Lizzie watched waves of hot air rise from the roof of her SUV and listened as Adam described her arrival and everything that happened after that. And through it all, she could only focus on what Adam had almost said. I sent it to my…to Lizzie. He’d nodded after she’d mouthed her dying confession to him…I love you…but what did that nod mean?
He understood what she was telling him, that was all.
By the time Adam finished speaking, another cruiser had arrived. Lizzie was dimly aware that Gun Guy was loaded into the back of one and Mitch put into another. Lizzie could hear him complaining about how much pain he was in from the dog bite. The deputy in charge of Mitch grinned. “Don’t worry, sir. We’ll make sure you’re treated appropriately.”
“Excuse me,” Lizzie said, walking toward Deputy Diamond. “Do you happen to have any water in your car?”
“Lizzie?” Adam’s voice came from a long distance, even though she could see him standing a few feet away. “Lizzie!”
His face was the last thing she saw as she collapsed.
Chapter 34
“I’ll see you later?” Lizzie asked after she was loaded into the back of the ambulance between Granddad and Zimm. She’d been down for a few moments that lasted seven lifetimes to Adam. She seemed better, had complained that she didn’t want to take up valuable space, but the medics thought she needed to be checked out by a doc—and Adam agreed. Her forehead was creased now, and she said, “I need…” Then she shook her head.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. “What do you need?”
“You?” She said it like a question, as though she wasn’t sure she had the right to ask.
It took everything he had to remind himself that she was going to be fine—better—without him. “I’ll come by after we finish up here,” he found himself promising. Granddad, who was complaining about being strapped into a seat, and Zimmerman, on a second stretcher, took up every extra inch in the vehicle. The medics promised they’d call her parents. They’d take good care of her.
Heat exhaustion. That was what the medic said when Lizzie collapsed. Adam knew what that was, had seen it in the desert. A few days into his first deployment, he’d watched a man die from the heat and made it his mission to always see that his soldiers were hydrated at all times.
“We radioed dispatch, and they called your sister. She’ll meet the ambulance and see to your grandfather,” one of the deputies told Adam.
“Thank you.” The doors were closed and the lights and sirens turned on. He watched until the ambulance pulled away, then turned to the remaining group of people.
“Just a few more questions, and you can all go.” Deputy Diamond beckoned to Clint, who loitered in the background, tightly holding the leash of his dog.
“Yes, sir?” Clint stepped forward, eyes down, resigned to…something.
“Can you tell me what your part was in this?”
Adam forced himself to pay attention, not to worry about Lizzie.
Clint took a deep breath and said, “I came out here under the pretense of bringing my dog to fight.”
“I see,” Diamond said.
“But I wasn’t really going to do it. I knew my cousin Mitch was involved, and I thought it was cool when I first found out he was doing it. Badass, right? I got a dog and everything. Then Crystal—that’s my girlfriend—she made me watch this documentary about dogfighting, and I knew I couldn’t do it. We’re going to have a baby, you know? I can’t have a vicious dog around a kid.”
Diamond scribbled something in his notebook. “So why didn’t you say no when you were invited?”
Clint looked at Adam then. “Because I knew you were going to try to get them busted, and I wanted to help.”
Adam shook his head, confused. “What?”
“After we saw you on the Fourth of July and you gave me your number, Crystal said you were going to set me up to get busted. She could tell you weren’t interested in dogfighting, at least not in doing it.”
Adam chuckled, the first thing he’d had to smile about all day. “Smart woman, your Crystal.”
“Yeah, she’s the best,” Clint said, grinning. “Even though she has to put up with a loser like me.”
“Well, she must see something worth loving,” Adam told him.
Diamond cleared his throat. “Okay, so you were only here to rat on your cousin?”
Clint looked a little guilty then. “Well, maybe not Mitch. I was hoping I could find out who the ringleaders were and keep him out of it. He is my cousin, after all. But he didn’t exactly act like he gives a shit about me, so I’m glad you got him.” His phone chimed, and he looked down. “Oh wow,” he said. “Can I go? Crystal’s water just broke.”
“Go,” Diamond said. “Good luck.”
“What about us?” Adam asked. “Do you need anything else?”
Diamond shook his head. “Not unless you want to come help with the arrest report back at the station. Your friends and your lady did the hard work.”
And wasn’t that the truth. Lizzie had been through hell today, while Adam watched from the sidelines.
“Loretta helped, too,” Jake added. He’d coaxed the dog out of Lizzie’s car, and she was glued to Jake’s leg.
“That’s one hell of a dog,” the deputy said, eyeing her with one eyebrow raised, as though he didn’t believe that an animal could have acted so confidently to protect her mistress.
“She is,” Adam agreed. “She’ll get extra kibble tonight for sure.”
“What’s going to happen to the other dog?” Jake asked.
Diamond said, “One of the other deputies is our part-time animal control officer. He’ll take the dog to town and keep it there until its disposition is determined.”
Adam knew—and he could tell by Jake’s face that he also knew—the dog would most likely be put down.
“Can we—” Jake began, but Adam cut him off, knowing he was about to ask if they could take it in.
“No. We have to let the law deal with it.” The last thing they needed was another dog—a volatile, vicious dog—to be responsible for.
The last official vehicle finally pulled away, leaving Adam alone with his two best friends.
“How’d you guys get here?” Adam asked Jake and Talbott.
“Zimmerman drove—he parked on the main road. And he has the car keys,” Jake said. “Can we ride to Last Chance with you?”
“Last Chance?” Adam asked.
“Yep,” Talbott said. “We decided that’s the ranch’s name, since so many down-on-their-luck dogs and soldiers have shown up.”
“I wonder if Doc Chance will keep the name when he takes over,” Jake said.
“What?”
“Yeah, Sar’nt,” Jake said. “He came out this morning. That’s why Lizzie was dressed up. She said he likes the place and will probably make an offer.”
Adam’s heart sank at the news. He couldn’t think of anything to say, so they walked back to his truck together, quiet and tired, like the team they’d always been.
* * *
Lizzie shifted restlessly on the narrow hospital bed. Even with extra pillows and the ability to move the various parts up and down, she couldn’t find a comfortable position, but she had to rest before they’d let her go home.
Unfortunately, every time she closed her eyes, she saw Adam’s face as she was lifted into the ambulance. That was a goodbye face if she’d ever seen one. And since he’d made it at her a few times, she should know.
“I thought you’d be home binge-watching Extreme RVs by now,” Adam said as he entered the room, wearing neither his goodbye face nor his I’m-glad-to-see-you face. This one was completely unreadable. He did, however, come bearing a gift. He put a potted plant on her tray table. It was some kind of fern in a blue, baby hippo–shaped planter, bearing a sign that read “It’s a boy!”
“Wow, thanks,” she said, smiling in spite of her nervous stomach.
“They were all out of regular sick-people flowers,” he said, shrugging. “Oh shoot,” he said, reaching to peel off the yellow CLEARANCE sticker from the side.
“I can’t imagine why they haven’t already sold that,” Lizzie mused. “All any new mother needs is another living thing to take care of.”
Adam chuckled, and Lizzie got a zap of pleasure from making him laugh. Then it was gone, and Adam stood next to her bed, hands in his pockets, looking as uncomfortable as she’d ever seen him. An uneasy silence fell between them, filling every available space.
He cleared his throat. “So you’re still dehydrated?” He nodded toward the half-empty IV bag.
“Nope. I’ve been peeing the right color for an hour,” she told him, because she felt ornery and wanted to jolt them out of this awkward place. “I’ve got to get some IV antibiotics and some rest before they’ll let me go home.”
“Antibiotics?” He asked. “Why?”
She pulled the sheet back to display her bandaged feet. “I picked up a few thorns and bits of broken glass on my dash across the barnyard. My park is going to have to have a ‘No Bare Feet’ rule until it’s really cleaned up, I’m afraid.”
He didn’t smile at that. “Damn it,” he muttered.
“What? I’ll live. Honestly.”
“Yeah, you will,” he told her, nodding decisively. “You’re going to be fine.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means you’re going to be fine,” he told her, doing the deliberately obtuse thing.
“Fine,” she repeated. “F.I.N.E. Effed-up, insecure, neurotic, and…whatever E stands for.”
“Emotional,” he supplied. “That sounds more like me. You’ll be the real kind of fine.”
Although her stomach burned with an anxiety that belied her words, she said, “I’m the real kind of fine now, I’d like to point out.”
“Yes, you are. And you’ll be even better after I’m gone.” He put his hands on his hips and stared out of the window instead of at her.
Her whole body flushed with a kind of pain she’d never felt before. She’d been preparing for this moment, knew it was coming, braced for it, and still, it knocked her over and shook her like a rag doll.
“So you’re really going to leave.”
He nodded, still not looking at her. “Yep.”
“Even after everything that happened today.” After I bared my soul to you, told you I love you.
He looked at her then, and his next words burst from his lips with startling force. “What the hell were you thinking this morning? Why would you show up out there like that?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” she said, welcoming anger to edge out the hurt, making her bold and direct. “Maybe I got a video that scared the crap out of me, and maybe I love your stupid ass and didn’t want you to die!”
“Why the hell would you do that? Love me? You don’t look like a stupid person.”
“Maybe I am dumb, but I need you in my life. You make me feel like…like I matter.”
Adam didn’t blink, just came right back at her with, “Bullshit. Don’t love me. Don’t need me. I told you not to need me.” His hands were balled into fists now, and his eyes flashed danger.
“Well, guess what, soldier,” she shot back. “I do anyway. But that’s okay. You don’t have to love me back.”
Adam didn’t respond, which was good, she supposed. Memories of her last fight with Dean came crashing back, the one where he told her it didn’t matter how thin or successful or fashionable she got, she still wasn’t what he wanted. Why? What was wrong with her?
She said, “Look at it this way. At least you’ll still get to make your stupid amends to the people who don’t want or need them.”
Adam inhaled deeply and then exhaled. He looked calmer, but Lizzie could see his hands shaking. “I’m gonna check on Granddad and Zimmerman.”
He didn’t wait for a response but turned and left the room. He didn’t get far.
“Hey, there you are,” came Emma’s voice from right outside Lizzie’s open door.
He must have still been radiating distress signals, because Emma said, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. How’s Granddad?”
“Fine. CT scan was perfect. He’s sleeping now, and they’ll evaluate him again in the morning and probably release him then.”
“Good.”
“How’s Lizzie?” Emma asked in a not-exactly-low-enough whisper.
“Pissed off.” Adam’s almost whisper was even louder.
“What did you do?”
Lizzie had a moment of gratitude that Emma thought this was all Adam’s fault, too.
“I told her I’m leaving. It’s not new information.”
“Dagnabbit, Adam, what is wrong with you?” Neither of them was bothering to speak softly now.
“The best army brass in the world have wondered the same thing,” he said.
“Oh, horse butts.” Emma did have the best noncurse words ever. “You were a great soldier. One of the best. I’ve seen the medals and commendations.”
“Was. Was a good soldier. I’m not anymore.”
“You’re a good man, Adam. A good man wearing blinders and earplugs, but still good. Even if you threw yourself to the wolves today like so much raw meat. Taking on those guys by yourself, what were you thinking?” The same question he’d asked Lizzie a few minutes ago and one she wished she’d asked right back.
“I was thinking I had to get that poor dog out of the heat. That if those assholes killed me, maybe then you’d accept the money from the sale of the ranch or at least use my life insurance money to take care of Granddad and give yourself a new start.”
“What? I don’t want a new start,” she said, frustration clear in her voice. “And if you died, what would happen to Jake and Marcus? And those dogs?”
“Maybe you’d let them stay on the ranch a while. Maybe you’d give them some of the money.”
“And what about Lizzie?” Emma hissed. “She’s in love with you!”
“She’ll get over it. All of you will.”
“How can you say that?” Emma asked. “We’re your family.”
“I don’t care, Emma. Don’t you understand? I…can’t care. I’m broken. I can’t be responsible for other people. Not anymore.”
“Oh, Adam,” Emma said.
He must have walked away then, because in the next moment, Emma appeared in the doorway to Lizzie’s room.
“Did you hear that?” she asked.
Lizzie nodded.
“I’m so sorry,” she said. “He didn’t mean it.”
But Lizzie knew that he did. And she understood why he had to leave. He felt responsible for taking care of everyone he cared about, which was why he wouldn’t accept her love. She would just be one more burden for him to carry.
Chapter 35
“Here he is,” Jake said when Adam entered Zimmerman’s room.
“How you doin’?” he asked Zimm, leaning over to clasp his hand and give him a soft clap on the shoulder in an abbreviated bro hug.
“Pretty good, right now,” Zimmerman said, smiling woozily. “But in between shots, my leg hurts a little.”
“What’s the prognosis?”
“Don’t know.” Zimmerman shrugged. “They did this remote video feed thing with a surgeon in Houston. He’s going to review things and come back with some suggestions.”
“Did you let your wife know what happened?”
“I left a message. Not holding my breath that she’ll return it.” Zimm’s laugh was bitter. “Maybe I should ask her to check if my life insurance is paid up.”
Life insurance. Adam didn’t laugh, since he’d just spouted off about the same thing to Emma.
“Whe
re’s Talbott?” Zimmerman asked.
“He stayed home to rest,” Jake said. “He strained his back rolling around on the ground today.”
“I guess I chose a bad day to show up, huh?” Zimmerman said.
“You could have had better timing,” Adam agreed. “But we do like to entertain our guests. Maybe not so much all at once, but…”
“I’m sorry, man,” Zimm said. “My wife took the baby and left. Told me to be gone when she got back.”
“I’m sorry.” Adam didn’t ask what Zimm had done to chase her off. He wasn’t really sure he wanted to—
“We had a fight. I lost my shit and tore up the house.” Zimm banged his forehead with his fist. “I scared the crap out of Shelley and the baby. Hell, I scared myself.”
Jake was quiet, and Adam followed his lead. The only thing he could do right now was listen and offer compassion instead of judgment.
Tears ran down Zimm’s face. “Shelley got mad at me because I didn’t do something. I don’t remember what, not that I blame her. She never gets a damn break. I wasn’t there when the baby was born, and she dealt with all that newborn shit alone. She thought it would get easier when I got home, but I’ve just made everything worse.”
Jake said, “I know what you mean. You had a job where you knew what to do. And then you come home, and you don’t…fit in your old space.”
Yep, Adam thought. That was it—what was happening for all of them.
Zimm said, “I tried to work for a while—my dad had me doing all kinds of stuff for his company—but sometimes I’d get up in the morning, grab my coffee, and keep going past the office. It would be five o’clock, time to come home, and I’d been sitting in the car in the parking lot of some random grocery store for eight hours. Finally, I quit going in.
“Anyway, she asked me to do something, but I forgot, and then she had this sad look on her face like she knew I was worthless, like she didn’t even care enough to fight anymore. I started yelling, trying to get a rise out of her, and she finally started giving it back, telling me how she was faithful to me and couldn’t have loved me more while I was serving but started to hate me since I got home.”
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