by Wolf, Bree
His jaw tightened, and his eyes closed in defeat. Still, he would not say a word.
“Then tell me why you left Abigail’s letter for me to find?”
His gaze snapped open. “I beg your pardon?”
“The letter she sent you,” Charlaine demanded as her mind slowly put all the pieces together. How she had not seen it before was beyond her. Perhaps her own fear of losing yet another whom she had come to love had blinded her to the truth as well. “When you ran away to Pembroke Hall, you left it in your chamber. Why?”
Nathanial cleared his throat. “I suppose I must have forgott—”
Charlaine laughed. “No, you didn’t. You took everything and left nothing behind. Only the letter. Why?”
His gaze dropped from hers and he inhaled a slow breath. “After what happened…at the lake,” he swallowed hard, “I needed you to understand that we would only ever be friends. I didn’t want you to reach out to me.”
“Is that so?” Charlaine demanded, getting annoyed with the way he sought to evade the truth. Was it truly that terrifying? “I believe there was another reason altogether.”
His gaze narrowed. “What reason?”
Charlaine pushed herself up onto her toes, her fingers still curled into the fabric of his jacket. “Did you want me to read it and get jealous?” He tensed, and she tightened her grip, her gaze fixed on his. “Did you want to see if I would fight for you?”
Chapter Forty-Eight
A New Beginning
That blasted muscle in Nathanial’s jaw twitched furiously, and no matter how hard he tried to remain in control, it seemed that all his efforts were doomed to fail.
And Charlaine knew it.
Her knowing eyes lingered on his, every once in a while darting to that blasted muscle that was like a beacon in the dark, betraying all that he felt. And she knew him well enough to understand. She knew how to read him. She knew what lived in his heart.
Perhaps better than he did himself.
A soft sigh drifted from her lips as she stood in front of him, her body all but leaning against his, warm and soft and so very alive. “I think after the way Abigail turned from you,” Charlaine whispered gently, her voice no longer accusing, “a part of you wanted to know if I would fight for you.”
Nathanial swallowed, remembering how worthless he had felt when Abigail had given away his father’s ring. Of course, she had known what that ring meant to him and, yes, it had cut him deep. That she would do this, knowingly, not bothered by the effect it would have on him had devastated Nathanial for, to him, it had proved beyond the shadow of a doubt that she had never cared for him.
That all had been a lie.
And he had felt like the most worthless fool to ever walk the earth.
Of course, now, he knew the truth. Now, he knew why Abigail had done all she had done then, and a part of him understood. A part of him knew that it had had nothing to do with him. Still, the fear to not be enough for another, to always be second best, a consolation prize because one could not have what one truly desired, continued to linger. It had snuck into his heart and taken root, and Nathanial knew not how to rid himself of it.
But he wanted to.
After all, Charlaine was not Abigail.
And quite plainly, Nathanial himself was no longer the man he had been mere months ago.
“I am here,” Charlaine told him gently, but firmly, her brown eyes holding his captive. “I’m here right in front of you and I’m fighting to keep you. Can you not see that?” For a second, her bottom lip seemed to quiver, an almost imperceptible sign that she, too, was battling emotions that threatened to overwhelm her. “Can you not see that I love you? Can you not see that the thought of losing you to another terrifies me just as much? Do you not know what I’m saying, what I’m asking, what I want?” She inhaled a slow breath. “If I’m wrong and you do not truly love me, I will release you. I promise.” A smile teased the corners of her lips. “But I don’t think I’m wrong.”
Something sparked in her eyes in that moment that stole Nathanial’s breath. It was something teasing, something daring. It reminded him of the many wonderful hours they had spent together over the course of the summer, a time he would cherish until the day he died. It also reminded him of the many madcap ideas that had sprouted from her head; ideas she had pursued with a single-minded intent that knew no equal. It reminded him of the many moments she had been in his arms, dancing through the meadow barefoot, holding her to him as they had ridden home in the storm, kissing her that day by the lake.
His gaze inevitably dropped to her lips as the desire he had felt that day came back full force. It burned through his veins and made his hands drop to her middle, pulling her closer with a swift tug. Dear heavens, he wanted to kiss her again!
A soft gasp escaped her lips at his sudden reaction before they curled up into a smile, her hands snaking up his shoulders. “Kiss me,” she whispered as though she had read his thoughts, “and if you feel nothing but friendship, if it feels awkward and unpleasant, then you’ll have your answer,” she swallowed hard, “and I’ll have mine.”
Nathanial gritted his teeth, tempted beyond comprehension. “What if—?”
“Kiss me,” she interrupted him, pushing closer still. “I dare you.”
Looking down at her, Nathanial knew that he had lost, that he was lost. No matter how much he feared that it would not work between them, that they would lose each other by daring to reach for more, he knew that she would not allow him to retreat.
Indeed, she was fighting for him, and the knowledge of how deeply she cared for him warmed Nathanial’s chilled heart. He knew that losing her would destroy him. He knew that having her friendship was better than having nothing. But he also knew that it would not be enough.
It would never be enough.
Nathanial knew the truth even before his lips finally claimed hers.
*
Awkward and unpleasant? Charlaine thought as she clung to Nathanial, returning his all but fevered kiss with equal measure. Never! For this was heaven!
Her hands snaked into his hair, the tips of her fingers tracing the line of his neck, as he held her locked in his embrace. His heart thudded wildly against her ribcage, a reminder of the emotions he always sought to keep in check.
But now the truth was out.
Although Nathanial had not reciprocated in kind when she had confessed her love for him, his current reaction to her dare was quite telling. Quite telling, indeed!
Charlaine knew that he loved her. Why else would he have been so terrified of losing her? All he needed had been someone to push him to the edge and demand an answer. Someone to fight for him. Someone to prove to him that he was worthy of so much more than he believed.
That he was her dream.
Her hope.
Her love.
As hesitant and evasive as Nathanial had been before, as demanding and eager was he now. His touch was no longer tentative, his hands holding her with determination, with the intent to keep her, here, with him. He urged her closer until she could barely breathe, then slipped a hand up the line of her neck and into her hair.
Charlaine gasped as she felt a short tug, her skin prickling with the sensation. Her head tilted back, and Nathanial deepened their kiss with a voraciousness she had not known he possessed. It was as though all his emotions had suddenly been unleashed and he could not get enough of her.
Indeed, it was not enough.
Not nearly enough.
Wrapped in each other’s arms, they moved backward until the cool windowpane cut off their retreat. Charlaine felt its slight chill through the fabric of her gown, a stark contrast to the heat lingering under her skin.
Nathanial’s lips brushed hers again and again, nipped hers, before he was kissing her all over again, his mouth on hers, a gentle but demanding pressure Charlaine got lost in all too willingly. Time seemed to stop as though the world had paused in its tracks, overcome by the sight of their union.
All tension fell from Charlaine, her limbs suddenly feeling weak after all the fears they had endured lately. Relief swept through her, and her heart sighed in contentedness, feeling safe and at peace…and utterly overcome by the man holding her in his arms.
He was still sweet and caring Nathanial. A man who respected her. A man who always listened to what she had to say even if he did not like what she was saying. A man who was her friend, her confidante, her home. She felt safe with him, at peace and knew that there was no place she would rather be than by his side.
Still, under that outward layer of restraint and formality hid a deeply passionate heart, one he rarely showed to anyone, one he pretended did not exist, one he feared would only bring him pain. Now, however, he had shared all he felt with her, revealing the depth of his emotions, trusting her not to hurt him.
Pulling back, Charlaine smiled at him, her hands rising to cup his face. “What do you want?” she asked on a whisper, her breath mingling with his as she looked up into his deep blue eyes. “Tell me.”
Again, the muscle in Nathanial’s jaw twitched. It was only a mild echo of what it had been before. His arms still held her close to him, telling her something he had yet to put into words. And then he spoke and she could tell from the strain still lingering in his jaw that he was taking a leap of faith. “I want you.”
Charlaine’s heart rejoiced. “As a friend?” she dared him, a teasing smile upon her lips.
A deep breath rushed from his lungs, and the hint of a smirk tugged on his lips. Then one arm came around her middle, pulling her deeper into his embrace, as his other hand grasped her chin, tilting her head upward, their eyes locked. “As my wife.”
Doubt still rested in his gaze, and Charlaine knew that a part of him still expected her to deny him. To refuse him. To laugh in his face, saying that all that had happened had been a misunderstanding.
Nothing more.
“Then ask me,” Charlaine dared him as her hand slipped between them, once more coming to rest upon his wildly hammering heart. “Ask me, and I’ll say yes.” Her smile deepened, telling him that he did not need to be afraid, that she would never break his heart, that she would fight to keep it safe.
Always.
Nathanial inhaled a deep breath, and his features relaxed, a small smile tugging on his lips. “You always know what to say, why is that?”
Shrugging, Charlaine grinned at him. “It’s a gift.” Her brows rose, daring him not to stall, not to hedge. This was the moment. This was their moment, and he needed to seize it. Or perhaps she ought to? After all, had he not already told her he wanted her as his wife? He had taken a step toward her, and now it was her turn.
One last step, and they would stand together.
Forever.
One hand rose to cup his cheek. “Will you marry me?” Charlaine asked him then, cherishing the feeling of taking control of her life instead of waiting for it to turn out the way she hoped.
Nathanial’s eyes widened. “That was my line.”
“Was it?” Charlaine teased. “Says who? Simply because you’re the man you have some kind of claim on it?” She shook her head, smiling up at him. “I know what I want. I want you, and I will not let you slip away. So you better say yes.”
Laughter rumbled in his throat. Then his head swooped down and his mouth claimed hers in a searing kiss that left her breathless.
All but staggering on her feet, Charlaine was relieved that his arms still held her locked in his embrace. “I assume that was a yes?”
Again, Nathanial laughed. “Yes,” he said, grinning. “I’ll marry you.”
Joy danced through Charlaine’s heart, and she threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly. Nathanial returned her embrace, pulling her against him and lifting her feet off the floor. Then he spun her in a circle as they laughed together.
It was a moment heartbreakingly beautiful, and it reminded Charlaine of the moment their journey had begun, that night at the masquerade when he had not known who she was. A lot had happened since then, but they had finally come full circle. Then, Charlaine had not known that she would lose her heart to him, but a part of her had even then whispered to her that he was a man she could not allow to escape from her life.
“If only we had remained true to our promise,” she told him when he finally set her down. “We could have been married weeks ago.”
A slight frown appeared on his forehead. “Truly?”
Charlaine kissed him. “Truly.”
Chapter Forty-Nine
Flower Girls
A part of Nathanial insisted that he was dreaming. That all that was happening only lived in his mind. That Charlaine had not truly just asked him to marry her. Was he hallucinating? Had Lord Ashhaven fought back and landed a punch Nathanial could not recall? Was he currently lying on the floor, bleeding from a major head injury?
In an odd way, that would have made more sense than the thought that Charlaine loved him. That she wanted to marry him. That she was in his arms right here, right now.
She loved him! Not merely as a friend, but…she loved him! The thought kept circling in his mind and each time it came around, Nathanial had trouble grasping it. She loved him!
He stilled. Had he told her that he, too, loved her beyond hope? He had not, had he?
His gaze moved over her lovely face as she lay in his arms, his heart overwhelmed by the thought that she was his, that he was hers, that she wanted him to be. His hand reached out, the tips of his fingers brushing over her skin, along her forehead and down her temple before circling around her ear and moving into her hair. “I love you,” he whispered and, this time, he did not feel the need to drop his gaze. His eyes lingered on hers, open and honest and trusting. She would not hurt him. “I have for a while, but I didn’t dare say it, even think it.”
Charlaine smiled up at him in that way of hers that always warmed his heart. “I, too, was hesitant at first, but Peter and Amancia taught me that it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.” Her thumb brushed gently over his cheek. “I always knew that to be true, but still I feared to lose you. I feared to speak the truth. I suppose it’s only human to be afraid. It often stands in our way, but it also helps us see the truth, does it not? After all, if we’re afraid to lose someone, then we know that that person is very dear to us.” Again, she pushed herself up onto her toes and placed a gentle kiss upon his lips. “I do love you. Never doubt that.”
Nathanial nodded, grateful that they could both be strong and weak, complementing one another in the most fortunate way. “Thank you for testing me,” he told her then, now seeing everything that had happened through different eyes. “I suppose I owe Lord Ashhaven an apology.”
Charlaine chuckled. “Quite frankly, it was his idea. He told me he was annoyed with the way we continued to dance around one another—as he called it—so he decided to solve the problem for us.”
Nathanial scoffed. “He could’ve said something.” Instead of forcing them through such an emotional turmoil.
“Would you have believed him?” Charlaine asked, a devilish glimmer in her dark eyes.
Nathanial could not deny that she had a point. “Still, I cannot bring myself to regret that I punched him in the face. I might have been wrong, but I don’t regret it.”
“You might have been wrong?” Again, her brows rose in that daring way of hers.
Without thought, his hands tightened on her. “You’re mine,” was all Nathanial said before his lips claimed hers once again.
Still, somehow it was not enough. Not nearly enough. His blood hummed in his veins, a deep need for her settling into his bones as though his body could no longer survive without her by his side.
Perhaps not even a lifetime would do.
But it was a start.
Gasping for breath, Charlaine looked up at him. “I wish we could simply lock the door.” She glanced over his shoulder at the item in question.
Nathanial chuckled, pleased by every word t
hat proved her longing for him matched his own for her. “That eager?”
“You have no idea.” A deep sigh left her lips as she snuggled closer. “I’ve been wanting to kiss you for weeks.”
Nathanial almost groaned at the thought. “As have I.” If only he had known! If only they had not wasted all this time! “I kept reliving the moment at the lake, wishing…wanting…” His gaze drifted to her lips, longing to continue what they had begun. His head lowered and—
“I need to talk to Pierce!” All but jerking out of his arms, Charlaine strode toward the door.
“What?” Thunderstruck, Nathanial stared after her.
Stopping with her hand on the handle, she smiled back at him. “About a special license.” Her hand jerked the door open. “I’m not waiting a day longer than I have to to marry you.” Then she rushed down the corridor toward Pierce’s study.
A deep smile snuck onto Nathanial’s face as he stood there, his feet rooted to the spot as his heart danced in his chest. Never would he have thought such happiness was possible.
Only this morning, doubt and fear had dominated his life. And now…
“See?” A little voice peeped up a moment before Daphne’s head came lurking around the door frame. “I told you that you were her prince.”
Taken aback, Nathanial laughed. “That you did.”
“Did she kiss you?” Susan inquired, her head appearing on the opposite side of the frame.
Nathanial felt his cheeks flush red. “She did,” he confessed nonetheless. Then he frowned. “How long have you been outside the door?”
While Susan’s gaze dropped to the ground, Daphne simply grinned at him. “Can we be flower girls?” she asked, getting right back to the most important things in life. “After all, we helped, didn’t we? If we hadn’t,” she squeezed her eyes shut in concentration, “meddled—as Papa calls it—Charlaine might have kissed a different frog.”