The Adventures of Agent Diamond and Charming Guy:
The Case of the Missing Sapphire
A short story by Elizabeth Bent
Copyright 2015 Elizabeth Bent
Acknowledgements
This story was partially written in 2003, as part of a novel I no longer wish to publish (all the sections dealing with the destructiveness of Tinkles the cat come from this manuscript). In 2014 I conducted a crowdfunding campaign to raise money for a research project dealing with an interesting bacterium that has activity against lymphoma (cancer) in mice (this project is described at www.gut-bacteria.com). One of the rewards was a dedication on a short story. This story is therefore dedicated to my brother-in-law Marvin Ellin, as well as to the memory of my cat Tigger (upon whom Tinkles is based) and, as always, my Muse.
I designed the cover and its flaws are wholly my fault.
Elizabeth Bent
February 2015
“Here kitty! She’s just shy around strangers.” Yukiko’s voice was muffled by the couch. Her face, along with her arms, were currently underneath it as she sprawled rump-upwards on the floor, trying to extract the small gray-furred bundle of malice that had already bitten Agent Diamond on the ankle before streaking for the couch and finding refuge there. The air was filled with alarming growls.
“Aww…you’re so cute,” Yukiko cooed, “widdle kitty…c’mere…”
Diamond did not for one moment consider lowering her face to the floor so she, too, could regard Tinkles.
The growls turned to a hair-raising yowl.
“OUCH!” Yukiko struggled momentarily, then hastily withdrew from the couch. The back of one hand sported a fresh set of long red welts that went up past her wrist. As Diamond watched, one of them began to bleed.
“Damn,” Yukiko regarded her wounds. “I might need bandages for this one.”
Diamond surreptitiously edged away from the couch. She could hear the angry switching of a cat’s tail, and imagined Tinkles was surveying her territory with narrowed eyes, looking for ankles that did not belong.
“She’s really a sweet kitty,” Yukiko told him, earnestly, “she’s just highly strung, and not used to strangers.”
Wonderful, Diamond thought, but she mustered a smile.
“I’m sure we will get along fine,” she replied. There was a faint jingling from under the couch as Tinkles changed position. At least with the bell on her collar she couldn’t sneak up; Diamond wondered briefly if that was the reason why Yukiko put the bell on Tinkles’ collar in the first place. On some subliminal level, an instinct for self-preservation might make a jingling bell on the collar of a homicidal feline seem cute.
“Can you play with her for at least half an hour every day while I’m gone? These are her favorite toys,” Yukiko had risen and, ignoring her wounds, was pointing to a disturbing collection of much-shredded stuffed animals that were missing eyes, heads or most of their stuffing.
“She also likes to play fetch with twist ties. But if you don’t throw the twist tie for her when she drops it in front of you she’ll bite you.”
Diamond nodded weakly.
“How long will you be gone, again?”
Yukiko smiled. “With the travel time to and from Cuba, about two weeks.”
Two weeks, Diamond thought. She only needed to survive two weeks. After that, her animal-loving partner, Charming Guy, could cat-sit.
She really wasn’t sure why Yukiko, one of the accounting staff, couldn’t get Melinda or one of the other office members to cat-sit. Perhaps, Diamond mused, it was because she had already gone through them all and no one would cat-sit twice.
Diamond realized Yukiko was saying something, and she forced herself to pay attention.
“…looked forward to for a long time. They say it’s really warm in Cuba. I’m planning on bringing back a large carton of cigars, and plenty of rum!”
Yukiko’s face was more animated than Diamond had ever recalled seeing it, although that didn’t necessarily mean much, since she hardly ever saw Yukiko. Normally she simply placed her expense reports in a tray for the accounting staff, and she only saw the three of them (Yves, Melinda, and Yukiko) at departmental parties.
She followed Yukiko around her small apartment, being shown the essentials: where food was, where to get water (apparently Tinkles only drank bottled water) and how to empty the automatic litter-scooper. Diamond was relieved that she wouldn’t have to use a manual litter-scoop. Every so often, there would be a faint, ominous jingling behind them, and she would turn, only to see a gray and black tabby-striped tail vanishing behind a door, or underneath an article of furniture.
“Thanks so much,” Yukiko said as she saw Diamond to the door. “I’d be so worried about Tinkles if I didn’t know she was in good hands.”
Diamond wondered how she could possibly worry about Tinkles. The small cat was clearly in control of any human foolish to enter her domain.
“Here’s the key,” Yukiko handed her a key strung to a large, fuzzy purple ball with goggling, rattling eyes. Diamond hated it instantly.
“Well, I certainly won’t lose it.” She squeezed the ball. It honked cheerfully up at her.
“Charming Guy’s taking me to the airport tomorrow morning,” Yukiko said, then: “Bad kitty!”
Tinkles, who had been lurking silently around a corner, waiting for the door to open, gave them a green-eyed, unblinking stare. The small head eventually withdrew.
“I’ll come around starting tomorrow afternoon,” Diamond replied. She only hoped she was able to find her welding gloves by then.
Yukiko gave her another wide, generous smile as she opened the door.
“Great! I’ll see you in two weeks! Thanks again!”
The door swung shut behind her, and Diamond sighed, staring at the goggling purple ball in her hand. She looked up to see one of Yukiko’s neighbours, coming down the walkway in front of the apartments. He was tall, heavyset, blond, with a hooked nose and rocklike features; he wore athletic clothing, and carried a briefcase.
Diamond frowned slightly at this, and looked again, more closely.
The man looked over at her, looked quickly away.
Diamond bit her lip. He seemed somehow familiar.
She watched him walk down the path and enter an apartment at the end of the complex. Pocketing the purple ball and key, she followed the blond man’s steps and found herself looking at apartment six. The curtains were drawn, and there was the sound of a television from behind the closed door.
Probably just imagining things, she thought, but made a mental note to ask Guy to find out who lived in apartment six in Yukiko’s building complex.
The Case of the Missing Sapphire Page 1