrow. "You're not going to seduce me?"
"Not for the first month," he promises.
Okay. I get a grace period.
"I can also give you an allowance every month," Dustin adds.
I shake my head. "No. No more money. The money you donated to the hospital is more than enough."
"You can consider it a loan, and if you stick with me for a year, I'll consider it paid in full."
I nod. So it will come out like I'm going to be his wife for a year so I don't owe him a million dollars? It's not a bad bargain, especially since his donation is going to do the hospital a world of good. New equipment. Better equipment. More rooms. More lives that can be saved.
I meet his gaze. "So, for you, this is an experiment on commitment. For me, it's a loan."
"And a chance to get rid of your old boyfriend and get some of the things he never gave you," Dustin adds.
My eyebrows arch. "You're offering to be my rebound guy?"
He just lifts his shoulders.
I sit back. "Then this isn't going to be like a real relationship,
then?"
"Oh no. It's real. We have the papers. We'll tell others about it. We'll try to get along."
"Tell others?" I lower my mug to my knee.
"Why not? We're not doing anything wrong. Besides, isn't it exhausting to keep secrets?"
I can't argue with that. I mean, look what keeping this a secret has cost me so far - my reputation at the hospital.
"I'm not saying we have to broadcast it. I'm just saying we don't have to hide it. We'll go at it just like normal married couples do."
I tap my thumb on the rim of my mug. Just like normal married couples, huh? Well, I guess there are a number of couples who get married, stick with it for a year, and then end up getting divorced for one reason or another. The only difference with me and Dustin is that we know it's going to end in a year. No pressure to make it work. No big expectations. No time to waste on petty quarrels.
And no love. That part still bothers me a little.
But hey, I put up with Liam for three years only to realize he never loved me.
I lift my mug to my lips. "So we're going to be a real married couple?"
"We already are," Dustin tells me.
I take a sip of my coffee.
"So, have we reached an agreement?" he asks.
I put down my mug and wipe my mouth with a napkin. "I guess."
It seems like the best thing we can do right now.
"Shall we shake on it, then?" Dustin offers me his hand.
I'm about to take it, but suddenly, he pulls it away.
"Oh, wait. I can think of something better." He puts his hand into his pocket and pulls out a satin box.
I suppress a gasp as he opens it to reveal two white gold bands, each with a four-leaf clover made of diamonds.
He takes the smaller white band.
"May I?"
I nod. I know this is all just for formality's sake, and yet, as Dustin slips that ring on my finger, my heart starts to pound.
"It's... beautiful," I say breathlessly when he's done.
"It does look good on your finger," he says as he takes the bigger band and slips it on. "Better than my ring does on mine."
I would have wanted to put his ring on, but well, this isn't a wedding ceremony.
I glance at my ring. "Why a clover?"
"To match your necklace," he says. "And to wish us luck."
Right. It's for luck, not love.
Suddenly, he takes my hand and kisses it. His eyes meet mine and my heart stops.