When I walk into Fox Foods, I pass Allie having a conversation with an employee. Her lips tug up in a smile when our eyes meet, and I wink at her.
I get stopped at the snack bar by a table of older men who want to talk hockey.
“What’s with that new Las Vegas team?” one of them asks, scowling. “Vegas has enough, that team should’ve come to the Midwest.”
“That would’ve been good,” I say.
“I haven’t missed a Blaze game since ’98,” another man says. “I was in the hospital with kidney stones.”
“Hospital rooms have TVs,” another guy points out.
The first guy scoffs and I smile, wondering if one day, I’ll end up just like them.
Allie walks up and loops her arm in mine, saying, “Guys, can I steal him away?”
“You want to take me instead?” one of the men asks, giving her a grin.
“Next time, Frank,” she says, tugging my arm.
“Nice to meet you guys,” I say, waving.
Allie slides into an open booth and I lean down to kiss her before sitting down on the other side.
“Thank you for the flowers,” she says. “They’re beautiful.”
“You’re welcome. How’s your day going?”
She shrugs. “The usual. Vi’s not giving up on the living with Jenna thing, and Jenna’s staying in town longer.”
I exhale hard and decide to just dive in and tell her what happened earlier. “Hey, I’m not sure what the best way to tell you this is, but…I think Jenna was hitting on me earlier.”
She narrows her eyes. “She was?”
“She came up to me while I was cooling down around my aunt’s house after my run and said some stuff.”
“What stuff?” There’s a jealous edge in Allie’s voice.
“Hey.” I take her hand across the table. “You know I’d never, ever go there, right?”
“I know. But I want to know what she said.”
“That she’s the fun one and I should meet her at some bar and grill tonight. That she doesn’t kiss and tell.”
“That bitch,” she says under her breath.
“Don’t let her upset you. She’s probably just jealous of how much the kids love you.”
“She doesn’t seem the least bit grateful I’m raising them.”
“Who cares? You’re doing the right thing.”
She squeezes my hand. “Thanks.”
“Hey, I’ve been thinking. I guess I don’t really know how to express, um, what I want to say, but here goes. Allie, I want to be with you. I’ve always wanted it, but never thought it was possible. If we want it enough, though, we can find a way. And I need to know…do you want that, too?”
“I do.” Her smile drops into a look of concern. “I mean, I would, but…I just don’t see how we can.”
“You and the kids would have everything you could ever want in Chicago. Not that money can buy everything, but…we can get a house, any house you want, and Hazel could enroll in a great hockey league. Whatever the other kids like, we can arrange it for them. And my teammates are like family to me. They’d help the kids make friends.”
Allie nods, and time stops as I wait for her to speak.
“I’ll talk to the kids about it tonight.”
“Yeah?” I give her a hopeful grin.
“Yeah. It might sound selfish if I was saying it to someone else, but…I think I deserve to try. I’ve never thought I could have it all, but maybe if the kids know how much I love you, and how much I want this…”
I fight back the burn of grateful tears. “I want it, too. So goddamn much, Allie. If you’ll be with me, I’ll never let you down. I’ll make you happy, I swear it.”
“I’ve never doubted you, even when we were younger. I just didn’t want you to end up resenting the kids and me. You make me happier than I’ve ever been.”
“I want the kids too, Allie. That was never a question. If Jenna wants to fight you for custody, tell her to bring it. We’ll hire the best attorneys in Chicago.”
“Really?” She smiles hopefully.
“I want all of you.”
“I want that, too. I promise, I’ll find a time to sit down with the kids and talk to them about it and let you know.”
“Okay.”
“Do you want to go order lunch?”
“Yeah, sure.”
We get up from the table and she looks over at me as we walk to the salad bar.
“Hey, what was the name of the place Jenna asked you to meet her at?”
“She didn’t actually say. She just told me it’s over by the dollar store.”
“Okay.”
“Why?” I ask.
She shrugs. “Just wondering.”
My ass. Allie’s not letting it go, and as much as I don’t want my girl getting into a bar brawl, I can’t deny it feels good that she’s jealous over me.
That’s how I feel about her. I don’t want any other man putting his hands on her or telling her what he plans to do to her later.
Only I get to do that. Even after all this time, she’s still mine.
Eighteen
Allie
It’s Max’s tears that gut me.
“I’m sorry,” he says, covering his face with his hands.
“There’s nothing to apologize for.” I get up and walk over to the other side of the kitchen table, putting my arms around him. “I wanted your honest feelings on this.”
He wipes his cheeks and takes a deep breath. Max rarely cries, and seeing him so emotional is making Hazel somewhat anxious. Vi is uncharacteristically silent.
“I guess, if we’re moving, I’ll make the best of it,” Max says.
“No, that’s not what I’m saying. This isn’t a final decision. It’s only an option, which is why I’m asking for all of your opinions. We’re a family and we’ll decide together.”
“I really don’t want to leave my friends senior year. Maybe my dad would let me live with him, though. Or Tyson’s parents, they’ve got an extra bedroom in their basement.”
I suddenly feel like an asshole parent for even putting Max in this situation. It would be one thing if we had to move, for my job or something, but we don’t. I want to be with Erik, but not at the cost of leaving Max behind to couch surf while he’s still in high school.
“You’ll be staying right here,” I assure him. “In our home, with me and the girls.”
I move to sit back down in my chair and smile reassuringly. Max continues to look down at the table.
“You deserve to be happy, too, Aunt Allie,” he says.
“I am happy.” My throat tightens. “You guys are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“You had to give up your dreams, though,” Hazel says. “To take care of us.”
“The dreams we have when we’re eighteen years old usually change into new dreams.”
“You didn’t get to be with Coach Zimmerman, though. And you guys still love each other.”
I smile and cover her hand with mine. “We were in a situation where we both had two different dreams and we both had to choose which future we were going to follow. I don’t look at Erik and think he chose hockey over me. And he doesn’t feel that way about me choosing to raise you guys.”
Max looks up at me, his eyes rimmed with red. “But now you guys have another chance, and I don’t want you to lose it because of me.”
“It’s not like that,” I assure him. “Erik could be on the other side of the world, and I’d still love him. Our feelings won’t change just because we can’t live together yet.”
“You’re a great mom,” Vi says, her voice unsteady.
I wait for the argument that it’s time for me to let them live with Jenna so I can be with Erik, or that Jenna deserves a chance to be a great mom, too. But it doesn’t come. She simply holds my gaze as a kind of understanding passes between us.
I love each of these kids the same, but Vi has always been the one who tests me the most. Her attitude i
s reminiscent of Jenna as a teenager, but her comment gives me hope that maybe she’s learning from my example.
“Okay, guys.” I smile through my tears, wiping my cheeks. “I have to get dinner going. Your mom will be here before long.”
“Do you need any help?” Hazel asks me.
“That would be great, thanks.”
“So,” Max says, “we’re not moving to Chicago this summer then?”
“No.” I smile so he knows everything’s okay.
I knew it was a long shot, but I was hoping the kids would be excited about it. Moving to Chicago to live with an NHL player would’ve been big news to share, but then Max would’ve missed out on things he’s worked hard for, like his position as captain of the football team.
I was once a high school junior preparing for my senior year, looking forward to applying for college and graduating. My parents were planning to make sacrifices so they could send me to Penn State, where Erik was. There were less expensive schools I could’ve chosen, but they loved Erik and were happy that I wanted to pursue a higher education since neither of them attended college.
They never would’ve asked me to walk away from my dreams and raise Jenna’s children. But that decision was made for all of us when they were killed in that car accident. And as hard as it was for me alone sometimes, having the kids was a great comfort to me. It was me, the kids, and my parents before the accident. The girls were only three when they died, so they didn’t understand what was happening. But Max and I grieved together. He’d get in bed with me and we’d cry ourselves to sleep in each other’s arms.
“Will Coach Zimmerman be mad we aren’t moving in with him?” Hazel asks as we chop vegetables for a salad.
“Oh honey, no.” I set my knife down and turn to her. “If someone doesn’t support what you love, and if they aren’t willing to fight through hard things so you can be together, they aren’t worth it anyway.”
“And Coach Zimmerman is worth it.” She gives me a happy grin that warms my heart.
“He is.” I decide on an impulse to explain the past some more. “You know, when Grandma and Grandpa died, Erik wanted to quit college—and hockey—to come back here and help me raise you guys.”
“He did?”
“Yes.”
“Because he loves you so much?”
“Because we love each other.”
“Why didn’t he do it, then?”
I sigh softly and pick up my knife again, slicing a green pepper. “I wouldn’t let him. I thought that giving up college and a chance to play professional hockey was too much of a sacrifice.”
Hazel dumps the cucumber she diced into our big salad bowl. “Do you think you did the right thing?”
“That’s a hard question. I know I did what I thought was best at the time.”
“Did you miss him?”
“Very much. But I liked knowing he was chasing a big dream.”
“Do you like hockey?”
“Of course. Two of my favorite people in the world play it.”
Hazel smiles. “Coach Zimmerman and me?”
“Yes. He says you’ve got a lot of talent.”
“I love it. I wish girls could play in Greentree Falls.”
I furrow my brow in confusion. “What do you mean? You are playing hockey.”
“On the high school team, I mean. It’s only for boys. They don’t have a girls team.”
“That’s not fair.”
She shrugs. “The boys say girls get volleyball and they get hockey.”
There’s a knock at the back door and Jenna pushes it open.
“Hi,” she says, giving Hazel a tentative look.
I hope she’s smart enough not to push Hazel by running over and hugging her or anything. The last thing the kids and I need is another night of drama and arguing.
“Hey,” Hazel says, still chopping.
“I brought this,” Jenna says, walking over to the counter and setting down a bottle of red wine. “Peace offering?”
I paste on a fake smile and thank her. I’d actually buy her bullshit if I didn’t know she was hitting on Erik earlier today and hoping to hook up with him tonight.
Hazel and I put our simple dinner of barbeque chicken, mac and cheese, and salad on the table. Vi and Max come in the kitchen and we all sit down.
“Your cooking is bad for my waistline,” Jenna says, laughing lightly. “But it looks delicious.”
The kids tell her about their last day of school and their plans for the summer. Vi’s got a babysitting job lined up watching our neighbor’s kids, Hazel is signed up for multiple sports camps, and Max will be working on a local farm and training for football.
For the sake of the kids, I play along. I laugh when I’m supposed to and pretend to be interested in Jenna’s stories about sailing trips with her last boyfriend. But I’m relieved when I’m finally clearing dishes away and dinner is over.
“How much longer are you staying, Mom?” Vi asks Jenna.
“I don’t know. At least a few days.”
“Do you want to hang out later? Hazel and I are going to a party, but we could just stay for like an hour and then come back to see you.”
“Oh, I wish I could.” Jenna frowns. “I’m helping my friend Elle decorate for a baby shower she’s hosting tomorrow.”
“I’m gonna go get ready for the party,” Hazel says, getting up from the table.
“I guess I should, too,” Vi says.
Max at least rinses his plate and puts it in the dishwasher, but as soon as he’s done, he says, “I’m going out with Adam and some other guys.”
“Be home by midnight.”
“12:30?”
“Midnight. Be smart and be careful.”
“I will.”
I turn on the kitchen faucet and start rinsing the rest of the dishes and Jenna walks over, leaning against the kitchen counter. “Hey, thanks for dinner. It was great. I need to go meet Elle.”
“Okay, have a good night,” I say, not looking up from the sink.
“You too. Do you have plans with Erik?”
My blood heats, but I keep my cool and play along. “No, he said he was doing something else tonight. I’ll probably read and go to bed early.”
“Oh,” she says, trying to sound nonchalant. “Okay, well enjoy a night to yourself. You deserve it.”
She goes out through the back door and I look up once she’s gone.
Fucking. Bitch.
Not to mention, worst sister ever. Jenna may think Erik’s meeting her at that bar tonight, but she’s going to be surprised when it’s me who shows up instead.
* * *
“Make good choices!” I call to the girls as they get out of the car.
Vi shakes her head, mortified, and Hazel ignores me. Super awesome.
I guess other parents just believe their teenagers when they say parents will be present during the party, but I called ahead today to check. The last thing I need in my life is for one of the kids to become a teen parent.
Finally alone in my car, I crank some Eminem and head for the dollar store. I know exactly which place Jenna meant when Erik mentioned the new bar and grill. It’s been popular since it opened, and I hear the food’s great.
The parking lot is getting full, and it’s only 7:00 p.m. I have to park several blocks away from the entrance, and I scan the lot as I’m walking towards the building, trying to spot Jenna’s old red Jeep.
I don’t see it, but the parking lot is huge and I may have just missed it. When I walk into the bar, I’m hit by a wave of cool air and the sound of country music. People are dancing and every barstool is occupied.
“Allie, hey,” a woman from work says as she touches my arm.
“Hey, Grace.”
I’d stay and chat, but I’m on a mission. I scan every face I see, making it to the pool tables at the back of the bar before I find Jenna perched on a stool at a high-top table. She changed into a tight red tank top and cutoff shorts, her hair down and a bottl
e of beer in her hand.
Busy laughing at the story the person next to her is telling, she doesn’t even see me coming. I’m so pissed I imagine grabbing a beer bottle and knocking it against a table to shatter it into a weapon like I’ve seen in the movies. Unfortunately, this is real life and I’m not that badass.
“Jenna?” I say, feigning surprise once I reach her. “Is this where the baby shower is? Seems about right for one of your friends.”
Her lips part and then snap closed again before she asks, “What are you doing here?”
“Erik told me you were looking for some company.” I cross my arms and glare at her. “So here I am.”
She gives me a half shrug and looks away.
“You’re disgusting,” I tell her. “Erik isn’t like you and he doesn’t stab people in the back for fun.”
“God, you’re so dramatic.”
“You know what the worst part is?” I lean in closer, anger on the edge of every word. “You gave up time with your daughters for this. You haven’t even seen Hazel the whole time you’ve been here, and you lied so you could try to steal my boyfriend instead of being with them.”
“No matter what I do, I’m a shitty mom in your eyes, so take your bullshit somewhere else.” She makes a shooing motion and I laugh, though it’s more of an I can’t believe this is happening laugh than an amused one.
“We’re done,” I tell her. “You’re not welcome in my house ever again, and if you want to take me to court for custody of the kids, I’ll see you there.”
I turn and walk away then, not bothering to give her a chance to respond. My days playing nice with her are officially over.
Nineteen
Easy
Allie sighs softly as we embrace each other. She keeps her arms locked around my waist, not yet ready to let go and face the world around us.
“I take it the conversation with the kids didn’t go well?” I murmur against her hair.
“Not as well as I was hoping, no. Max doesn’t want to move.”
Easy: A Chicago Blaze Hockey Romance Page 12