“Danke,” Deland said. The old man just shook his head again and looked away. Deland was sure the man wanted to say something about the war, but he was afraid to open his mouth.
A train was coming in as Deland turned and left the depot, the two police officers stationed at the doors not in the least bit interested in him.
Just outside he stopped and pulled up his coat collar. The depot was just three blocks off the central square. He had walked down from his rooming house. The thought struck him that he was simply leaving his life here. No fuss, no apparent bother. He was just going to hop aboard a train and leave. There was nothing to be done on the island. He had no notes there. And he would not take much more than his radio and a few items of clothing with him when he left. Any more than that and too many early suspicions would be raised. If he left his clothing, there’d be one day of indecision on the part of the authorities. Was he merely off for an unauthorized holiday? His clothes were here.
Wouldn’t he be coming back soon?
The only dangerous time would be in Berlin. As soon as he got there, he’d telephone his contact. If the person was still there and could get to Deland, he’d have new papers immediately. Until that moment, however, he’d be vulnerable. Any spot check on the street would reveal him as a Peenemunde worker with no good excuse for being in Berlin.
He walked up to the square and went into the Hansa Haus Bierstube. There were a few people seated at the tables having their Sunday lunch. Deland didn’t see anyone he knew. He went up to the bar, ordered a stein of beer, and then stood there drinking it. He lit another cigarette. He was smoking a lot more than usual just now. He had an excuse.
He looked around again. He supposed he had really come here to see Katrina. They had met three times here, in addition to the dinner with Rudy at Maria’s apartment. He knew where Katrina lived with a couple of yqimg women from her same section, but so far he had been too timid to go there.
And now it was too late, he thought, although he toyed with the idea of going to see her. But that was too dangerous. In the very short time they had known each other, Katrina had developed the uncanny knack of reading what he was thinking. She’d be able to read him very easily today.
“There you are,” a familiar voice boomed behind him. Deland turned around as Rudy Schlechter, all smiles, came up to him and clapped him on the shoulder.
“Hello, Rudy,” Deland said.
“Don’t look so glum,” Schlechter laughed. He ordered a beer for himself and another for Deland.
“It’s the weather.”
“Nonsense, the weather is beautiful. Have you been outside … I mean, outside of town? It’s beautiful, I tell you.” Their beer came and Schlechter took a huge drink. “But listen to me, Edmund. The girls are at church. They’ll be back after late mass.
About two, I think. They sent me to find you. The old bag at your rooming house told me you went out this morning, then came back and went out again. I’m glad I found you. Where’ve you been?”
“I took my bike for a ride,” Deland said. His heart was beginning to accelerate.
“Hell of a day for a bike ride, if you ask me. It’s pretty, but it’s damned cold. Where were you off to?” Bern had warned him that his position was suspect. They wanted him out now. He glanced toward the from doors. Were the Gestapo just outside, waiting for the signal from Schlechter to come in and arrest him? Had he been followed?
“I took the river road out of town.”
Schlechter’s eyes narrowed. “Out toward the Wurzburg Reise?” he asked, referring to the radar station.
“No,” Deland said, hanging his head. “Much closer than that. But …”
“But what?”
“I couldn’t do it. I turned around and came back.”
“You couldn’t do what, my old friend? What were you up to so mysteriously this morning?”
“It was Herr Mueller,” Deland said after a hesitation. His heart was really hammering now.
Schlechter just looked at him, incomprehension on his face.
“Herr Meuller. Katrina’s father. I …”
Suddenly Schlechter’s face was split with a broad grin. “Oh, my God, Edmund! What a surprise! Don’t tell me you were going there to ask … for her hand?”
Color came naturally to Deland’s cheeks. He nodded. “But I just couldn’t.”
Schlechter slapped him on the back. “We are going to be with the girls this afternoon. I thought we’d drive somewhere for dinner. Maybe Greifswald.” He laughed out loud. “But I’ll tell you what. We’ll pick up the girls and go over to Maria’s apartment.
There’ll be no one there. We’ll make some excuse, and Maria and I will go on to dinner. You two can be alone. We won’t return until late.”
“But,” Deland started.
“Nonsense.”
“Katrina … she isn’t that kind of a girl.” He was more than frightened now. He was embarrassed and excited all at the” same time.
Schlechter smiled indulgently. “This is 1944, Edmund. You are a big boy, and Katrina is a big girl. Besides, this is war. You can never tell when one of us will leave for work in the morning and never come back.”
It was like a splash of ice-cold water. But if Schlechter had noticed Deland’s reaction to his comment, he gave no indication of it.
“Come on, drink up. We’ve got just enough time for another, and then we’ll pick up the girls.”
“Katrina was happy to see Deland, but she was a little shy at first. She and Maria sat in the back and Deland looked straight ahead as Schlechter kept up a running commentary on his efforts to find the “wayward boy.” He did not directly mention Deland’s story about trying to see Katrina’s father, but he kept alluding to a big secret. It made Deland very nervous.
Maria’s apartment was above a dentist’s office, so there was no one around at this hour on a Sunday. When Schlechter pulled up and parked, Maria sat forward.
“Why are we stopping here, Rudy? I thought we were going over to Greifswald?”
Schlechter turned around. He was grinning. Deland’s mouth was dry. “Give Katrina your key.”
“What?”
“Give Katrina your apartment key. Edmund has something he wants to ask her. I think they should be left alone for a while. It is something very important.”
It was quiet in the back seat. Deland was afraid to turn around.
Finally, Maria laughed. “I think that’s wonderful, Edmund,” she said. She reached forward and kissed him on the cheek.
The move was unexpected. Deland turned around. Katrina was smiling, her cheeks glowing, a wisp of blonde hair peeking out from beneath her wool cap. There was a large ache inside Deland’s chest. She never looked more beautiful to him.
“Are you two going to Greifswald after all?” Katrina asked, breaking the spell. But her voice sent shivers through Deland.
“Yes, we’ll be late. Very late,” Schlechter said.
“There’s plenty of food to eat, and there’s some wine and beer on the back stoop,” Maria said. “You know where the records are, and I think there might be some schnapps left in the cabinet by the plant stand.” She gave Katrina the key, then kissed her friend on the cheek. “If I had children, they would be like you,” she gushed.
Deland, thoroughly embarrassed now, got out of the car and helped Katrina out. Maria climbed in the front seat. She smiled, and she and Schlechter both waved and then were gone.
“It’s cold out here,” Katrina said. She turned and Deland followed her up the stairs to Maria’s apartment, where she unlocked the door and they went inside.
The apartment was very warm. Before she had gone out, Maria had evidently stoked the small heating stove in the living room. There was a bucket of coal beside the stove. There weren’t many people in Germany with that kind of luxury at the moment.
Coal was almost impossible to find. It had probably come from Rudy.
Katrina took off her hat and coat and laid them over a chair.
> She wore a knit dress and heavy woolen stockings that on anyone else would have been totally shapeless. But on her the outfit was beautiful.
“Are you hungry? Have you had your lunch?”
Deland shook his head. “I mean, yes, I am hungry.”
She stood looking at him, an odd expression in her eyes, her lips half parted. “Rudy said there was something you wanted to ask me,” she said softly.
It was very hot. He didn’t want this to happen, and yet he did.
In a few hours he would be gone. Any complications at this point would be exceedingly dangerous.
She smiled. “Take off your coat, Edmund; it’s dreadfully hot in here. I’ll find us the wine.” She turned and went into the kitchen.
Deland pulled off his coat and tossed it on the chair; then he peeled off his sweater and tossed it aside, too. He went into the kitchen. A bottle of wine and two glasses were on the tiny table.
“Open the wine, would you?” Katrina called from the bathroom.
“Right,” Deland said. He went to the back window and looked down at the back storage lot of an old lumberyard. It was empty. There was no one there, but he checked the back door. It was locked. He knew the front door was locked too. He went back to the table and opened the wine. He was pouring it when Katrina came out.
She had let her hair down, and she had taken off her boots and heavy wool stockings. Seeing her bare legs was almost more than he could bear at this point, and he nearly spilled the wine as he handed her a glass.
She took it with both hands and drank it half down while looking at him over the rim. He took a sip of his own wine, but then she handed her glass back, turned, and glided out of the kitchen.
Deland put the glasses down and followed her as she went into the bedroom. He stopped at the door. She turned down the bed, then turned around to him. She looked very frightened, but determined.
“Katrina … I …”
She shook her head. “Not now, Edmund,” she said softly.
“It’s not time for words.” There was a quaver in her voice. She reached around to her back and did something with the fasteners of her dress. Then she pulled it off. She was wearing nothing beneath it. She had evidently removed her underclothing in the bathroom. “Edmund?” she said.
He came to her in a rush and crushed her against his chest. She smelted of soap and cologne, and her skin was incredibly soft and wonderful.
“I love you, Katy,” he said softly.
She looked up at him, her eyes filling with tears. “I’m frightened.”
They kissed. He could taste the saltiness of her tears and feel her shivering against him. When they parted, he kicked off his boots and took off his clothes. She watched him, wide-eyed, breathing hard.
He was already erect..Her eyes traveled down and her lips parted. “You’re hard,” she said.
Deland reached out and touched her breast. She flinched. He eased her down on the bed, then got in beside her. The apartment had been too warm before. Now it was just perfect.
He kissed her again, and her lips parted as she returned his kiss, her hands tentatively on his shoulders, the touch of her skin sending electric shocks through him. He pulled her closer, her breasts against his chest, her lovely legs entwined with his.
Deland could feel himself nearly at the bursting point. He had to slow down, and yet he knew he could not. It had been a very long time since he had had a girl, and then it hadn’t been anything like this. In San Antonio, Texas, where he had taken some of his basic military training, a bunch of his friends had taken him to a whorehouse. He had gotten very drunk, and the young Mexican girls—some of them not much older than thirteen, with very tiny breasts and only a slight dark wisp of pubic hair—had sat on his lap, playing with him while they bargained on a price.
Katrina was kissing his face, and his neck and his ears, as her fingertips explored his back. She was panting, her entire body in motion.
At one point he pulled away and looked down at her. Katrina’s eyes were wide, her nostrils flared. “Edmund?” she asked. “Is there something wrong?”
“You are so beautiful,” he said. He caressed her breasts and she moaned loudly, arching her back, her legs spread, her heels dug into the mattress.
Her pubic hair was blonde. Deland reached down and touched her there. She nearly jumped out of her skin.
“Now,” she breathed. “Gott in Himmel, now!”
He kissed her breasts, then slid down, his tongue exploring her navel, and finally lower. She reached down for him and pulled him up.
Somehow he was inside her, and he climaxed almost immediately, her body coming up to his, her legs wrapped tightly around his waist as she continued in motion for a few seconds.
He felt a sudden deep sense of shame. “Oh damn, I’m sorry, Katy,” he said.
She laughed. “Sorry for what, my darling? We have the rest of the afternoon and most of the night. There is time.”
It was well after five o’clock, and already starting to get dark outside, when Katrina got out of bed. She reached back and gave Deland a kiss, then padded into the living room.
They had made love a second time, with Katrina more in charge and both of them slowing down so they could enjoy it more.
At first he had been concerned that he would do the same thing, would come too early. But it was very good. It was as if they were completely in tune, as if they had been doing this together for a very long time.
A few years ago, when he was seventeen, his father had told him a little about sex. No details, of course, but he had said that when the right girl came along and you loved each other, you would suddenly know all that was needed to know to satisfy each other.
At the time he felt his father’s advice, though well meant, was terribly old-fashioned. Damned near Victorian. But now he wasn’t so sure. He had found his girl. And as bitter as the thought made him feel, he knew that if they remained together, they’d have the life his father had promised.
The toilet flushed, and a minute or two later Katrina returned, wearing Deland’s sweater and carrying the wine and both glasses.
She got into bed with him and poured them both some wine.
She reached over and set the bottle on the floor, exposing herself.
Deland reached out and touched her inner thigh, and she spun around so fast she spilled her wine.
“What kind of a pervert are you?” she shrieked, laughing.
He looked into her eyes. He wanted so very much to remain with her. But it was impossible. In a few hours he’d be on the Berlin train. After that, there’d be no coming back. Ever.
Her grin faded. “Edmund?” she said. “What is it, darling? I didn’t mean what I said.”
He shook his head and looked away. “Nothing,” he mumbled.
She took his wine and put it down. Then she turned his head so that he was again facing her. “Something is wrong. Something!
What is it?”
God, he wanted her. Tell her everything, something inside of him shouted. Take her with you. Get her out of Germany. They could remain in Switzerland until the war was over. It hurt so much. “I … have to go, Katrina.”
“Go?” she snapped. “Go where? To do what?”
“Back to my room. Tomorrow … there is a lot of work yet I have to do.”
“No; God in heaven, no, Edmund. Not just like this.”
Deland couldn’t say a thing. He loved her.
“You just …” she started, and she looked away for a moment. “You just can’t do this to me. You just can’t come up here, make love to me, then disappear.”
“I’m not going to disappear,” he lied. The war couldn’t last much longer. He’d come back for her, the foolish thought crossed his mind.
“Then stay, please. Rudy and Maria won’t be back for hours.
They promised. I will make you a nice dinner. You must eat.
Afterwards we’ll listen to music … make love, and then you can go home early.”
; Deland held his silence.
“Oh God, Edmund, please don’t do this to me,” she cried.
She yanked the sweater off and cupped her breasts. “See?” she said breathlessly. “See?” She jerked the covers back, exposing Deland’s nakedness, and threw herself down, kissing his legs and his flaccid penis.
Deland was suddenly angry by what she was doing to herself.
He grabbed her shoulders and shoved her back. “Don’t do that, Katy.”
“Edmund!” she screeched, throwing herself at him again.
Deland lifted her away. Blood roared in his ears. His muscles were bunched. “No,” he shouted hoarsely. He wanted to hit something. “Not like this. You’re not a whore, Katy. Not like this. I love you. You can’t do this.”
Then she was on her knees, coming into his arms, and they were kissing deeply, tears rolling down her cheeks, her entire body shaking, as he held her tighter and tighter against him.
They fell back, kissing and caressing each other, like the starved lovers they were, and Deland could feel himself responding.
But then he remembered the time. He had to return to his rooming house to get his things, and then get back to the station— all before 8:30. It would be a long, very cold walk.
He eased her away, then started to get out of the bed, but she was on his back, clinging desperately to him. For a moment he struggled against her, but then he stopped, willing his body to completely relax.
She got out of bed and knelt down on the floor in front of him, her tear-filled eyes wide.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Deland said, hating the lie.
She shook her head. “You just used me. Admit it.”
Deland took her hands. “That’s not true, Katrina. You must believe that. I love you. I will always love you.” It hurt so much to say what he was saying to her, because this part was true.
“There is something! Verdammt! I can see it in your eyes.”
“It’s my work. It’s important.”
“More important than me … ?” She cut herself off. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.” She buried her head in his knees.
“I’m sorry, Edmund,” she said, her voice muffled.
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