by Danny Gokey
The challenge is not to allow ourselves to be sidetracked by the things that don’t last forever. My focus is on building up and investing in other people through personal relationships. This is what matters, and this is what lasts forever. So much of what we value in life is temporary. We should invest in people, not things. This is the only path to the abundant life.
I wish Sophia could be here to see all that has taken place. I know she would be proud. And the best is yet to come. While we continue our work in Nashville and Milwaukee, we are already exploring new cities into which we can expand our efforts.
What I have learned through this relentless challenge is that true faith means thanking God before the miracle happens and then having the resolve to see it through and watch your dreams come to life. Saying I have faith is not saying I deny the facts; it just acknowledges that God is bigger than the facts. This is what it means to live with purpose and in pursuit of our deepest desires. If we had given up on this dream of building Sophia’s Heart due to the challenges we faced, we would’ve forfeited the gift of helping so many people and changing the lives of so many families.
Never give up. Never stop trying to accomplish your dreams. You never know how many lives will be affected by helping others in the midst of pursuing your own dreams.
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Chapter 16
A New Beginning
You have yet to accomplish all you were designed to do.
The dreams you hold deep within you are the promises hope has given you to remind you that there is more in your future than you can anticipate right now. You must keep moving in the direction hope is taking you.
It may feel like you’re moving backward.
It may feel like you are stumbling all over yourself.
It may feel like you’ve lost your way.
But then it happens in a moment: Your dreams finally come true.
My heart was empty. My life was full. I didn’t know if I could love another woman the same way I loved Sophia.
In just a few short years, my wife had died unexpectedly and I had auditioned for American Idol, founded Sophia’s Heart, finished in the top three on season 8 of American Idol, toured with the finalists, signed a record deal, and moved to Nashville to continue my music career. Needless to say, those years went by fast — too fast, probably.
By 2011, I started feeling the desire to share my life with someone in a way you can do only with someone you love. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life alone. But I wondered if anyone finds love twice in a lifetime. It seemed unlikely.
Starting at Square One
Dating is difficult for anyone. Add a little complexity to that by way of American Idol, and it becomes almost impossible.
The hard part about living your life onstage is that you sometimes question the intentions of the people around you. You never really know for sure what people are thinking or if they really like you for the right reasons. It is the blessing and curse that comes with living your life onstage.
I went through some of the same things many people do. My friends made suggestions, but I never clicked with any of those girls. I tried dating a few girls I thought were attractive, but we never really connected. I was back at square one.
The world was watching this time as I began to date. Everyone had an opinion on who I should date and marry. While I did get insight and wisdom from people I trusted and respected, I knew I had to follow my heart, even at the risk of everyone not understanding why.
Once people realized I was serious about finding the next love of my life, they became more serious about expressing their concerns. I understood where they were coming from. These were close friends and family who were looking out for me. No one would ever replace Sophia, but I was ready to experience love again. Although I knew this decision to move forward in finding love again was difficult for many close to me and Sophia, I wanted them to embrace my next steps.
As might be expected, Sophia’s family was a little surprised about my interest in dating again. They were probably hit the hardest by this decision. Sophia was their daughter and sister. I did my best to assure them I would always love her.
Perhaps it was hard because it served as a reminder that Sophia was no longer alive and life continued to move forward. Either way, I’ve worked hard to keep a good relationship with Sophia’s family, and I consider them part of my extended family. After all, I’ve known them for most of my life. Even though it was hard for them to hear about it, I’m so glad they understood my need to find love again with someone I could share my life with.
A Dating Service Called Twitter
I don’t spend a tremendous amount of time on social media sites. I prefer connecting with people in person or by phone. I guess you could say I am a little old-school when it comes to those kinds of things. However, I do recognize that lots of people like to keep up with what’s happening in my life through social media sites like Twitter and Facebook.
While reading through some different Twitter streams, I noticed a certain woman’s profile linked in to someone else’s tweet. Now, just so you know, I don’t date girls only because they are attractive, but I’m not going to lie: This woman made a great first impression on me. I secretly wondered if this woman (named Leyicet) was the same in person as she was online. I was curious enough that I wanted to find out. So I did what every other guy would have done: I wrote to Leyicet on Twitter. She responded. And that is how Twitter went from a social media site to a dating service in my mind.
Within a few days, our tweets became e-mails and our e-mails became Skype video calls. I wanted to meet Leyicet soon after we connected online. Skype was great, but it was no substitute for the real thing. I had to meet this woman.
Just two weeks after I connected with Leyicet on Twitter, a friend of mine let me use a free ticket on American Airlines to fly to Miami to meet her. I was in Miami, and we were having dinner together and going to church. I was immediately taken aback by how real and honest Leyicet was. And, yes, she was just as pretty — if not more so — in person as she was online.
Our conversation that night was great. I lost track of time. It had been so long since that happened I had almost forgotten what that felt like. I actually felt as though a voice deep down inside of me told me she was my next wife. I thought that was ludicrous; I didn’t even know this girl, but I couldn’t shake it.
Getting to Know My Heart
Leyicet was a model and also worked in the music business. She was very skeptical of anyone who appeared to be a celebrity. She spent a lot of time with celebrities and was disenchanted by what she had seen and heard. Leyicet clearly understood that many celebrities live two separate lives: one onstage and another offstage.
She was very cautious when around me at first. It was important for her to get to know my heart. She wanted to make sure I was exactly who I said I was.
Leyicet was not bothered by the fact that I was married before. She was very compassionate when I shared about my loss of Sophia and how it had wrecked my life. I felt like I could tell her anything. She didn’t judge me. She didn’t make assumptions or jump to conclusions. She listened, affirmed, and encouraged. Most important, we shared a common faith. Leyicet didn’t grow up in a home that valued faith in anything, but her faith had become a defining factor in her life just a few years before we met. One day Leyicet decided to go to church and never stopped going after that. I love her pure and innocent commitment to live a life that is consistent with what she believes is true. We both share that. My faith at times has been tainted by years of good and bad experiences in church settings, but Leyicet hadn’t had her faith long enough to be tainted by anything. I find her faith story so beautiful and compelling. It wasn’t long before Leyicet started coming to Nashville. The relationship was already pointing in the direction of marriage.
Lingering Voices
I love my fans. They have been so faithful to me. But when it came out that I wa
s dating again and — more specifically — dating Leyicet, not everyone was ready for that news. Some people thought we were moving too fast, and some believed it was still too soon after losing my first wife.
I think my fans grew to love the story of Sophia so much that it felt like betrayal for me to find love again. Some took to social media to express their concern and disappointment. Some wrote letters to my management company. A few who were in my life at the time expressed their concern in person.
I completely understood the concerns. I knew some of it was because they saw only the Danny they knew on American Idol. But as you know from this book, that is just part of my story. Every person on TV or on a stage is more than what they appear to be. I also knew that some people were reacting because they didn’t want to see me get hurt again.
I’m so grateful for these people, but I had to shut down the voices of those trying to stand in the way of what Leyicet and I knew was right, even some of my close friends.
There will always be people who think they know better than you do about your own life. Many times people — even the closest of friends — will try to disrupt the good things going on in your life. You have to check their motivations. Is it because they see a different future for you, or is their concern valid? Once you weigh your decision, you have to trust that you know what is true, good, and right for you. No one else can decide what is best for you.
I knew once my fans and close friends had the opportunity to get to know Leyicet, they would fall in love with her as much as I had. She is such a genuine person who cares about the things I care about and is interested in the things I am interested in. We share a similar life perspective. And she fell in love with Sophia’s Heart almost immediately. It wasn’t long before the concern of my fans turned to congratulations.
My Big Plan
It took only seven months from the first time we met to realize we were meant for each other. We were engaged on October 14, 2011. My engagement to Leyicet didn’t happen with the same public fanfare as my engagement with Sophia, but we wanted it that way.
I wanted my engagement to Leyicet to be special, so I planned a night for her, complete with a car service. I was dressed to the nines in a suit. Leyicet had always asked me to wear a suit to church, but I’d never wanted to. She had never seen me wear a suit, so I bought a new suit just for this night.
I had talked to her dad earlier in the day to ask for her hand in marriage, but there was a little language barrier because her dad doesn’t speak English. He finally decided he wanted me to ask her mother because I understood her mother’s Spanish much better. (I also think in his heart he didn’t want to give up his daughter yet.)
Her mother was at work, so I had to rush over to where she was working, explain the situation, and get her permission. Her mother broke down crying at work and said yes. Now I actually had to execute my plans.
With fifteen or twenty minutes to spare before I was supposed to meet Leyicet, I had received her family’s permission and blessing. I had a car service pick her up and meet me at an elegant restaurant. We enjoyed a beautiful ocean-side dinner and then went to the ballet. I had already planned to take her to the beach to propose, but she played right into my plans and suggested we take a walk by the ocean.
I had a friend in town and had arranged for him to meet me there and play guitar while I sang a song that her mom used to sing to her as a little girl. Lucky for me, when I sang that song on American Idol, it was one of my better moments. The song was “You Are So Beautiful” by Joe Cocker.
Little did I know the wind would be blowing that evening and my friend who was playing guitar would lose his sheet music in the first verse of the song. Apparently, he didn’t know the song by heart, so I just kept singing as he struggled with the notes. As a singer, that was the worst, but I made it through. I asked Leyicet to marry me, and she said yes. I was thrilled.
A Wedding or Two
Wedding planning is always exciting and a little hectic getting all the details in place. One key element is getting the marriage certificate. Leyicet and I made plans to go to the office and fill out all the paperwork together.
What should have been a fun and joyful next step in the process turned out to be a challenging day for me. I was pretty quiet, and I knew Leyicet could tell something was off. We filled out all the paperwork and turned it in. And as we walked out of the building, this well of emotion overflowed in me and I began to cry. I cried so hard I collapsed against the side of the building. I can only imagine what Leyicet must’ve been thinking.
Once I was able to gain my composure, I tried to explain. I never thought I would do this part of my life twice. I guess it just hit me. I tried to reassure Leyicet it had nothing to do with her and I was thrilled to be taking this step with her, but I know it had to feel awful. She was nothing but gracious and understanding.
Healing from loss is a process, and there have been other times when moments like this have come up. I’m so thankful for Leyicet, who accepts who I am and where I’ve been and walks with me as those moments arise.
I wanted to give Leyicet the wedding of her dreams. We were planning a public wedding for January 2012, but we wanted a more intimate setting. I knew what it was going to be like this time around, and I didn’t want anything to get in the way of our special day.
We went back and forth on whether we wanted to move the wedding date up or simply elope. Randomly, Leyicet remembered my telling her that George Müller — someone who deeply inspired me, as I mentioned before — married his second wife on November 30. Our calendar was free on that date. We decided we would keep the public wedding in January but go ahead with a private ceremony on November 30, 2011. It was a very special day that we shared with just three close friends who also served as witnesses. We then left for our honeymoon in the Dominican Republic.
A few months later, we celebrated our wedding again with a public ceremony on January 29, 2012. In spite of my certainty of marrying Leyicet, yet again there were some nagging criticisms from various parties who were concerned for me. After our ceremony, however, more than $35,000 in donations came in for Sophia’s Heart. I took that as a confirmation that those people understood my moving forward in love was the right choice. I knew Sophia would’ve wanted me to find love again. I also knew she was honored that day in memory and spirit, just as she is every day through the work of the organization that carries her name.
People often ask Leyicet how she deals with the memory of Sophia always being part of our lives. I love her response. She has never been jealous, truly. She understands I have a past and doesn’t want to diminish that in any way.
What she often says is that Sophia loved a Danny that Leyicet never knew. They both loved two very different men, so there is no need to be jealous. Danny and Sophia were right for each other in that time of their lives in those formative years. The Danny Leyicet knows and loves has had the benefit of those years of experience and is a different person today because of it.
There have been many times in which Leyicet was mistaken for Sophia. It must’ve been awkward for Leyicet in those moments, but she handled them with grace. Our marriage has been all I had hoped it would be. We care for each other, support each other, and complement each other in so many ways. My love for Leyicet is not diminished because I was married once before. This was an opportunity for a new beginning and a new life. I am happier now than ever.
From the Outside In
After Leyicet and I got married, I decided to sell the first house I had bought when I moved to Nashville. A small mortgage was the only debt I had at that time, and I felt the urge again to become debt-free. I wasn’t sure how quickly it was going to sell, given the state of the economy at the time.
Our real estate agent had an open house the same day we put our house on the market. Within three weeks, we had a cash offer that we accepted. It was unbelievable. And then in the middle of our celebration, we remembered that we hadn’t quite settled on the details of where we
were going to live.
We were scrambling to look for a house, but we couldn’t find the right one. And I don’t like to make big decisions too quickly. That is one way I stay out of financial trouble.
So Leyicet and I decided to move into our facility at Sophia’s Heart for a time. It was a very practical solution, and it also became an act of solidarity with the staff, the volunteers, and our guests. It opened our eyes to the weight of helping families overcome homelessness. It is one thing to experience the organization from the outside in. Now we were right in the middle of it. We gained a new appreciation for their needs and complexities, which helped me better articulate what we needed to accomplish.
On the first night we moved into the building for our temporary stay, it was late. We were both tired and ready to crash. We blew up the air mattresses. This is what we were going to sleep on that night. Because I knew it wasn’t going to be even close to the mattress we were used to sleeping on, we stacked them on top of one another to make it as comfortable as possible. We finally got into bed and were exhausted. About two hours into the night we woke up to the air mattress caving in on us because the air was leaking out. I was mad and frustrated. That night I woke up four different times to fill each air mattress.
The next day we finished moving and then headed to the store to buy a new air mattress. I refused to have another night like the night before. This time I bought the cream-of-the-crop air mattress in a brand-new box from the store to make it as comfortable as possible. I mean it was the Cadillac of air mattresses.