A part of me feels bad for him and wants to encourage him to leave her behind, but that other part of me, the one who’s all about paybacks, wants him to have to learn the hard way, just as I’ve had to do on numerous occasions. To him, she’s perfect. He’s never truly experienced one of her meltdowns, and he is in for a surprise.
Nobody can test your patience like my girl can when she doesn’t get her way.
Rayne’s eyes swing from me and back to our daughter several times before he closes his eyes, and a sigh leaves his throat. “Annabelle can come, Hadley, but you have to be responsible and keep up with her.”
Sucker!
“I wills, Daddy.” She brightly smiles up at him.
“Dum, dah, duh, dum,” I singsong much to his displeasure if the look he’s shooting me is any indication. “Good luck,” I whisper to him as I walk back to my bedroom to grab my briefcase and purse.
Walking back out to the living room, I see them waiting on me. Leaning down, I ruffle Hadley’s hair before telling her, “Be good for your daddy. Listen to him and do everything he tells you to.”
“I wills, Mommy. Love you,” she happily tells me. She’s ecstatic that she’s got her father wrapped around her little finger.
“Love you too, baby,” I say as we walk out the front door. “Do you need to grab her car seat from my car, Rayne? She still has to be in one,” I inform him in case he’s forgotten.
“Nah, Billie went and grabbed a top-of-the-line one for me last night. The girls installed it and everything,” he says, shocking the shit out of me. Those girls have never installed a car seat in their lives. I walk toward his truck to inspect their work.
He opens the back door for me and I begin going over the installation. “I’m impressed, they did everything right.”
“I think they went online or some shit, found a tutorial on the right way,” he expresses.
“Well, they did good,” I impart as I step back and watch Rayne lift Hadley up and into the seat. “Do you know how to strap her inside?”
“I, too, watched a tutorial,” he says, tapping his temple. I stand back and watch as he expertly straps her in as if he’s been doing it her entire life.
“Y’all have fun,” I say, walking away and getting inside of my vehicle. I sit in the driveway long enough to watch them back out and head down the road. One day, maybe we’ll be having these outings as a family unit instead of individually splitting time with Hadley. Maybe.
14
Rayne
Hadley is a ball of energy. We’ve only been here an hour and I’m already exhausted, and we’ve only made it halfway through the park. She spends copious amounts of time paying each animal attention and explaining what they are to her baby doll. It’s quite the sight to see and experience.
“Daddy, my tummy’s hungry.” Hadley comes up to where I’m relaxing, leaning against a fence post, and informs me. “Do you hears it?” she asks me, while pulling up her shirt to show me her belly.
“That’s an awfully loud rumble you’ve got going on there, little girl.” I play along with her. “Wanna go grab a hot dog from that concession stand?” I ask, pointing at the vendor’s booth. I asked that we have at least one opened and at our disposal. The one that was chosen for us, has hot dogs, chips, sodas, juice and dipping dots ice cream. I wanted to keep the options small, easy to eat, with as little clean up as possible.
I’m still new at this whole ‘daddy’ thing. I don’t want to take Hadley home a mess. I don’t have any experience with bathing a little girl by myself, without guidance, and I’m not sure if it’s appropriate for me to be giving her one. That’s something I need to ask Jacey about later.
“I love hot doggies!” She claps her hands together, accidently dropping Annabelle. “Yours turn to hold her, kay, Daddy?” She looks up at me and I see the high expectation plastered on her face.
Bending down on my knees, I get eye level with my daughter. “Hadley, when we agreed to bring Annabelle with us, you promised that you were going to be the one taking care of her. If you go back on your word, Annabelle won’t be allowed to go anywhere with us anymore.”
“But I’s can’t eat with her in my hands, Daddy, she’ll get all’s dirty.” My girl, the smart little shit that she is, debates with me.
“I can’t eat with her in my hands either.” Why in the hell am I arguing back with a toddler? Her lip begins to wobble as tears form in her eyes. I can’t take it. Women’s tears break my heart, Hadley’s tears rip me to shreds. “I’ll set her next to me while we eat, then you can hold her again. Okay?”
“Okay’s, Daddy.” She perks up and her tears dry instantly. Did I just get played by someone who barely touches my kneecaps standing tall? Damn she’s good. I may need to take some lessons from her.
Three hours later and I’m ready to pull my hair out by the roots. Why the fuck didn’t I listen to Jacey and all her motherly wisdom? I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to not give Hadley her way when the crocodile tears start, but I have learned my lesson where it pertains to Annabelle. I still have her clutched in my hand while I chase Hadley as she rushes up to each animal in anticipation of feeding them and petting them.
As we leave the last round of animals, she reaches up and grabs my hand in her small one. “This has been the bestest day of my life, Daddy.” And just like that, all the chasing I’ve had to do, holding a damn doll for the better half of the day, it all vanishes with those few words.
“That makes me happy, Hadley.”
“Loves you, Daddy.”
And just like that, every bit of anger I’ve been harboring, all the heartbreak that Jacey put me through, all the bitterness I’ve spewed from my tongue and held in my thoughts dissipates.
Just gone.
My heart is lighter as well as my steps as we make our way to my truck.
“I love you too, Hadley.”
We make it home in record time. There was no traffic to fight and Hadley’s soft snores from the back seat have lulled me into a peaceful state of existence. I’ve been more myself and feeling alive since Jacey has come back into my life—Hadley is the icing on the cake. For the first time in years, my feet feel firmly planted on the ground. No more floating through life for me, I’m living, feeling and am all around content.
When we pull into the driveway, a moan leaves my mouth. I know that car, I purchased it as a gift for my mother. I bet that all four of the parents drove here together. How the hell did they get here so quickly? Since I don’t see Jacey’s car in the driveway, I back out and drive further down the road. Picking up my phone, I dial Jacey’s number.
“I’m wrapping things up now, Rayne,” she answers.
“Well, hello to you too, and you may wanna get your ass in gear,” I tell her.
“Is Hadley okay?” The worry in her voice makes me feel like a complete asshole. Of course, she’d go down that particular train of thought. What mother wouldn’t?
“She’s good, sleeping, but uh… you have company at your house and I didn’t think you’d want me going in with Hadley on my own. By the way, how did they get inside of your house if you’re still at work?” Isn’t that the million-dollar question of the hour.
“Ugh,” she huffs out. “I have a hidden key, and my mom would know where to look. I’ll be there in ten,” she says, disconnecting the call.
“Be safe,” I say into the air. I’m worried that she’s gonna be paralyzed in fear and make a mistake behind the wheel. I should’ve just gone and picked her up my damn self. What the hell was I thinking? I bang the phone onto my forehead as I internally admonish myself. I know how she overreacts and analyzes everything. She’ll be all kinds of worked up when she finally makes it home.
Jacey
Well, that didn’t take them long. They must’ve hit the road within the hour after talking to Rayne and me. I was hoping for a couple of days to prepare myself for the onslaught of our parents. They’re like a damn wrecking ball. They come charging in and taking out anythin
g in their way to get what they want the most… and this mission is getting to Hadley. One hundred percent, no doubts about it.
My office is literally around the corner and down the bend from my house, so it takes me no time at all to pull down my street. A smirk forms on my face when I see Rayne’s truck sitting down the road from my home.
I’m not going to lie, it’s a great feeling to know that he waited on me before introducing Hadley to our folks. It also helps me to face the firing squad knowing that he’ll be by my side. I haven’t experienced all four of their ire aimed at me before, so I’m hesitant and a little petrified to come face-to-face with them after what I’ve done.
There is no greater sin than keeping one from their grandchild. It’s going to take a lot of groveling on my part to get them to come around. Even then, I’ve most likely broken that circle of trust and will have to slowly gain it again. But it’s work I need to put an effort into, this is all on me. I owe them the hurdles I’ll leap over and the hoops I’ll jump through to show them how sorry I truly am.
In my rearview mirror, I notice Rayne turning around and following me to the house. When he called me, I feared I’d hyperventilate and have an anxiety attack, but the knowledge that he’d be by my side helped me compose myself. I won’t say I breathed easily, but it made it a tad bit easier to put one foot in front of the other and get into my car.
He pulls into the driveway right behind my car. I take in a few breaths before exiting and rushing over to get Hadley in my arms. I need the comfort of her to get through this. Rayne pulls her out of her seat before handing her over to me. I pull her sleeping head into the crook of my neck before placing a kiss on her head. She doesn’t move which tells me she had a very active day.
“She passed out shortly after we left,” he tells me.
“Yeah, but who’s more wiped out, her or you?” I ask, raising my eyebrows at him in question.
“That is yet to be determined,” he informs me, swinging his eyes toward the house. “We can’t put this off too long or they’ll come swarming out of the house. You ready for this?”
“No, not really,” I say, shaking my head dramatically. “But they’re here, so there’s no hiding anymore.”
“I’m here, Jace, you won’t be doing this alone. You’ll never be alone again.” And why is it those words bring immediate comfort to my rapidly beating heart?
“It’s hard having the shoe on the other foot, Rayne. Usually, it’s you they’re mad at. This is a new experience for me,” I say as we walk up the walkway to my porch.
“It’s hard not being the golden child, but I promise, you will get through this and they will forgive you.”
“The golden child, really, Rayne? I’ve never been that and you know it.” I smile at him as I state this.
“Got you to smile though, didn’t it?”
My smile brightens. It’s always been a goal of his to see my ‘blinding whites’ as he calls my teeth when they protrude from my lips when I’m at my happiest. I always try not to give in, but I usually do no matter how hard I try to fight it. He just has a way with me. Always has, and probably always will.
Before we open the screen door, he halts my forward movement by placing a hand on my shoulder. “I forgive you, Jacey.”
I suck in a lungful of oxygen as I clamp my teeth down on my lip to keep it from quivering. I didn’t realize until this moment how much I needed to hear those words from him. Not able to voice my feelings due to my emotionally clogged throat, I lift my hand up and pat his in thanks.
Before I have a chance to get myself together, the door swings open and Billie peers out at us with wide, pleading eyes. “The parents are getting restless, please come in and save us from their tirade. I’m begging you,” she implores of us as she holds her hands together in front of her chest. It’s as if she’s preparing to say a prayer to the higher being up above.
“We’re coming,” I mumble underneath my breath. The time has come to pay penance for my wrongdoings. Rayne’s hand squeezes me one more time before dropping his hand from my shoulder.
“You’re the strongest person I know, Jace. You can do this.” From his mouth to God’s ears, I hope he’s right. Because right now, my knees are wobbly and I’m fearful that I’m going to drop.
“Yeah, I got this.” I repeat his words, trying to convince myself of their truth.
15
Jacey
When we walk through the front door, our parents are all in a semi-circle in front of my sofa, furious glares aimed in my direction. I give an awkward wave in their direction, which isn’t easy to do while juggling Hadley in my arms.
“I’m just… yeah, I’m just gonna go lay her down,” I announce to everyone as I swiftly exit the room.
I hear Rayne’s footfalls behind me as he too decides that putting her down is less strenuous than staying in a room full of our enraged parents. I can feel my deceit of them crawling through my limbs. All I wanna do is find a safe hiding place in a corner somewhere and let the tears that are gathered in my eyes freely fall.
As we make it to her bed, I look down at it, not ready to release her from my arms and lay her down. I know that the moment I do, I’m going to be forced to pull my big girl pants up and account all of my sins to them. The penance for my actions is not going to be fun to face. I have no one to blame but myself, and I detest every minute of it.
Rayne comes and plants himself before me. “Here, I’ll lay her down while you give yourself a second for a mini-meltdown.” When her weight leaves me, I walk over to the corner of her room and slide down on my rear. The looks on all of their faces is haunting me as I sit and reflect.
I’m not sure how long I sit here, lost in self-judgement and pity before I snap out of it and see Rayne bent down before me. “They hate me,” I whisper as the tears finally break loose from their confinement. “My mom’s never looked at me that way before.”
“This is an entirely different ballgame we’re dealing with here, Jace. None of us have had to play this game before. Give them time, they’ll come around,” he tries to pacify me.
“And if they don’t? If they always hate me and look at me with disdain, then what, Rayne?”
“Then we’ll be forced to make decisions about our lives, Jacey. Choices I’m not wanting to make, but ones I will.”
“Like what?” I can’t help but ask him.
“Whatever is best and right for our family, Jacey. You, me and Hadley. At the end of the day, you two are the only people who matter to me the most. I’ll do what’s needed to ensure y’alls happiness.”
“You can’t kick our parents out of our lives, Rayne. That’s what I did to get us into this mess in the first place.” I sigh in contemplation.
“Jacey, I’m not fucking around. They either get the fuck over it and move on, or we move forward without them. I refuse to have our daughter feeling all this tension and be placed in the middle of their bullshit. They can rein their asses in or hit the fucking road. Those are the only two viable options that they’ll be given.”
“Rayne…” I quietly begin. He places his fingers over my lips and nods his head at me. He’s not messing around. He’s one hundred percent serious about what he’s said to me. On one shoulder, the guilt is heavy that this will be a decision we’ll have to ultimately make, but on the other, I feel relieved that he’s finally forgiven me and is taking mine and Hadley’s side in things. After all, her emotional well-being is what is of the utmost importance to the both of us.
“Come on, Jace. Let’s get this over with before our girl’s eyes open. Things will be a ruckus once she’s awake again. She’ll wanna know who everyone is and be full of questions. I’d like them to make a decision on what path we’re gonna take before we have to answer her. I don’t want her getting excited and attached only to yank them from her life further down the road.”
“You’re right,” I hesitantly say before I place my hand in his outstretched one. “Let’s get this show on the road.”
“That’s my girl,” he praises, which causes me to encompass feelings of freedom and safety.
Rayne holds my hand down the hallway and into the living room. My emotions are all over the place as I look over and take in the scowling faces of our family.
Feeling bold and confident with Rayne at my side, I finally speak up. “You all heard my story, know why I did what I did. I’m not going to rehash all of that with you. We can choose to move forward or stay at a standstill, the decision is ultimately yours.” My voice comes out rough, as if I’ve swallowed more than a handful of gravel.
Rayne
I can tell by the way she’s speaking, that her nerves are fried. She gets this husky voice whenever she’s more upset than the average everyday stresses. Clearing my throat, I manage to get all of the parental figures’ eyes zoomed in on me. “It’s a hard pill to swallow, everything that’s been learned recently, but Jacey and I had a quick chat when we laid our daughter down. We can all choose to let the past go and move forward from here, or y’all can still hold your grudges and not be part of Hadley’s life.” I shrug my shoulders as if it’s no skin off my back which way they wish to go. In reality, my palms are becoming sweaty and a trickle of sweat begins to run down my back. I don’t want our parents to not be included in Hadley’s or our lives, but I meant what I said to Jacey behind closed doors.
“As simple as that, huh?” my mom spits out, still having her claws extended, ready for a fight. This is where Billie gets her attitude and grudges from. Dad’s more forgiving and understanding than my mom happens to be. That woman can hold a resentment for years.
“Do you want to be part of your granddaughter’s life, Mom?” I challenge her with my inquiry.
Uninhibited : Savage Wilde Page 8